Update to I don't know how much more I can take....
By babyangie27
@babyangie27 (5176)
United States
October 2, 2009 6:16pm CST
I got in to see the regular doctor today. He could tell just by looking at me I was still a mess. He asked me tons of questions, and I am sure he asked the same one once or twice as I tend to speak pretty fast when I am nervous.
He agreed I had had a severe panic attack due to a large amount of fear because of my daughter's unusual seizure. He asked whether I felt like hurting myself or killing myself and i explained to him( he is not the guy I seen the last time) That I was a recovering self injurer so I think about hurting myself often,but not to kill myself but to relieve my emotional pain,and he understood,which surprised me. I am hoping maybe the medical field is beginning to understand that self injury is not as small as it once was,and maybe they can help people who do this.
Anyhow back to the appointment. They said my blood presser was high but the doctor agreed that it was due to my anxiety and also the horrible pain in my jaw due to bad teeth that I have been dealing with for 2 months now.
He asked what I wanted to do since he is no psych doctor. He asked if I thought going back on my previous meds would do me good,I agreed and he said he would write a script up for me and he wants to see me back in 2 weeks to see how the dosage is doing. He also prescribed me with Clonopin for my panic attacks until my Celexa can begin to flow threw my body. This happens to be the same meds that I give my daughter when she starts having a seizure(ironic in a way).
So I am starting the road to recovery again,I can only hope these meds work and I can somewhat have a normal life again,well as normal as my life can be. He also had me speak to the social worker there and I will be seeing a psychiatrist to talk about what goes on in my day to day life.
I am not one to enjoy taking pills but I am hopeful these will do some good,and the therapy sessions will as well.
I wanted to thank you all that read my last discussion and commented and said prayers and sent loving thoughts for not only myself but my entire family.
I have been here 3 years but just started getting active again her a few months ago. The Lot as some call it has done so many wonderful things for me,and all the members have as well. You all have helped me more than I can ever say. I am sure i will still have a few bumps along the way but I know now I wont be alone,I have you all. Thank you and I will update you again soon.
5 people like this
18 responses
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I am so glad that it turned out well! Try to relax and let the medication work, because it will work better if you can relax as much as possible. I know that is much easier said than done, but it will help.
Having a doctor that not only understands what you are going through but also is actively taking steps to help you cope with all the things you are dealing with in your life is a major step forward! If the psychiatrist is half as good as this doctor seems to be, then you will be doing better in no time. Well, it won't really be that fast, but it won't take forever like it seems now. Did the social worker have anything to say that might help your situation, either financially or with suggests that might help reduce your stress level?
Normal life? What is that? You and I are too eccentric to really want a normal life, anyway, because that would be much too boring!
2 people like this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
3 Oct 09
This is true normal would be far to boring indeed!
I plain to speak more in depth with the social worker soon and hope they can help me with those very things you touch upon,the time today was only short because of the large amount of people being seen in the office.
So for now I am excited,nervous and kind of looking forward to everything,ya know?2 people like this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
3 Oct 09
Yes, I do know what you mean. I am glad that you will be able to talk more in depth with the social worker soon. I hope that he or she will be able to give you some suggestions or help.
1 person likes this
@malamar (779)
• Canada
3 Oct 09
Hang on there, babyangie, maybe there is an end in sight to this turmoil you have been going through. Even if the medication takes time to work, it must be comforting in a big way, to have a doctor who is actually listening to you.
You need to get some of this off your chest (like you are doing here), but you also need to talk to someone with experience in this field. Either the social worker or the psychiatrist can at the very least, maybe offer you a new perspective.
Keep in touch, we are on your side!
2 people like this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
3 Oct 09
Thank you malamar,I hate to think I am a burden to my friends here on the Lot but I am grateful to know that you all are here for me during the rough times in life as well as the happy times.
I am looking forward to speaking with the professionals about my life,it is kind of nerve racking and exciting all at the same time.
1 person likes this
@malamar (779)
• Canada
3 Oct 09
Oh babyangie, you are not a burden to anyone. Don't even think that for a moment. I am so happy to hear that you have found a Doctor who is willing and able to listen to you.
You have a lot on your plate, and nobody could ever fault you for seeking answers and finding a better way. I hope there may be people reading this who understand that seeking help is not a weakness; but, quite the contrary, is a sign of great strength.
Good luck with your meds, and much good luck to your appointment with the Social Worker or the Psychiatrist, whichever. Remember, your honesty will help them get to the bottom of the stress and anxiety you have been experiencing.
Hang tough, my young friend, and kudo's to you!
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
4 Oct 09
Sweet sorry for taking so long to get here at the moment I am not in a good way and sleeping a lot
I am so glad that you got to see this Doctor and that he will help you and I really hope that things will look up for you now and of course for your little Girl and hubby to (give him my Love, won't you)
I would like you to give little one a big Hug from me and I am sending you warm loving Hugs and lots of Love to
Now remember I am here shout if you need me ok
Love you Sweet
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
5 Oct 09
Sweetheart I will tell you what I keep being told, rest when you have the Chance do not fight it as the sleep will help you and I know now it does instead of fighting it I stayed in bed most the weekend and it has certainly helped, so please rest while you can
Love to you all from this end, please do not worry about me Sweet I am picking up again the Meds are working love you
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
5 Oct 09
Gabs I hope you are doing well I do worry about you too you know. The hubby says hello and thank you for your support. Little one is at school but I will tell her when she gets home.
