kids and spanking

The spank or not to spank debate is something that in my line of work we've covered quite often and we've found, through a lot of research that children that are spanked tend to end up with some sort of problem from it. And I'm not talking about kids that are beaten, I'm talking about kids that are spanked and nothing more. Children end up fearing their parents and they end up thinking that violence and hitting is the way to solve all of their problems. Children that are spanked actually misbehave more than children that are not spanked. There are PLENTY of other ways to discipline without having to raise your hand or your belt to your kids. I can't figure out why adults demand respect. If someone strange just hauled up and whacked an adult for doing something 'wrong' they'd be hit back and they'd probably call the cops for assault. We throw a fit if a man smacks his wife around for misbehaving, but it's OK to smack your kids around for misbehaving? I fail to see the logic in why it's OK to hit your kids. Whether you call it spanking or hitting, you're still hitting your kids and that is NOT OK.

Good Evening Bounce First of all, let's make clear that we are taling about a spanking and not abuse. Personally for me (I can only talk for myself) I feel that God has given me a brain and good common sense to punish my children without having to hit them. I also feel that it depends on the age of the child. When children are young, maybe five and under a little spanking (spank on the buttocks, arm or leg with hand only) could be the most efficient especially if you are trying to keep them safe. For instance if you have talked to your child about playing with matches or staying away from hot stove. If you have incidences where they do not listen and do things that put them in harms way then you might have to spank them a little to make your point but then explain why you did what you did so that they may see why it happened and hopefully deter them from repeating the action. As they grow older they are more able to comprehend things and things and so you explain to the what behavior and things are expected e.g. to be respectful, clean their room etc. If they decide not to obey then after five years old i believe the best punishment to give is to take things they like away for a certain amount of time. The length of time depends on what they did. If they didn't clean room then take cell phone and computer etc until they do. If they were disrespectful then for longer periods of time. As most parents of older children know, spanking does not work for most children after five and all it does is build resentment within child and the child parent relationship can start to deteriorate. I have a 13 1/2 and a 16 1/2 and when they were little they were spanked a couple of times, again only when it regarded to things or doing things that would hurt them. As they grew older I did not spank them but took their favorite items away and it's not something that I've had to do a lot. When I want my girls to do something, I explain to them why and the benefits and consiquences of not doing those things e.g. cleaning your room, taking a bath, not doing well in school and getting a good education. My kids are not perfect and neither am I. It's a learning process and just when you think you have a stage down, they enter another. I beleive that if some of today's parents would not let their little ones (1-5 years old) rule and control them (and I've seen toddlers control full grown adults) and spank them when necesary then maybe just maybe they would not grow up to be the unruly and disrepectful youths that we have in our society (and not youths are this way but I'm sure we can agree that too many are).

I was raised when spanking was the way to discipline a wayward child. I got more spanking than I should have. But I do believe in very discriminating spanks. I believe it should be used as a last resort. I used it and my kids are very well adjusted as are my grandkids whom I also spanks when all else failed. I also believe that when a child reaches the age that you can reason with them better it is time to stop spanking. It also depends on the child. Some time it takes a spanking to get that child's attention. I don't think that a child should be beaten with a belt or any thing else but the hand or with anger.

hi bounce people have been saying that for centuries aboutthe kids act worst today, so kids and people do not change much over the centuries. a few qick swats on the seat is one thing,but many parents spand in anger and it turns into a real punishment like you might want a criminal to get. no hard spankings and beatings are child abuse and must not be perpetrated against little kids. spanking light is one thing,that is discipline, teaching. beating is punishment and cruelty.

I grew up just fine with spanking. I think there's a fine line between spanking and beating your children to an extent, though. I think the no spanking-give time outs instead approach is starting to show it's effects on children, which seem to be turning out a very disrespectful, sense of entitlement sort of attitude in a lot of children. Now, I realize that children are individuals, and I'm not trying to say that this represents all children out there. But, growing up...we weren't like this.

yes i think sometimes its needed. but then explanation should come right after why they were spanked. and the explanation should be understood by the child.

Same here. I just don't understand "timeout," do yo9u? Somehow, I can't think a kid will fear time out as much as a spanking. I agree with you. I got spanked. I'm OK.

Hi bounce, I would not be surprised if this was true as I have always been strongly opposed to spanking. The parents are the adults and resorting to spanking only tells a child that violence is okay. My parents raised nine children without having to resort to spanking and we have always been a close family who loved our parents dearly. My wife and I raised three boys the same way and had no major problems of any kind and my siblings did the same. My three sons are all married with families of their own and I feel sure that they will continue in the same way. I know there are those with differing opinions, but I believe spanking to be wrong. Blessings.

Most kids who were spanked were able to cope with the experience (there's always resentment and humiliation involved of course). The effects on the personality may not be easily discernible, but I believe it does affect a child negatively. Even if a spanked child doesn't end up all screwed up, spanking in itself is said to be an ineffective form of discipline. It's even called lazy parenting because it's so easy to resort to it to discourage a child from bad behavior. However, good behavior is promoted by an external factor, when parents should endeavor to instill an intrinsic desire to for correct behavior. I'm all for discipline and letting children know that actions have consequences, but I'm not convinced that spanking is the way to go.

I don't. I got spanked when I screwed up. So did my DH. He got spanked as well as his large family of brothers and sisters. I think it's when a child grows up with no boundaries or boundaries that are flexing constantly that the child has problems.

