Would You Allow Your Partner to Sleep with Someone Else?
By pillow08
@pillow08 (97)
Philippines
December 8, 2009 9:50am CST
This question is for Women, but men are welcome to give their two cents. What if you are seriously in a relationship for years but you aren't ready to give yourself to your man, would you? Let's admit it, Men have needs and some seek "relief". Would you proactively give them permission under the condition that he tells you? Would you ask him to wait, when he's obviously hanging by the thread?
On a somewhat similar note, a friend admitted that his/her mom allows her dad to do sleep around, as long as the dad continues to support the family financially and as long as he comes home to them. Any thoughts on this?
1 person likes this
12 responses
@abeja_reina_1989 (347)
• United States
9 Dec 09
I personally couldn't do it, but I think if couples want to do this, then they need to be very open and honest about their opinions. It may sound like a good idea at the time, but I fear the woman would feel terrible and not good enough and probably feel pressured to just go ahead and sleep with him. I realize that men have needs and I would definitely care about that, because that can get very frustrating, but if they really love you, I think they should be okay with it if you weren't going to allow them to sleep with someone else. They can always relief themselves on their own, just saying :)
@abeja_reina_1989 (347)
• United States
9 Dec 09
I agree with you though, how long can they really do that before they become frustrated and want some help. It's definitely not as much fun on your own. This is a really tough situation!
@curiousplay54 (341)
• Malaysia
8 Dec 09
for me pillow08, I will let that man go, if he can't wait then whats the point of staying. I wish every women are financially independent and not depend on the spouse for support...allowing your husband to sleep with another person is not respecting your own marriage.
@pillow08 (97)
• Philippines
8 Dec 09
I agree, I feel that's a complete disrespect for the woman and for the sanctity of the marriage. However, in this country that I live in, divorce is a no-no, and separated couples are looked down upon. It's not so much as the financial support but also a fake or pretended sense of being in control, or being perfect (family). It's crazy that she had to endure the abuse and neglect just to please the people around them, and to save face.
About waiting until the girl is ready, the thing is both of them aren't exactly innocent or pure anymore. But for some reason, the girl feels that it's not the right time yet. I think that is why it's a lot harder for the guy to wait, because he used to be "intimately" active. My sweet friend wants to suggest to the guy that he can sleep with someone else, and it's alright with her. I am trying to discourage her. LOL.
Thank you for the response, curiousplay54. A who couldn't wait isn't worth it in my opinion, too.
@abeja_reina_1989 (347)
• United States
9 Dec 09
This makes me really curious! Does anyone know exactly what the "rules" of marriage are. I know that cheating is wrong in the eyes of the law when you're married, but what about if you sleep with another person when your spouse said it was okay. In the eyes of the law, is that considered the same thing?
@vdelacruz76 (3)
• United States
9 Dec 09
WOW! That's crazy. No it's not okay for me. Would a man allow a woman to sleep around? Absolutely not. If I can't satisfy my man, he needs to move on. I guess some woman are open minded, but in my opinion not only are they cheating, there's no telling what he'll bring home.
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
9 Dec 09
Of course I am not the conceited type and I vehemently denied or disagree even it is just a plan or the relationship have not yet prospered. As it in instances as you mention the relationship is lasted for more than many years I think i am not obligatory to give in to his desires unless I like it with full endearing passion and we both love to do it with less contradiction. Though, in just doing the deeds does not justify that I really need to sacrifices, if he could wait then it is better than give in it is the way to test each other loyalty. Though, the partner may be tempted to sleep with someone which I have no control over it as most of the times I could not follow or investigate every move or follow whatever places he go then he truly admit it to me. I may forget and forgive him but if he does it many times then the relationship is over no need for explanation anymore....
@pillow08 (97)
• Philippines
10 Dec 09
I am not sure if I have such big heart like yours to try to forgive and forget if ever my partner admits to me that he slept with someone else. It's really just a big no for me, too. =)
My real take on this is that, if it is not working, then you better leave your partner. It's just a waste of time trying to pretend that you have a healthy relationship.
@Alicesnow (78)
• China
9 Dec 09
Oh,It's so crazy.IN china ,for a woman,It's a shame.I will never allow my future husband.For me ,It's so terror.My ideal life :have a love me husband ,several chilaren.Maybe there are many helpless in reality,I believe there must have very loyal man in the world.I can find him.
HAPPY LIFE.my friend...
@agonyaunt69 (343)
• Hong Kong
9 Dec 09
Hi pillow08,
My sister-in-law's case is just the same as your friend's. It has been like that for over 14 years. Her husband sleeps on sofa in the dinning room. Sister-in-law and his son in one room. They have 2 children. The man goes to a place in China to meet his woman and children there every weekend and during holidays. I do not know how my sister-in-law bears with it. Moreover, she has never said a word to anyone of us in the family. It is just like an open secret. However, she cannot sleep well for all these years. We believe that as a traditional Chinese woman, she spends all her effort to maintain the family, so that her children can meet their father quite often. She works, too. She is the main financial support of her family as her husband, being a sales manager in an insurance company, does not have stable salary, and needs to give some to the second family in China.
I believe woman's love usually is so great when dealing with family in the Chinese society. I do not know what to say. I do not know if it is right or wrong. People choose their ways of living differently. I would only hope that they are happy.
