Advice please???

Wow, I thought they'd broken that mold when my wife was made. She can't stop escalating a fight. I try to withdraw & let things calm down & she just keeps pressing. It accomplishes nothing but making things so much worse. When she finally does stop ( usually after all but wrecking our marriage ) she realizes what she did but will still do it again the next time. Once she gets emotional logic & reason go right out the window. The last fight was " You didn't turn around & go back to the house to get my phone when I forgot it!". We were on our way to work, running late & if I get 1 more attendance point I'm fired. Seriously which is more important, having your phone ( which she'd forgotten in the first place ) or me keeping my job & us making the mortgage, utility & CELL PHONE payments? As for the other woman issue, BOTH. While you shouldn't expect him not to notice another woman he should keep the compliments toned down. Why were you even looking at his facebook responses anyways? Could there be a bit of an inferiority complex there & your looking for something to trigger it? So long as he's not actually taking some action to start a relationship with this woman let it go. He's not saying your not attractive or sexy. Accept the fact that other women can be without putting yourself down.

Hi there Phoenix,First of all....Who is Gabriella? Is she a friend or someone local that he actually could possibly meet or is she a celebrity of some sort? Anyway, you are not wrong I don't think. It bothers you and you've told him that it bothers you. Out of respect for you then he should just stop and refrain from these remarks. As for your arguing tactics, I do understand how you feel about walking away in anger. I have a problem with that also. I don't ever want anyone I love to leave in anger and what if something were to happen to them before the next time I see them? I'd never be able to live with that. Still, your boyfriend is right on this one. Sometimes when things are heated then it is useless to argue at that point and as you have noticed...things can actually get worse. I don't really argue much with anyone but I do have a daughter that is pretty hot-headed and we sometimes get into a heated exchange of words. I do know how these things can esculate. We have agreed to hug even tho angry and agree to talk later. I will NOT let her walk out in anger and she knows this. No matter how angry she is ....just a hug and "I love you" and "we'll talk later". Usually by the time she makes her way back home, she has calmed down enough to talk and I'll get a phone call. The hug usually diffuses things just enough to be able to walk away ...take a break from the arguing. It works for us anyway.

You need to get your act together! I could not live with you, and I've been married to the same woman for 54 years! You are a Jealous Woman! Jealousy will ruin your marriage. Your boyfriend sounds like a very sensible man. A normal caring woman would find him a pleasure to live with. Yon need to stop nitpicking! Get a hold of your self and realize that if you don't change your thinking you will be all alone. Men will be men, and there is nothing you can do about it. Fighting about it with him will just drive him away!

Hello, I have been in relationship for 7 years now with my husband and sometime we fight so bad. Mostly, my husband would say the same thing like your boyfriend said (let talk later or he just, Ok that's enough Go to sleep)... I know, I never let it goes that easy... but same thing it will get worst if I keep pushing him too much. I think this is how man handle argument... he doesn't want to say or do anything bad to hurt you so let cool down and hope thing will get better after a night sleep. I think you should learn how to let it goes, sometimes... I learned how to deal with it by let it goes or just dont over speak. If he is still good to me then I dont care about anything anymore. sometimes my husband over do something on Facebook too... but he always tell me what he does there. Just the other day, he went to help out that homeless people (taking picture for them for free) and then he took this lady picture more than anyone else and he also said, She is sexy and pretty and much much more... it made me think he likes her. So, I confront him... I said... you must be like this lady for sure cuz you took her picture more than anything else. He said, No... she just look pretty at the moment. I said, yeah right... you never say Im pretty or look good but you said it to someone else in front of me? lolz... he was like, stop it. It is just my expression. He said it is normal for a man seeing a pretty girl. I let it goes but whenever I see that picture... I said, there you go she is your girlfriend... he didn't say anything but deleted the picture out.

