Why can't you do it by yourself, your not a kid anymore

Hello neil, That's a very good question which i guess happens here in our country. Even with college students,i have noticed that those young kids...(i don't think they are still young),can't enrolled themselves to universities without their parents (mostly mothers) or any relatives to accompany them,which i think is a simple transaction. Filing papers or processing some files is one way of showing independent.And adult must be trained to do by themselves,and it is for them,to give them courage dealing with other people. I advised my kids to do things that i know they can handle,like my daughter,i let her clear all her school matters like enrollment and clearances since she entered highschool.And my second child who is 13 to run errands like paying bills at the mall.Simple things which i know will give them self confidence.

Well, I may be almost 22, but I can barely even go grocery shopping on my own. It is not that I cannot do it, but that I selective mutism and have trouble talking to strangers, which leads to me wanting to finish the interaction quickly and can often lead to me agreeing to things that I do not really want to. This includes things ringing up wrong at the grocery store and when my dad is with me he can then deal with it so that I am not overpaying. I do believe most by my age should be able to do things on their own, but their legitimately people that have social anxieties and need that support. Of course, there are also some overbearing parents that the kids do not really even want them doing all that stuff for them.

I don't see a problem with helping loved ones with stuff like that.

hello neil! haha...this is very true...well at least with me and my family! i remember, when i was still single, i always ask my mother to accompany me in securing some documents that i needed, sometimes even just getting the barangay clearance, i still ask her to be with me...as for me, i think its just that i have this shyness with me, that i feel i can't do it alone, or im shy in approaching people in the office...something like that...but that was before...not until i learn doing things...really on my own! but my father...up to now, he still needs my mom to be with him especially when he needs to secure some documents that need to talk to other people...let say, he's getting nbi clearance...hahaha he brings my mom with him...hehhee but i think its because my father, even from the start, he's not into that talking to people...or what, he's shy i think and don't have much confidence...and somehow, he's really dependent to my mom still... i think for children...even if they are already an adult, there's still a tendency for asking for their parents guidance...especially if they are doing that the first time... have a nice day neil!

My father and mother are the one's who regularly use these words 'can't you do these small things yourself' I have heard them when I ask my mum to iron my clothes when I am sort of getting late for appointments,on telling my father to buy me a small item like a pen or a book,on asking my elders to even do my little works when I feel lazy. Well we know that we aren't kids anymore but it's we ourselves who stop at doing little works of our.

hI Neildc I know exactly what you mean and I agree but I also understand that some people may not feel comfortable handling things of this nature because they don't want the person behind the counter to treat them like they are slow, this is something that happens instead of helping people we give them an attitude because they don't know things we feel they should know.I accompany my mom to different places for this same reason I don't want no one mistreating my mom, yes people should know how to do certain things also customer service should be a little more patient with people when they need help. There is two sides to this I see both sides

Hi Neildc! Impossible as it may sound, there are a lot of people who are very intimidated with applying for clearances or filing for personal records. It's the Filipino mentality of "Padrino" system, or you have to know someone so that your papers will be filed. I have a lot of relatives like that, my eldest brother being the prime example. He is the only one who had to be accompanied by my mother every time he needs to get something done. He is the eldest and a boy at that. I am the youngest and a girl. But I have been independent since I was seventeen and I hate it when I would ask people to do things like these for me. It will prove to be a waste of time and money because you would have to start the process all over again.

Some people are still like that even though that they can do it by themselves, they would ask their mother to accompany them just for simple things not needs to be done. I also have seen some college students who would go to the university with their moms just for enrollment. My little sister went to college at 15 years old only and she isn't like that, I am glad that she is matured at a young age. Its such a pity that a grown-up can't stand up on his/her own. How can they make their own personal decisions in life if their parents are always there for them? Everybody has a free will to do what we what to do and I hate especially the Mama's Boy attitude. A guy like that has no good future for sure.