Today is not a good day for me either and the meds do make me tired as well,hence the reason it took so long to respond to you my dear. Love ya and lots of hugs and prayers
1 person likes this
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I am so glad you sought help. I will continue to remember you in prayer and I want you to know that you can message me anytime...I go to work at about 1:00 pm. and return about 10:00 pm. But otherwise I am here most mornings and late nights until about midnight if you need to talk. love you.
2 people like this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
3 Oct 09
Love you too Debra and happy belated birthday. Sorry i didn't get a chance to comment you as yesterday was exhausting to me in so many different ways.
I will be sure and PM you from time to time. 
1 person likes this
@indybaty (368)
• Panama
4 Oct 09
That is wonderful news baby thank God!
Im glad that you wer able to take your medication and finally you seem to have a doctor who really listened and observed you instead of giving you a brush away.
Im sure now it will be all for the better, and when you take meds they can help you a great deal as well.
How is your daughter?
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
5 Oct 09
My daughter has been doing well thank you for asking. The medication makes me calm but also sleepy so that is why I am so late in responding to you and others.
It is nice to have a doctor that listens,far too often doctor just brush you off or are in too much of a hurry to care.
@indybaty (368)
• Panama
5 Oct 09
Im very pleased and glad to read that she is doing well now. Yes, those type of medications tend to do that, dont worry about answering so soon my friend, your life is first.
Things will get better I know. Your child is very lucky to have you my dear. Even though you are breaking and it hurts U to bits you stay strong. And Im very fortunate to have met such a woman as you baby.
If you need anything at all from me to wich I can provide, dont hesitate in letting me know as well.
Take care baby.
1 person likes this
@climber7565 (2579)
• United States
4 Oct 09
This was rough for me to try and reply to. I realize this media maybe a nice platform that helps you cope with your situation. I would be interested as to how does your doctor see this, you employing this media for talking things out. Is this media your scape, your outlet or your way out or getting around to talking to the right people for a solution to your health? I agree moral support helps so I share your thoughts on that.
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
5 Oct 09
I didn't mention Mylot to my doctor but I will be speaking with the psychiatrist about it. Mylot has helped me quite a bit and I think it is healthy for me as I do better online then say face to face with unknown people.
@climber7565 (2579)
• United States
6 Oct 09
oh I can see this media as platform to unload and vent, an outlet, but what happens when they can't keep the site open? or when people's opinions are not what you like to hear? you must talk to your therapist about ways to manage your situation and relay on a consistent media.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
That's the way it is, one step at a time. It really is tough being sick, I know the feeling. I have to monitor my diabetes every single day, it's just too taxing at times to be worried but it's really good to be hopeful and to be able to share the worries with someone.
Do take care of yourself. We'll get back to our lives soon.
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I sure hope I can get back to a normal life for me anyway soon.
It is hard I have to monitor not only my own illness now but also my daughters.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Oct 09
angie I do feel for you and hope things will be better for
you now the doctor has put you on those meds. Panic attacks
are just no fun. I used to have them in this huge warehouse
grocery where there were so many people shopping,and all of
a sudden I would feel paralyzed and my heart would just pound as I felt like all those people were coming at me. my hubby would led me out,check out my groceries then sit down and just talk
to me. then he would get sandwiches for us And something to drink . but the talking in a calm voice seemed to help me to defuse.I would finally be Able to breathe again. now with you you have so much stress with your daughter, wow, it is good for you to get some help from a mental health doctor so he can hear what all you are going through. angie if my prayers willdo any good I send them to you and to your daughter that things will get better and better for you. love hugs.
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
11 Oct 09
Thanks Hatley I do appreciate the prayers and such.
My husband tries to help with my panic attacks but even his own way of helping me calm down doesn't work.
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
3 Oct 09
Thanks ma you have helped me out alot with dealing with all this stuff.
I hate to take the pills but if it works it is worth it in the end.
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I think that you have done a great thing. By taking the time and steps to take care of yourself, you will be able to take even better care of your daughter and be more available to her emotionally when she needs you.
I take medication for anxiety and depression. It took me a very long time to admit that it is something I really needed to do not only for myself but for my family as well. My doctor told me that one of the most important things to remember is that even if I am feeling good, I need to remain on the medication until he tells me different to lessen the chance of worse problems in the future. I can't say that I take the meds as I should, but I do take them most of the time.
I think that the fact that you agreed to talk to someone about your day to day life may be beneficial to you. If that doesn't seem to help at all, be sure to tell your doctor. Personally, I found that it doesn't help me to talk to a therapist because it makes me too uncomfortable. Instead, I write.
Now, I have to ask you this. How is your daughter doing since the last seizure? I really hope that she is doing as well as she can be doing.
I will continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers and I really look forward to hearing how things improve for you over the next several months. You are begining to climb out of that dark hole now, and i think you will do great.
