Parents are showing partiality for their childrens?!
By dbutheking
@dbutheking (2347)
India
September 19, 2009 7:59am CST
Hi friends,
Do you think parents show the partiality for their children according to their gender, age, looks and their abilities?
I guess parents are showing partiality according to their ages and gender. My parent shows more care to my younger sister than me.
In my childhood, my mom helps me in drawing the figure in my home works. But, when my sister reach the stage to draw figures in the home work, she ask me to do it myself and she is helping my sister.
Let me tell, she give up helping me at the age of 8. She helps my sister to draw the figures in her note for nearly 15 years of her age.
Do you think it is fair?
Do you have any partiality experienced from your parents? or any experience from the friends, relatives,etc.,?
Have a great day.![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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6 people like this
19 responses
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 09
In my experience, I don't think that my parents showed a partiality for any of the three of us. There were certain things that each of us did that they were more supportive of, but there were those type of things for each of us. However, that was while we were growing up. Now that we are adults, I feel like my mother does show a certain kind of partiality for my brother. You see, for five years after our daughter was born, we lived at my mother's house in her basement. We paid her rent and bought our own groceries. It helped all parties involved in that it saved us money and helped her to dig herself out of her own debt.
Now, my brother, sister-in-law and their two daughters live with her and they don't give her a dime. It is like pulling teeth for them to even buy any groceries to share with her. They are free-loading off of her and it doesn't even seem to bother her. Even my baby sister who still lives at home pays her some rent every month.
2 people like this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
20 Sep 09
My mom was like that with one of my brothers. She was so protective of him and he lived with her rent free for years. I moved in when I got a divorce for a short while and like you, I helped out financially as well as helped cook and clean. I had kids and my brother did have one but he did not have custody of him. I asked my mom about this one day because to me....seemed she had always kind of babied him. She was surprised that I felt that way. She told me that she just knew I was the stronger one and self-sufficient and she didn't feel that I needed that from her. I guess she was right, really. I just hadn't looked at it from her angle.
1 person likes this
@Baluyadav (3643)
• India
19 Sep 09
Hi,D,in case of other countries i don't know,but in our country majority of parents show favourism towards son when compared to daughter.Here systems are like that.In every point starting from clothes to sending to study tours.
In my case also notdifferent.My parents gave me more freedom and money to spend on whatever i want,but in the case of my sister every thing is restricted.Of course now me and my sister are move like friends even at the age 46 to me and 42 to her.Our's is educated family,where as in uneducated families,the partiality is too much.
Have a nice time.
2 people like this
@dbutheking (2347)
• India
19 Sep 09
Yes, they dont send their daughters for the tour. But, they give more pocket money to her compared to me at her age.
Looks like your family is just opposite than my family. I feel little restricted compared to my sister, except that i can go out freely to other places and having more time with the friends.
Even i cannot freely change the channels in the Television in the home..
Have a great day.![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
19 Sep 09
Well, that's because u are the elder child in family, and thus u dun have that priviledge of being over protected.. lol =D BUt it will be a different story, if u are the only child of the family.. hehe ^_^
It's kinda normal.. As u are the eldest, your parents will expect u to be more mature as well as responsible and being more independant too.. Isn't that a good thing though, when u have got more freedom?? hehe
1 person likes this
@dbutheking (2347)
• India
19 Sep 09
Hi kun,
That also not true that i got my own independence there. Because they restrict me in most of the time, but she is little unrestricted. Because, she got more priority than me.
Also, my sister got more pocket money than me..![](/Content/images/emotes/cry.gif)
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2 people like this
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
19 Sep 09
haha =D Because she's the youngest and thus she has got all the priviledges.. haha =D
That's the life of being the eldest in a family..
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@dbutheking (2347)
• India
19 Sep 09
So, you agree that parents shows the partiality according to their age differences right?
You agree with me?![](/Content/images/emotes/lol.gif)
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1 person likes this
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@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
22 Sep 09
I don't know that all parents show partiality. I think that if they do, there are times they don't realize they are. I've noticed that the parents are more protective and more worrisome over the girls, but that the guys have more freedom and the parents are lienant on their curfews... etc. I think that it's just that guys are considered to be the more buff gender and can take care of themselves. That isn't to say that girls can't take care of themselves.
