When "I Love You" Is a Weapon
@princess07031980 (5412)
United States
September 23, 2009 10:55am CST
Let's say a couple breaks up, and one partner is devastated by the other's decision to break it off. The hurt one still says "I love you" if they are still in communication. Is it wrong to say you still love them? Is it subconciously turned into a weapon to be used to instill guilt to the other?
Are you compelled to say "I love you" during an argument or the aftermath of a big fight with your partner, or do your emotions of anger and rage run high, that you don't feel you love them, so you don't say it? And if you say you love them still, do you genuinely mean it, or are you trying to make them feel worse about the situation of the spat?
It seems to me that "I love you" can really mean 100 things, depending on it's context and the tone in which is used.
Am I way off base with this?
1 person likes this
3 responses
@mzz663 (2772)
• United States
23 Sep 09
I think you're right, depending on the context, it can mean a lot of different things! I think a lot of the time someone says it to see if it's returned and there might possibly be a chance in making things right again. Sometimes someone says it back because they feel guilty and don't want to hurt the others feelings anymore but that's the wrong way to go, it makes things worse if they're not really saying it because they really do still love someone.
@princess07031980 (5412)
• United States
23 Sep 09
The older I get the harder love is to understand. Remember when we were kids and love meant love? You loved your puppy unconditioanlly, even when he ate your shoes. You loved your parents even when they punished you. You love your favorite movie or tv star because they were attractive and had a good personality. They was no hidden cost to love. Anymore, I will openly admit I don't get it at all, and the more I try, the less I understand. LOL
@mzz663 (2772)
• United States
23 Sep 09
Funny you mentioned that, I was thinking almost along the same lines the other day about how simple things used to be when I was a kid and was wondering how I let my thoughts and feelings get so complex. I don't even know why I started thinking about it! But it does seem like things were easier and I didn't have to think about anything too much. Any kind of problem I had was solved easier and no one seemed to play mind games with me, now it seems like there's guilt, mistrust, anger, resentment and so many more things involved in my thinking that didn't cloud it up when I was a kid. I'd get mad and get over it and that would be the end of things. I knew what made me happy and now I question myself over what I can do to make myself happy.....lol...I think I should start hanging around my grand babies, nieces and nephews that aren't teenagers yet and get in their mind set for a while....
@princess07031980 (5412)
• United States
23 Sep 09
So true-and yes children offer a brief sanity in some regards that can take you back to the worst of the problems of that generation-- I don't like my dinner, I don't want to clean my room, and I don't like my sister because she won't leave my toys alone. If that were really the worst of things nowadays, huh? Emotions become SO complex that I seriously question most things anymore instead of just understanding things at face value. Strange how age complicates things. huh?
@susanwilliam (3)
• China
24 Sep 09
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated,
it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
@princess07031980 (5412)
• United States
24 Sep 09
I have seen some of those lines written in other places around books and journals and what not, and some make sens to me, but some don't. If that is really what love is, then I am so far from the truth most of the time, I really should get out of this business.
@phoenix1344 (698)
• United States
24 Sep 09
I completely agree with you! I believe alot of people do pull the I love you card right after a break up, and actually, that is probably the biggest reason why ex couples choose not to stay friends after the relationship. The hurt is just too much to bear.
With my boyfriend whenever we get into a fight.. during the actually heated part, I am too pissed to think clearly. But normally towards the end, even when I'm upset, I have such a hard time walking away after an argument. And usually I like to try and fix it at that point. Although, by then the damage is already done and my boyfriend completely hardens and is just as pissed as I was moments before.
Usually at the point I tell him I love him and try to hug him and stuff. Sometimes he can cool down and others it doesn't do me much good.
