what should i do about my scheming step-daughter?
By smallcloud
@smallcloud (338)
Malaysia
November 18, 2009 8:33am CST
i have been married to my husband for a little over 2 year now. i have our daughter and also my husband's daughter with his ex wife. there is no pleasant way to explain my problem. before i ever met ann for the first time, my husband would talk aobut her as if she was a brilliant saint! shw was perfect and my husband was proud to say she was his father and after meeting her for the first time. i soon came to realize what an emotional game she was playing with her father, and all the other people she would come in contact with. she will said to her friends on the phone like "my dad's new wife is a joke. i have her fooled jus as much as i do dad!i can get anything i want from her, and if i wan more, i jus steal my dad's bank card" and such.. all the while, i see her talk of devoud plans on myspace as to how she will destroy our relationship. now she want to come back to stay with her dad, and i can see taht she is just wants to invade my home and torture my whole family.
so, have any advice for me on how to handle this situation?
all i know is how i feel and i honestly cant stand ann. help me!!
7 responses
@lindiebiz (1006)
• Canada
19 Nov 09
Hi there, the best thing to do is to let your husband know what you have heard and if possibble show him prove. If you refuse to let her come to stay with you, they would say you don't want her to come and leave with you so let your husband know that if she is to come and leave with you she should ensure she is of good behaviour if not she would have to leave. She has the tendency to become spoilt.
@rg0205 (2636)
• Hong Kong
19 Nov 09
I am sorry to hear about what you're going through. I don't think this is something you should handle alone. In your post, there was no mention of your husband doing anything about it...even when she steals his credit card?
The problem should be addressed by your husband first because that is his biological child. He has to be the one to enforce ground rules and at least talk to his daughter and tell her that you are to be respected. Since you are the step parent, most of the time, the "respect" isn't automatically there.
If she has the posts on myspace, show that to your husband. If he doesn't have the gall to discipline his own child, I just don't think he's a fit Dad, I'm sorry. In that case, you should have a sit down with her and maybe try a heart to heart conversation.
I hope it all goes well
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
18 Nov 09
you didnt mention how old she is but i am guessing she must be a teenager. is her dad strict with her? trust me, i know its not easy to raise a teen, i have one right now who is 16 but at least her dad and i are together on raising her.
in regards to evidence, you should start keeping a journal and print out her myspace stuff.
@vandana7 (100638)
• India
18 Nov 09
Hi smallcloud, you didnt mention her age! Based on what you've mentioned, I presume she is a teenager. For starters, you can take her to a shop buy her a nice dress that she likes, even if it burns a big hole in your pocket! Thereafter, give her as much love as you give your daughter. I know it will be tough, considering that she will be doing everything against you. Give her a break. Her family in her mind is her father, her mother, and she. As a child, she wants that back. What she needs to understand is, her family is her father, you, her step sister, and she. It will take at least 3 to 5 years for her to come around. As to her picking her father's bancards, may be you do need to discuss it with your husband. And you also need to be firm on some issues. If she doesn't like it, she is welcome to return to her mama. If she wants to live with you all, she is possibly not comfortable with her mama for whatever reasons. So that can be used as leverage.
@nextellady (126)
• United States
19 Nov 09
My husbands daughter is only 5 and she plays the game between us too. But we got her game under control by getting ourselves on the same page! When I say no he backs me up or if he says no I will back him and if we have differences about it we will wait till we are alone to discuss it so she doesnt no we disagreed about the situation. She had a real problem with lieing exspecially to her dad. If she did somethinng and I gave her time out he would say what did u do and she would say nothing at all! She would ask me for something and then go straight and ask her dad and if she saw us disagree in front of her it encouraged her to keep doing it. Amazing how young they learn to play the back n forth game. Luckily I think we are on the same page and she knows that now so hopefully by the time we reach teenager we will all not have to go threw that lol! Prayer has helped us too we pray often with my kids and his lol!
@kas2420 (3)
• United States
19 Nov 09
I have a similar problem. When we got married my husbands daughter was 13 and my daughter was 7. Now his daughter is 19 and mine is 14. Both of our girls are always trying to plot us against each other and make us want to spend less time with each other. My stepdaughter and I were close for a while or at least that is what I thought until a few months ago when she informed me that she hated me and has always hated me. My husband of course could not understand why I was so angry b/c his daughter tries to make him think she is an angel
@rameshkumaar57 (5908)
• India
18 Nov 09
This is quite natural, usually the girls are quite close to their father, and they hate to see another woman taking the place what they think is rightfully theirs.As usual fathers always have a soft corner for their daughters. You can do two things, one is since you have evidence, you can show it to your husband, and with that destroy the relationship between father and the daughter. There are some minus points with this,the girl will become your enemy for the rest of your life, and your husband would be so much devastated, that he might show his anger on you.
The second thing for you to do is fight back, have confidence in yourself, and try to get the love of both your husband and your step daughter. Love always wins. Find out what she likes, and try to cook her favorite dishes, and get her the gift she always wanted for Christmas, once you start showing love towards people, they usually crumple. Nobody is born evil, it is we who make the people bad and evil.
It is upto you to take which decession on what you want to do.
