If You don't buy your kids an EXPENSIVE Birthday Cake, they mean NOTHING to you
By betsyraeduke
@betsyraeduke (2670)
United States
November 29, 2009 1:42pm CST
This year, on Thanksgiving day, my oldest son, Gabe, turned 9 yrs. old. Yesterday, Saturday the 28th, my yougest son, Adrian, turned 8 yrs. old. Yes, they are 1 yr. and 2 days apart, but anyways...Because their birthdays are so close together, we usually just do one joint birthday party for the both of them. We just had their birthday party for this year, yesterday.
Even though it is a combined birthday party, we usually try to have a separate cake for each of the boys, this way they can each blow out their own candles, plus we can satisfy each of their individual tastes as far a flavor and/or theme of the cake is concerned. Some years we buy the cakes, already make, from the bakery department of a store, and some years I buy cake mix, frosting, decorations, etc, and just make their cakes myself. It all depends on our budget at the time really.
Well this year I made their cakes as our budget just didn't allow for the pricier, already made, cakes one gets from the bakery department. Now I most certainly am not a skilled cake decorator by any means, and I don't claim to be. I did, however, put a lot of time and effort into each of the birthday cakes I made for my kid's this year. I wanted to make each cake as special as I could. The cakes were not flawless, in their decoration, but I do think they served the purpose, and my kids liked them.
At the party, I showed the cakes off to a friend, (and I use the word loosely here), of ours, who is also the mother of a few of my kids' party guest. Anyway, I said to her, "Come see the cakes I made."
"Cakes? Why did you make two cakes?", she asked.
"So, they could each have their own cake", I replied.
"Oh, to hell with that!", She replied in a mocking tone, "I get one large cake for all my kids at their party." (She also does just one combined b-day party for her 3 kids every year)
She then walked over and looked at the cakes I had made. She scoffed at the cakes, and then says, "I always buy my kids cake! My kids are worth the price of buying them a cake thats already made!"
She said that in this superior tone, as if to say, I don't think my own kids are worth anything just because I made their cakes!
I felt insulted by our so called friend's attitude and I felt she was very rude! It isn't just the bit over the cakes either, its just that just about anything we, (hubby or I), say to her about anything, she comes back with some remark, said in such tone, as if to say her way, or what she does, or has, or whatever, is better, superior, etc. than what we do, how we do something, or what we have, etc. This friend's husband is the same way. It's really annoying.
Do you know anyone like that? Do they get on your nerves? Do you agree or disagree that my friend's attitude over the cake issue was rude?
Below is a picture of each of the cakes I made for my kids.
7 people like this
27 responses
@froggieslover (3069)
• United States
29 Nov 09
Hello betsy,
I know a few people like this and to me I think they act like this because they are jealous of what you have they just don't know how to show that in any other way then to try and bring you down.
My kids birthdays are two years and three days apart from each other so we too celebrate them together. I used to go out and buy one big cake and put one side with something for her and then the other with something for him(whatever they were into at the time). I did this up until about two years ago because it just started getting to expensive especially with them getting older and wanting more expensive birthday items. So while I am not at all a baker I decided to try and start baking their cakes while also attempting to make a cool whip icing topping because that is what we liked best about the cakes we got from the bakery but I was just able to go online and and find the recipe. I have been making chocolate cake with vanilla cool whip icing. The kids have actually been just fine with that and almost seem to be excited that I make their cake for them.
I am no where near the decorating that you are, I just buy the little decorations and letter and stick them in for whatever they seem to be into that year...In my honest opinion I think it means more when you take the time and make the cakes or at least attempt to because it means you are taking your time for your kids rather that just having someone else do it and spend more money, why not save that money for another gift, I think as kids they would like that better than a cake anyway.
Great job on the cake decorating by the way....they both look great.
1 person likes this
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
29 Nov 09
I usually buy the decorations and stick them on too but I had a pattern of sorts to follow for the cakes I made this year. 
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
29 Nov 09
Also, to everyone who has responded, thanks for all the wonderful compliments on my cakes. I honestly didn't think they were as good as you are all saying, I just thought they were better than a scoff. 
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (92792)
• United States
30 Nov 09
That woman must be really unhappy. I've never met anyone who tried to make others feel inferior that wasn't unhappy with themselves or their lives. People like that do get on my nerves, but then I think how low is their self-esteem that they have to try to make others feel bad, so they can feel good? It's pathetic. As soon as I hit submit I'll be able to see the cakes. I'm answering straight from my e-mail.
1 person likes this
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
30 Nov 09
I think you did a very nice job on the cakes! VERY NICE! Better than I could do. Not everything has to be store bought to make it special.
