Long story short
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
United States
October 30, 2009 9:57pm CST
My husband is in a band and we are all very good friends. The wife of the guitar player is a serious alcoholic. She goes through phases with good days and bad days but lately, she has been really down. I have tried to visit her several times in the early afternoon and she is in her pajamas, looks like she just rolled out of bed and smelling like stale alcohol and cigarettes. I worry for her because I have witnessed a couple of low points. I worry for her and want to help without being intrusive. Do you have any suggestions on how I can help her?
2 people like this
7 responses
@Shar19 (8231)
• United States
31 Oct 09
That is always a tough situation. First the person has to want to help themselves. You could sit down with her and express your concerns and tell her that you would like to help and support her. Maybe show her a pamphlet about addiction and getting help.
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
2 Nov 09
What a great idea! I will find some literature to give her some insight. Hopefully we will be able to get together soon, when she is sober and with a clearer mind and the pamphlet will offer her some hope! thank you so much for the advice!
@maharlikah (1045)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
For being there, it already means a lot! have your ears open for her doubts and fear too. Just be positive :-)
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
2 Nov 09
Thank you maharlikah! That is all I can do I guess. Stay positive and be there to listen. I just wish there was more. I am going to talk with her husband again and see if he thinks I should do more or just but out and be a friend.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
31 Oct 09
If the band is one big happy family I would ask the husband about and intervention for his wife. Its just not good to be drinking your life away. She deserves to be happy like everyone else. The husband probably is lost and doesn't know how to help her but if you and the husband are close enough to talk about the problem his wife is having I think you will be doing a great thing for a friend in getting her the help she needs. She may not even realize she needs help who knows.
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
2 Nov 09
Yes, we are all very close and we have talked a lot. I think now is action time. I would like to do an intervention with her of sorts. It is so hard to get to that point and I totally agree that she deserves to be happy.
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
31 Oct 09
I had a friend just like that in the end we had to get her help for the drinking as she nearly lost her children.All you can do is encourage her to get out of the house,as being in the same four walls will not help her one bit.Treat her to something nice and try to get to see her in the morning and let her think she is doing you a favor going out with you rather than the other way around.
@mashiuwsan (154)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
hi jodylee...she's your husband's friend's wife and unless you're really really close to each other, I think you may be crossing a line you shouldn't be. It's nice that you are concerned and wanted to help but I think at this point, the best person to help her is her husband. So I think try to reach out to the husband first and take it one step at a time. hope this helps!
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
2 Nov 09
We are all very good friends and have been for many years. We spend a lot of time together each week. I think you are right that it is up to her husband to get the leg work done but I am not sure he is strong enough. He seems to get it one day and then drop the ball the next. I will try to talk with him again and see what he thinks. I do not want to cross any lines and I want to keep this friendship. Thank you for your advice.
@Clicker625 (196)
• United States
31 Oct 09
First, you may need to accept that you can't help her.
I have heard that interventions are helpful. How well do you know her husband? Would you feel comfortable pulling him aside so you can talk with him privately? If so, I would tell him that you're worried about her drinking. Be prepared. He may be in denial as well. If he admits that he's worried too, you might mention the idea of intervention.
You'd probably be able to learn more about how to help her by going to the AA group for spouses, loved ones, friends, etc. Sorry I can't remember what it's called.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
31 Oct 09
I think you are on to something there already. The fact that you've gone to visit her several times is already a start. I don't think visiting and talking is being intrusive. She just may need a friend to talk to or would listen. Or maybe do something else to change the pace. Instead of the band scene all of the time.
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
2 Nov 09
That is what I was thinking. It can be hard to seperate from the band scene when people are drinking. Fortunatly for me, I do not seem to have addiction issues. I wonder though, if I am enabling her if I do not take anyother action outside of just being a friend. It can be hard to always hear bad things from people and I try so hard to get her to see the positives. Difficult situation she is in for sure. I spent some time with her yesterday and she could not recall where she was over the weekend. The blackout drinking is so scary.
