Meeting With The Ex-Partner

hi neil, i am laughing right now.. why?? well it's obvious, you will really feel that thing because it's natural and normal, you are just loving and jealousy is very very normal to lovers.. and for a person who loves the girl then meeting up to her ex is awkward for me.. it's kinda weird of you because you let her met up with him without you, and as what you have said it's a positive meeting and for the sake of the kids so you let her go.. and i think you just made the right one.. and what happen next?? what's the result of the meet up?? janebeth.

Hi Neildc I really would not know because I have not been in that kind of situation! Nevertheless I know how it feels to be jealous, so I think your feelings is but normal especially in a situation like that. I mean they have a past and they have children so it is but normal for you to have that feelings. Well I actually admire you because you allow such a meeting to take place. If I were you, perhaps it would be hard for me. Well anyway, for the sake of the children then your sacrifice is worth! So Cheers !!!

ok for real it's all about trusting her. either way you look at it, he is or hopfully be apart of the kids life. (if he's a real man) if i was me i wouldnt really care at all. specaily if it has to do with helping the kids. me and my wife used to hang out with her ex b/f and his wife. he's is a cool guy actully. lol.

Hi neildc, as you say for the children's sake so don't let it bother you. In my own circumstance I can't ever see this becoming an issue as my sons father is installed in another country as is the mother of my my mans son, and both are beyond likely to drop into our country for a visit

That horrible little green eyed monster named jealousy made it's way into your mind, didn't it? I don't blame you, it would in mine as well. Not that it would ever cause me to forbit my significant other to meet with them, especially if children are involved, but i would feel uncomfotable about it none the less. My partner has been married twice before, and has had children with both women. This past summer one of his exes was in the area, as his daughter was graduating high school (and it is onlt to be expected that she be there) But i was still nervous and aprehensive about meeting her myself! I had no worries about him and her, as i know exactly how he feels about her, but i just had these moment of self doubt...of wanting to make sure i compared favorably to her. As petty as it is, i felt better after realizing that i was younger and prettier than she, even though those kind of physical things should have no bearing in anything.I think the fact that i knew he has dealing with her only because they have daughters together makes me feel better. If he were to tell me that he was going to have coffee with his last ex-girlfriend, who he has no such attatchments with, i can't even imagine how i would be able to deal with all the little "what if" thoughts that would pop into my head.

Hello my friend I think since it all worked out well I would let well enough alone, personally I don't want to have a relationship with a man with kids, I know me I can't handle it, I think it is different when the women have children with a man and remarry or get involved with someone else men are not as petty as women, when the man is with someone else woman will use the kids for any and everything just cause they can, I don't have the time or patience for this I don't think you have no reason to worry, Thanks for sharing my friend.

They are his kids anyway. I would not say anything and would not be worried. You might be thinking what if they get back together, etc, etc. You wife did tell you that she will be meeting with her ex. I would be worried if you found out about the meeting from someone else and your wife denied meeting with her ex.

I find what you describe a very mature state of affairs. Why shouldn't they meet? When couples break up, there is always a lingering residue of resentment, even hate, you name it. As long as that persists, the relationship hasn't really ended. They truly break up when those negative feelings have disappeared, that's closure. And as two mature adults, again, why shouldn't they meet? I'd love to meet my first wife again, I met her 25 years ago, in Greece, we got married in England and split up 5 years later. I haven't heard from her since, but since that relationship has truly ended, and I have on the whole fond memories of it, I'd just love to have a chat with here. You didn't make clear in your post whether your two step-kids are his' kids, I guess they are. So they really have to continue to talk things over, even wheter they like it or not. Good Luck to you.

YOu know what, discuss with your wife what you feel... though as i really say... if ever my partner will meet the EX it's ok with me, that is if am included in the meeting, because that's the ethical thing for the EX to do knowing am already the partner... And as of the child seeing his biological father, I guess it can be done without your wife going to see her EX, it can be discuss by the father and the child, and whatever be the result of that discussion the father of the child can tell your wife what decisions been made through phone, not necessarily see her in person and without you being included in that discussion...

