Do you know anyone like this
By Gabs
@gabs8513 (48686)
United Kingdom
October 16, 2009 4:11pm CST
All my Life until 5 years ago I have always let People tell me how I am to lead my Life, because I believed them when they said I am boring, sad and act old just because I like my Home comfort and not the wild Life
People telling me I do not know my own mind, that I let People make a fool of me, I now know it was them making a fool of me, but at the time I believed them and forced myself to do things I did not want to do, like go out, when I preferred to stay in and relax , I still let People take me for a Mug
Well then I split with my Ex Husband as the Marriage was never going to work and after 21 Years of all my Confidence being destroyed I had enough, because I had been diagnosed with my Illness and I knew if I stayed in the Marriage, it would kill me
3 Years ago I moved from the North to the South as I wanted to get away from all the People who believed they still had to lead my life for me
Anyway tonight, V ( a Friend) came round, she was already drunk when she got here, as my Daughter is here, she came round to have a Drink with her which is fine, as the night went on, V got more Drunk and when she is drunk she is not very nice, before I knew what was going on, it was thrown at me that I should get a Life, get out more, go for Drinks ( I don't drink) and all this, instead of concentrating so much on my Computer, and my little Gissi, and my Card making, apparently that is not a Life, well I tried to tell her that it is how I want my Life, that I have always been a home Person, she went on and on, my Daughter said, well you never go anywhere Mum, but that is me, I like my Home, I have worked hard for 30 odd years and I would still be working if this Illness had not hit me.
What I don't get is why do People try to do this, I don't tell her, that she should stop drinking, I don't tell her to snap out of things, I don't tell her to stop going out, so why do I have to be told that I am old before my age because I don't go out and get pi**ed , it is not me and never has been me
I have not had a good night as lots more was said and I just needed to get it of my chest
I mean am I wrong liking my Life the way it is now, quiet and content ?
5 people like this
29 responses
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
16 Oct 09
I do not pay attention or listen to anyone trying to tell me how to live my life. I have always done my own thing and will continue to be the boss of me and live my life as I wish. I think hat s why one of my very favorite songs is "My Way". I used this is as my signature song when I was going through my first divorce 40 years ago, so the phrase "and now the end is near" I took as being the end of my marriage. Now I am old it takes on a different meaning but I have always adjusted it at different times in my life.
You can listen to Frank Sinatra sing it while the words are on the screen so you can read them. I hope you enjoy it. Stay strong....xxOOxx
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6E2hYDIFDIU
3 people like this
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
17 Oct 09
Good for you! I am very glad to hear you are going live the way you want. I too am very happy and content. My life with my 3 babies is just how I like it.
2 people like this
@Rite17 (773)
• United Kingdom
16 Oct 09
my fella doesnt drink, hates clubbing and doesnt mind going out but prefers to be at home on his computer and chatting online with friends as I get depressed not being in physical contact with people!!! Socialise out of the house!!! he does come out from time to time... but i do like to be out on my own with friends than with him all the time... and it keeps our relationship going... as wud have left a long time ago... BORED!!!!
3 people like this
@cloudwatcher (6861)
• Australia
22 Oct 09
Gaby, you do realise, don't you, that if this had happened a few years ago, you would have reacted differently. You are a much stronger person now. You can handle these things and not go under. You have grown. You are secure. You have your children and you have D.
You are living your life the way you want it (except for the health issues of course) and you have every right to do so. You know, it is highly possible that this person envies you. You have it all together and she has to resort to a bottle.
Gaby, just ignore anyone who tries to unsettle you and always remember you are special.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
22 Oct 09
Yes Cloud I realized that much later and was surprised at myself as you say a few Years ago I would have crumbled
She is one unhappy Woman believe me, she is not fighting the Breakup from 5 years ago at all, she is always brooding over it
She had a wonderful Life (her words) till this Guy broke up with her after promising her the world for 15 years
Yes it hurts and yes it is hard, but to let it ruin your Life? No. She blames everything on this Guy, she tries to tell me that D will do it to me, I told her (this surprised me about myself to, as normally I would have got scared and Insecure) that he does not promise the World, that he is not the type to lead me on, and if it SHOULD a big should happen then I would deal with it, yes my Heart would be broken, but I would have to deal with it, like I have done with everything in my Life, her answer was, yes of course you can deal with everything can't you, my reply, if I have managed to get through the last 43 years dealing with everything that happened to me I can always deal with things, even if my heart will be broken, she said no more after that.
