Discipling other people's children

Before the parents of that child leave their child to me, I will make it clear to them that their child needs to submit to my disciplinary rules or house rules since the child will be in my house. I will emphasize to the parents that the child needs to obey me so I can effectively look after him/her because he/she will be in my 'parental' care, in effect, while the parents are away. The child will then be under my 'parental supervision and care'; I will be 100% responsible while the parents are away. If the child's parents will not concur with me, then, they can leave their child with someone else but not me.

These are very valuable points. Back in the days they say the whole community would raise the children. I agree with that to a certain point. If you see my child doing something wrong. I would like to know my neighbor would remove my child from the situation and then contact me to dicipline my child. I would do the same for my neighbors aswell. Happy lotting.

When i raised my children any advise given was welcome. I wouldnt have mind if i had help but i sure felt alone. Now im grandma and i perfer people to disipline their own children but if i see children doing something and the parents are acting as though they dont see or are having selective seeing then i say something to either the child or the parents. Especially if they are in my house.

GOOD MORNING KAREN, HAPPY TUES.,mY SONS BOTH HAD ALOT OF COMPANY WHEN THEY WERE GROWING UP. THE HOUSE RULES APPLIED to the company when they were here & they knew this. I didn't treat them any different than i did my own. They were all expected to behave. I was all for them having a good time but they weren't allowed to do things they shouldn;t be doing. KNOWING ME IF THEY HAD BEEN OUT & I SAW THEM DOING SOMETHING BAD THEY WOULD HAVE GOTTEN A BIG LECTURE FROM ME.

If the children are in my care then yes I have no problems disciplining them. After all I've been entrusted to look after them, and if they are in my home or out with me and misbehave, then of course I'll discipline them. I actually have to mention that I have a problem with certain parents that visit me with their kids with them. The issue is that there are a few that really misbehave and the parents do nothing whatsoever about it! It makes me so mad and I can't stand to even watch that. I mean really that's what you called selfish, lazy "deadbeat" parents and there are far too many of those out there nowadays, these parents that are incredibly permissive towards their children and then wonder why these kids are later disrespecting them and terrorizing society? So, anyway my little nephews were over with their parents, and we have certain rules around the house. We don't permit little kids to run through the house which is what they were doing, also turning lights on and off, blew my candles out, broke one of my picture frames,and the parents were doing nothing about it? I told the kids in a very firm voice, that this is not their parents home where they're free to do whatever they like, but this is my house and they must obey MY rules. The little one was even hitting his mother and she wasn't doing a darn thing?? I mean really, who is the boss you or your child? You have to lay down the ground rules right at the beginning. I told him there is no hitting in my house, and he is never to disrespect his mother like that again. I grabbed his hand when I said it, squatted down to his level and told him to behave himself or else- I meant business. He ran out of the room in a little tantrum and I told him mother to just let him sulk and ignore him and that's what we did. I expect people when they visit to take care of their OWN children, but if they won't do that, then I'll have to do it for them. If they want to act like little monsters in their own home, that's not my problem. If they don't like it they're free to leave. If I saw someone's else's child acting up when not in my care, yes I would definitely speak up about it, say something to the child, and then his parents.

Hello my wonderful friend Good morning, I have no problem opening my mouth if someone I know child is being disrespectful, I will do this in front of the parent as well,I had a situation recently when I was baby sitting for my brother and his wife her son from a previous relationship loves to wrestle so does my grandson for this matter but I don't like it, I told them no wrestling someone can get hurt I want you all to do something that will not cause harm to the other, everyone agreed yes o.k a few minutes later I was in the other room they bring my grandson to me I knew something was wrong by the look on his face I said what happened (take a guess) yes you are right, they were wrestling and my grandson hit his head on the bed and now he is bleeding (my sister in laws son is much older than my grand) I was livid I said you know what go to your room thats all I could say at the time I knew anything else would have been said in anger and that would only make the situation worse, so I called my brother (crying) told him what happened and he spoke to him on the phone, after I took care of my grandson although a little pissed at me as well, (I know he thinks he is one of the big time wrestlers so he was not innocent in this). Once I calmed down I went to his room and talked to him still hurt(thinking this could have been much worse) i explained to him what could have happened he cried,I cried I knew he did not intentionally hurt him but speaking to him calmly and cooling off before doing so made things much better, His mom called upset and really made him feel bad then I started feeling guilty because I really felt he understood but come to find out he did one of his so called moves on his little sister and knocked her teeth out, I did not know this till after the fact, ( still not feeling like his intentions are to cause harm) these kids get so into this wrestling it scares me, my grandson was o.k the situation was handled they were friends again lol but hopefully in time he will grow out of this, I told him what you see on t.v is done by professionals they know what they are doing not to mention the matt in the ring is not hard like the floor in your room, etc etc anyway my reason for sharing this would be in anger its not a good idea to lay the law down for any child not even your own, its best to calm down and then come back and handle the situation. My grandson drives me nuts with this wrestling nonsense now don't get me wrong ( jeff hardy is my favorite wrestler lol) I like to watch this myself but these kids take this to a level that is too much and whew the other day my grand baby was playing with the kitty and he is trying wrestling moves on him ( could you imagine) kitty is nuts he seems to enjoy it, I told him not to do that, first of all he will scratch your face to protect himself don't let me see you do this again, grrrr he does flip on the bed it scares me thinking he will break his neck, I don't know my friend not easy let me tell you. So I answered the question? kind of went over board here but felt this was a pretty good example.