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
3 Oct 09
she is doing well so far. No more seizure activity and dealing with taking the meds as best she can.
I normally don't like to talk to people (in the offline world) that I don't know but I will at least give this a shot. If it doesn't work out speaking to them I will find something else. So far Mylot has helped me tremendously threw out this whole thing.
@susie34668 (71)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I have been on klonopin for 13 years now for panic attacks, seizures, anxiety, and stress. Since taking it I still have had panic attacks on a scale of 1 - 10, 10, when they have lasted for 3 days and I have passed out and had seizures.
My therapy is talking to a fellow sufferer on the phone when one happens. My husband puts the phone to my ear and she calmly talks to me until the episode goes down to a 3 or 4, then I can cope.
Find a telephone friend who will be there for you.
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
3 Oct 09
Wow that is amazing how you can deal with all that. I commend you for having the strength to deal with the panic attack and seizures.
I kind of fear taking the clonopin because my daughter takes them,and I am wondering if it won't somehow make me have a seizure or something if I don't take them.
@susie34668 (71)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I only take one at night unless I am traveling to England on my own, to visit family, or when my husband goes into hospital with his heart and diabetes. Then I will take extra ones.
I haven't increased the dosage in all these years. Taking one pill a night I don't have a problem with it.
Susie.
1 person likes this
@ehsanji (503)
• Pakistan
3 Oct 09
I am feeling so sorry for you! May Allah take all the problems away from your life and give you a happy and healthy life, AMEN!
Sometime God puts us to a test and wants to see how we react while we are going through trouble. You might have seen most of the people saying "GOD, ONLY YOU CAN HELP ME, BECAUSE I HAVE NO ONE ELSE". Remember one thing, the reward for this pain that we go through in this world isn't necessarily given in this world, as you know, there is hereafter as well. But the good thing is that you have good doctors. Imagine what would happen to those who have got no doctors, no medicine to get treatment of such imbalances?
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
5 Oct 09
Thank you for the well wishes my friend. I lean heavy on God during times like these but sometimes my mind doesn't always agree with me. Hopefully now with the aid of the meds I can get back to a somewhat normal life.
@bettydeng5 (1822)
• China
3 Oct 09
hi,babyangie, I'm a newer one here, I'm sorry to heat that you had a severe panic attach because of the large amout of fear, to my personal think, I felt you were a kind mother, and you endure the pain for yourself. I hope you really can come back to your normal life, and your familers live a happy life. I think you will better and better after your treatment. Best wishes.betty
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
3 Oct 09
Welcome to Mylot Betty and thank you for your kindness. I do think I take alto of guilt regarding my daughter and maybe that is why I want to take the whole thing she deals with and fix it myself.
I am trying hard to get back to a somewhat normal life and although I hate taken meds daily I must do what i can for my family.
@kara18 (134)
•
4 Oct 09
Let me just share this thoughts from Harriet Beecher Stow,
"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you,
till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer,
never give up then, for that is just the place and time
that the tide will turn."
You have all the love & understanding from your family & friends.
My prayers for you on your road to recovery.
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
5 Oct 09
Thank you and I do hope my tides will turn soon. Things are not great today but everyday is a bit better.
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
3 Oct 09
We might not always know what to say and what to do, but we are here and we will listen. It is always nice to have somewhere to vent and talk about things that you cannot always say to loved ones. I am glad you are comfortable here, use it to your advantage, I do. We will work through things together. Just know that you are not alone. I also PM you back.
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I PM ed you back too Yes i think Mylot is very therapeutic in so many ways. I feel so at home here. Really online is a great place for me because i don't have all that social anxiety I deal with. I am not judged based on looks but on my words.
Yes i think Mylot is very therapeutic in so many ways. I feel so at home here. Really online is a great place for me because i don't have all that social anxiety I deal with. I am not judged based on looks but on my words.
@carpenter5 (6782)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I've been on the Celexa for almost 4 months now. It took a while to get things situated with me and we had to up the dose, as the 10mg tablets weren't quite enough. I'm on 20mgs now, and my emotions are beginning to even out a little. I'm not going to the pyschiatrist either. My Family Doctor was more than happy to help me out and did the same as your did and asked a ton of questions. Please dear, do what the dr asks and keep takin your meds. We want you well and whole my friend!
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
3 Oct 09
Thanks carpenter my dear friend.
The pills are 20 mg and I got sick last night taking it,not sure if it was the dosage or maybe something I ate. When i took Celexa before i was only on 10 mg so I might be better off to cut the ones I have and try that.
It is refreshing to have a Doctor that is caring and all last time I didn't have that. The other doctor made me feel awful and made it seem like it was all in my head,and in a way it is but not the way he was putting it.
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I just took the Celexa a few minutes ago as night has fallen here in Michigan. It is nice to have a doctor that truly cares for his patients and wants to help. I don't feel so dumb now knowing he understand much of what i said. I am doing my best to hang in there and thank you dawn.
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
3 Oct 09
Thanks Louc74. I hate asking for help because not everyone is so understanding about it. I could tell you some horror stories about another site I used that were pretty hard on me at times.
But mylot is so different and I am so glad I started coming here more often.