I think it is pretty natural to feel anxiety, doubts, jealousy and other insecurities if you happen to know that your partner is meeting with his/her ex. Though as of my opinion, I really don't like it if my partner will meet the EX alone or even together with the child... cause you two as partners are already together... so if the EX wants a meeting or something to discuss whatsoever, it is only ethical that me as the partner of his/her EX will be included in that dicussion... because am already involved in the life of his/her EX... And I feel it insulting if I am not included in that discussion... no matter how trivial the matter might be...

This is a pretty difficult situation you are in. I think it is good if you discuss your feelings with your wife. It will help when she knows you are honest about your feelings and she might give you the reassurance so you won't have to over-think things. Sometimes when we lay our cards on the table with our partners the outcome is amazing and we are given the peace of mind that we deserve. I admire you for choosing what will be best for your step-daughter. The support from the father will be of great help. Have you also thought about meeting the ex-partner? You are the husband and I don't see anything wrong with you at least shaking his hand and being there for and with your wife. I don't know how you feel about this suggestion though. All the best!

hi neildc well my son gave my husband and me round trip tickets on the greyhound to visit his mom whom had never met me, and to stay through the christmas holidays.so while we were there my husband got this weird ideas he wanted to see his ex. Ihated the idea and stayed in the cab while he visited with his ex wife who was much fatter than me. He did not stay long and things were a tad cool between us all that day. I just did not see why he had to do that, and stilldont to be frank. I have been a widow for years. we had a great marriage and I dont think he had any thoughts about his ex really i think he was just curiousas my son was in his teens we had alreadybeen married a long time. he he he

If my current husband said nothing if I were to say I was meeting with my ex-partner for a specific reason like you mentioned (your step-daughter's schooling) I would think that he was feeling a bit jealous or a bit scared. I would reassure him that I felt nothing at all for my ex-partner and that the meeting was only to help my child. I would also invite him to go along, if he chose to. If he chose not to go, I would reassure him, once I got back home, that I still loved my current husband and that nothing would change that. Now, if my current husband was to have a meeting with his ex-partner, I would not have a problem. My current husband did meet with his ex-wife a few years ago, after he and I were married. She was moving out of the area, maybe about 2,000 miles away, and had some things that belonged to him that she found while packing her things up to move. They arranged to meet at lunchtime, since the home she was moving out of was close to where my husband worked. She gave him the things she had found, he came home and showed them to me, and that was that. The way I look at it, if the marriage or partnership is a strong one, nothing will change that. My ex as well as my husband's ex are just that: ex's. We were not with them any longer for a reason. It sounds to me that you might be a little scared about your wife meeting her ex-husband. You don't need to be, neil. She loves you and that is very obvious from the way you've written about her. Now, about your step-daughter. I think it's wonderful that her biological father wants to help her through college. If I were in your shoes, I would be grateful for that because the pressure of paying for college was off my shoulders. Your step-daughter will, of course, always have her biological father but the man who raises her and takes care of her emotional day-to-day needs is "Dad", even though she may not call you that. There is a big difference between a 'father' and a 'dad'! My own children do not have their father in their lives. That was their father's choice, not mine. I encouraged both my children and my ex to communicate. I wanted my children to make up their own minds about their father and the reason why he was no longer in the picture. Luckily, that has happened. They are able to see their father for who he really is, an immature, selfish man who should never have had children. But, I'm glad he did because I got two wonderful sons from the experience. I've always felt bad for them because they didn't have a responsible, loving father in the picture but I think they did all right growing up without him. For a large part of their growing years, I had to be both mother and father to them. It wasn't easy but I think they matured into unselfish, loving men themselves, despite the hardship we all went through with barely enough money to survive on. (My ex-husband still owes me $14,000.00 in child support arrears, which I'll probably never see.) So, try not to let this bother you. Your wife's ex, and step-children's father, is just part of your extended family. You are your wife's husband. She chose you because you are obviously what her ex-husband was lacking. Telling your partner that it is not okay to meet his or her ex-partner will only make things worse for everyone, as long as there is a valid reason for the meeting. In your case, it is not only valid but also beneficial to you since you will not have the burden of paying for your step-daughter's education.