1 person likes this
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@dbutheking (2347)
• India
22 Sep 09
Hi SCG,
Yes, they may thought that girls need more care and boys can do themselves. That may be the reason for that.
Girls also can take care themselves. Yes, boys have more freedom than girls.
Have a great day,![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
19 Sep 09
am thinking differently from your opinion. maybe your mom finds that you easily learn than your sister. true isnt it?
and your mom is helping you in another way - that is being independent. i guess its because you are a boy. and someday, you will be the person to depend on.
what do you think?
have a great day too.
ann![](/Content/images/emotes/happy.gif)
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1 person likes this
@dbutheking (2347)
• India
19 Sep 09
Hi tigeraunt,You are a different thinker..
But, what about the pocket money? They give her more than i got when i am in her age. Nearly double of them...
How do you take it differently? I guess it is interesting to see your different thinking answer..
Have a great day.
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1 person likes this
@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
20 Sep 09
it depends on how old you are compared to your sister. i guess the thing here is she gets more money (say double than what mom has given to you before) because value of money before was better than today. so if you really analize that.. mom is just giving same.
happy mylotting.
ann![](/Content/images/emotes/happy.gif)
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@dbutheking (2347)
• India
20 Sep 09
Yes, i know the value of the money is decreased so we have to get more money to spend. Do you think, the value of money doubled in just 2 years?
She is getting what i got last year.![](/Content/images/emotes/cry.gif)
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1 person likes this
@moneygail4 (77)
• Philippines
20 Sep 09
Yes I also believe in that. Although our parents would reassure us that we're all equal for their love and affection, still, it's unavoidable to feel favoritism in the family. I don't know if there's a research but in my theory, most of the "parents' faves" depends on the character of the child. Of course if you're the brainy one, you're most likely to be the fave when it comes to accomplishing schoolwork and the like. If you're the sweet child type, you get to convince your parents to say "yes" most of the time. If you're the talented one (ex. singer), you get to be the highlight in family gatherings - and they're proud to show you off to the clan. So it's just that. In your case, I think that it's because you became independent from your mom earlier than your sister did. I'm the eldest and yes, I have experienced comparing myself to my younger siblings. But then I realized, it's not a matter of who's more loved. Each child is different and thus, they should be treated specifically based on their needs and capabilities. Maybe if your sister can do her notes without your mom's help, then maybe mum wouldn't mind her doing her assignments on her own. Don't get jealous with your sister because of this. It will pass. Believe me.
1 person likes this
@dbutheking (2347)
• India
21 Sep 09
Hi moneygail,
Welcome to myLot..
Yes, your theory is very correct. I dont get jealous of my sister, but even she can the work, she make my mom convince to do that work.
She ask my mom to do the diagram and she keeps cool and watching tv..
Have a great day.
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@moneygail4 (77)
• Philippines
21 Sep 09
My youngest sister is the same with yours. She doesn't have to do a single chore but she gets away with it while the older ones get to work all-around her. She just sits in front of our PC surfing and chatting in Facebook.
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@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
22 Sep 09
hi dbu.
don't take that seriously. and don't feel that you are being treated unfairly. i am also a parent so i know what you mean. there are some kids who are slow learner and there are some that fast and easily gets simple instructions. what i feel about your situation, maybe she needs more attention from your parents. maybe you are just advanced and you learn faster than her. parents can also assess their kids. i can look at you more independent than your sister.
1 person likes this
@dbutheking (2347)
• India
22 Sep 09
Hi neil,
You are correct, i am a very fast learner than my sister. May be it is the reason for helping her in her studies. But, she have more allowances than me and also she is treated like a pet.
Have a great day.![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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@fordham08 (131)
• Philippines
20 Sep 09
I am an only child, see, so I don't really know, but I see it in my cousins and my uncle and aunt I think the youngest of their unica-hija(only daughter) is their favorite just a year ago she was their bunso(youngest child) until another brother came, but just a year ago their reason for spoiling her was that she would be too noisy if she cried even though she's already 7 years old.