Well, sometimes, there's a reason for doing so.. Just for example in the case of woman helping a man for clearance, it might be the man is busy and thus he needs help for he's in a rush.. Just like bosses and secretary, that's what most secretaries are paid for to do right?? haha =D IN the case of the younger male, his mother might not feel safe with him doing it by himself, and thus she's there to accompany him.. After all, if there's any mistakes, it will be troublesome and far away to be travelling to and fro again.. lol =D Sometimes, it's not the fault of the very person, but rather, they have over-protective parents, or someone who's very free at home, to be doing all those things for them.. haha =D

oh my neildc you are judging and assuming that the man'is u tterly capable of applying for records clearance by himself, when you' do not know anything about them.perhaps the man has a lower IQ than the woman or is a little retarded? you couldnt tell by just looking at them.dont judge people. again the woman with a younger male her son, now maybe he is not quite able to do this by himself.you do not know their situation so you should not judge. a man complained bitterly in my hearing about a man who had his car in handicapped parking,the man can walk,so what gives him the right blah blah, and I turned around and said to him dont condemn when you dont know that man is physically handicapped and I know him from working in the library he has parkinsons disease and right now he is not shaking but in a few minutes he will be shaking again.dont judge people. in fact the idiot complainer never noticed that his wife was the driver of the car, but she had legal right as she was deemed his guardian.

That reminds me of a couple of friends, one who did all kinds of things for her husband that he was perfectly capable of doing himself, another who did things for her grown up kids that they could have handled. If it were something where they didn't have to be there in person, and they were so busy with some other thing that they couldn't get there, I could see helping them. Once in a while, not all the time! But in these cases, I guess the person has to be present, so why do they need somebody else to come with them and help them? I think that's kind of funny.

I know of some people who don't like processing papers. They are not patient enough to fall in line and wait. Sometimes its the wives or the parents who will process their papers for them. My husband also don't want to bother with processing papers. He gets frustrated and angry easily if something is not as it should be.

In my experience, I've been to a lot of doing it by myself to needing a hand when it comes to personal matters. I got my passport through a help of a boyfriend and it only took us 1 day to complete my papers. It was because he did know people who could help me. Yes, I could had done it without him but the thing was, he offered so I just agreed to go and do it with him. It's not that I was relying to him. For me, it depends on the situation we're really in, but I think we should be capable of being independent most of the time.

well, by now all i can say is that you are right my friend... hope they could do it all by themselves. but then, that past just went in inside my mind. i have been like that way way back i dont know when. i cannot go to places without my mom. its like a wonderful feeling having her around. and i am just plain scared of not being with her specially in going to places and making things which is quite different inmy everyday routine. but i have determination. and i know i can do it. then later on, it just bumped me... and now i can do it all by myself. jhelai

you have a point there. But it all depend on the situation . If the case is that is your first time and you dont know what to do , then off course you need a help from your mom or any relatives that know about processing documents.But if you have an experience about processing documents or applying for simple documents and still bring your mom, thats another story cause it means you are lazy to apply for clearance.

Hi Neil, Could it be for moral support? mabe they don't want to go on their own, I normally take my hubby with me but if I have to sort things out, I do for myself, I just don't understand sometimes a mother has to go with her son to sort it out or for the hussband. Tamara

Hi Neil, I was on my own the moment I stepped out of high school, I had to stay in the city where all the universities and colleges are, and away from my mother who always attended to all my needs. I knew I can't be with my mother all the time, and going to college and staying in a boarding house in the city made me independent. There was never a time when my mother assisted me in processing documents or anything. Inversely, I always assist my mother whenever she needs to because she's too old to do it on her own and this included going to government agencies. So far, the gov't people have been polite and accommodating.

hi neil, way back 2007 after i graduated college i remembered that i always bring my mom whenever i will have a job hunt, i just can't stand alone and i need her company and help.. it's not that i am big or i am mature, i don't need her anymore.. and until now even going to a mall or buying something in the public market i do bring her and maybe until marriage life, i think i need her always.. i just love my mom so much that's why i want her to be with me always and everywhere i am going.. janebeth.

this reminds me about my eldest brother asking me to acquire some Cedula in the Municipal Extension. he asked what are the requirements, i said just the Power of Attorney with his I.D. maybe their dad is at work and he hasn't got time to do the requirements so he's being helped by his family...either that or maybe he's really ill.

Face it technology has made it to the point we depend on someone else to help us with everything. Example ask the cashier at McDonal's if he can make change from a twenty for a 2.50 meal say and they will get the calculater out to make the change. Why you might ask and my answer is that in school now days they teach our chikdren to use calculator and computer to do all the work we need to learn how to do using our heads instead of being lost when it comes to simply things like filling out papers and such. I know my daughter is 18 and takes me to help fill out her job applications and forms because she does not know all the information they are now asking on application and does not want to be stuck on something little like that when taking me makes sense too.