Hello neil, I do understand what you were feeling right now,actually i admire your guts posting your personal life here in mylot.(salute) Ok,personally my opinion is "WHY NOT",for many years you have been living with your wife,i bet you know her better than i do,so,trusting her to met with her ex means,YOU TRUSTED HER THAT MUCH.So,why worry my dear?... And,besides,past is always a past,maybe the only connection they had now are the kids,but i believed it is not the reason for any reconcilation or ????????....whatever is in your mind right now. I am also facing such situation(thu i don't live with other partner,and i don't have any plan with having any).But i knew myself that..it would be hard and difficult to reconcile with my ex now.(pains/scars were enough to give me lessons) One more thing is,before you lived with your wife you knew very well about her past,so,i guess you have figured out what will be the consequences soon to arise with your situation.The father had all the rights to see and visit his kids and...it is his obligation to give support.(i am thankful,my ex were supporting his kids) And,your step-kids also has all the rights to met their father. I know this is one of the hardest situation to faced of,but,we must accept what is reality bound to cross our way.You are indeed a good man my friend,i never thought you were facing this kind of situation.

Hi Neil, Well if children are involve, they have the right to see their father but I wouldn't worry too much about it but that sistuation ha never happened to me and if my husband ex turns up, well I just tell her where to get off, i would take my broomstick to her, hehehe. Hugs. Tamara

As an outsider, your wife is meeting with an ex because of the kids - that is one reason that makes the whole thing valid. The kids deserve to know who their father is and personally meet him, and only their mother can best introduce them to their estranged father. If you are confident that your wife now cares only about you, and not the ex, and if that only purpose is because of the kids, then I see no reason for your worry. Personally, it's okay with me if this is the reason - to discuss the future of the kids. But if not, I would like to know first why they need to see each other, a "for old time's sake" reason won't be acceptable to me.

hello neidc, it seems that you have a big heart allowing your wife to meet with her ex. If i were in your situation with the current state of my mind right now, i would be soo furious, doubt and jealous knowing they had kids..am not actually that open-minded when it comes to loving some one with kids..no offense. but you are in that case, so i suggest you trust her, she chose you and you're hers. . so, try not to doubt her since you're in that situation.

I guess I have a different view on all this. I am dating someone who is friends with her ex. One of my ex's is one of my best friends...she is with a man now. It doesn't bother me one bit that she is friends with her ex. And...it doesn't bother my gf at all that I am best friends with my ex. This could be really confusing! haha. My point is this. If you trust your partner and he or she trusts you, then there shouldn't be any problem. I know my partner would never cheat on me and I would NEVER cheat on her either. We have both been cheated on, and we know how it feels and we both agreed that we would not want to put each other through that. I don't see a problem being friends with your ex. Especially if there are children involved. The children come first and foremost. If you had kids with your ex, you should keep a civil relationship for the children. It is very HARD for children to go through divorce in the first place. I just figure that if you trust your partner, there shouldn't be any issue. I am not saying it wasn't hard for me to accept my partner being friends with her ex at first. But, I know better and know she is faithful to me. I am just rambling now...lol.

i claim to be comprehensive and openminded but no to that extant dude in any relation there are boundries we should not go beyond put in mind that if your wife or girlfriend meet with that person and even if they don't show any shady attitudes towords eachother they are humans, what they might be saying in their minds and the first things they would experience after they meet is remembering at least one thing happened to them when they were together not necessary a good thing but this experience itself without cheating is odd and i would defenetly not advise you to accept such a move... 2- you are as you said a human being, and even if you trust your wife a hundred percent you would have a bad feeling about the situation itself ......... this is a path that leads to the unknown