My children are now in their 20's and my friends had no qualms with disciplining them if needed - as was the same with their children and me. We were a "big happy family", although I know there are plenty of people that aren't like that.

Hi Karen! Very good discussion! I would definitely like to discipline the child, even if he belongs to some one else may be a friend or relative. I would like to instill the values in him and would like to tell him the importance of discipline and what is 'wrong' and what is 'right' for him. No doubt I'll tell him all the things politely, no point enforcing or shouting at him. I'll try my best to make him understand my points. You are very right, in the olden days relative/friends also would unhesitantly guide/advice children of others about discipline, however, now a days some parents do not accept the advice given by others in the right spirit and they assume that they know everything about their child and they can teach their child in a better manner.

If they're in my care I will certainly make it clear to them that they have to follow the same rules as my children. If I saw a child doing something wrong and the parent wasn't around, I'd certainly say something to the child right then and the parent later. If they were causing a lot of trouble, I'd call the parents definitely.

Since I spend two hours of my work day at a school where I am constantly disciplining other people's children I find it hard to turn off when I am in a store or other public place. What I find curious is that children listen to me often even when they don't listen to their parents.

i have rules here in my house, and my kids have to do them or they will get punished, like being grounded, no using of computer, etc. if that other child is in my care, and is going to stay in house, he or she should also obey the house rules. no ifs no buts. if i saw a friend's child stealing, then i will tell my friend, hoping that he or she wont get mad at me because i just want her to know that his or her child is in the wrong path. i wont mess around disciplining other people's kids as i dont want other people messing around with mine, other than what is stated above, that's what i will only do and nothing more.

its very hard to to take care of some others child...its too fruststing.. if they are mischevious i will lock them in some other room or give them a hard beating..

Though I haven't children of myself,I think when the children of our friends make faults,we should help them as much as possible. A tiny thing which you did on your friends'child,may let your friend feel glad.Because the children can't obey to their parents advice,rather obeying the other one.

Children visiting my home are required to follow the house rules always. My friends are all aware of my expectations and have no problem with them. The kids get used to it very quickly and it has never been an issue. If I saw a child engaging in dangerous or illegal activity, you can bet your bottom dollar I would be reporting it to someone. If I know who the child is I go directly to the parents first. In the case of shoplifting, I tell the store owner/manager. Dangerous driving I report to the police, and so on. Parenting styles differ so much from family to family, but basic respect and good behavior are the exceptions. Some parents appreciate your input, some do not like it at all. Gone are the good old days of "the village" raising the child. It is tough to get through to someone else's child, especially the teenagers. I just go by what I think is morally right or the sensible thing to do. What the parents do with the information is up to them.

This is definitely a very sensitive issue and we must remember that different people have different takes on the same situation. Also, it depends really on how much liberty I am being given in disciplining a child. You know in boarding schools, parents know that the children would be disciplined and they accept it (other than corporeal punishment of course)…while if its within relatives, most parents don’t like the concept of relatives disciplining their children. Actually, we being indulgent parents ourselves, don’t like the idea of someone else disciplining our children maybe coz that indirectly points the finger at us for being negligent somewhere towards our kids. So, I would not really want to discipline someone’s else’s child but if the child is with me for a very long time, then yes, in our daily dealings discipline or at least following the rules of my house, would have to come up.

hi peacefulwmn yes I would feel fr ee to discipline someone elses'kid if that kid were in my care.I would never abuse just talk sternly and hope it works. if I saw a friends child stealing or doing something wrong I would call its parents and let them deal with it,after alltheuy are the kids parents so let them parent. Its tough to know how to discipline someone elses older kids. I wou ld just hand that problem over to the f olks that made him or her.

If you don't like someone laying down the law on what they expect of your child while in their home, I would suggest never being in a situation where you have to leave them with another person. I would not spank the kid but I would ask them how they would like certain situations to be handled and then follow along with that. Now if you tell me "Just let him do what he/she wants to" uhh hell no. They might not be mine but I will be respected in my house.

That's probably the job o day-care i think or some temporary parent's institution or something but never as an individual or even as a uncle,or god father has the right to discipline the child most specially if their parents are present.

Hi PeacefulWmn. I would feel like doing that taking some sort of action but in the end with it being someone ele´s children can put you in a difficult position. It does depend I reckon on what they could have done even if you are friends with that person I would not feel right telling them right away I would need to have to see and think through the situation at hand and then try and break it gently. As I said here once on another post I won myself a lifetime enemy for telling my so called friend what her son was doing so that is why I would be reluctant to just dive in and tell the parents. This young child who I saw and watched just to make sure he was doing wrong had one of those powerful pelletguns and was shooting at things randomly through the window of his house was I justified I feel I was because he could have hurt someone badly. But alas his Mother always took things to the extremes and we were not on the same terms after that. I did´nt tell the Police I told her directly instead of telling anyone else. I was always fond of this child and babysitted him no end of times he was always left on his own.

My parents believed it took a village to raise a child. Today not many people follow that old saying. I believe that's why child today have a lack of respect for adults. I grew up saying yes sir and no sir, you hardly hear those words today. I feel that if you see a child acting up its your job to say something. A child should listen to and respect all adults, maybe this way we can regain some control.