Should you tell your spouse/boyfriend, would you tell?

If it weren't for the girlfriend walking in, I'd just leave it be. Some things it's better the other person not knowing. But when three other people know about this, one of whom was probably hurt by it, you almost have to assume that it's going to come out. And what's worse? Finding out that somebody cheated on you? Or hearing about it from somebody else? I don't know...

Ouch that is a big one. Well I try to think of it as if it were my spouse that cheated, would I want to hear it from him? The answer is yes I would. I would much rather hear it from him than from someone else. The bottom line is some how the truth always finds a way to be revealed. Even though sometimes it's years later. The fact of the matter is even if the girlfriend had not walked in, the two guys still know about it, and well most guys that participate in casual encounters between friends like that tend to have big mouths whether it be bragging rights or just to talk crap you know? If you've ever been to any "parties" or any kind of get together where a couple of good buddies are talking it up you know what I mean. The same goes visa versa really if it was a couple of gals we get together, we talk about our situations and you just never know who might be listening that will then "spread the word". So in my opinion even though the marriage is on the rocks, It's safer to tell him and explain that the reason you are telling him is because you are trying to heal the marriage on an honest bases and if you had not told the truth there would be no point in even trying to heal the marriage. Whilst it will hurt him initially, if in fact he wants to save the marriage he will come around and understand.

I think I would tell him because along with trust comes honesty. The two go hand in hand and you can't have one with out the other. Chances are they aren't going to stay with you after you tell them but if you really care about that person you want to give them the option.

What the heck did you do at your reunion??? Just kidding, lol. First of all, I wouldn't get myself in that situation. I suppose if my marriage were going south and I was with someone I was attracted to, I might feel like I could get intimate with them, but this would be a totally different person who wouldn't know your on buttons the way your spouse would. It would feel weird, and for me, my concious would kick in as I was beginning to get hot and heavy, before it went too far! I'd realize there was no turning back if I went any further, so I'd stop. If I did go further, I'd probably confess right away. I'm a very honest person and have trouble keeping things like that a secret. If I don't spill the beans right away it eats at me until I do.

I definitely think that the husband should be told by his wife. First, it would be better for him to hear about it from his spouse than from one of the other parties involved, especially the girlfriend that walked in and caught the wife in the act. Second, honesty is a very important part of any relationship, especially a marriage. Fessing up to a mistake, even something like this, might hurt the relationship at first. In the long run, though, the husband will know that he can at least trust the wife to be honest, which is important. Third, if the couple is going to counseling, now would be the perfect time to come clean about the whole thing. Obviously the relationship means enough to both individuals to try to work at saving it. The counselor should be able to help both parties through dealing with the feelings of guilt and betrayal that each would have.

I'd 'fess up. The lying and hiding would eat me alive and would forever prevent me from being truly happy. If you and your partner has a deep relationship, you may be able to work through this.

This is a bad one. Well, like the saying goes "The truth will set you free". If one of the girlfriends saw you, then you know that the "cat is out of the bag", so you know that you are going to have to fess up. It is a real messy situation, and a lot of people are going to get hurt. Honestly, being the logical woman that I am, I would never get into this kind of messy situation. Trust is certainly a very important thing in a relationship, but before telling your husband, I would ask him first how he would feel about it? Say it like this, "My friend got into this relationship (the friend is really you)...", and then tell him the same thing you told us. Then ask how he would react to it. If you believe that he will act violently, then you better have another person with you when telling him because you do not want any physical harm to come upon you. The first thing he will want to know, if he is rational, is why? Why did you do it? Your relationship may or may not survive this, you do not know. Anything can happen. "Hope for the best, but always be prepared for the worst."

hello ravinskye, i think i should tell it to him. indeed he will get hurt. but it's much better if he'll know it from me other than anybody else. this way, have nothing to hide from him. though i made a mistake, and for that i'll ask for his forgiveness.

it will all depend. if i think i can't afford to lose the person, then i will not risk it. but i can live life without a partner i can be honest and tell the truth. it all depends if i am ready and will courage to tell the truth. so there is no way telling if i can or can't . it all depends on who is my partner and what is the personality of the partner and other factors. but i am not a person that is so honest that will just tell every thing .

when you stray off in a relationship especially marriage not just someone gets hurt but both of you and even the kids (if you have one that is). In this situation denying and hoping he'll believe you isn't an option cause like come on you're in a bad relationship and when there's an issue like betrayal disbelief and doubt are winning so why woulkd you ever hope he'll side with you when you know he's furious so it's just practical tell him the truth and (this is where you hope) hope he'll forgive you and take you back. if the husband really loves you and really want to patch the relationship up he will understand you and forgive you not right away though so just tell him straight like "i want to tell you something and i hope you'll listen first blah blah (reasons of why) then go like i'm really sorry and if you can't forgive me that's fine cause i did wrong but if you ever find a little place in your heart to forgive me and patch up with me i'll really work hard to patch things up with you....

I think i would tell him . There is nothing i could hide since i'm a person who are not good at lying . Since we are in bad relationship and fighting all the time therefore everything is possible to happen . Well if he doesn't understand or he doesn't forgive we'd better get divorce and seek for each other's happiness . If we are able to stay together we should be more tolerate to each other and start a new life.

sure she should tell him,coz she must be loyal and honest to their relationship

The relationship is already in a bad shape and if one tells this kind of truth, it will simply ruin it. If one is very keen on saving hte relationship and want to let it work , then he/she should not tell this to his/her partner. Otherwise, its a good thing to tell, as one is not much interested in the relationhip anyway. But once the relationship is saved and settled in then one should make sure not to be into such acts ever again. This will hit bad some other day. In this situation if the husband comes to know from the gal who walked in, she can simply deny it provided the guys also support her in the argument.

Some lies are okay in relationships. The only thing is, we never know when we should lie, and when we should tell the truth. I think in this situation, it's better to tell him. But only do it if you think it would be better for him to know, not just to make yourself feel less guilty about hiding it.

To be honest, I think people need to keep their mouth shut. Unless you wish to use the affair as an excuse to leave the marriage. There is no reason to tell Th spouse. As all it will do is cause pain and more heartache or fights. I say let sleeping dogs lay.

If you are always fighting and not happy, and counseling wasn't working, I wouldn't say anything it would only make things worse..... No matter what, one of you would get hurt, emotionally or maybe physically...I would weigh the possibilities and decide which was worse...my sanity or his.

I think if there is a chance that your husband or boyfriend would find out you should tell them. I just think that there are reasons that it would be better to tell, but if it can be kept quiet that might be the best thing to do, to keep him from getting too upset.

Wow, that's a tough one. I think everyone should be honest with each other. So I would say yes, confess. I also think that if someone is supposed to be in a commited relationship and then they cheat they obviously they are not meant to be together anymore. There is a reason people cheat - to get away from the relationsihp they are in.

I don't think this is hypothetical; it reminds me of the 'I have a friend . .. ' discussions. In any event - what will the girlfriend do? tell ur boyfriend? ask the guy with whom you slept what he thinks will happen. If the answer is she won't tell anyone, then don't tell your boyfriend. No need to hurt him. But, as you did go off with someone else, ask yourself whether you really want to stay with this boyfriend? Maybe the answer is no, and that's ok.

I think since the girlfriend knows you have no choice but to tell your husband. It would make things worse if the married couple reconciled and then the girlfriend tells what she saw happen, especially if she's angry about it she'll go out of her way to tell the husband. HAd she not saw I would say bury it and never bring it up again.