You would think he'd be the one...
By TheRealDawn
@dawnald (85146)
Shingle Springs, California
November 3, 2009 11:52am CST
Went to a special education meeting last week. It was the school district asking for feedback. First they asked a bunch of questions and you answer yes, no or maybe. Then if they didn't get a yes, they go back and ask for clarification. There were only two parents other than me and Richard. All the other parents sent in their surveys electronically or something.
We were actually pretty satisfied with the services that Cary gets, his teachers, etc. A few little opportunities for improvement, but no major gripes. Then you have one mother who was somewhat satisfied, but had some concerns. And then there was the one who had all sorts of complaints. She sounded like a lot of the parents back down in Los Angeles, actually. The school district in Los Angeles is one of the many reasons that we moved to Sacramento.
Whatever. It was interesting listening to them. We learned a few things. I enjoyed the interaction too. But when we got out of that meeting, Richard bursts out with "I'm never going to one of those again. What a waste of time." And a bunch of other stuff which basically boiled down to not caring about what was going on with anybody else's kid, disagreeing with many of the things that were said about what the school district's responsibility is, etc.
Well he's the dang extrovert. Usually he gets actually energized by being around other people. I'm the introvert and don't usually feel comfortable interacting with a bunch of people I don't know. I guess it was the topic and the fact that the one mother really irritated him. You'd think he would have been the one who enjoyed the meeting and I would have been champing to get out of there. Weird...
4 people like this
20 responses
@Skyeblue25 (545)
•
3 Nov 09
I wish we had this sort of thing where I am, but we don't. Within the school setting there is no real outlet for parents to give their feedback on how good their child is being supported and educated. I think I would enjoy something like this. Just because my childs needs are important to me and if the school system is listening to the parents it ensures the best care for the child.
But I do go to a special needs club with my son once a week. I meet with other parents that have children affected by autism while my son has a great time making new friends and playing in an area special designed to appeal to kids with special educational needs.
To me it is a kind of therapy. If I have had a bad stressful week then I can pour my heart out to the other parents and know they are not judging me and can understand completely where I am coming from. Or I can listen to what has happened in their week and I can truely symphasise with them and also learn from their experiences. A couple of the Mums gave me the strength to fight for my sons diognoses and they gave me advice on how to go about it. I have given advice to others when they have needed it.
But my husband would hate to come, its really not his cup of tea at all.
I think women are just better at this sort of thing. Because instinctively we know it will help our child in the long run. Where as men prefer to keep family issues to themselves. Maybe this is why the women irritated him so much. I don't know.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Nov 09
This is a thing the State of California does, but only every three years. It will be interesting to see if anything comes out of it or if they were just doing it because they had to.
My son has a social skills class once a week, but my husband takes him, so he's the one who gets interaction with other parents. I would be interested but my working hours don't allow it.
1 person likes this
@Skyeblue25 (545)
•
3 Nov 09
luckily this 'club' we go to is in the early evening. Its not on the school site infact the parents I meet with don't have children in my sons school. But both my son and I benefit from it.
I think its fantastic that your state do this, it must make you feel like your voice is heard even if only a little bit. I think if schools can work with parents then they will get the best out of the children.
2 people like this
@solared (1207)
• United States
3 Nov 09
Wow, sounds like he dosen't much care about what is going on over there, as for me I'm sure I would like it arguing and debating even in mild mannered situations is fun for me.
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
4 Nov 09
Seems like you have the interaction chemistry level up two notches definitely. You can go for these things and you'll never know, sometimes. I remember my schooling days, and my dad would always send my mom as his 'representative'. I'm guessing guys are not good at such meetings.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
3 Nov 09
i know what you mean. I was usually the one that didnt like to go places. especially shopping. 
my hubby loved shopping and id be waiting somewhere near the door on a bench or something with the men whos wives were shopping.
i remember one time tho, we went to a book store for a signing in Phoenix here and he hated it. after he got a couple books he wanted he said hed be waiting for me next door at the coffee shop. strange cause i was usually the one didnt like crowds.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
3 Nov 09
Surveys sent in my email do have draw backs. The best communication is face to face where things can be ironed out. and no it is not always peaceful and yes, we often do have to exercise patience as everyone is facing some problem or another and wants to be heard. Often we can learn from another person too. If I was the teacher I would have scheduled a one to one meeting with the concerned parent if she had dominated the meeting just by complaints. Your husband should have voiced how he felt. By not saying anything the teacher may have thought that he wanted to hear the complaints. I am old fashioned in that I believe meeting the parents. Each September when school started, I would visit the home of every student in my own time as it helped to make contact with the parents who rarely attended PTA's. Often I understood why as to reach them I had to climb hills or descend into gullies or jump streams etc. But they were always so happy when I visited them and the child's attendance improved too. (schooling is not compulsory)
2 people like this
@thea09 (18305)
• Greece
4 Nov 09
Well I would never have put you down as the introverted type, that is a suprise. I expect that hubby just has a low tolerance level when addressing an agenda outside his own agenda.
