Judging by appearance
By Pose123
@Pose123 (21635)
Canada
October 8, 2009 7:21pm CST
It is natural for us to judge people,and it happens without our even thinking about it. We take one look and summarize a whole person as overweight, pretty, stylish, sloppy. This habit comes from the mind's need to understand the world in order to be able to function without becoming overwhelmed. When we judge, we are looking for applicable information, trying to determine whether the person approaching is a threat, an ally, or someone we don't need to worry about. This way of looking at people may be necessary in a dangerous context, but should not be, in our daily lives and in reading the people we meet in our everyday life.
If you have ever dismissed someone at first glance, only to have them become a dear friend once you got to know them, you know the hazards of the judgment cycle firsthand. An experience like that may have led you to soften your natural tendency to believe your first impressions. We will always notice things about the people we meet, but as we become more conscious of the shortcomings of judgment, we won't be satisfied with our surface observations. We may notice that someone is driving an expensive car, but we will decide whether to befriend her based on getting to know her over time. We will not rule out a friendship with someone with messy hair, especially if he turns out to have a great sense of humor and a kind heart. Liking or disliking a person is a choice you will naturally make, but it will be after you have gotten to know them.
Next time you notice yourself judging somebody, try to send love, light, or blessings to the person you were judging. Then try to listen to them openly or look them in the eye and learn something about them. If this is not easy for you, remember not to judge yourself either. Trust that with practice, you will get rid of those habits and as you do, you will find a whole new dimension opening up to you, allowing you to see beyond the surface and into the very essence of the people you meet.
2 people like this
13 responses
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
10 Oct 09
I tend to get this feeling about someone that is instinctual. I do feel that if a person lets say smells, and she does look clean, that no one told her about certain things such as washing somewhere else and no matter what I never send thoughts of love, etc. over their way. It sounds as if I am trying to use a form of sorcery on them, force them to like me. I am the type of person who also looks at the results of what they gone through. For instance, if the person is obese and looks sloppy, and they are not dressed well, I do not assume that they are a slob, I assume right away that they are poor and if they had made enough money, they would have gotten the right food and would have had a decent job.
I never had the experience of hating someone because of their ethic group, etc.and then they becoming my best friend. Never happened, never will because I am not that emotional on the first meeting I am just calm. But sometimes people judge someone favorably because they assume that people who are fat are jolly, people who are dark skinned are better mothers, people who are Far Eastern are more family oriented, etc.
And so it could be that you assumed that someone was a better person and he was not.
It is best to not be too emotional, but be calm. Do not send light, love, and blessings their way. Just start talking to them, and say hi, how are you? There is no intense "I love you bless you there" and if they need help because no one did that when they needed it when they were young, be kind and tell them.
Oh I do judge myself. I know when I did wrong, I just do not let that overwhelmed me because I know My Saviour has forgiven all my sins.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
10 Oct 09
Maybe I should be a little more judgmental. After all, I talk to anybody and really do not care what they look like. I would not be surprised if I had already spoken to an axe murderer or a serial killer and did not know it. 
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
12 Oct 09
i have already learned this. even though i might judge them in my mind automaticly, i still give them a chance to find out what they are really like. often people are not how they look. its really strange how you can not judge a book by its cover as its said. 
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
9 Oct 09
‘overweight, pretty, stylish, sloppy…’ add rich and poor to this list. A person’s appearance, clothes, accessories all tend to impress our mind about the overall financial condition of the person and since money spells power and success, we tend to look at people wearing expensive clothes as automatically successful and to be respected! I am often been proved wrong and am myself is no big fan of expensive dressing, yet surprisingly I have not been able to control myself. It’s a continuous conscious thought though! I have not been able to send love or liking but I am trying to become neutral to a person’s apparent appearance in my judgments.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
9 Oct 09
Hi sudiptacallingu, Thank you for sharing your thoughts and it's natural to judge quickly until we learn differently. As for rich and poor we may think differently. Some people will think, 'rich snob' I want nothing to do with him/her while others will try to cosy up to them because they are rich. The poor, some look down on not realizing that they are acting like the rich snob, while the more compassionate will smile and speak kindly to them. The bottom line is that we should never judge a person's character by first impressions. Blessings.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
9 Oct 09
I think the first impression is a much stronger impulse then we realize. I think it dates back to cave time when we had to make an instant judgment for our own safety.