You know what? I can relate on you, for I don't like the idea of my husband commenting sexy and hot to somebody else... Maybe I am too jealouse or something... and I am paranoid at times too... especially now, that I gave birth already... My self confidence went down... However, if your partner knows that you get hurt and feel discomfortable whenever he says that, he must try to avoid that as respect to you... I also don't like the idea of not fixing the problem at once, but sometimes it helps to cool down yourselves first... I think you should talk about these things... Be open with each other... Like on how to deal with your problems and conflict, whether you will let yourselves cool down first or fix the problem at once before parting ways... Study yourself as well, if it is a sign of insecurity then better try to do something about it... This is what I learned... insecurity happens because something had triggered it... and you must try to dig the root of it. If your partner has something to do with it, then tell him to avoid doing the same thing all over again... Hope your relationship wors and stand the test of time!

Here's my advice: Explain to him how it makes you FEEL (sad, scared, upset or hurt, or whatever) when he talks to or about other girls. If he just brushes you aside and continues to say your "nitpicking" leave him. No guy should ever treat a girl like that- with no regard for her feelings. You deserve a good boyfriend not someone who talks about other girls.

I am totally ignorant of the behavioural science of family relations and the nitty-gritty involved, especially, in a relationship between two lovers since I've never been in a relationship so far, though from your own description of your lover it seems that he is an understanding man and is longing for a serious relationship with you. It is quite natural for you to think that you lose when he suddenly withdraws from an altercation because you are prepared to present something to him of which you are totally unpleasant or annoyed with. But he withdraws and there is no ways to vent your anger and it simmers inside you which ultimately get tranformed into irritation or doubts. But if you think rationally you will understand that if the debate is let to continue a situation may arise that anyone of you lose patience completely and do something which may lead to the irretrievable break down of your relationship. I think he foresees the unforeseen consequences involved in it and it also appears to me that his is not an act of condescension but he genuinely wishes to avoid a petty conflict snowballing into a serious confrontation. Regarding decribing other women,I don't think it's of something an issue since it's quite natural for men and women to admire the beauty of others and say comments unless something is cherished surreptitiously but if it is of serious concern to you, you should tell him calmly and he also should act responsibly. And finally for not calling you pretty, why should he call when he thinks you are his and I think doing so more often will be not only awkward but also there is something fishy so as to please you or not wanting your attention to fall on something he doesn't want.One praises another exceedingly for getting some favours done or he or she will be beyond the reach.If one is owned by another as in your case what is the need for the sugar-coated praises. I may not be completely right in my judgment of the facts but I think there is nothing to worry in your present realtionship.

Well, let me ask this...has he ever cheated on you or given you sound reason to believe he may have done so? Both of the things you ask about advice on all seem to come down to trust and how secure you are in the relationship...both are in fact a matter of security... Simply calling another woman sexy is not really an issue if you trust him and feel secure enough in the relationship to not have it mean much of anything to you. However, if it bothers you that badly then he should be gentalmenly enough to respect that and not do it. I'm not much of one to give advice, first I am notoriously bad at it and secondly, I find advice giving to be a liability, I could live with knowing I steered someone wrong and was reponsable for a break up. But I hope I have at least given you a new perspective to examine your problem from. Best of luck.

Hello my dear phoenix1344 Ji, I along with mu hubby feels that your relations before marriage are getting tense. What would happen after marriage. To site our examples , we just completed 40 yrs of married life on 02 DEc. It is not that we never had difference of opinions,but we sort them out ,if I am annoyed he will listen to me and never react on the face.Both of you have to have cordialrelations, which only could be aheieved by understanding. Throw that 'EGO' from bottom of your heart which stops you to agree even though you understand. May God bless You and have a great time.

Not to alarm you but if he has made these types of comments online about someone that he knows and he knows you can see it easy,this girl is not like some celebrity he could never get in a million years, then you have think what has he said or might say outside of the internet to a woman he knows or maybe the same one from facebook behind your back. I think that you should sit down and talk with him about it let him know that this is not the average discussion you two have had and really express to him your concern about what he's doing and if he doesn't want to talk about it then maybe you should seriously consider ending it because if he doesn't respect your feelings enough just to listen to what you have to say with out belittling it to nitpicking or overreacting then no matter how many ways you express how you feel on the matter he probaly won't respect it anyway. By the way you are so NOT overreacting. I wish you the best send me a p.m. on how it goes. As for the second problem maybe you should start seeing a couselor or therapist about it there might be a underlining reason why you can't seem to walk away from a fight and come back to it later or some people just don't like doing that the only way to find out is to talk to someone about it. p.s. I hope all goes well for you and if you have friends or sisters or even your mom talk to them about it too sense they know you a lot better than I do.

