is love the deciding factor on whom to marry?

yeah it is just awful i know. i guess that is how life works now for some people or many people now i think. though most people still prefer to be with people they are truly in love with. and i don't actually blame him cause i think woman knows he only liked her because of the money and love is only secondary reason. but she doesn't mind and still she takes it for her advantage cause she knows as long as she provide for him she can be secure over the faithfulness of my friend's love . and that is all that matters to her now actually, which is for him to stay with her even if the reason was because of money.

Hi there, you have a point. But i have to disagree with you on a specific aspect. I negate your statement that its the woman who is taking advantage of your friend. As you have said she is older than him, so there is a bit of insecurity in her state. She provides for your friend with the thought in mind that she is doing it for love or to make him stay with him, whatever could be her reason is hers, it's not wrong to do that. But your friend is wrong.

i am not saying she is taking advantage of my friend it is the other way around as you mentioned. but i am just saying that she feels it is her advantage that this guy is for security and money so she feels more secure on this kind of relationship. i think that there are some women who are the ones who provide for the men because of the same reason. the man is looking for women who can provide for them. i know some of them in real life. it is really bad. but i can't blame any one of them. as long as they can remain faithful to each other i guess it is just alright. it is better than having no one to love you.

i think he loves her just because of financial security. though i will not say that he abuses her in any way as he truly loves her for providing a good life for him. but he once told me that he is taking this woman seriously already and will not look on other woman anymore as this woman he thinks can provide a good life for him. and so i think that he still loves her in a way. but he admits he loves more the younger woman he courted before but still too young for him and wants an older woman who is financially stable already. i think that he can learn to love her and i think it is not hard for him to love her it is just that he is not head over heels over this woman. and his philosophy in his life is head over heart. but i think that he is not going to abuse her financially in any way and just leave her off life that. he will of course take her seriously as long as the woman take him seriously.

If he can love her,then okay.But,in the future,if he can earn well and more than his expectations,will he come out of this relationship and look for some one young?Will his love for this older girl last even then?If so,this relation can be justified.Cheers!

yeah i think he sees his relationship with this woman as forever or permanent one and no longer will look for younger women. as this friend of mine seems able to forget what he feels and able to follow what he thinks is good for him. he thinks practicality is more important than love or what we feel inside. i mean he can forget his first love easily but he can't just let this opportunity of having a partner with stable life pass.

I hope your friend realizes that so that he will be truly happy and will not regret his decision in the future true but I think its more important to think of what hes doing to this woman...he's using her and by doin so is preventing HER from finding true love and happiness and that just makes my skin crawl..

i just hope so too that he will be forever contented with his decision. for the woman, i think she really loves him though she can feel that she is just being used. i don't know if she will regret this decision. since it is hard to find your true love these days, maybe that is why she opted to marry my friend cause she likes him though he is using her. maybe she finds it hard to find any one who will love her not to judge her but i had heard that she is not lucky in love or in finding man who will love her maybe she just accepted my friend though he is after money.

i just hope that he will stick with the woman even if she loses her money or not able to provide any more for him.

yes he is really too young. i guess what makes him happy is quite different from what makes other happy. yes, it is his life, so we can't decide what is good for him. but i just feel sorry in a way, hope he will not continue with this.

i am just waiting on what will happen with this relationship. if this will end i hope it ends sooner than later so that he can still change while he is still young.

Ages like that are still fickle minded. That age is too young for settling down especially for men. They are more happy go lucky compared to women. Right?

If he is not in love with this woman, then he ought not to be marrying her. If you are truly in love with a person, you pretty much know it because you are totally different from what you usually are. When I fell in love, I knew it. My heart went off like a rocket when my boyfriend walked into the room. I was about ready to lose myself. I wanted to be strong, but I wanted to fall into his arms at the same time. I wanted to fight for him. I was ready to give up everything for him at that moment, but I had to be very sure that he was the one. How long has he been with her? How long have they known each other? Does he care about her? Does he have any feelings for her? How does he feel when he is around her (and he had to be very honest about this)? What does he know about her? How much does he know about her? Do they have anything at all in common (it doesn't have to be a lot, they could have one thing in common, just as long as it is something)? Have they been with other people before they were with each other (believe it or not, when you have gone through all of the "losers" or people not meant for you, and you may have to date a lot of them, your "winner" or person who is meant for you will show up)? When it comes to love, you need to know the person you are committing to, or at least he has to know how he truly feels about her. She might not be what he wants. He might not be what she wants. Love cannot be rushed, it has to be patient. They only time you might want to rush it is if the person you are in love with is about to leave you, then feel free to rush it a little.