I don't think we should disregard this need for such judgments. The world we live in is dangerous and the first impression may be the only chance you get to save yourself from harm. This does not mean you should not reevaluate a person once you know them better.
1 person likes this
@yandongpolice (17)
• China
9 Oct 09
I basically agree with your point of view, judge a person by appearance is certainly not scientific. We know a horse via making it run on a long road, we know a person via living together for a long time or a specific thing. But sometimes we can see the basic quality of a person from appearence and conversation. After all, everything has two sites.
1 person likes this
@sang25 (61)
• India
10 Oct 09
am sure anyone would judge when we meet someone at first on the basis of looks and character..but that judjement will never be permenant.once i get to know the person more it will be erased.its better to be believe that first impression is not usually the best impression
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
9 Oct 09
This is a very good discussion. People tend to judge by the first outlook, but that's about how much first impression goes. After-which, the character of the person is the one that shines through; or what I call, the inner beauty. This is more lasting than the outer-shell. Looks work up to a point, but the rest is gratitude, well behavior and mannerism etc. Good talking..
@moneymakingtoday (4061)
• Philippines
9 Oct 09
i agree with u zed on this being a nicely-put and nicely-written discussion. very well done, pose. for me, a wise reminder of life.
looks can be deceiving ... have a great day!
1 person likes this
@Keola12 (820)
• United States
9 Oct 09
At first, when I am meeting an individual for the first time, I usually have my guard up and listen to my gut feelings to tell me if a person is genuine or how genuine the given person is at all. I usually do not determine how good or bad a person is by looks. I like to give him or her a chance.
@Rainegurl (2156)
• Philippines
9 Oct 09
Hi, Pose
I have learned to keep my mouth shut and passing judgment on someone I see for the first time. Of course I have first impressions, but I keep that to myself until I have more time to get to know the person a little better. I learned to be like that because, over the year, I realized that my closest friends are not those who I instantly liked the first time I saw them. I am just grateful that I was given the chance to get to know them better to find out what wonderful friends they are.
Have a nice day! 
I have learned to keep my mouth shut and passing judgment on someone I see for the first time. Of course I have first impressions, but I keep that to myself until I have more time to get to know the person a little better. I learned to be like that because, over the year, I realized that my closest friends are not those who I instantly liked the first time I saw them. I am just grateful that I was given the chance to get to know them better to find out what wonderful friends they are.
Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
9 Oct 09
We won't really know the real character of the person unless we get closer to him or her. Though we can't avoid our first impression judging him/her initially as to the way he dressed, the way he talks and moves. We really could not see the real him unless he interacts with us. Later we realize we might misjudged or misinterpret people we meet but that's alright as we learn from our mistakes. Next time we treat and judge everyone positively.
@Frederick42 (2024)
• Canada
9 Oct 09
Judging comes from the mind. the consciousness does not judge.
Therefore, what is needed is to gain mastery over the mind. It is important, althugh very difficult, to watch things or people as they are, without any interpretation of the mind. Many people who are labelled 'bad' by thers may in reality be very good people. But the mind is very hasty in judging. When we gain mastery over the noisy mind, we will naturally look at people as they are without judging and we would feel compassionate for those who really have bad intentions. That is because those who wish to harm others are actually harming themselves. What is needed here is compassiona nd not condemnation.
1 person likes this
@thenaturaldiva27 (178)
• United States
9 Oct 09
i've been trying hard to stop judging by appearance since i know my appearance isn't the best
1 person likes this
@malamar (779)
• Canada
9 Oct 09
Pose, if there were a BD for Best Discussion, I would award you one right here and now.
We will likely never know the good friends that we have by because of our ingrained and unfortunate quality of passing judgment before we even get to know someone.
Just by being aware, we open doors that previously have remained closed. Eye contact and a smile for everyone we meet would serve us all well.
