How would you react?

I have three brothers and the middle aged one, when he was in his teens, was awful. He once hit me in the eye and fractured a bone there. I had the police take him away. I dont put up with that no matter who you are. It had finally gotten to the point where my mother was worried and fearful that he would harm her or someone else so she did the only thing she could do. My mom locked him up in a juvenile facility. I know it might not be what you want to do but it might be something that you may have to do.

I think you are doing great if you are the step parent. Ultimately he is not your responsibility. I have two children and they have a step mother, but ultimately they are my kids. People who don't know the whole story are going to be quick to judge, and every one likes to be the parent, and everyone thinks their ideas are better. If the couselor isn't working maybe you need to try a different counselor. Is he biopolar, or just depressed? I have a friend who was diagnosed with bipolar at a very early age. No one will understand what he goes through emotionally except another bipolar person. The best thing anyone ever did for him was research the disease and at least try to learn about it and know what causes his brain to work the way it does. He is 26 now and still doesn't understand. I am sure your 8 year old doesn't understand why he is so unhappy when the majority of 8 year olds are. I have respect for you taking someone in as your own, especially someone with these kinds of health issues. Maybe his biological mom needs to be court ordered to go, because ultimately what is important is his well being and it sounds like she is not contributing to that. I hope things get better for you. Try not to take things so personally-- people have to completely understand the situation before they can even begin to judge.

What someone said about counselling might not be such a bad idea. Why I say this is that people seemed to have judged you on that site and just answered back to you. However as a person who has studied person centred counselling to a high level I know that it is about sitting back and listening to a person. That's what it sounds like you need at the moment. Not to be judged or told what to do, but just allowed to vent and say what you need to say knowing that there is someone listening and not judging you. Counselling allows you to say whatever you want to say without having the fear of being judged. Either that or a good friend, but then friends seem to advise us without actually just listening. I hope this doesn't anger you, but it is just my opinion.

I'm sorry, I know its hard when there is a child who has problems. So many people out there are going to blame you, it's unfortunate and people who have never had a difficult child will NEVER understand where you are coming from. Most of their child experience comes from having a so called "normal" child. I moved in with my adult daughter and her three sons some years back because she needed help with raising the boys and I was having some bad health problems but, long story short (sorry for the ramble) we have three boys and one of them, the middle boy is ADHD and the youngest boy is on the autism spectrum. We have come under attack by terrible mis-informed people who think WE are terrible people, terrible parents because of how the children act. We even had to quit taking the youngest in public because of his shrieking and out-of-control running around. It almost like he's crazy and you can NOT stop him. We can't use one of the leash harness things on him because he gets flat out hysterical in one. And he is too young for meds at only 4 years old. We have had people who have the utter nerve come up to us and tell us to control our child, to stop him from yelling, to make him behave. One awful stressful time, I lost it and told them, good luck with that, he's retarded. I hated it that I said that and it's not true but there are times when it's just too much. And no one gets it, not even people who come over for a visit to our home. Only those who live with him can possibly understand. The middle boy, the one with ADHD, we used to have to put one of those harnesses on him, the kind with the leash? I don't know if you've seen them but it was the only way we could keep him from taking off and running, into the street and acting like a hurricane coming through. He wasn't quite as bad as his little brother but we were so scared that he would get hurt. We had people come and say to us, is that really necessary about the harness and I'd say, yes it is if we want him to stay alive and not destroy things. Now, he is on meds, he is 8 now and he is somewhat better until they wear off and then, wow. People are cruel and they make our job as parents to special needs children even harder with their misinformed judgments and ignorance. All we can do is the best we can and it sounds like you are doing everything you can to help your step son with the counseling. There will never be any way to get his mother to cooperate though so don't even waste your time with her. And if you need to rant now and then and oh boy, don't we ever, then go for it. Those ignorant people will have to answer for their meanness one day but until then, all we can do is ignore them because there is no changing their closed minds.

I think you are doing a great job I know once my daughter who was four at the time started throwing food in burger king an no we do not throw food at home so I don't know where she got it from any way i asked her not to throw the food again an she did an I poped her hand not hard just to let her know no means no any some guy who don't know me cane over theating to call child abuse on me for tapping her on the hand my daughter is now 16 an guess wht I think that tap on her hand is the only one she got so how do i say this nice the heck what they say you know better don't let it bother you I also have 2 step daughters that as far as i an concern they are mine so if you need to talk or need advice i am not an expert but i did take care of ten kids at one time an they are all great kids

I know what site you are referring to, I am going to read the discussions. I know I left a comment, I hope you don't think I was judging you, I was not. I tried to give some advice about kids that age. Being s step parent is very, very hard especially when the other bio parent is not working with you. It is hard when they do what is best for themselves or out of spite to their ex, rather than working in the best interest of the child, and that includes discipline. You are in a very hard position and I feel sorry for the postition you are in. I wish I could give better advice, but I know you are in a hard postition, and his mom is not helping the situation at all. I believe she is certainly a big part of what is going on, and getting her to cooperate would be better for everyone, but that is so much easier said than done.