I'm suprised that people resort to electronic feedback when their childs school is involved.
I'm suprised that people resort to electronic feedback when their childs school is involved.1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Nov 09
It's an either or choice. It guess it's more convenient to just do the electronic thing. Still, with a special education child, you'd think more parents would show up.
Yep, I'm an introvert. Extremely so...
Maybe he does have a low tolerance to other people's agendas. I think also the woman just rubbed him the wrong way, his foot was hurting, he was missing survivor... lol
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
5 Nov 09
Not sure I have an extrovert side. Just the real me inside the shell, maybe...
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
3 Nov 09
I do think that there is alot of people that do not want to have anything to do with the special ed side of things. It is out of their comfort zone. I am a special needs mom and trying to get the things my son needs is so simple and the school makes it so hard. I do have a very good teacher and good cooperation, but sometimes it is just a mess.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
3 Nov 09
Yes, I don't know what the IEP is for. I think it is so us parents have can complain because they are not following it. Communication between teachers and aides are horrible.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Nov 09
It's an excuse to have a meeting instead of teaching? lol
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Nov 09
Even when you have good teachers sometimes it's a mess. One of the things that we pointed out is that the general ed teachers don't seem to know in advance that they're dealing with a special needs child. Last year and this year both, we had to tell her. You'd think they'd get a note from the school, "and THIS child has autism, so please read their IEP before class starts"...
@GardenGerty (160949)
• United States
4 Nov 09
It is funny how things get turned around some times. I guess you enjoyed seeing the other side and how it works. Or how his mind was working that night. I think you enjoyed the meeting because it was something you were passionate about.
1 person likes this
@cloudwatcher (6861)
• Australia
3 Nov 09
I can understand his frustration. I would have found the continually complaining woman very annoying. Although it might not have been your "cup of tea" you have a mother's heart for her son, so that tempers everything. Men do not tend to see things in perspective and just look at the "now".
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Nov 09
It really sounded like she had legitimate reasons to complain though. But she DID do it in rather an annoying way!
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
4 Nov 09
That is an unusual experience for you, I am sure. I know the topic of a conversation can either draw me in or bore me to tears. Our school district does surveys every so often. I like to fill out the forms and give my opinion. Maybe it will help someone child if not my own.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Nov 09
The survey was OK but all the chitchat in between and afterward didn't sit too well with somebody. :-)
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
9 Nov 09
school meetings seem to have that effect sometimes.
sometimes it might be better off if they did the 1 to 1 with the parents,but they don't always have time to do it that way.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
3 Nov 09
I'd probably be wishing he would stay home.lol.
1 person likes this
@bluerainhong (400)
• China
4 Nov 09
Hi, dawnald, how are you doing! As for me, like this kind of topic, maybe it is fit for mother's attendance, but not father's. Your hubby did like this, I think it is so common. So do not care for it.
www.iduai.com
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Nov 09
He was the only man there, but then it was only 4 people plus the school folks...
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
4 Nov 09
That does seem strange. Perhaps he just has a low tolerance level for complaining. I would think that if the one woman had so many complaints, then she should have scheduled a private meeting to discuss her concerns rather than a public forum. I am not saying that the most important issues should not have been addressed there, but it sounds like some of her concerns were not all that relevant to the majority of the parents.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Nov 09
oh gosh hi dawnald my own hubby would have been right up there arguing with the one mom who had all the complaints. while I was the Quiet little mouse, he was the extrovert with the big mouth.he he. no but I am a widow now, but I was always the introvert shy, and hiding behind my hubby while he was outgoing
to a fault and always willing to argue a point or two or three.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Nov 09
He doesn't like arguments. maybe the problem was that he disagreed with her but didn't want to cause a scene.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
3 Nov 09
My husband and I probably would have felt the same way your hubby did! People like that annoy the heck out of me, and I don't handle that well. I probably would have just mailed in the survey or did it electronically or whatever, just to avoid the situation.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Nov 09
Well if half of what she was saying was true (about being lied to and so on) I guess I can't blame her for complaining. But Richard was sure annoyed...
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
3 Nov 09
Hi dawnald
Well reading to all that, I attend to agree with your hubby as it all sound a lot of boring things, what matter most is wether Carey is doing well or not.
Tamara
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Nov 09
He is doing well. But I found it interesting, so maybe I'll go alone next time.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
3 Nov 09
Sounds like something really pushed his buttons. Maybe he had expectation about this that were not met, you might want to ask him about this and maybe save yourself some grief in the future. It's worth taking a good look at what is going on when someone reacts in an unusual way.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Nov 09
I think he was just annoyed at the complaining mother, she rubbed him the wrong way.
@AlkaiserMO (106)
• United States
3 Nov 09
If you think about it from a different perspective, his reaction does in fact mean he cares deeply. What he should do is take his frustration with the education system or his child's education more specifically, and progress with that! If something isn't to his liking, maybe it isn't to other parent's likings as well! All the best
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Nov 09
I think he had more of a problem with the other parents.
