Oh youre Robbies mother or oh youre Garlands wife? but who am I?

some people has hard time remembering name so they sometimes remember the face and remember your imidiate family then lost your name in between those, so they just refer us as the wife of or the mom of. i also meet people who just remembers my face and some remembers me as the sister of jayjay. but its okay i think i am also a person who dont remember names so much.

It's as though people want to judge who we are on the basis of who we belong to. The "unique me" is lost in "what I am". Well, perhaps people are not sure which foot to start the acquaintance on. So they refer to your association to begin with. I am sure that is for the starters only. Once the ice is broken and they get to know you, they will take you, Patsie Hatley, to be what you are. Not a matter to agonize with.

hatley very tru what you said ... my mother was always reffered to as "Sanjana's mother" prior to me she was my "sisters mother" ha ha ha ... she was always someones mother never herself .. Me now i am someones MRS ... But thank god i am working so people in my office and my clients still call me by my name cheers

You are so right Hatley! I don’t know where our ‘meness’ goes once we marry and have children, although I wonder if it just a female thing; before you are married you are Jack’s daughter then you become Mark’s wife and Sally’s mother etc. Is it more of a female identity crisis, I’m sure males don’t lose who they are the minute they are born!

This society have so much relationship. we are a charactor of this society. we are alwasy be called somebodays''''' . yeah we should leave for ourself . but maybe it just their calling way . we are always ourselves

I do find that kind of weird and sad. Also sad are the women who use that description themselves "tarquin's mom" or "mom of seven" and so on. I feel like saying "Great, your uterus works! How is your brain?". Of course, you also get the ones "catmomma" and so on, so it seems to be a women thing in general, not just those married with kids.

That question bothers me still, its always women who compromise their careers for marriage or kids,never men. they just get away with the ine can not handle or emotionally or mentally not apt for the same. Its actualy the traditional mindset may be it will change but change has to come in us first then only we can change the mindset of others. May be our duaghters or theior daughters will live to see the day when they hav their own identity

I know....we are always somebodys "something. I grew up in the shadow of my very popular brother. I was always known as Dan's sister. I still get it a lot and I'm 53. My husband's name was Kim and we've been divorce now for 18 years and people still will call me Kim. I've gotten used to it. Well somewhat. I do know what you mean. My daughter's friends do call me "mama sid" and I have to say that I am ok with that. Sometimes even my daughter calls me that. It's ok. They are referring to me only. I kind of like it.

Well now I'm funny about my identity. I never changed my last name when I got married because I didn't want to learn to call myself something else. But I don't mind being called so and so's mom. If somebody says that, I'll just say "yes I'm Dawn" or some such thing...

In my thirties, visiting my mother who was recuperating from major surgery, she introduced me to several nurses in her room as "my baby". I guess we don't have any identities at times

Hi Hatley, I certainly have my own identity but when I first moved to this small local area I was quickly identified as the mama to ... my son, as everyone certainly knew who he was straight away. Then I was acknowledged as myself as well and everyone called me by my name instead of as the mama of ... However I had a long term relationship with a local man which caused continual interest among the local community who make gossip an art form. I was shocked but not totally suprised when over a year after we were no longer an item I ran into a local I don't actually know except by sight and we were speaking of something when he suddenly changed demeanour, pointed at me in an accusing way and ventured the words 'I know you - you are the woman of ......' It was a bit unnerving to realise that people think of me in that way and probably some of them always will because in their minds they'd already married us off and are just waiting for us to be together again. St

you have spoken what i always think of within me, we really have to be as a shadow under someone greater before us, he is not great but we make him that though.I hate being someone's something, i want someone to be something for me, why it is we always and everytime seen as a second hand person recognised by a man before us, and why it is most of the time just a man is given more privelieage for many things not only for work but also in law.

Hello my friend I am not married but I am a Mom/grandmother and I don't seem to have that problem, younger adults refer to me by my last name which is a sign of respect but other than that I don't feel this way, although I know what you mean

When my ex broke up with me after many many years for being together I said to him at one point "Well I'm confused I've been known as xyz's girlfriend for so many years". He responded "Oh I didn't know you identify yourself through me". I thought, no I don't but my words were saying something different. We do identify ourselves through what we do and often we are even asked to identify ourselves though out profession with the question what do you do. In reference to your post, it's just how the people identify you, maybe it's even more to them a little help to remember who you are by association.

I honestly don't think it's meant as an insult at all but that you're married to so and so and so and so is your child. I don't think it takes away from your identity but adds to it. Does that make any sense?

I do not care what I am called, as long as they call me! LOL My husband, at my job (I owned a dance school) used to call my husband, Mr. Janet as I was called Miss Janet. He loved it! In fact, when he called the school he would say to my receptionist, "Hi, this is Mr. Janet." They loved him!

I think all of us are partially known by association. It starts from birth when we enter the world know as the son or daughter of our parents. (The parents also gain another association of being Susan's parents) As our world expands, many of us gain additional associations as being the sister/brother of, etc. This is our lineage, and it is valid that we are known by it. 200 years from now, your descendants may not get to know you personally unless you've left behind diaries, recordings or pictures. But they will be able to know you as being part of the family leading up to their own existance. Our lineage though, is only a small part of the 'Who am I?' equation, at least to ourselves and the people who know us. It's also our beliefs, our actions, our preferences,our goals and visions. (You might also be known as the lady who believes in angels, won't step on spiders, likes extra cheese on her pizza and wants to ride the roller coaster at Disneyland.) Each little piece of information about ourselves defines who we are, our name really only a small part of the total. In short, being Johnnie's mom or George's wife isn't really who we are, but it is an aspect of who we are. It's up to us if we want others to know the 'rest of who we are'.

I am also a mummy but not someone's wife.. recently, I got myself into it that I first heard of this name when my niece came to my house and she pointing at all our photo naming our child's name and with a mummy at the back. Actually I don't mind losing my identity to the young ones.. anyway, my friends will not be identifying me that way. And I think the next group of friends that will be identifying me that way, will be those mummies that I come across if my child is being send to nursery. I think we get those identification, when the child go home and telling their parents about our child or even us, therefore it's be easier to identify us with the child's name...

I lost myself somewhere in becoming a wife and mother. For a very long time after my daughter was born I was simply referred to as Kathryn's Mommy, I haven't so much heard the Tom's wife as much. But as far as Kathryn's Mommy it is a constant thing. Last year when Kathryn started school, I was just sure that I was going to be Kathryn's mommy for all of the teachers and faculty that my daughter encountered. This year, however, when we were getting prepared for the new school year, it made me immensely happy that the principal actually knew my first name without having to look it up. I think the reason that I've started to find myself again is the fact that I am making strides to do things that are as much for myself as they are for my children. Meaning, I am secretary of the school PTA because I want to help the school to be better for my two kids, but I also want to have that opportunity to spend time with adults.