I do hope you realize that you are one of my Friends who has helped me a lot to get to where I am now and I will always be grateful and love you for that xxx
@marty3888 (2355)
• Acme, Michigan
16 Oct 09
No, you are absolutly not wrong and don't change. Especially if even part of it is because that illness. My girlfriend is the same way. And her daughter also told her she never goes out. And I'm thinking the same thing - why should she if she does't want to. Isn't the whole idea of going out is having a good time? If you're not going to, or if you would rather just stay at home, that's what she should do. Of course, her daughter lived at home at the time and I think she just wanted to have the house to herself. Me and my girlfriend live together in a house we bought. I like to go out to concerts but I never pressure her to go anywhere. (If it's Paul Mcartney she will definitly go.) Those people probably think if you go out you will probably enjoy it. But they don't know. You tell them exacdtly what you said here. I don't tell you to stop drinking, do I? Put it back on her. Why don't you stop drinking and partying and grow up? Why don't you save your money instead of wasting it on drinking? That will get her mad and she will probably shutup like she should. I hate it when people do that.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
16 Oct 09
Thank you Marty and I admire you for your understanding
That is the other thing, she can afford to as she gets a good Pension and has a part time job
I am on Disability and can only just manage
Like you say when you are sick you are not able to enjoy yourself and I have always been a Home Person
My Daughter thinks I should get out more to but as I told her I am not a Person to go out and she should know that
She was on about going on Holidays and that and just does not understand that I have never had the urge
She goes abroad once a year which is fine, it is what she wants to do and that is good
My Girl gave up lol as she knows I will not back of any more I will stand my ground
Thank you Marty and I really admire your consideration
2 people like this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
17 Oct 09
It's funny how other people do this, I always think that if people feel the need to tell you how to live your life then they are not completely happy in their own. I am pretty much the same as you gabs in that these days I much prefer the comfort and safety of my own home than going out getting drunk and having to deal with the drunken folks that are out just to cause trouble. Before I got married and had more children there was nothing more I loved than to go out and live it up, but now I am quite happy just to chill at home. I have no desire to go out anymore, and when I am asked out and have to get ready it seems to much of a chore, especially after a busy day with the kids haha! You are not wrong at all in how you live your life, its your life so you live it how you want! xxx
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
17 Oct 09
I agree with you Gemini and I know she is not happy, because she just drinks near enough every Day
Ok she does not go out all the time but she drinks at home to which is how she wants to live her Life, so why will she not leave me to live mine how I want to live it
Good to see you again Sweet and I hope you are ok
Hugs xxx
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
17 Oct 09
I hardly drink at all anymore, it lost it's appeal a long time ago. I have the odd drink but thats it. I am fine thanx for askin! xxx
2 people like this
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
20 Oct 09
You like your life the way you like your life. Your daughter may have troubles years from now because she apparently has the best life ever getting drunk. It bothers me when people think life is all about partying and going out. Sure, going out for little things is fun, but like you, I like staying in for the most part. I don't like to be very busy. And that's okay! People are different, and your daughter has not learned to respect that as of yet.
Staying at home and making cards isn't being old, it's having a hobby in the comfortable feeling of your home. I also love to do crafts, and if anyone told me I didn't have a life because I preferred productivity (hobbies) over stupidity (partying), it would be a ridiculous notion. A quiet and content life also doesn't mean you aren't any fun or are boring...don't let your daughter get to you. She'll realize someday that she's picking a fight she cannot win because humanity is not, fortunately, a paddock of sheep.
Good luck with putting some sense into her thinking. 
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
20 Oct 09
Hi Lovinglife
It wasn't my Daughter she knows me it was Friend who 57 and has a bit of a Drink Problem that was giving me the speech lol
My Daughter hardly goes out as she works as a Manager at a Hotel and works hard
So no it was not my Daughter, she tried to change the Subject as she could see I was getting very angry with this Friend
My Daughter just looks out for me and she only said that I should get out a bit more as in going to town and that during the Day, she knows I hate drink lol
Sorry if it came across like it was my Daughter who said all this but no it was a Friend
But thank you for your Response
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
20 Oct 09
Well, it's a good thing your daughter doesn't act like that! Not only does this guest have priorities and senses askew, they acted very rude and disrespectful in your home. I would have politely sent this woman on her way...how awful of a person to go into someone's home and rip apart their way of life. 
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
18 Oct 09
Unfortunately there are many people in life who are like this, and it is Sad. Maybe it is because a lot of them are unhappy with their own lives, and they feel if they try to run and control someone else's then theirs cannot be so bad. Personally I would have a talk with your daughter when you can letting her know that this upset her and you are Happy with where you are at right now as well. Wishing you the Best.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
19 Oct 09
Hi Tina, I know she is not happy as she talks to me when she needs to talk, she knows it goes no further
She needs to come out of it though, the incident happened 5 years ago, it was a Break up
Many of us have been through a lot in Life including me and we have managed to pick up but she just will not fight
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
19 Oct 09
I'd say your life was as near to perfect as it can get. When you consider that both of you are not in the best of health, I think you have a very outgoing life. You get out for a walk at least every day, you talk to people you meet on your walks and you have a full life online with the many friends you have there.