Can't really answer the second bit, but as for him messaging other girl thats out of order, whats wrong with him, is he not happy with the gorgeous girl he's already got??

Well if you were married, then I would say yes, that is bad. If I am married, and have dedicated my life to one single woman, then yes it is wrong for me to be checking out other women. On the other hand, if I am just a boy friend, then I'm just a boy friend. I am not someone's husband, and not tied to any single women. So why not check out other women? I may want to find a new girl somewhere, and there is no reason for me not to. It's not like I made a public commitment to stay with any specific person, so why should I? So the answer is, no. There is nothing wrong with a man who is not your husband, and made no real commitment to stay with just you, to look at other women. As for why you can't let go of a fight, I just have a guess on that, and you can take it or leave it as you like. Perhaps the reason you can't let it go, and cool off before talking through it, is because you are insecure. The reason you might be insecure is because you don't really know if this guy loves you. The reason you do not know if he really loves you, could be because he didn't marry you, doesn't sound like he plans to, is simply a boy friend, and he's looking at other women. To be honest I can completely understand why you would be insecure in that situation. I would be too. Now it may sound like I setup marriage as a cure all, and it's not. But I will say this: half of all marriages last a lifetime. Only 1 in 20 move-in unmarried relationships last a lifetime. And the average life span of an unmarried shack up relationship, is 3 years. You are on borrowed time already. Best of luck to you, no matter what happens.

I don't think you are being nitpicking, it bothers you and it shows disrespect to you when he does that. Men like to look and that is normal but when they are with their partner they should keep their opinions to themselves when commenting on another woman. Do you suppose he would get upset if you commented on how well built another man was or good looking he was? I don't think he'd like it either. Unfortunately, men don't think the way women do, they think with their brain not with their heart and emotions the way women do. Maybe you should read 'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus', it might help you understand him. What you need to do is sit him down to talk about how you FEEL, expressing the feel word is important in communication instead of saying 'you do this'. Try telling him that it hurts you when he says those things because it makes you feel like he doesn't see you that way, you feel uncomfortable when he does these things. Express to him your feelings and then let him express his. Communication is important in relationships. If he understands how it makes you FEEL then maybe he won't think you are nitpicking. Ask him how he'd feel if you did it to him. I'm not saying that he will understand, he may not, but if he loves you then he should and needs to care enough about your feelings to stop doing it. When you two are arguing, it is sometimes best to give each other space to cool down because if the sparks keep flying, it could get really bad. Take a walk and then sit down and discuss with each other why you both are arguing. Express your feelings to him, he should do the same to you. Listening to each other is important in working out difficulties. If you love each other and want a lasting relationship communication and listen to each other is important. I'm not a know it all in these things but I've been to marriage counceling for 20 years with my x husband and learned a lot from trying to make my marriage work. It takes two to keep a relationship going, and work, and communication and understanding. If you can't work together on your difficulties in your relationship then it won't last long. Good luck but don't let him drag you down. No man is worth staying with if he mistreats you.

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Do you trust him????? The thing is that is what they are like and yes it is annoying to us and upsetting but if you trust him and if you know he loves you then just ignore it It would be worse if he did this behind your Back, which he will do if you always go at him about it, so just overlook it and remember he is not hiding it Your second Dilemma, when you do get into a fight try to control yourself and do cool down before carrying on if he walks away for good because of a Fight it means he never loved you, everybody has arguments it is part of the Relationship, you just have to make sure they do not get out of Hand and yes walk away to cool down then talk about it We can only give you Advice Phoenix, you have to take the Actions Girl and I really hope you can