Yes I think the attitude was rude. That's jim dandy if she want's to buy store bought that's what she chooses to do with her money so be it. But putting down your hard work was very unnecessary. When in doubt as the old addage goes "If you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all"
btw... my youngest & oldest are 5yr & 5days apart so we double up on the b-day celebrations as well.
1 person likes this
@phoenix1344 (698)
• United States
30 Nov 09
Wow, I think your cakes turned out better then the store bought ones! Seriously, wow! As for that lady and her superior attitude, she needs to get off her high horse real quick.
My Mom has both made me a cake and bought me cakes growing up and while I have to say I don't really care one way or the other, the cakes my Mom did make were always the best at the time. And I would never ever prefer a store bought one to the ones that she personally made me.
Wow. I have no words for this lady except she is arrogant and rude. I think how you handle your sons birthdays is perfect by giving them a joint party but still give them their own theme and individuality. Plus for being home made those cakes looked awesome! Seriously. Great job on your part! 
1 person likes this
@paleorainy (630)
• Italy
30 Nov 09
My opinion is different. It is: if you buy the birthday cake they mean nothing to you. If you MAKE the birthday cake, then they mean to you.
With all the horrible ingredients they put in pre-made cakes, do you want your kids to eat that stuff? I wouldn't eat it myself. Homemade is best.
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
29 Nov 09
Bakery cakes are alright in a pinch but in my opinion home made cakes taste so much better. Most bakery cakes are always so dry. They are baked somewhere else then frozen so when they get to the store bakery they are then frosted and have to thaw out. My granddaughter works in a store bakery and this is what she told me.
This so called friend sounds to me like shes lazy. I have four kids and we always celebrated their birthdays separately. But then their birthdays are scattered through out the year. You shouldn't feel insulted though that was her intention. Just consider the source and stop inviting her and her kids over as often.
Those two cakes look as good as bakery cakes to me. They look very good.
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
29 Nov 09
I agree that homemade cakes taste better. Two of her 3 kids have birthdays in the same week, which is why those two kids birthdays are celebrated at the same time. Her third kid's birthday is farther away from her other kids, but she throws that kid's birthday celebration in with the other two kids in order to "save money". Now normally I could understand needing to save money, especially since I know her income isn't very large....On the other hand, she buys expensive bakery cakes because her kids are "worth it"....I guess her kids are not "worth it" for any of them to have their own party though...lol...Makes no sense at all, which is another reason that it is so obvious to me that she was just being rude.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
29 Nov 09
hi that lady and Itoo use the term loosely , friend is too good a word for her, needs her values reset. she is rude and blind evidently as those two cakes look like they were done by a bakery they are just fantastic. YOur
kids I bet did not scoff at them , I hope at least, because they measure up to any bakery cakes I have seen. You are talented for sure. We knew a couple like that and we soon stopped seeing them as they oneups everything we said. their kids are smarter, their house is larger,their salaries were larger name it and they have done
it. not friends anylonger.thank goodness for that.
kids I bet did not scoff at them , I hope at least, because they measure up to any bakery cakes I have seen. You are talented for sure. We knew a couple like that and we soon stopped seeing them as they oneups everything we said. their kids are smarter, their house is larger,their salaries were larger name it and they have done
it. not friends anylonger.thank goodness for that.@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
29 Nov 09
My kids were both really happy with their cakes. I just needed to vent as I am so sick of this lady's attitude.
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
29 Nov 09
I think your cakes turned out great and your so called friend is full of it. To answer your question about knowing someone like this woman...yes, I do! Perfect Vicky! Of course, I only call her that behind her back but she is, at least in her mind, perfect in every way and so much better than anyone else in everything she does...except for keeping husbands apparently. (meow!) Her children are also perfect in every way as far as she's concerned. She also has to top anything that is happening in anyone's life...good or bad. I tried to get her one year...told her that I only got a five cent an hour raise (which was a lie) and she told me that she only got a three cent an hour raise so why was I complaining?
I think that people like her and your "friend" suffer from low self esteem and need to make themselves feel good at the expense of others. I finally decided that I had had enough of Perfect Vicky a couple of years ago and suddenly was busy whenever she wanted to get together.
I think that people like her and your "friend" suffer from low self esteem and need to make themselves feel good at the expense of others. I finally decided that I had had enough of Perfect Vicky a couple of years ago and suddenly was busy whenever she wanted to get together.@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
29 Nov 09
Yup, "perfect Vicky", sounds just as annoying as my cake lady. lol
@happy6162 (3001)
• United States
29 Nov 09
Yes, she was rude and sounds like she is just plain lazy. I used to make my son and even husband's birthday cakes. They both like a chocolate cake I would always make for their birthday because it was very moist and the frosting was not real rich. I do not see anything wrong with making each of your sons their own birthday cake so they could blow out their own candles.