No-one has the right to tell anyone how to live their life unless they are hurting themselves and you try to help them...even then, it is no-one else's business but if a friend or family member is in trouble or ill I believe they need help and support even if they say they don't want it.
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
17 Oct 09
No,,you are not wrong with the way you want to live your life..I live alone and I like to stay at home..I do not get bored or feel lonely..When I was younger I would go out and do a lot of things..Now I am older and my health is bad..I just prefer to stay home most of the time..I am sorry that this person tries to tell you how to live your life..She needs to take a long look at how she is living her life..Don't worry about people like that.Live your life the way you want to..
Blessings to you..Be happy in your decisions..I wish you well..
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
17 Oct 09
Moondancer, 5 years ago I would have listened and had my Confidence knocked again, but last Night I made it plain that I do not tell her to stop drinking, to stop going out, to stop being so horrible when she is drunk so why is she trying to tell me how to live mine
And if I want to stay at home with Gissi and spoil him that is my choice
In the past she has said that I should shout at Gissi when he barks and that, why? She does not see it that when her Dog and my Dog get together they want to talk to, all I get is she never barks only when Gissi is about, well Gissi will not be about much at hers anymore, Gissi does not bark much either when he is alone, in my opinion they are just talking to one another because they have not seen each other
Hugs to you Moondancer
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
17 Oct 09
No two people are the same (thank God!) For what I find fun and enjoyable there are many who would not take the same pleasure in certain things that I do.. and likewise with you. This is what being original is all about! Originality is a great thing!
Don't conform to what others picture as being fun or the type of life that you need... be who you are and do what makes you happy. A real friend will never ask you to change.. many of us love you just the way that you are!
pssssst!
I'm a homebody too.. I enjoy staying in, rather than going out and I also don't drink.. so I'm with ya on this one! :) and next time they start in on ya.. start making crap up that they need to do with their life (such as taking up yodeling, juggling, and horseshoe tournaments! lol) the more outlandish the better.. they will finally get the point and leave ya alone! hahaha!
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Oct 09
no Gabs dont let them push you around what you like sounds
good to me too, and if you like your life the way it is
tell them to take a long flying leap off a short bridge.
No,but I hate it when people do not let one be oneself,'If you or I for that matter wanted to run around late at night to
bars, and drink, we would have done that a long time ago.
that just is not some people's ideas of a good life,it sure
is not mine. getting drunk is horrible, why do that to oneself?
We all should try to remember we most all of us walk to a'
different drummer, and not try to change each other at
all. So I am on my computer a lot and some of my friends here
'rag me and ask why I am not down in the Activities room. well I do not want to sit for hours watching someone else's idea of an'interesting thing on tV when I could be up here mylotting instead. it is my life and I will live it my way.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Oct 09
If it makes you happy, it is right for you and nobody else has any business telling you otherwise. There is nothing wrong with people leading their lives differently as long as they aren't coming around telling you how to live yours!
2 people like this
@mrssator2002 (281)
• Philippines
17 Oct 09
Im also a homebuddy. I feel that staying at home is more fulfilling than to hangout always with my friends. In home is where I can enjoy myself more, do something more. It's your life don't let anyone decide for you. You're free to do anything you wanna do and it's not boring if you're enjoying it
@shilley (155)
• India
17 Oct 09
Hi gabs8513,do not feel depressed for you are no wrong in any way.Instead feel for those who seem to be lost in the world and are not aware of their actual self.I am also a kind of person who do things which please me and never to please others until and unless my actions are wrong.Ofcourse i do not mean we should do things as we wish because at times it may hurt others.There is no harm in giving up few things for those who care for us.Atlast we have to lead life with those whom we care and those who care us.
2 people like this
@ElicBxn (63594)
• United States
16 Oct 09
no, and what you should do when she starts is get in her face and tell her she needs to grow up and stop acting like someone half or a third her age - that REAL adults don't go out and get pissing drunk
I know its not your nature, but believe me when I say that you throw their behavior back at them, they will go away and leave you alone - they don't want to think that they are doing wrong, and actually they probably know it and want you to act like they do so they aren't making a fool of themselves along...
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
16 Oct 09
Hi Elic
Well I did have a go back at one stage and I know she did not like that and I felt a bit awful but 5 years ago I decided no one will live my Life for me any more I will live it how I want to
She is 57 and she told me I act older then her by being so boring
I am 48 and I am certainly happier then what she is
Thanks for this, Girl
3 people like this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
16 Oct 09
It's your life and you deserve to live it anyway you like. People tell me the same thing but I like the way I live,I enjoy my life at home no matter how hectic it may be.
