Am I being petty?
By breepeace
@breepeace (3014)
Canada
September 13, 2009 7:16pm CST
So as all my friends know, I've had a really rough past 2 weeks. My cousin committed suicide and I had to fly from Northern Canada to Northern Florida for her funeral. When I got home, I had a massive head cold, and 2 days after I got home I discovered I had an impacted wisdom tooth that was causing a bad infection and lots of pain. Top it all off with my dad losing his job the day I left for Florida which means currently both of my parents are out work and are very stressed about making ends meet. It's not a good time of year for me.
Well, throughout all of my problems, not ONE of my friends here in town has offered me any sort of comfort. No one sat around and listened to me cry over my cousin's death, no one offered to give me a lift to go get my prescriptions when I was doubled over in pain, no one offered to come over and just hang out so I could get my mind off of all these things.
So last night, my roommate comes home, after apparently discovering her on-again, off-again boyfriend has been seeing another girl, and is in hysterics over this. They've been having issues since they got together 2 years ago, but quite frankly, she won't let the relationship just die already, so while they might go through a periodic one month GOOD patch, most of the time they just fight all the time. I'm sick of hearing about it. Our friendship went down the drain after I tried to keep her busy and distracted after their last blowout, so I am not getting involved in it anymore.
Well, I had a mutual friend over last night for the first time in 2 weeks, and when she comes over, he drops hanging out with me to let her just cry, and then has the audacity to start ordering me around to do things for her because she's 'in pain'. Pardon me, but where the f**k was my support over the past 2 weeks when I've been in pain? I ended up just going to bed before I said something I would regret, but then this morning, there's all this drama because she woke up and drove over to her boyfriend's to confront him, and now I'm supposed to just drop everything and go to comfort her.
What am I? Just some sort of convenience friend? Someone to order around? I'm so angry, and I really just wish I could move away from this town and all these people.
My question is, why should I act like a friend to these people who don't bother acting like one to me? Am I being petty?
6 people like this
19 responses
@patms1 (521)
• United States
14 Sep 09
WOW! from the sound of it you had some 2 week. Its like if you didn't have bad luck you have no luck at all. If I were you kid I would just take a step back and examine your world. I sorry to say this but I don't think you have any friends. Maaybe its time you started to look at other people. Don't forget, everyone has a V on their forehead. It can stand for victim or volunteer. You get to choice which one you are.
1 person likes this
@fifileigh (3615)
• United States
14 Sep 09
i think next time they need you, just tell them you are busy and move on. maybe they will eventually get the message and go bug someone else. you dont need them anyway. you can do everything yourself. these 2 weeks proved you are strong enough to handle all that on your own. maybe all this was all a test to see if you can handle and make it, and you did.
this year has been crap for me, too, starting from dec 08. life is better for me. but i wish all the past crap hadnt happened for the hell of it. it was stupid and waste, and bunch of crap. but, sh** happens.
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
14 Sep 09
Sure, I could do everything on my own, but I'm lonely. There aren't very many people I am friends with in this area, so exempting the two of them, I'm down to one person, and he's busy with his own stuff, too.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
20 Sep 09
Petty??? you must be kidding!! Heck no!! You have some important issues hanging over you, your friend is acting like a juvenile and what's wrong with all these people???
I certainly don't blame you for feeling as you do. You've obviously grown up a lot and left these (so called) friends behind and so I reckon it's time to dump them and cultivate new ones. These guys are not giving you the support you need and if you can't leave town then the next best thing is to move away from the people. Can you kick the room mate out and get another? Can you leave and move in with someone else. I think the time has come to let go and move forward. Your friends on myLot will be here for you.
Big hugs and I hope you feel better and get things sorted soon.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Sep 09
hi breepeace no you are not petty you are just fed uop'with
fair weather friends who are using you and not being your'friends'at all. you need to get some new f riends who know the meaning of
being friends. tellthem to find someother fall person as
you just'gave up that job right now.
1 person likes this
@Keola12 (820)
• United States
15 Sep 09
I strongly believe the best thing you should do is to confront your friends about the way they have been treating you, and tell them that being a good friend is a two way street. You are a good friend to them. Being a good friend to them is one thing, but you can't let them walk all over you. They aren't good friends to
you when they treat you terrible. And if their illtreatment of you still persists even after you confronted them about their bad behavior towards you, and they refuse to give in or to change and treat you with descency, then that would be the time to drop them as friends and end the friendship. You can find better people out there for friends than that. But confront them first and tell them how you feel, before making the decision to end the friendship. I hope I have helped you in some way.
1 person likes this
@strawberrybaby39 (2086)
• United States
15 Sep 09
Now that would make me upset to. You have been through a lot and someone should have been there to help you through your pains. You was there for your friends but they couldn't be there for you? I don't call them much for friends. I am not the type of person to take demands very well as I have gotten older. I was bossed around way to much when I was first married and walked on or stomped on. I would find better friends then what you have because they aren't friends in my book. Sorry you have gone through so much. When my friends need me I am there for them no matter what.
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
14 Sep 09
I think you might want to put some time into making new friends. it seems like these friends expect support from you without giving you support in return.
That being said, have you told them you need more support? You might be perceived as the strong one, or everyone might assume that you have so many friends you don't need any more help.
1 person likes this
@kareng (59206)
• United States
14 Sep 09
I don't blame you. It sounds like everyone takes advantage of you. And, no you are not being petty. I would stop all of the catering to them and if anyone asks why--tell them. A friendship is supposed to be give and take and what you are describing is not a friendship at all. I wish you the best. Take care and keep that chin up!