How do you react to the people that judge you? You ignore them camomom! I am a single mom and one of my daughter's was just impossible to deal with. I did the best I could. I sought advice and councelling and went along with teachers and later the law. her father did not back me. Raising her on my own with 3 other kids was very tough. Yes, there were times that I lost my cool...said things that I didn't mean etc. It is very very very frustrating. At one point we almost lost the roof over our head due to her antics. It was a tough time. I did my best to lead her in the right direction. I never abused her. I tried to ignore the judgements of others. In the end, a judge praised me on being a strong parent and this was in the face of losing my apartment. She had gotten arrested and the cop who arrested her actually went to bat for me so that we could stay where we were. She is older now and doing much better but those years were tough. Please stop kicking yourself. I've seen enough of your posts on here. I know you are a good and loving mom. You also are human and humans aren't perfect. It sounds to me as if you vented and there is nothing wrong with that.

camomom I remember that and I felt so sorry for you as those people did not even know you, so how could they judge? What'made' them judge and jury? you knew what you were doing and you' were doing the best you could . nobody should judge anyone' else specially in mylot. we should be supportive not critical of each other. Of course you love him and you are' doing the best you can,and with all his problems that cannot be easy either. HIs bio mom could also help A bit 'if she would.that is so sad.Maybe these people who gave you' such a bad time have never been taught to judge not,lest you be judged.

Hi Camomom... Wow I sure feel for you... I raised 4 step daughters starting when they were 8, 5, 3, and 2 and it really can be very very frustrating...especially when the bio mom wants nothing more than to cause a rift between you and the kids and the hubby and doesnt put the kids first which was also the same situation i was in...(they are all grown now and in their 20s) What makes it even more frustrating is that you not being biologically related to the kids means you have absolutely NO rights legally and very few people will consider your feelings AT all or listen to anything you have to say about the situation because you are an outsider even though you know that you know better than any of them what the situation is... Step parents tend to be pretty much ignored..especially in legal matters or medical matters... You have every right to be frustrated and getting on line and ranting about it is a good outlet if you ask me...I didnt have a computer back then so no option for that but i dont see anything wrong with it.... And from what you say about bio mom the kids are probably taught to disrespect you all the time at her house so it makes it really hard for you to get anywhere with them... I cant tell you the number of times I wanted to just give up and run away myself....but you cant do that cause they really do need you...and when they get older they will start to realize that you cared about them and were trying to take good care of them.

I'm sorry that happened, even the most innocent of situations being posted can cause an army of poeple to blame you for being unreasonable. You are doing what you can and it sounds like bio-mom could care less and there might be head games there too with your step son because mom doesn't want to be involved. From what I've seen they do the dirty work behind your back and are never really interested in the damage they are doing to their own children because they are justifing their own actions through the behavior that they are encouraging in their own children. I agree with what was said here that this should be all 3 parents getting involved and creating consistance there. I also agree what if problems continue, especially violent out breaks that this should be court ordered to have a mediator come to both the homes and see why his counciling isn't working. It's a hard pull on the heart when you see a child hurting. I understand this with all my heart and the sad part about it is you have to involve outside resources to get bio-mom to wake up and get a clue. Best of luck to you on this.

how does an eight year old behave? . just like any other immature person. you cant expect for an eight year old to behave as maturely as an eighty year old man.although what you are doing or trying to do is good,i think it's time to send him to live with his bio-mom. only in her presence could the child change. when he si not comfortable to live with you and your family, let him go.there is no corner for emotions in this case.if he continues to behave like this or doesn't want to go to his mom, then it's time to visit a boarding school.

hello camomom, It's a very hard challenge to every parent in the World if the child seems to be unstable or simply just misunderstood. I think you're a GREAT MOM, and these people who judges you are just nothing more than a bunch of hypocrites and jerks who i prefer to deal with their businesses and not others. probably there's something wrong with boy because of his attitude, some times the deeper the pain, the deeper the bad attitude goes..for me, something happened to the boy long ago that changed, it should be traced back and hope it could settle him..

yes you our right people should ask question first before they judge i to have a step-son like your and he was my biggest problem except for he would lie to his dad and tell him he saw me at the store with another man and was kissing and everything he pulled this trick 3 times and when it didnt work it would stomp his feet and hit his head on the wall call us all kinds of names no one could control him so we had to make a desicon and that was to put him in a place where it was structured all the time he had to earn points in the week or we couldn't visit and he didnt care he went 3 months before he wanted to see us. he still is in that place because when you let him out he cannot function he does thing so he can go back and when our insurnce ran out we had to give him to the state so he could stay on the boys ranch where he functions so don't feel bad get him help before he hurts one of you or some one else.

Hi! I have a little cousin who is creating a lot of difficult times to my aunt too. She is alway stressed about this. People just like to judge and they all think that they would be better parents. I guess you never know until you are in that situation. Try to not listen what everybody says. Just stay calm and give him his love like you are allready. In a few years may be it will all be a funny memory.