I do not feel at all that kids would grow up with problems because of spanking - as long as it isn't excessive. Kids who are borderline beat on a daily basis I do believe will have problems... who wouldn't! haha I used to get spankings... and they were the good old fashioned kind (they hurt!) and I got them on a daily... no, twice daily... eh, lets go with 5x or more - ok, so I was a bad kid and my punishments were spankings and sent to my room/grounded... and we did this clean up til I was 11 or 12 - well the groundings went on after that... anyway... My mom and I weren't the best of friends from when i was like 10 and older. We'd fight constantly. I hated her, she hated me and so on and so forth. I can promise you that my "disliking" my mother had NOTHING to do with the spankings. nothing at all. It was about her and my dad getting divorced and her getting remarried so soon - and I held that resentment for a good 9 years or so. Too long. Too long. Now that I'm a Mom, I just don't care for the spanking. I notice that most of the time I feel the urge to spank my child is when I'm really worked up or stressed out all ready. So I make it a point not to go there. I will never again spank my child out of anger - THAT'S when I think it starts causing problems... which, my Mom did from time to time - but I knew I was egging her on and am strong enough to not hold that against her. My Jossy gets a nice bum tap from time to time - but most of the time I can find more effective ways of punishing. Hitting just isn't always necessary. PLUS I found, when she was getting more spankings, she was hitting other kids more because "my mommy does it!" OH NO!!!! haha

i was smacked as a child and i've grown up just fine,i've also been known to smack my kids aswell,there's nothing wrong in giving kids a small smack,what i don't agree with is the belt or hairbrush etc,i'd never do that

So, for this issue on spanking, I guess it's a matter of positive reinforcement (getting rewarded for doing something) versus negative reinforcement (doing something to avoid punishment or "stimulus"). I really think that which course a parent takes should really be dependent on the child. Children will respond differently to different punishments or other disciplining techniques. The key is finding out which one actually gets through to the child (i.e. if a child continues to do something after being spanked, then obviously spanking is not the answer; but if it works, then hey, go ahead and do it). Personally, I think that there are better ways to discipline a child than spanking. I know it's not a beating or an abuse, but still, light hitting, I don't think that's the way to go. Why? All my life, my parents use negative reinforcement, from spanking to constant nagging and lecturing, even if it's the smallest insignificant thing in the world (like dropping an empty plastic cup on the floor). I don't respond well to either of those things; it just gets me angry. I respond better to positive reinforcement. If they knew that, I'd have a better relationship with them. (FYI, my relationship with everyone else in the world is completely fine.)

I don't believe reasonable spanking for punishment is abuse, but I do believe it should be a last resort, and I believe it should be considered and for a reason, not just out of anger. Sadly some parents do not do this as discipline but just as a response to their frustration. I am not talking about abuse or beating, but just the fact that spanking in anger to get your own anger out is not the same as taking them aside and giving them a spank as a last resort because you feel it is the appropriate way to discipline them. I learned this from my mother. I don't consider myself abused (atleast not physically)or beaten, but I do know when she hit me, on the whole, it was just her lashing out in anger which had more to do with her own issues than me, and it would be for the slightest thing. I didn't obey her because I had been taught the error of my ways through this, I obeyed her I learned that she couldn't be trusted, and was not a safe place for me to go to, and wasn't in control of herself. My mother always said 'well, it never did me any harm'. Yes it did, because you passed it on to your kids, who grew up feeling worthless because you told them they were. So in my case it was coupled with emotional abuse. I think maybe this is the key - if a child is spanked for discipline in the context of a loving home it can be appropriate guidance for them. Without that context, in a home where the child doesn't know they are loved or safe, I think that is maybe when damage is done.

I believe the opposite. Those who haven't tried little spanking as part of displine can make a kid spoiled and hard headed but i didn't say that i tolerate spanking. What i am trying to say is that there's nothing wrong to give your child a little spank when she/he done wrong so she/he will be aware about things that are not right to do but this should be done with love because a child will feel if that kind of spank is with love or just hurting ( well if its hurting to much then that's the wrong thing) and shouldn't done infront of the many. After spanking you should then explain and talk why she/he deserve to have a little spank. Through this way she/he will understand why and no bitterment or angry feeling when growing up.Teaching your kids in a right way is a better guide for them to grow up nice and good person. However i didn't say this will applied to all kids. Its still depend on how good you displine your kids as you have your own way but beating is a big no no no to me, well that's a different story of course.

Different kids need different punishement

I don't think spanking can cause such a thing. I did get spank a lot when I was young (though not as much as my other siblings) We're young, we make mistakes. Spanking was a reward for being mischievous. Thanks to that, we realized what's wrong and what's not and grow to be us now days. I don't blame spanking, it's not torture, it just that parents don't know how to deal with our attitude. Torture is different. If someone blame spanking for his or her bad behaviour, they better think again and look further.

I believe it is the opposite. Children who never get spanked grow up with attitude problems. My parents spanked me when I was little and I think it helped discipline me. Of course, there are limits to the spanking. I prefer spanking kids only on the hands and occasionally on the butt if the child is behaving very badly. But I would never slap a kid's face because that is too personal and would surely make kids feel bitter and resentful.

I have read a lot of times that kids should not be spanked. All you need to do is to talk to them and explain them very well what they have done. But sometimes, one has to spank because most of the kids now are so hard to discipline.

there is tittle truth, but if think the boy hitting action is not good for his psychological development, children are growing more in need of love i was not an act of violence.