Have a nice day!
agonyaunt69
(5:22pm 9 Dec 2009, Hong Kong time)
@pillow08 (97)
• Philippines
10 Dec 09
Hi, Agonyaunt! You're right. There may not be right or wrong decision in this situation. I think most traditional Chinese women are more enduring because of how they were brought up. When they marry, they belong to the man's side of the family. So, when the relationship falls apart, she wouldn't have any family to belong to. She would feel that that she's failure as a mom and as a wife. Also, I *think* they are made to believe that it is their fault if the marriage falls apart; and that it is normal if men seek comfort in some other women. That's just my observation, being Chinese myself.
@pillow08 (97)
• Philippines
10 Dec 09
Hi, Agonyaunt! You're right. There may not be right or wrong decision in this situation. I think most traditional Chinese women are more enduring because of how they were brought up. When they marry, they belong to the man's side of the family. So, when the relationship falls apart, she wouldn't have any family to belong to. She would feel that that she's failure as a mom and as a wife. Also, I *think* they are made to believe that it is their fault if the marriage falls apart; and that it is normal if men seek comfort in some other women. That's just my observation, being Chinese myself.
@Andy79 (11)
• Belgium
8 Dec 09
OK! I have a couple of things to say to all this!
First of all, I would NEVER let my guy to sleep with someone else! I hate cheating, i don't believe in it! and sometimes I think I'm the only person left in this world who thinks like that!... anyways...
If the guy really wants to be with you, he should be able to wait for you to be ready to "give" yourself to him! If not, then he should go find something else!
But then again, I don't see myself being in a relationship with a guy for YEARS and not "give" myself to him! a couple of weeks, a month maybe... but YEARS????????????!!!!!!!!!!!! I personnaly don't think it's normal to be in a serious relationship for YEARS and not give yourself to you guy (unless you're just too young). Oherwise, I think you should consider finding what the problem is!!
As far as the friend - mon - and - dad story... If the mom doesnt love the dad anymore, but depends on him financially and doesnt mind him sleeping around, and if he doesn't mind doing this either, I don't see the problem... People find different ways of living together and supporting/helping each other out... as long as both of them are ok with this, I don't think it's weird ot abnormal! But still... I do believe that people deserve a chance of true love!
So when the mom get financially independent (and she should!) they should both get separated and go looking for their "soul mates". Cuz living with someone you truely love is more fullfilling than being with someone you don't care for, just because it suits you!
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@pillow08 (97)
• Philippines
9 Dec 09
About the mom and dad issue - very well said, that was exactly the same "argument"my friend had. I guess you are right, that was their way of coping with the situation. Though, I don't see the mom exerting any effort of becoming financially independent, the family has been used to living extravagantly. Too sad.
I guess her parents were that way (above) that's why she deemed it okay to let her man sleep with someone else as long as she knows. It's because of her Faith, that's why she doesn't want to give herself yet. Thanks for replying, Andy! I just needed some other thoughts on this, so I can understand my friend more and be able to give better advice.
@abeja_reina_1989 (347)
• United States
9 Dec 09
Haha I feel ya :p Years is quite some time. When I care about someone, I know and I don't wait that long. My current bf and I slept together on the first day that we became an official couple. It may sound bad, but I just knew and I don't regret it.. I am very happy with him and even if I told him I wanted to take a break because I feel like we started sleeping together too soon, I know 100% that he would be okay with it because he loves me more than that. I think that's when you know you have a healthy relationship :)
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@rmuxagirl (7548)
• United States
9 Dec 09
If I was in any kind of relationship I would not want my man sleeping with another woman. If he needs relief there is self love, not another woman.
@alwayzzcitra (1861)
• Indonesia
9 Dec 09
Whoa! No way. Why would I want to be in a unhealthy relationship like that lol. If there's no respect for the commitment anymore, then why bother staying. That kind of relationship will only ruin my life. Life is short and I just want to be happy. Torturing myself like that is just wasting my time.
Is not only about the commitment but also about your self respect. If you let others treats you like that, the how would you expect people to respect you. Oh not to mention sleeping around is STD's best friend. I wouldn't risk myself to it, just because I'm so "kindhearted" to let my man sleeps around. lol.
Interesting topic!
@pillow08 (97)
• Philippines
9 Dec 09
Hmmm... What's the point of that kind of relationship? I don't understand either, but I guess, it's the idea that allowing your partner to sleep with someone else with your permission makes up for an honest and open relationship. They've been together for so long, so what's a few more years to wait, right? Both are established entrepreneurs at the top of their careers. Thank you, Alwayzzcitra!
@DarkMarixx (331)
• Philippines
9 Dec 09
Honestly, I don't want to allow my partner to sleep with someone else. I admit that I can't avoid thinking about my partner's doings. I don't allow my partner unless with same gender.
@aguas_aj (498)
• Philippines
9 Dec 09
No, No, No. If the guy loves me and really wants me, He should wait till i'm ready. yeah, guys have their "needs". Same as women do. But do women get all their needs from their men? Not all, especially after marriage. Most often than not, a lot of the excitement fades off when they got everything they wanted from women. So from the moment i'm asking him to wait till the day, before he says I do. he should really know if he loves the girl enough to wait till then and be faithful. I believe there is no right minded and loyal woman will let his man, sleep around with other women. that is just too painful, knowing that he enjoys and seek the body of other woman other than you
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