1 person likes this
@dbutheking (2347)
• India
21 Sep 09
Hi fordham,
Yes, being the only child is no problem at all.
You are lucky.
Have a great day,![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
20 Sep 09
I suppose things change when people have their second child because they already have the experience of the first one and have learned from their mistakes. My sister is a lot younger than me and she was allowed to get away with so much more than I was! My parents were stricter with me because they didn’t know any different and by the time they had a second child they learnt to relax a bit more. It was a bit rough for me but them's the breaks!![](/Content/images/emotes/rolleyes.gif)
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1 person likes this
@dbutheking (2347)
• India
21 Sep 09
Hi paula,
That's right, when the second child came, they nearly forget about taking care of the first child.
Have a great day,![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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1 person likes this
@daliaj (5674)
• India
20 Sep 09
It is very bad for parents to show partiality. I think it is the one children hate most about parents. As far as I am concerned my parents were alway neutral and I couldn't really make out whom do they love most amoung three of us. Sometimes I feel that they support my brother or sister more, but some other times I felt that they are supporting me a lot more.
@dbutheking (2347)
• India
21 Sep 09
Hi dalaj,
Yes, they cannot be neutral in all aspects. They show partiality among the childrens in different aspects in different time..
Have a great day.![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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@JamesKYTan (1605)
• Malaysia
22 Sep 09
Not in my family. But my eldest brother
family, this is obvious by his wife.
They have first born - a son. Then another
three daughters. The son was given higher
education in United Kingdom whereas the
daughters are to study in Malaysia.
1 person likes this
@dbutheking (2347)
• India
22 Sep 09
Hi James,
So, they send their son to abroad and their daughters in their place itself. Its not fair..
Have a great day.![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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@sunny68 (1327)
• India
19 Sep 09
this definitely seems to be a case of sibling rivalry..are you jealous of your sister??..
. i think all parents love their children equally. but there is a difference of time and circumstances. studies are becoming tougher every year, so your sister might as well require more time. check her books and compare it with the books of your own time. you will certainly see the difference. at your time a score of 70% would have been considered as excellent but today getting a score of 80% is a disaster. also the cost of everything is increasing so it might seem your sister is getting more money where as in reality it might serve lesser purpose. give it a thought with a cool mind. you are the big brother and should also help your sister..
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@sunny68 (1327)
• India
20 Sep 09
when your sister grows up she will be able to make an independent choice. it is not about joining a job or not. it is the ability to do so. if the opportunity arises, she will be able to make a wise choice between options, not because she is unable to do a job but because she decides so. there is a very big difference between the two.
@dbutheking (2347)
• India
19 Sep 09
Hi sunny,
I am not jealous of my sister. It is just a disappointment with my parents.
Hmm.. Yes, the marks required is more for today to get a job.
In my house, they dont allow her to go to the job.
I
n this case, what is your answer? Is it fair?
Have a great day.![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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@grace118224 (1038)
• China
20 Sep 09
I have two sisters and my parents love us all . However my mother-in-law shows hugh partiality for her children. My hubby has one elder brother and two sisiters and his mother only loves his brother. She gives everything his brother wants and does everything for him . She gives all money to him and spoils him . My hubby feels very unfair and hates her very much . I don't care this and we can live without her . I don't like parents who does't love their kids.
@dbutheking (2347)
• India
21 Sep 09
Hi grace,
Yes, it makes sometimes hate the parents. It is very unfair to have a partiality among their childrens. Also, it will create a rivalry between the siblings.
Have a great day.![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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@involved62 (790)
•
19 Sep 09
Based on my personal experience, I was the favorite of my mother and grandmother. My sister was my father's favorite. My mother denies this, of course, saying that she is impartial. Now, with my own kids, I see that my husband favors my oldest daughter although I have not said anything to this effect. I tend to take my youngest daughter's side only because I feel that my husband takes often the oldest one's side - to balance the situation.
1 person likes this
@dbutheking (2347)
• India
19 Sep 09
Hi invovled,
Yes, favouritism should not be there in the children.