First about the facebook thingy, I think you should gather more valid reasons to be bothered by it. It's just facebook comment and it won't hurt anyone just by posting in there. If you can point to me that what he says there he has done in real life then there's something that is really bothering and should need to be talked about. On the second part I guess it is a natural reactions of most women. But, I think you should also understand that for many men too when situation gets to a point where there is no resolution being resolved it is indeed better to call if off and cool things off. It doesn't mean that he is giving up on you but just letting the steam off of everybody to make your minds clear and think about the situation. I think this is basically what we men think of. We cannot make sudden decision in most of the situations where serious issues are being tackled and when the person you are talking becomes irrational already. The fear that you feel is indeed irrational and you should try to calm you mind first and try to understand that when in the heat of things sometimes our mind are not as logical as we think we are and pausing for a while would definitely help once mind to settle down and slowly assess its being rational again.

I don't think you are nitpicking. If it bothers you that he admires other womwen , you should tell him so.But don't yell or scream , just calmly tell him . Then if he Still does it , then you have a problem. I never like ro argue so I cant help with the second question. I have heard it is wise to walk away but if you can't do it , you can't do it. I hope others can help you more . Take care.

Of course it is absolutely OK to call another woman sexy. But it should remain at that only and nothing more. After all males will be males!

the first thing i would have to ask you is do you trust him? and is there any reason not to trust him ? maybe he shouldnt have used sexy and talk about something. yeah its wrong. but with me and my wife i will tell her if another female is cute not sexy or anything along those line. but to men we see nothing wrong with it. its should be if he knows it upset you then out of respect and love yeah knock it off. but he is doing the right thing by walking away to allow you guys to cool down. but you should maybe ask him when you are calm if he wont say things like this for you. i mean by looking at your picture there isnt nothing to worry about you do look cute. but good luck. dont or try not to sweat the small things

Hi again. I just responded to another of your discussions. No, you aren't nitpicking. If something makes you uncomfortable, it makes you uncomfortable, and in a relationship the other partner needs to respect what makes the other feel uncomfortable. Regardless of whether or not you find other men attractive and he finds other women attractive--it makes you uncomfortable. Would he like it if you commented about one of his friends, "You are so sexy!" If he wouldn't mind it, then you two aren't on the same page about beliefs on the matter. If he would mind it, maybe he would begin to understand where you are coming from. My husband and I have the same problem about arguments that you do. I always want to confront a problem, talk about it until it's solved and done, yet he always withdraws and wants to deal with it later. If I'm near him and keep trying to talk about it and pursue it, it only gets worse and worse, and we both end up angry. But if I'm around him I can't resist trying to say that one thing that will help us get to a common ground. I've learned what helps me: leaving the house. I'll simply get in my car and leave. Depending on how angry I am, I'll drive around town or actually drive quite a bit of way away and listen to music on the radio. When I come back, my husband's apologetic and ready to talk: every time. If I stay rather than leave, well...I can't control my anger. I've broke a door by punching it before because I simply couldn't get through to him and he wouldn't talk to me. I'd much rather leave and be calm the next time I saw him than break things around the house to get his attention...plus, I hate when I'm like that, even though it happens maybe once a year, if that. I'm not saying, necessarily, that you should leave when he's not willing to talk. Maybe you could try it or figure out what would work best for you. You KNOW it will only get worse if you pursue it, so try other measures. Take a walk...go in the other room and avoid him for awhile to calm down...listen to music. And again on him commenting on your mutual friend...most people would say that finding others attractive is okay, only normal. But that is not the only opinion out there. Growing up, I'd hear my mom comment on how sexy Johnny Depp was (or other men), in front of my dad, and vice versa. That would make me sick to my stomach and hope to God not all relationships were like that...that I could find a man someday that could find everything he ever wanted in me and vice versa. I did, and am so lucky because the people who do not fall to thinking lust is not cheating, etc., are very rare in society today. I'm not saying leave him, and I don't even know if you feel the same about other people, but just don't want to voice it to him and don't want him to tell you. I just want you to know that you aren't crazy for feeling offended. You most likely wondered what about you he finds attractive and how you match up to your friend...and I don't blame you. What he said is totally out of line, even if you both have attractions to other people. It's not a matter of who's most attractive or who's sexier, in your case, but simply what you are comfortable with. I wish you the best of luck with this situation.