Does "changing yourself" for somebody ever work?

If youare convinced that something about your way of thinking or something in the way you are is wrong nad needs changing then, if you really, really believe, you can work on it and change it. If you do it to please someone else ot others then it will just be a pretence and it will cause conflict will end up with you in a realy bad way psychologically. Iknow because I have bee through it People are what they want to be and not what others want then to be or what they want to be for others.

Hi dawn, of course not, can't alter DNA after all, but I have heard of people changing and acting strange after bits of body transplants, you know the nice friendly chap at the petrol station who's always so helpful and washes the windows without being asked and then goes and has a heart transplant and never picks up a sqeeggy again as too busy out on his crime spree because he wasn't fussy enough to check where the new heart came from.

nope. been there,tried that,ain't doing it again. they can accept me for me or go somewhere. funny thing is,whenever i tried to change something to please somebody else,no matter how unhappy it made me,they seemed to turn around and get worse by example. it's like oh you frickin hypocrite.

If I know that I doing something wrong or bad. I'll make sure to change that bad attitude that I have. But not seeing the wrong in my parts I think I will retain who I am supposed to be...Bad attitude will somehow for a person need to change to make the person acceptable to anybody else...

Depends on how you mean that. If you change because someone is pressuring you to change, then no that never works. Like if you smoke, and your wife, or husband, nags complains and has a little speech, and wags their fingers, and says every day blaw blaw blaw, you ought, you should, nag nag nag... Someone might give up smoking... but then they tend to get bitter, and they'll go right back to smoking later. Take my parents. When my father met my mother, he was a smoker. My mother was a typical baptist girl, and smoking was not good, and yucky. She didn't nag nag nag, didn't complain, and have a speech on "The Evils of Smoking!"TM. She didn't even complain, you smell! You stink! nothing. She simply told him, you seem like a nice guy, and I wouldn't mind dating. But as long as you smoke, I'll never let you kiss me. That was all the motivation he needed. His first date, was his last smoke. He changed himself. He didn't do it for someone else, but rather did it because of someone else. Sure she asked him to quit, but she never demanded it, nor was he forced to. He did it because he made the choice. Same thing happened with a girl I know ironically. She smoked, I didn't. At first she wondered why I didn't smoke. But without me saying a word, or making a speech, she one day up and said, I going to quit smoking. You never smoke, and I don't have much money, I don't know why I'm burning my cash. And she did. Hasn't smoked in 4 years now. I never even asked her to quit. She didn't quit "for" me. She quit because of me. Oh, and no romance in this one. She's off and married now, with a child too. So yes, I really honestly believe that people can choose to change who they are. But it has to be between them and God, and no one else. You can't change because person "X" made you change, or somehow "for" their benefit, and not your own. I don't see that ever working.

I dont think it will work, really your not changing just pretending. And you cant pretend for ever and your right, you have to consider stress and health issues it could cause

No you can't it was tried on me and I did not like the Person the Ex Husband was trying to turn me into as it was not me and I hated it totally It has only been the last 5 years me came out of myself and is now happy to be me the way I really am

Hi dear! I think you have raised one of the important points. I feel that it is difficult to change ourselves from deep inside. We may change ourselves for the sake of change or for pleasing our respective partners, but some of our habits cannot be altered. It is also said that ‘habits die hard’. If you ask me to change completely, my answer would be that it is very difficult for me to change, I just cannot alter my basic habits and attitude and conduct.

It can, if that person truly wants to prove something. Like from a bad person to a good person; it's possible, but it will take a lot of effort and determination because generally, there can be those that look down on whom have a bad past. But if people can accept that fact, it will be easier for that person to change. They say a leopard cannot change its spots. I think that's true up to a point. But if the leopard decides that the spot will always be there as a reminder, but he will try to be a better leopard, I think that could work!

Nope, absolutely not. If we could, what would even be the point of being who we are in the first place? Besides, who would even WANT to? My feeling is if you have that little faith and confidence in yourself, then it would serve you right. Nobody with a good head on their shoulders and any amount of reasonable self esteem would have any desire whatsoever to change who they were internally FOR someone else.

The only time i would ever change me is if i see something in myself that needs to be changed. That would work. But as for somebody changing me??? Never!!! What you see is what you get. Take it or leave it. I would also never try to change someone.

i think people can change,but you have to do it for yourself,changing for someone else never works

BE YOURSELF. People will accept and like you for being YOU. We have our own individuality and uniqueness. Hiding in somebody's shadow will only complicate things and will even make your life miserable. You will always be on guard to be the person that your friends or loved ones wants you to be but it's not THE REAL YOU. If you have that bad habit or attitude and you are convinced that it is bad and affecting your relationship with other people then it's your call whether to change and become a better person or stay the way you are and let other people adjust when they're with you. Maintaining a good and healthy interpersonal relationship entails both working together to build a relationship with respect and acceptance of each other's individuality.

i do not change what my behavior has for someone i love but i am trying to work out to the best of my ability whatever in our relationship takes.he will accept of what i am i dont change myself behavior just to please someone.what they see is what they get from me.well i just want to improve what i lack of it but you cannot never change me.

I'm not really sure. It might work for some people. I know some women who have and SEEM to be happy. But I know I can't. How do I know? Because I've tried and I know I wasn't happy...even though the person I was trying to make happy was happy...but I couldn't stand it that I had to change myself for the person to like me and be happy with me. It stressed me out terribly till I got out of the situation and was myself.

personally, I feel that "Changing yourself" for somebody will only work under one circumstance - that is - if you are looking for misery. To accept somebody is to be able to accept every single little thing about that person, be it good or bad. To ask somebody to change for your sake is to be unreasonable. So what if the person agrees to "change" but how long can it sustain? There will be one day the person will wake up. So why make so many people miserable when you can be the only one who is miserable - if you choose to be.

I believe no one can basicaly change and no one should have the right to ask another person to change for their own sake that to me is rude and inconsiderate to the other person's feelings and way of life. I think we should always be true to ourselves I tend to think this way [ this is me take it or leave it] but Im not changing for any one.

While someone might give the appearance, or even sincerely try, to change their most core personality and beliefs for another, no...eventually our deepest selves win out, and that is as it should be. No one should ask or even expect another to change their inner most self for us. Karen

You said "I'm not talkinga bout changing a few bad habits or learning to communicate better or being nicer, superficial behavioral changes. I'm talkinga bout changing the way you really are deep down inside"I'll tell you what. I've changed for A LOT OF MEN... stupidly at that. But although I may have changed who I did or didn't talk to, and I may have been forced to brush off family, or get yelled at for smoking or whatever stupid things men (and women) try and change in a companion... but I NEVER changed myself deep down inside. I could only stand a few months of it. Of them trying to tell me who I was deep inside. "if you love me you'd blah blah blah" Bull Sh!t on that one. No one will ever change my true being (i guess you would say). And I will never let myself change who I am as a person. I may try and act it out for someone for a little while... but it won't become a reality - it'll be stopped. Of course if you try and live and act as if you're something... or someone you're not its going to cause health issues... but then you're not touching your real question... you said change who you really are deep inside. If you're stressing and depressed over the fact that you can't live this lie anymore... then you haven't really changed your innerself then have you?

I think we all have little habits we can change, to make each other happier. However if someone is willing to ask you to completely change everything about you, for them, then it won't work. First of all I think it is disrespectful, and they will just think of you as a pushover. Just my opinion though.