How do I get across to her that I don't want to be involved?

just go stright to the point my friend. it is not really your business to bepart of their problem. tell her that and tell your son as well that you are now having problems with his girlfriend. and hope that they talked and try to work things out of whatever outcome they could make you would not be part of it. that is their problem so i hope they could be mature enough to do so. and not to take you part of it. just let her know about yur side. and i just hope everything would be fine with you friend. jhelai

You may have to come flat out and tell her that you will not be involved and that you do not wish to receive anymore contact from her containing anything to do with your son. Tell her this is their problem not yours and that she needs to talk to him. That is if her is talking to her. But let her know in no certain terms do you wish to be involved and not to contact you because from this point on you will not reply to her about this. Best of luck to you.

Well as much as you like her. Your sons your son, your blood, and your pride and joy. Whether hes wrong or right, its in your nature to come to his side before hers. So just let her know as much as you like and respect her, that you cant listen to the issues because youd want to side with your son because hes your son and because of that you cant give an honest opinion/or advice with the situation

This discussion is pretty interesting because I can relate. Well not about having a son with a gf - but being the gf (laughing). When my fiance and I have problems, I try not to tell people especially my own family. But since I am very close to my fiance's mother, we talk everyday. So every time my guy and I fight, she would always ask and I just give her answers. We have been reeeeally close and I love her like my own and she loves me so. But sometimes when the "fights" come, i try not to talk to her so I don't get her involved. I think the best thing for you to do is to tell her honestly that you don't know what is going on and as much as you want to make her feel better, there is no way you can decide for them or influence your son to do things or be someone. And you can tell the girlfriend that you care a lot about how she feels but to remind her that you love her as a potential daughter but he will always be your son.

It shouldn't be your problem I'd tell my son to take care of this! But since you befriended her, it kind of became a problem for you! That ought to teach ya! LOL! My mom did the same thing with my girlfriends while I was growing up! Many times I would come home and mom would be at the kitchen table drinking coffee with one of my ex's LOL! She would say it was her house and so and so was her friend! What a position this would put me in! But it all worked out somehow! Why don't you talk to her? Tell her your feelings! tdemex

I'd be furious if one of my girlfriends was going behind my back to tell my own mother all of our relationship issues. I'd be just as annoyed as you, if I were the parent as well! Maybe try talking to your son about the situation? Tell him that his girlfriend has been bringing all of their relationship issues to you and maybe he will talk to his girlfriend about not bringing issues to you.. but to your son instead? If that doesn't help and she continues to come to you.. maybe talk to her parents and get them to get the girl to stop bringing her issues to you.. and for her to talk to her own parents instead? Hope this helps!

Try and ignore her. Do not respond to calls and ignore IM. Set your status to "appear offline" or don't sign on. She should not be discussing these things with you and I'm sure, if your son knew what she was doing he would be very angry. If she continues to do this I think you should let your son know. He deserves some loyalty.

I would just say each time "You need to be telling this to HIM not to me." If she persisted I would take her to wherever he was and say "OK, now you tell HIM what you told me." Or as it is an IM, I would tell her to send it to HIM and I'd say that I share ALL my IM's with him, so if she is going to bad mouth him, please understand HE WILL SEE THIS. It is sort of sweet that she looks to you for advice, but you are so right. This is something they have to resolve on their own.

you are a good parent that you don't won't to get involved with the decision of your child regarding his lovelife. it is just right for your child to make the decision for himself. and if he does not want to talk about it then we should respect it. ah ha. some mothers don't do that. like they will try to interfere with their child's love life and the one they are in relationship with.

Wow! that seems like you have a major problem is the here. I think you need to talk to your son about the situation just let him know that he has to talk to her and communicate and workout their issues. As for the girl you need to tell her that with being her friend and being the mother of your son you have to stay neutral. I know that most woman do that you try to get in good with the mother of the person you are dating, and sometime a friendship flourish, but I think you need to keep that boundary. I know we as girls talk about our interrelationship and we ask for advice. Just talk to her about how you have to be neutral and this is the only way you can be fair to the both of them.

Even if you guys are friend, you can say you don't want to be involved. She need to face your son herself as he didn't discuss it with you. And as a friend too, she need to understand that a friend can't be force if she doesn't want to do anything. That's your right and she need to respect it. She also need to understand your situation as you're trap between your son and her. It might be hurt but she need to know the truth.

Hello my friend I would tell my son if I were you especially since you tried to let her know you don't want to be in the middle, he should be able to put a stop to it, if not, then you have to ask her again to stop if she refuse ignore her im's block her if need be, but I could imagine how hard this must be, worse considering your son has not mentioned it , do you think thier may be a chance things will work itself out? or does your son look like he could care less? I would talk to him after all you tried to let her know how you feel she does not respect your feelings, maybe this is the problem she is hardheaded Sorry my friend, hope it all works out.

go tell ur son to deal with his problem on his girlfriend,u can make advice that's all don't get into this mess, mean it's not ur fault, tell ur son to be responsible, he should handle it

The problem can be solved in several ways , me as experienced well in family and personal matters than English grammar believes that its you who only can solve the problem as you are related to both the girl and boy. As a mother you have the right to know the things around your sons mind ,If you believe you are very valuable to him then by a short angerness you can order your son to apologize to her and remind her not to make involve you to this problem. If you believe that your son still require the company ,then you have to talk to her mother ,i hope she might understand you as a mother As from your article i cannot understand the depth of the problem it might be foolishness to comment more....Also make sure that your son have more chances to mingle with his BOY friends...

It sounds to me as if she doesn't WANT to listen to you when you tell her clearly that you don´t want to get involved. Maybe she is, consciously or subconsciously, trying to get you involved and stay involved. Kind of, she is using you. If that's the case, I'd see only one remedy: cut of all contact with her, Don't answer her messages, don´t talk to her. Again, if I´m right (and it's a big 'if') she is showing a total disregard for you and your needs. I personally wouldn´t allow it, sounds very lopsided to me. It's hard to be tough with people we like, but sometimes we should forget how we feel about a person when our minds show us clear evidence that there´s something strange about the whole thing. Or maybe you just turned into a mother-substitute for her, which wouldn't make things any easier, would it now? Anyway, I wish you all the best with that situation.

hi rosepedal64. Sorry about your problem, but just be honest with her that it's not your place jump into her and your son problem. They should solve it by their own. Seems that she's desperate, but hey time for them to grow up and deal with their own matter.

hi rosepedal you are going to have to explain to her that this'is between the two of them, as You are his mom. so you c annot take sides and be fair to either of them. also talk to your son.he should have'to handle his own girl friend. Its nice you and her get along but' she is being unfair in trying to involve you in what is a personal issue between her and your son.

well it seem like she feel very comfortable with you, and might need someone to talk to. now you can just a friend and listen to her. but let her know you will not give advise or take side. or you just got to be straight up with her and let her know ok hey i am sorry, feel you but i cant or wont be in on this. maybe suggest they go seek help somewhere else like at a church

Well to be honest i would tell her it is her that should be talking to your son not you as you do not want to get involved as they are both old enough to sort this out and you are not getting involved.If you do not tell her now you never will and you will always have this problem.Good Luck.

If you dont want to get involved with this kind of thing then dont. It isnt your problem. Talk to your son and tell her what is going on and leave it up to him to resolve the issue. Thats how i would handle it