@strikezero86 (246)
• Canada
30 Nov 09
When I was in elementary school, I was classmates with someone like that, always saying she's got the better of this and the better of that. I was young, so at that point, it didn't bother me that much; I never really thought of it as she was acting all superior. But today, this sort of behaviour realy ticks me off. It's unfortunate that I have encountered this type of person yet again, and just my bad luck that I happen to be related to that person. But, my hats off to you for being able to keep your cool in front of someone like that. I'd be tempted to shove some food in her face.
Anyway... this person was probably born in to a wealthy family and was spoiled for her whole or most of her whole life. In addition, it seems like this woman has a superiority complex (a defense mechanism in which feelings of superiority counter or conceal feelings of inferiority). She was most likely jealous of your ability to make the two cakes. Anyone can buy a cake, but it takes time, dedication, and some skill to make a nice birthday cake. And you made two awesome birthday cakes that looks very professional, something she can't do and probably never even thought to do for her own kids. So, don't worry about anything she says or when she acts all better than you. Every time she does, just think, "She's jealous of what I can do or have."
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
2 Dec 09
Ha! That's the most insane part about it. I know this woman's mother and I can tell you for a fact that she did not grow up wealthy at all. In fact now a days this woman buys those fancy bakery department cakes on foodstamps!
@rimarima (80)
• Philippines
30 Nov 09
Wow! Those cakes look nice! How did you make those designs? I have never encountered a guest as rude as the one you had, but if ever I have, she will receive cold treatment after that until forever. Being a guest means taking part to the celebration for the kid so opinions are unnecessary specially rude ones. Guests are invited because you value their presence for your kids happiness. If there is something they dislike, they should keep it for themselves and not do it on their own parties.
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
30 Nov 09
I actually used a pattern of sorts to get the designs on the cakes. For the Spiderman cake I had a pattern in the shape of Spiderman's head that I placed in the center of the cake then I painted the blue background frosting onto the cake around the pattern. After that I used gel frosting in a tube to create an outline around the pattern. I had the eyes of the pattern cut out, so before I removed the pattern from the cake, I painted in the eye are with white frosting and then outlined those with gel frosting from a tube also. Then I removed the pattern and colored in the face area with red frosting. The webbing on the face is just more lines drawn in with the gel frosting from the tube. The Spongebob cake was done in a similar manner.
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
30 Nov 09
Please read the entire discussion and not just the title if you wish to respond, thanks
@gavinjayanand (61)
• Guam
30 Nov 09
First off, wonderful cakes. I don't think a store could ever make a kid happier.
I agree that your friend was rude, but maybe she has a reason for being so? Maybe she suffers from insecurity, and feels elated when crticising others.
In any case, if this is a recurring occurrence, a sure-fire manner in which you can remedy this would be sarcasm. Anytime she says anything haughty or superior, be as sarcastic as possible in your replies. And DON'T smile when you've left her a reply dripping with it. That disarms the whole thing. She should get the message.
@wonttakelong (3555)
• United States
22 Dec 09
kids honestly dont care how much you spend on the cake
I have made my kids several birthday cakes and quite honestly they like the homemade ones better then the store boughten ones
the homemade ones are one of a kind and none of their friends have ever had one like it
@zhenzhong (35)
• China
30 Nov 09
You are right, you should do the cake by yourself.No matter what's the price of the cakes, it represents your warm heart, you love for your kids! At least in China, i think you are right, and our parents always do the same!
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
30 Nov 09
Unfortunately, I know too many of these rude and insensitive people. I know that it usually an appropriate come-back does not occur to you at the time these things are said, and a child's birthday party is not the time or place to get into it with someone anyways, but I think you should have told her that you took the time and effort to make a cake for each of your children that not only was special for him but also something that he would really like. That takes a lot more time and effort than going to the store and buying one, because your kids are worth it!
By the way, I think you did a wonderful job decorating the cakes!
@hvedra (1619)
•
30 Nov 09
What terrible "values" she is passing on to her kids. You took time and effort to make those cakes and that means more than just handing over cash because you are trying to impress some twit.
Her attitude was beyond rude. Even if she genuinely believes that she should keep her mouth shut during a party and in front or your kids.
@ruchimom (280)
• Australia
23 Dec 09
Hi
I think you did a awesome job with those cakes.I can't even imagine.My story is teh same .Both the kids are born in the same month so we just do a combined party.
We also order seperate cakes so that they feel special.
But i think it is upto your kids to understand your effort in maing those cakes.Afterall,it is easy to buy a cake from a bakery but it requires so much of time and effoert to bake it at home.(Just like knitting.Anyone can buy a knitwear from the shop but it requires dedication and love to knit at home)
As long as your boys are clear about your intentions,don't worry about your freind.As teh world is full of weird people
