Controlling Spouses: Does that bother you?

I agree with you 100% I don't like the word and I don't like for someone to think or try to control me. That is when I loose it. No one should be controlling anyone in a relationship or even on a job for that matter.

some men flat get tiered of being in control but my late husband gave this advice to his boys when they got married and that was if you just shut up and do as you our told you will be married for the rest of your life and it much work because they all have been happily married for 20 years or more .and we had 15 years together .my dad also agreed with that him and mom have 60 years in

I think there's a beautiful poems or writing that explain why God create woman from Adam's rib. Not from his head to be the boss not from the feet bone that man can just step all over. From the rib, because rib is so close to the heart. So I don't want to control or being control in my marriage life.

My husband is my partner...not my boss or my superior. We respect each other, which I believe is necessary for a happy marriage. Some people are controlling, and some people like to be controlled...but that's not me. I'm an adult.

I am in a relationship right now and we are in our 8th month. We've been together in one house for two months. We sometimes had a misunderstanding but we never control each other. We listen to each others opinion and plan before to decide.

I think marriage especially should be an equal partnership. Sometimes this is hard if one partner is less aggressive, or more passive than the other. I think being a leader, and a controller are two different things. I personally do not do well in a controlling environment from anyone. Whether it be at work or home, I will butt heads for sure, if I think my own independence is being infringed on.

I don't think that a marriage should be about control - it should be a partnership. That being said, I do, in our relationship, make a lot more of the day-to-day decisions than my husband does - what we are going to eat, etc. But I don't think this is a control thing so much as a convenience thing.

I don't think it's about control. I don't think it's right to control anyone (even employees or workmates). Instead, it's more of who 'leads'. Regardless who leads the family decisions, it's a matter of how well they've talked about it with each other. No one should control nor be controlled. There's a lack of respect when you need to control your partner or your partner controls you. They are one unit, they should be able to work with each other without the need for power grabbing or need for knowing who's the 'boss'.

It does really bother to have a controlling spouse. It really pissed me off if my spouse is like that.

Well, if we look this 'Control' thing as a 'Command', maybe it will be different. Especially if we want to mention about 'Married'. I always write everything here base on my experience AND whatever I've read or seen by myself. =) In family, there must be one who leads the member, regardless what the gender is. So, it's something like driving the car all together. There must be one who drives the car and another passengers would be sitting beside and behind, and if all the passenger KNOW that the driver drives the car to wrong direction, there must be someone who should AMMEND him or Suggest him so the journey is going to real destination. So, the AMMENDMENT/SUGGESTION is likely to be 'Control' and I see that as one normal thing. =)

One thing that really bothers me is when I hear someone say that their partner "won't let" them do something. In my marriage, there are certain things that neither my husband nor I do out of respect for each other, but you do not hear either of us say that the other "won't allow" this or that. People are all individuals. I believe that when you are in a relationship, you have to compromise often, but neither person is above the other and both need to be respected. Attempting to control your partner shows a total lack of respect.

OR is it more of asking for something to get done, and then expecting it to get done, when they agree to do it? The term controlling relationship doesn't sit well with me. I am considered a demanding spouse by some. I work my butt off, all day long. I have a stay at home wife. I have a day job and an evening job, she has a child. I don't like to see dishes piled in the sink, so I ask her each day to be sure and clean up after her meals, and each day I end up doing the dishes either between my shifts or after my work. It irritates me, and she knows that, but she does nothing to change. I don't really understand how some one can be controlled by someone else, we all have the choice to live our lives as we please. Cheers.

i was controlled for 4 yrs by my ex husband,and i said that would never happen again,and it hasn't,i do what i want when i want,and if my partner does'nt like it(which he does'nt)it's tuff,this is how i am,like it or lump it

In a husband-wife relationship there shouldn't be any control over one or the other. This is not a husband or a wife pushing the buttons of the remote-control then wife or husband reacts like a robot. The relationship should be based on mutual love-trust and understanding-respect but not on controlling. If it is based on controlling, then the controlled party won't be happy, even though they claim so. In a company for work to be done we need to have task-orientated leader to control the workers so that job can be accomplished. However task-orientated manager cannot control the subordinates like as if there are slaves or machines. They need to include an element of human understanding.

I agree with you there as i think noone should try to control anyone or be controlled either.I do not think that anyone should try to change anyone either as i think that you marry a person for what and who they are and not what you would like them to be.

Hello kevchua. I think that to some extent, we should exercise control over our spouses. After all, when we get married we give ourselves to our spouses. I think it only becomes bad when couples control each other too much. On the other hand, lack of control could also ruin a marriage. In short, there should always be a balance between control and freedom.

I believe in a relationship, there are several stages. The first stage - courting. At this stage, I think most couples wont mind being controlled by each other. They regard it as 'love.. care'. Second stage - marriage. Honeymoon stage - Still don't mind being controlled. I want to know where you are, you want to know where I am. What I do, what you do.. everything's reported to each other. After honeymoon stage - I don't care where you are, you don't care where I am. What you did, I don't know. Do you know what I've done? No you don't. No more control over each other. That is the way I persive what control meant. And if you ask me, I'd rather have someone 'controlling' me a little so that I know, I am still worth it...

When 2 individual agreeing in tying the knots to live as one, aren't they consider adults? why do we need to control adults? I thought control (can't even used that) or better is advise if more for kids. I don't understand why nowadays human like to be control? or using the power of control? Aren't we adult enough to consider and work on our own? It's actually quite sad that we find those in 'control' will have better marriage, but those who always wanted to work the relationship based on 'trust' and 'freedom' will turn sour. Sometimes, a couple take advantage of the partner's trust, and therefore making all wild experiences. I have friends who got their wives 'controlling' them, and giving them all sorts of 'rules' to follow such as 3 calls a day, if out without partners, they are to call home every alternate hours, it's more like a reporting than just being be themselves. I also have friends, that don't really do the 'reporting' but more to call and inform but most of the later failed big time in their marriage or relationship.

i think that a good relationship comes out from a good harmonious "give and take" of both partners. nobody should resort to controlling the other partner if there is a give and take relationship. the husband may be considered the head of the family but it does not mean that the wife's opinions do not matter anymore or vice versa. i believe that someone "controlling" another partner does not respect and love the latter. if this kind of relationship exists, i would say that this relationship has been reduced to something like a tyrant-serf relationship.

We can not completely say no to control. Just as the report,if someone keeps controling others,it could be sweet when controlled by his or her spouse. Because sometimes it means care and no loneliness. In I opinion, everything need balance. Here the balance is between controlling and being controlled.