Some people think they have the right to tell people what to do. I wouldn't let it get to me so much you are great the way you are and as long as you are happy that is all that matters.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
17 Oct 09
Well.....are we related? My kids used to say that to me all the time..and I would say....why do I need to go out when everything that I love is here at my fingertips.....and it is. I do go out on ocassion....but love being home on my computer...doing my stamping and card making...scrapping...I do more then the rest of them together! So I know what you are talking about....I also think that when you are someone that doesn't drink....it looks alot different from the sober side! I also don't condemn anyone that wants to go out and party...it's their life....but we have the right to love our homes....be comfortable in them...and spend time where we are happy.....they might need to get a life....and you might need to remind them of that!
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
17 Oct 09
That is exactly how I think to
Also Jill they do not understand that it is embarrassing for me when I do go out for a meal or something and I get one of the Coughing Fits, they say well just explain to People that you are sick, why should I???
I am glad that I am not the only one who feels this way
My Daughter did agree with her to but I told her I am happy the way I am
I think People who like their Social Life's just can not understand, well like you say they live their Life, so why can't we live ours how we want
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
17 Oct 09
Gabs, Don't let anybody push you around. Whether or not they mean well, doesn't matter. Once they get an answer from you, that should be enough. Second time around is too much but it's ok to accept it but the third time around, they need a firm comment to leave you alone about the subject for you've already answered it and if that's not good enough then there's the door. Going out isn't for everyone. Some like to go out and get drunk, some like to go out and have a drink or two some like to go see a movie every now and then and some prefer to stay home. It's up to the person in what makes them happy and others should respect that. I'm a home body too and I'm NOT going to change for someone else and that's that!
Now we do get asked out every now and then to a restaurant that has a bar. Our friends want to sit at the bar, we do not but rather a table but if they want to sit at the bar, they can go right ahead but hubby and I will sit at a table. We don't drink and besides, I'm not sitting beside some stranger at the damned bar! But if our friend and our friends wife wants to sit there, go right ahead. We'll be right here. So stand your ground and tell her or anybody else, ENOUGH IS SAID ABOUT THE SUBJECT AND MY ANSWER STILL STANDS NOW END IT. If they don't honor you on that, then they weren't much of a friend to begin with!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
17 Oct 09
Thank you Cats, I have told her a few times but last Night she went to far and I let go but felt awful afterward,
My Daughter was sort of agreeing with her but she soon knew no one was going to change my mind and she knows that I prefer my peace
I will live my Life the way I want to live it now and no one will tell me different
I don't care if I am boring, if I apparently act like a 70 year old because I stay in
It is how I want it
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
17 Oct 09
Good for you gabs!! Stand your ground and end the conversation right from the beginning and not let them carry on with it. In other words, nip it at the bud! After all, it IS your life!!
1 person likes this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
17 Oct 09
Hi Gabs,
I think you should have a word with her when she is sober, she has no right to tell you what you should do or not, if you want to sty in and enjoy being at home, then that is your choice and no one elses, tell her to mind her own business, your computer and making cards is what you love and no one can tell you otherwise, I do hate poeple telling me wnat to do, I have friends like who wants to drag me out of the house and do what? talk about their kids and grandkids that I have no interest in, they find me boring with my computer, so what? just tell he straight hun, if she wants to ruin her insides with her drinking let her, but tell her you are not interested in her opinions. Love and hugs.
Tamara
xxxx
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
17 Oct 09
You and I had this conversation on the Phone Tamara and you know how I feel about going out and that
Most of my Friends do there was a lot of other things said but will tell you in private
Lets put it this way,, she lived in an illusion for 15 years and then came down with a big bang
But I will tell you next time we talk
I did get upset last night in bed as I am sick of People trying to tell me that I am sad
I thought I had left this behind me, well I will not be seeing her for a while now
At least I have Hobbies that I love, she is fed up with her own Life well that is her Problem
I haven't got the money to just go out when I went and buy things that I want because I am depressed she has I mean paying £80 for a Kettle just because she felt depressed ?????xxxx
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
18 Oct 09
When I read your story about your life. This is really a sad one. Because people around you will want you to be in their control as they are more vices and want you make like them.
I my views about your position in life is very appreciated because you don't like to be a part of those cycle of life that God, prohibited to do. Your in the right direction,my friend. Your not wrong the way you manage your life, my friend. That is one of the good basic ideals that God, want to his people...Have a nice day!
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
20 Oct 09
You must stick to that, my friend. Because more vices in this world is not really help for us to live peacefully but give more worries and agony. I appreciate you make your life, my friend. Your such a great person in my views...Have a great day!
1 person likes this
