Have You Thought about how you Plan to Parent?
By cripfemme
@cripfemme (7698)
United States
January 3, 2010 5:47pm CST
I have in some detail. First off, of course, my kid will have rules, e.g. "No you cannot stay out until 3 a.m." or "If you fail all your classes, you cannot go out." However, I will not be one of those parents who is, in my opinion, stupidly interested in what their kid is doing. My kid will learn more by structure than by my actual dictation. For example, for everyone in the house of all ages, if you want your laundry done with everyone else's, you'll put everything you want washed in the basket by Wednesday or whatever predetermined day. Should you need something washed, and again this applies to everyone, feel free to do it yourself on some other day unless there is some emergency which you couldn't plan for. My spouse may not like following the same rules as the kids, but they're going to or else they're going to wash their own laundry. If grown-ups have no rules which apply to them, why should kids. Moreover, while I would like my child to have a clean room, I'm not going to punish them if they don't, they have to live in it. I figure they'll be like me and clean when it gets on their nerves. The more I harp on them about it, the less likely they are to do it, even if they are annoyed. Besides, I don't plan to be around forever. I have a theory that the reason college students rooms are so dirty is that they're used to having someone tell them when to clean and have no self-initiative in this regard. Thirdly, I don't want my kid to do anything just because I or anyone else says so unless it's safety-related. A lot of parents, I have found, are just like "Obey me because I'm a grown-up." This is a bad precedent to set. According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, these people-pleaser children are much more likely to become victims of pedophiles and other unwell adults because they are just taught to obey without question. As my kids is probably going to have a disability if all goes according to plan, as I plan to adopt kids with disabilities specifically which makes them more of a target for those kinds of people anyway, I don't meed to encourage any other behaviors which would further entice that sort of behavior. What do you think? Do you have plans as far as parenting concerned?
2 people like this
6 responses
@EmethofCalormen (13)
• United States
4 Jan 10
It is indeed a terrible precedent to tell children to obey "because i'm a grownup." Kids must be taught to think for themselves, and should be rewarded for asking questions, so long as they show proper deference to authority. I actually hope to homeschool my kids... it isn't a must for me, because I'm sure they'd receive a good education in a public school so long as my wife and I stay involved in their education, but I myself was homeschooled, and it has been a large part of what has put me ahead of the game in my college career. I'd also like to design my children's literature courses, and make sure they have at least dipped their feet into classical philosophy. So much of life is spent unexamined by so many people, it's terrible. Honestly, education is a huge part of what I think about when I consider raising a child. As far as discipline goes, I'll probably treat my kids the same way my parents did me. Spankings and groundings never scarred me.
Oh, and no babytalk when they're little. It's pointless, and stunts their language development.
Lots of reading, too. I want to start a habit of reading to my kids from the time they're little. That's part of what helped me learn to love reading as I grew older.
1 person likes this
@SkiBabe1814 (109)
• United States
4 Jan 10
It's funny that you mention that. I have discussed with my partner how we plan to raise kids when we have them. I know that they will have rules, I had a lot of rules. But I plan to be open with them as well. But not open to the point where they know too much at an age that is not appropriate. I want my child to grow up to be a respectable person and a contributing member of society. I do plan to let them make decisions on their own as well so they can learn from their mistakes.
@StarBright (2798)
• United States
4 Jan 10
Wow! All I can say is I wish you well in your endeavors. My children are adults now. I don't recall having all of those rules established before they were born. We sort of made them up as we went along. It takes a while for the little tykes to grow, so we had a lot of time to think about it and work out the details. The basic family values, we sort of brought with us from our parents.
You are right in that you want children who can think for themselves and are not just people pleasers, as you call them. At the same time, I recall giving a standard reply to my children on many ocassions when they asked "Why?" for the 10,000 time, "Because I am the parent and you are the child. So hop to it." I applaud you for taking an interest in children with disabilities. But I will warn you, remember the line I just gave you above. You will need it. Children will be children. 
Good luck and God bless.
Good luck and God bless. 1 person likes this
@raynejasper (2322)
• Philippines
4 Jan 10
..hi.. parenting is really an enjoyable but challenging job.. with what you have enumerated, you seem to be kind of parent who makes rules in the house.. In my personal observation and readings, it would be better if the parent wouldn't just say "NO" or "DON'T DO THIS AND THAT".. instead, parents should explain why they are saying No or Don't Do That.. and parents should also explain why their are rules in the house to be followed.. For me, I would give freedom to my kids to do as they wish provided that are not ruining their life, or other people's lives.. I would teach them how to use wisdom in making decisions because that is what they need.. I would also tell them of my experiences in life because I know that from it, they could learn something and avoid to repeat my mistakes.. I would also continue to read books and articles concerning dealing with children and their tantrums because we can't really remove that from them especially if they are still kids.. And of course, I will give them consequences when they make mistakes and I will let them realize the mistakes they did for them to understand why I am punishing them.. well, for me, parenting is a sort of job that we can't really plan ahead because children have their personal differences and personalities so different styles of parenting is needed to suit each child.. I just hope and pray that I will be a good parent..
@ishprash (46)
• India
4 Jan 10
parenting is a very responsible task...we have to build and influence the noble social characteristics in our children for a good social life..as per the cleansing and other behaviour of the kids are concerned we have to teach them in a friendly and self-experiencing method..in my case i am interested to adopt a child rather than exploding population by reproducing one as india already crossed more than 110 crore figure..