1 person likes this
@guybrush (4658)
• Australia
14 Sep 09
I would say these people are being pretty thoughtless, Bree. I don't blame you for being angry and feeling let down - it's a shame you can't get away for a couple of weeks, somewhere peaceful where you could have some thinking time and solitude. You don't need other people's troubles at the moment while you have so much to deal with in your own life. I really hope you can find some inner peace soon in the middle of all this. xxx
1 person likes this
@6precious102 (4043)
• United States
14 Sep 09
I don't think you're being petty, and those people aren't your friends they're your acquaintances. You may not like my suggestion, but have you ever though about getting involved in church? It may not be true in every case, but there are some really caring and friendly people there. Maybe they could be the support or at the very least a listening ear that you need.
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
14 Sep 09
I don't think you are being petty at all. It's sad, but your 'friends' are just using you the same way they'd use a pillow for a good cry for themselves. They are immature and thoughtless towards you in your times of need.
I'm sorry that you and your family are going through difficult times right now. Sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep going, sooner or later it will shine like a beacon to warm you and light your path.
In the mean time, have you thought about joining any clubs or groups for any of your interests, maybe try something new? Or even volunteering your time? These are all excellent places to meet new friends, and start rebuilding your life into something that feels comfortable.
1 person likes this
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
14 Sep 09
before all that, i just want to give my condolence to your cousin, what ever problem that your cousin had, must have been painful. as for these people, i think you should stop hanging around with them if they don't do share the things you were doing to them. I'd say be honest with yourself and with your heart. As i can see here, they don't give a damn about what you just gone through.my advice is just let them be, I think they're using you or something. but i know it's nice that you are helping but it's nice too if you prefer being honest with your self. this is the thing you should realize, don't expect anything from them, because it will simply just frustrates and angers you. i had my share of that feeling too. It's probably better too if you don't trust them with your problems since they didn't give a damn about it. people are different, you can't expect them to treat you the same way you treat them, I learned that the hard way.1 person likes this
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
14 Sep 09
I feel like this pretty regulary with my friends. I don't think you are being petty at all. I often feel like I have to put a smile on my face and just pretend everything is great when my friends are around. I have a pretty sweet life, but like you, I have had some pretty crazy rough patches. My close friends complain each and every day about there life choices. I have started to get a bit cold with them. It is not up to me to make them feel better, it is up to them. I get really bothered by people who create there own drama and then expect others to make them feel better. I don't think you are being petty, but I do think you need some better friends. I am currently working on taking my own advice! Best of luck!
@crystaltips (219)
•
14 Sep 09
I don't think you're being petty - I think I know how you feel. I actually dumped my so-called 'best mate' a few years ago, precisely because I got fed up of listening to him rambling on about his life and not showing ANY interest in mine.
The straw that broke the camel's back was when I really needed to turn to him about something that was causing me some depression, but he had no interest in listening. He would rather talk about his stupid relationship problems, or work (his work stories were so boring).
I have decided that I have made too many bad friends in my life, and I am trying to be more choosey from now on. I think you should actively seek out some better friends. Sorry you have gone through a bad patch.
1 person likes this
@Shaun72 (15959)
• Palatka, Florida
14 Sep 09
I can't say I blame you. I would be really upset myself over that. Of course there are times I have been pushed around in the past but I have learned my lesson. I got tired of people or my old so called friends using and pusing me around.I will put up with stuff for a little while but then there comes a point that I get feed up and tired of it after awhile.
@Sourceseeker (1197)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Friday morning September 11, Mr. J came in with one of his students, after a couple of minutes he came over to my desk and got on the phone. At the time I was trying to do classwork on my Computer. He stayed on the computer for approxiatemately 15 minutes. I asked him during his conversation was his sell phone off. He said it was and he was talking to his sons teacher. Overhearing the conversation it did not appear he was talking to his sons teacher.
After he completed the conversation, I stated "I aask can you use the phone upstairs if you could". He stated "If its like that then I wont help yall with (student) J then".
Student J is an autistic student 6'2 and 240 with the mind of a 2 year old.
20 minutes later while I was in gym assisting the paraprofessional assigned to my class, Teacher J continually tried to badger me about I had those students for four years. He continually tried to command me to go and watch students even though I was in a crisis with my student J. He talked negative about my ability as a teacher to everyone who was in the gym.
Over the first three weeks, Mr J has come into my room and made disparaging comments about me during visits while Im was trying to work with my students.
He was very petty and small. Teacher J is a former professional football player many years gone by. He cant stand that Im a teacher and he is a teachers aide.
@cbakin20 (149)
• United States
14 Sep 09
You are definitely not being petty. The people are not your friend if they won't listen to you ever. It does seem like they are taking you for granted and aren't offering the friendship that they should be. I'd say just keep the lines open with them, and be friends, but don't do anything for them that they wouldn't do for you. And if you do, subtly point it out to them. You can even strike a deal--say that if you do this for them, then they owe it to you, and then cash in on it later. I am very sorry about all your troubles recently, and I hope everything starts going better for you soon.
1 person likes this
@BStuff (495)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Getting involved in friends crazy relationships kill them believe me I've been there and its horrible. Just dont go there. I can not believe they didnt comfortyou after all you've been through. If I was you I would probably just go in my room for a few days and let it calm down with her man and your problems then sit her down and have a long talk with her about why you dont want to step in the middle of her problems and how you felt hurt that she wasnt there for you. I was also do the same with the other friend explain to him in a non attacking way you were hurt by that and you've been having a hard time too. I'm sure they didnt mean to hurt you. Sometime's we all just get a little one minded or selfish. It's okay as long as it's talked about and resolved instead of just pushed don an ignored. I hope you feel better and I'm very sorry about your loss.
1 person likes this
@marksbest (9)
• China
14 Sep 09
you just met a difficult situation,I hope you get out of the trouble as soon as possible.