i hope he will be happy with his decision though.

yeah love must be the main reason but i guess some people with the hard life now just opt to marry for stability in life.

i think love is important than anything else regardless if the person is rich or not. but if love is one way only or if the other person does not love us the way we love them then it is better to find some one who love us and can give a better life for us. finding a partner who is stable is not actually bad but as long as we are not using them it is just fine. but it sometimes is hard to say whether it is wrong or not. i too am clueless sometimes if my motive was wrong or right.

i don't know how those people feel when they marry for convenience. maybe they still feel as long as they are loved by their partner though they don't really love their partner. i guess some people find it easy to learn to love any one as long as they provide for them . i can't learn to love that way or don't want to love that way.

It is in your conscience my friend. That you mock the person in your side. That because of money you they act like they love that person...This is a great foolishness I think... There are two things in that relationship. Both of the person engage in that relationship are using each other. They both fool because as one say love when there is money and other say love when have in bed... In my opinion for people having that kind of relationship. They are both fool and because they are both slave with their own desire...

ideally it should be love. but the reason why some people marry, i really don't know what should be the right reason to marry during these difficult times. is it really practical still to marry because of love.

Ideally, love should be the reason for marriage. But as you say, Life is difficult and it is just practical to get married for security reasons. Ok, I see this as other people's reason to escape poverty. Well, instead of selling organs to survive poverty (this was a topic I discussed in one of my posted discussions), then it might be reasonable to jump into marriage for convenience. Good day.

i just don't know if he will get tired of this woman after getting what he wants. i think though money is important for him having a kid with this woman will surely change that. he may take that woman seriously too.

Well I hope so hotsummer. Let us all wished that he will not just used the poor unloved woman for his own personal benefits. I also hope that the moment he decided to marry that woman, he decides too that he will learn to love that woman willingly. Let us all cross our finger to that.

yeah it seems in our lives people either will marry for love or convenience. there is nothing wrong with either of the two. it is a matter of preference i guess.

Absolutely

i guess marrying for stability in life is for practicality reason than by love.

yeah i think it is really cruel too to take her as a way to have money or provide her a good life. and eve her mother is taking advantage of it too. her mom is going to borrow money from this woman to start her own business too. that is why her mom accepted this woman for him cause of the money reason too.

but i think that he loves women generally but he just prefer to be with a woman who is older and more stable as he thinks that he can control his feelings or forget the person he loves more . he just loves her less compared to his true love or to any ideal girl out there.

yes marrying for love does not really guarantee that every thing will be easy or be lot easier as there are lots of things to consider also like the other members of the family that may object or be for the marriage itself. being married is not easy thing. so some may prefer to be practical.

yes people will marry because of responsibility. and it is not good reason. they should not marry just because the woman is pregnant. though the man should support the woman.

Hi soleya: i understand this because i know some cases like those you're talking about but this is irresponsible. Sometimes people forget that they're playing with their future relationship and with someone else feelings. That's unfair :(

yeah he needs a mom. LOL. actually her real biological mother is not helpful or responsible enough that was why he grew mostly earning for himself. so that was why he worked early in life and that is why he wants to have some change or somewhat looking for partner who can provide for him like a mom would provide to his child. i can't blame him to feel or think this way. i just hope he could realize that he is not doing a right thing.

yeah. we can marry whoever we want. but still for what ever reason we marry of course we should do it for right reason. doing it for wrong reasons may not be actually socially acceptable though it is not against the law.

yeah i think that love is good reason to marry but we have to be practical too. if we love a person we would want to give a person a good life and so we must save first before we marry.