Do I have the right to be upset?
By phoenix1344
@phoenix1344 (698)
United States
September 30, 2009 10:04am CST
I have a speech today in this club I am part of and I invited my boyfriend to come and be there to support me. He said he would be there. Well, the best way for him to be there because both my Mom and I work in the general area the club is at, my boyfriend usually just carpools with us in the morning.
Well this morning he didn't call me when he was supposed to, so I called him, and he then says he wont be getting a ride with us. Why? Because he stayed up all night and now is too tired.
He COULD take the bus out, which would be fine because he would have to take the bus for his 2 pm college class anyways. But I just had this feeling he wasn't going to really try to be there for my speech especially when he says 'He will try to be there'.
And when I finally confront him about how trying usually means he wont be there, he goes 'Well I've seen you speak before I dont have to be there today, do I? And you can always redo the speech for me later'.
So I leave his house really upset and eventually call him telling him that he better be there and trying isn't good enough. He sounded put off by that and I'm starting to feel like 'the nagging girlfriend' but he did say he would be right?
Do you think I have the right to be upset?
Which, by the way, staying up all night before we hang out is something he usually does. So that isn't a new thing either.
12 responses
@RiujinZero (58)
• United States
30 Sep 09
As the others have said. Yes, you have every right to be upset. The very least he could have done was let you know ahead of time. But the very fact he didn't shows that he's taking you for granted expecting you to simply "understand" whatever excuse he comes up with.
It may seem like I'm blowing this out of proportion but take a moment and think about it. I know it may seem harsh but the very fact that he's done it before just backs up my claim.
I would do some soul searching on this one, I'm sure if you do you'll realize that you need to confront him about this. Afterall, your partner should support you in everything you do and make an effort to understand why you are upset. He doesn't have to agree but at least make an effort to understand. Sounds to me like he's doing neither.
1 person likes this
@sredith (239)
• United States
1 Oct 09
You actually are seeming like a nagging girlfriend. While this speech may have been important to you it's really not something so major that you should have gotten so upset and started a major argument over it. Save your anger for the real issues that I have a sneaking suspicion you're going to face in this relationship (sooner or later.)
@phoenix1344 (698)
• United States
2 Oct 09
Really? Well I have to diagree with you. I don't think it is nagging when he gave his word to be there. Had he come up with a good reason, then of course I would understand. But I have no sympathy for his lack of sleep because he had every opportunity to get sleep and he didnt take it.
He also told me he would be there for sure and then never showed. So I do believe I have every right to be upset. But you are right, there are always bigger problems then the ones at hand. My Grandpa ended up in the hospital yesterday afternoon and I didn't care anymore about the issue.
So obviously during certain circumstances, things like that aren't worth fighitng over.
Although I am curious, what is your sneaking suspicion about us facing 'real' issues?
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
1 Oct 09
And when I finally confront him about how trying usually means he wont be there, he goes 'Well I've seen you speak before I dont have to be there today, do I? And you can always redo the speech for me later'.
are you KIDDING ME?! OMG I would have slapped him right in his mouth! and yes you have every right IMO to be ticked off...the way I see it is that its not about him hearing the speech but beign there to be supportive of you and because you would like for him to be there..ON TOP OF the fact that he said he WOULD be there....man I would have been beyond ticked off in all honesty 
are you KIDDING ME?! OMG I would have slapped him right in his mouth! and yes you have every right IMO to be ticked off...the way I see it is that its not about him hearing the speech but beign there to be supportive of you and because you would like for him to be there..ON TOP OF the fact that he said he WOULD be there....man I would have been beyond ticked off in all honesty 
@happy6162 (3001)
• United States
1 Oct 09
You have the right to be upset with him because he did promise he would be there for you. Telling him he better be there and that trying was not good enough is not the way to handle it. Explain that giving this speech means a lot to you but it would mean even more if he was there with you.
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
1 Oct 09
You have every right to be upset. However you need to avoid the nagging girlfriend attitude since would only put the guy in the defensive mode. Let him understand how important his presence on this occasion since this would make him want to attend and not because you are requiring him to. If he said he's coming then give him the benefit of the doubt.
@baisampayans (3)
• India
1 Oct 09
yes, certainly you have the right to be upset. when he has given a word, then he should keep his word. If he was not feeling like attending your speech, he should have told you straight forward.
@embattledsparkle (1072)
• United States
30 Sep 09
I think that since he told you that he would be there, that you definately have a right to be upset. He broke his word and that hurts! I've been in a similar situation where my partner has broken their word and it makes things feel strained between us. My stance is if you said you're going to be there, be there!
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
30 Sep 09
So he said he would be there and then after staying up all night he backed it up to 'I'll TRY to be there'? If that's the case then, yes, you absolutely have the right to be upset. If someone commits to doing something then that's that, unless there's some unforeseen event that truly prevents their attendance. Choosing to stay up all night when you know full well you have a commitment in the AM is not a good enough excuse. He sounds like a bit of a jerk and maybe some space would be a good idea.
@Rainegurl (2156)
• Philippines
1 Oct 09
Hi, phoenix
Yes, I think you have the right to be upset. Aside from breaking his word about being there, what he said when you confronted him sounds somewhat insensitive. So, if he does not show up during your speech, just try to talk to him why you got upset.
Cheer up and good luck with the speech 
Yes, I think you have the right to be upset. Aside from breaking his word about being there, what he said when you confronted him sounds somewhat insensitive. So, if he does not show up during your speech, just try to talk to him why you got upset.
Cheer up and good luck with the speech 
@marilynjose70 (32)
• Philippines
30 Sep 09
yes you have the right to feel upset...
if your a man,stood up with your word...
if you say you will be there,be there...
if there is a reason just tell before hand so you will understand...
@angelswings1014 (67)
• Philippines
1 Oct 09
Yes, you have the right to be upset. However, you have to remind yourself from now on that promises are sometimes made to be broken. I was just like you before. It takes time for me to fully cope up with this. I'm sure you will in due time. Now this is the time that you have to always be prepared for this kind of situations and he attitude of your boo. I believe you can do it.
Just explain to him that you are upset and hurt. Do this is a calm manner and not as a nagger girlfriend. All guys hate it most when they are nagged.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
1 Oct 09
Everybody would be upset with that or he won't understand that he broke a promise and that was not right. Hope everything is fine now.
