How can I forget and forgive and start over?????
By fairyprinces
@fairyprinces (93)
Maldives
November 5, 2009 5:21pm CST
One of my friend was cheated by her lover. They were due to get married in 4 months and he broke of with her. He did not give her any reason, no did he answer her calls or her text. Later on she found out he was having affairs with 7 other women, 2 of them even married... later on she was told by very reliable friend that he said he left her because she was too good and he just can't hurt her. He said if he married her she would be hurt and miserable and he can never stay loyal to one woman.
During their relationship he told her that his weakness is women and whenever he see a woman his heart just goes WOW... This was told as a joke... Even during their relation he cheated her lot of times but she kept forgiving him and very understanding and loving.
Its been more than 3 years to this incident but to date she says she keeps on comparing him to other men she meet. Somehow she looks for him in other men and cant seem to fall in love or continue a relation. She gets bored and breaks the relation or find so many fault in other men that she just seem to hate. Till today he has not talked to her in any manner. She has tried many times to contact him as she feels she deserves some kind of explanation from him.
She says she cant bring herself to forget what he did or forgive herself for letting him do that to her. She really wants to stat over and have a new life.
She is a very loving person and used to believe in love and always wanted a long lasting relationship where she can love a man from deep within. As the years pass she says, she seems to find a different woman in her place. Its a different person she sees in the mirror.
She wants to change this and be herself again... Can she do this? What should she do to forget and forgive and start over?????
4 responses
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
5 Nov 09
It is possible for her to start her life over and possibly find someone else, to make her happy. I think that sometimes it just takes time. Although, she has already been broken up with him for 3 years.
I don't what could be said that he won't let her know the reason for the break off. Is she still in contact with him, or like they friends or something. Maybe she should tell him, that in order for her to move on she needs him to explain to her why he broke it off. But maybe the reason for him not telling her was because he didn't want to hurt her. Although, with him not telling her anything hurts her even more.
Not all guys are the same though. She needs to understand that and just because this guy may have cheated on her, doesn't mean that there are other guys out there that are going to cheat on her. I think that she should try not to enter into another relationship until she has completely gotten over the relationship. I think that is the best thing to do. And also she needs to understand, she will not probably ever find another man like him again. Maybe close or even better, but not the same. When my friends get broken up with by their significant others, I tell them always. Well that just means that there is some other guy that is way better than this one that you had. So maybe that will help.
@fairyprinces (93)
• Maldives
6 Nov 09
Hi,
I guess you are right. Maybe its his ignorance that is hurting her more...
Thank you this is really sound advice...
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
6 Nov 09
Well for one thing, your friend IS a different person and she needs to accept that. She is different because of her experiences. We all are changing constantly. That man that broke it off with her really did her a great favor. He was being blatantly honest about himself. I think maybe the reason she is having such trouble moving on is because of how it all ended. It was HIS choice, not hers. Also, he did not have the respect to talk to her himself as to his reasons for breaking it off. She found out from other people. It's really sad that your friend compares other men to him and finds faults when odds are they probably are not nearly as bad as this one that for some reason she holds a candle to. It sounds as if she really lacks confidence and self-respect for some reason. Maybe some therapy could help her to build those things up which would help her to make better choices with the men in her life.
@fairyprinces (93)
• Maldives
6 Nov 09
Thanks Sid,
She sure does not seem lacking in self confidence and most friends say she is bold and hard working. She is one of them who holds her head proudly and walks into any crowd with self confidence. That's one reason why anyone fails to understand why she is not being able to let go of a bitter past..
But if you have any details on the therapies do let me know... No harm right...
@kevchua (1004)
• Malaysia
6 Nov 09
It's easy to forgive, but it's not easy to forget. Whatever pain that a person has suffered will be a permanent scar. It's not impossible for anyone to forget the past, but it takes lots of understanding and compassion, something which not many people are able to do.
If your friend truly wants to forgive and forget, she will have to start on a clean slate - completely forget everything that had transpired, and "pretend" it had never happened. But then, it's easier said then done, yet not impossible.
@fairyprinces (93)
• Maldives
6 Nov 09
You are right... Its easier said than done.
Impossible is nothing just need will power right... As you mentioned wounds heal with time and unfortunately leave a scar. I guess what can be done is look at the scar and treat it as a lesson well learned.
Thank you for sharing your opinion...
@workingmommy (67)
• Canada
6 Nov 09
She will be able to move on but first she needs to find something that interests her maybe a book club,dancing,etc. Once she starts focusing more on herself and trying to find out who she is and what kind of person she is looking for. This will all come in time, just be there for her, and maybe you could find something the two of you could do together.
