Knowing someone well before marrying them

Hi Peaceful, I really enjoyed this topic. In my country and esp in our locality, knowing a man/woman before marriage is not possible and people won't do that. If they both knew each other or if they were in love, they ususally call it as a 'Love marriage'. Otherwise it is 'arranged marriage'. In some rural and remote parts even on the day of wedding, they don't know each other. In most cases, Only at the time (some days before marriage) they show the bride to the groom and if he sees the bride to be ok, then he will accept her to marry. Thats it they know between each other before marriage..... Nice discussion.... Have a nice day

..until they both realize they want to be in each other's arms for the rest of their lives.. But i guess only a few get to that point of realization..sad..

I would say you should be with someone at least a year before you get married. You cant truly know everything about someone within a few months. It is just impossible. I dont know how those marriages last.

I think it sometimes varies for different people. I went to high school with a few couples that have either already got married or are planning on getting married. I personally wouldn't get married after only being in a relationship for a few months. It would be too hard for me to figure out if that guy was the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I think people also need to make sure they are prepared for marriage as an individual. I've been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years but I'm not quite ready for marriage yet. I'm 21 and I need to finish college first. I need to make sure I am financially stable and that I won't be struggling when I do get married. I feel like people should make sure they are doing it for the right reasons too. There are a lot of people who get divorced. I don't want to do that to my kids. I think people should really think about whether or not getting married is what they really want to do.

I think at least over a year can a couple get married . Everybody says if a couple is in love for many years in the end they won't get married. For those who know each other for about a year or two if they think they are the right person then they will get married soon . If they don't have this feeling they will break up and move on.

I had 3 relationships in the past all lasted for 3years, and the second one almost lasted for 5 years...but things didn't work out..........i guess it's not the time. it's the tolerance and love you have for each other that matters more...but definitely,do not marry anybody you have known for just a few months...coz you can't tell a person's true "self" within that span of time...

Hi Karen! It is a good question. I personally feel that it would be better that if two persons know each other for few months, before they get married. Knowing each other helps a lot understand each other. However, in India, many couple get married without previously knowing in each other and these marriages are called 'arranged marriages', which are settled by the respective parents, of course with the consent of the boy and the girl. Ours was also an arranged marriage and strictly speaking we did not know each other before our marriage, though we met during our courtship, yet those for brief meetings, where we tried to impress each other...........LOL! I think, you get to know about your 'real partner', when you start living with him/her for 24 x7 days.

Hello my friend PeacefulWmn9 Ji, If one goes as per our experiences, one should never meet before marriage. let secrecy be maintained upto first night. We never met each other. In fact, when my hubby was told about meeting by his parents then , he totally refused, as he viewed as total wrong idea to understand lifepartner within couple of minutes. Now almost 40 yrs are coming to end of our married life and we are sailing safely with here and there tug of war. We both are very happy. May God bless You and have a great time.

In my own views, I think someone should marry someone she totally know. For me, one way to know the person I am going to marry is by looking on how he interact with his family, friends, my family and my friends. I should see the consistenttcy onhow he relate with the people important to me. It will also take time for me to guage the personality of the person. How long? I think it should be more than a year. More years the better.

I dont think there is a set time that you should know each other for. It depends on how ready you feel, and how much you love the person and if you think you want to spend your life with that person. I dont think you should rush into marriage, it will end in tears! For me it would have to be an absolute minimum of 1 year, probably at least 2 or 3 of being in a loving relationship

Hi Karen, Before I married my husband I had a boyfriend for almost 4 years(my longest relationship I should say before I finally settled down), but after such a long time we parted, and until now I still don't know the reason why. Then I met another guy(now my husband), we went steady for about a year, and we got married right after. And I have no regrets doing this decision so far. To go back to your question, I think more than the time spent together, it's more of the compatibility, readiness and love for each other that makes a successful marriage. Time is of no essence really when it comes to deciding when to get married, you just trust your gut feel and your emotions, it's a gamble.

Hi PeacefulWmn, Me and my husband are dating for 3 years before we decided to get married. I knew my husband very long time ago,that time we are still quite young,no chemistry between each other. Then we lost contact for about 3 years,out of sudden , we are contactting each other through email,followed by going out together. Slowly, the chemistry was sparkling out and we started dating. We really have a wonderful moments in our datings. We get to know each other more better after I move in to his house, we meet each other everyday.Then he also came to visit my hometown,met with my parents and so do I.it is pretty important to get to know each other family's background before to go further in a relationship.

At least a year to three years prior. You can't really know someone until you've been around them for quite a while-- who knows, you may find that they have enough faults and that your love isn't as unconditional as you think it is. Or you may have found that special someone who you just know it'd work out with.

Hi Karen. It depends on how much time left, lol, i meant how long the time you need to get to the wedding day. And depends on your age or your couple's age. If you or him thought that the best time is soon, then do it soon, as long as you feel no hurdle between you two. My husband and i married after about eight months and we are happy now. Because my age was already twenty seven. My mom was married at my age too. Besides he wanted it also, so we decided to hire a wedding gown and reception place immediately. It's good to know his personality first. But if you love someone, you will know the difference, that there is something unusual with him, he makes you feel special and not only you makes him feel special. I think from those petty things. It's called love from both sides.

Again this is one of the things only the people involved can say. I know of several cases where people have lived together for years and then get married and the relationship falls apart. So I would never tell someone how long or how well they need to know each other to marry.

Knowing someone well before marrying them........... Hello Peacefulwmn9, I think that five years it a good amount of time to try to know someone before marrying them. Often we think that we know a person without really knowing them. But the truth is that it really does take time to get to know a person. I married after knowing my current spouse after just two years. I thought for sure that I knew him but come to find out that I really didn't know him. I only knew what I wanted to believe that I knew about him. There is an old saying, that you never really know someone until you get to live with them. Even then I don't think that you could ever really know them. My point to all of this is to say that it really does take time and time is something that can't be rushed. Great discussion. Happy mylot.

I don't think time is as much of a factor as how [i]well[\i] people know each other. The maturity of each person as well as family and community support are a major factor in difficulties being resolved. It is most important that a person know themselves before entering into any kind of partnership.

Yeh, i believe in that one should know well his or her partner before marriage. If it is love marriage u know each other but if it is arranged u should meet atleast 4-5 times and talk briefly about each ones interest. Talking atleast gives some confident and keep sometime bet. engagement and marriage so that u understand eachother well. I got married after 6 months of my engagement. In that time we were quite friendly and knowing eachother well.

Well, personally, I don't believe in long process before getting into marriage but I do believe that friendship is an important element for the relationship to last. However, objectively speaking, I think it depends on what country you live. If you live in a place where divorce is allowed, there is still a room for mistake. Otherwise, you really have to think it over and over again and know the person very well.

Like they say: Love and Marriage you can't have one without the other..From my own eyes, I believe you should know the person for at least 5 years before marriage. For the reason being is that if you know only the person for 3 week and the question is pop, you don't have a clue what you getting yourself in too for the future. I feel that you must live with the person to for 5 years because that can usually tell you how they will treat you even if you were to be married. I don''t agree with parents setting you up with the Mr. or Mrs. Right because you still have no clue what you getting in to. I know these things because of the fact of what others have told me in their experience and mine. Never been married nor have I found mr. right either. I hope someone will love me for who I am and willing to stick around me long enough before marriage. I hope not to marry someone I do not know. Sometime you find out more stuff about the person than what you least expected and can be a horrible twist and change in your life. Let Hope for the best for everyone to find MR. or MRS. right soon in the right way.