We should keep the balance in the favouritism just like you.
But, do you think if one of you favours one of your children, then do you think they have the affection on you both?
Have a great day.![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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@involved62 (790)
•
20 Sep 09
Both have certainly my affection and I believe we had my mother's affection as well.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
20 Sep 09
I had 4 kids and I loved them all equally. I think they all thought that I favored another better than them tho. That would be maybe because I did treat them all different as they were different types of people & also my situations were different at various times in life. I had one daughter that was constantly getting into trouble or being argumentive etc. Yes, I disciplined her more frequently. She would get upset because I did not get after her sisters as much. Well...why would I? Then the others would get upset because the troubled one would "get all the attention". I could not very well ignore her. I tried to be fair to all of them but I could not win no matter what. I'm pretty sure that your mom loved you as much as your sister. Maybe she felt that you did not need as much help as your sister did??? You should ask her sometime. ![](/Content/images/emotes/happy.gif)
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@dbutheking (2347)
• India
20 Sep 09
Hi sid,
You looks to me as a good mom. Yes, the one who need more help have more care. The troubled ones need more attention.
But, my case is not like that. She got some previleges just as she is the last one in the family.
Have a great day.![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Sep 09
dbutheking I think perhaps a bit of this happens in most families'
for one reason or another. my sister was nine years younger than
me and was mentally retarded whereas I was normal, so from her birth
I began to take second and third place but I just figured she needed more help than I did, yet it hurt a lot and I grew up with some resentment towards my sister, but yet I did love her, it is not fair bu t who said life had to be fair? he he he
1 person likes this
@dbutheking (2347)
• India
19 Sep 09
Hi Hatley,
In your case, it is fair that they take more care about your sister as she has some problems. But, in my case, it is not fair.
Why life is always not fair?
Have a great day..![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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@doryvien (2284)
• United States
20 Sep 09
Hi dbu,
Although most parents will try so hard not to be partial to any of their kids, sometimes it can't be helped. In my family my brother, being the only son is almost always the most favored child, add the fact that he is the most sickly (he had 2 open heart surgery/operations in his lifetime, once when he was 15yrs old, then the other one 15 years later). So all other children (3 girls including me) accepted that fact that he gets most if not all the attention. Among us three girls, the middle sister was always under my parents' watch probably because she's the one who hasn't managed her life well as compared to me and the eldest sister.
I have 2 kids, both boys, and having experienced how it is to be left out, I make sure none of them feel the same way. It's true that it's very difficult not to compare, like who does better in school, who is easier to discipline - but when I do this, I just keep it between my husband and me, as I don't want them to get the wrong idea that they are being pitted against each other or they have to compete with each other. I know that both have potentials in different areas and I encourage them and support them in whatever way I can.
@dbutheking (2347)
• India
20 Sep 09
Hi doryvien,
Yes, i can also see the more care for the sick children too. my cousins have the same situation as yours.
Have a great day.![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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@Iriene88 (5343)
• Malaysia
19 Sep 09
Dear dbutheking,
Partiality to their children....or I would say
favouritism
My father still put the highest preference to my
4th brother even though he already 53 years old
this year. My father will make sure he have enough
monthly expenses to spend. Pay for his car instalments!
In any occasions where all the siblings has to contribute
money, he is exceptional???
All of us has to be independant, we work to support our
studies. So, partiality did happens in my family![](/Content/images/emotes/surrender.gif)
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1 person likes this
@dbutheking (2347)
• India
19 Sep 09
Hi Iriene,
Its nice that you admit the truth and be yourself.
What is the difference between the partiality and favourism? It is same right?
Have a great day,.![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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1 person likes this
@sonyadixit23 (3)
• India
19 Sep 09
hi! ya i do feel parents can be biased sometimes towards more brighter kids or the lesser ones depending on their inclination.i have also seen mothers having more preferences for their sons while the fathers being more inclined towards their daughters.
1 person likes this
@dbutheking (2347)
• India
19 Sep 09
Hi sony,
Yes, most of the families having such kind of biasing between the childrens. This is the major cause for the sibling rivalry..
have a great day.![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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