Is this a necessary part of "moving on"

No I do not believe you have to get rid of all that as those are the Memories of the Love that passed away, so as far as I can see you can keep them as I know I would The other Person should respect and understand this If it was just a broken Relationship ok then I guess it should all go if you are starting a new one, but if it is a love that has passed away I say the Memories are allowed to be kept

i would just put them away,but tell the new person about them. it seems to be different when the person's deceased rather than just gone. i guess kind of "non-threatening" in a way if you know what i mean.

I don't really think it's fair to the new partner if you keep momentos from your old partner, even if they did pass away. That just sort of shows the person that you're still so attatched that you can't do away with these things. I guess things like photos could be kept if it's okay with the new partner, and even family member's phone numbers... but for the most part I'd expect it all to be gone. I did recently see a commercial for some show where the new husband was upset that his wife was keeping her 1st husband's remains on the mantle, and his leg in the closet. I didn't watch the show, but I thought to myself, the leg is a bit extreme, that needs to go, but the ashes... I mean, that was her husband, let her keep his darn ashes!

I don' think one thing has anything to do with the other. Your past has made you who you are and the new partner loves you as you are today. They must know that you didn't come out of the womb that way. If the relationship is so shaky that one person is bother by mementoes of the past it's most likely not strong enough to stand the test of time.

Your past is part of who you are, and it helped make you that way. It is in no way disrespectful to the new person to keep remnants of the old with you. As long as you don't overdo it! Don't wave things in his face, don't compare him or her to their predecessor or ask them to do things like they did. A little sensitivity goes a long way, methinks.

I have been through this dawnald, and there are no easy or "right" answers. Time passes and life does go on, for all of us. If you have the opportunity to find happiness with someone else, you should be all means go for it. I chose to keep a very small chest full of photo's, letters, and personal items, which I still have to this day, over twenty years later. You don't need to toss or destroy everything, but you do need to close that chapter of your life in order to move on. So, put away a few precious things that mean the most to you, and then start anew and give praise that you are being given this second chance at love.

if he really is "Mr. Right" then he won't feel threatened by the love that passed away - its not like he's going to show up and whisk you off from him. I think you can keep those things and do right with your new relationship - just because you had a love and lost him, doesn't mean that you stopped loving him, just that you are ready for what life brings NOW. Someone here lost her love in a fire and has moved on - honestly, she's probably the better voice to say - but I think she lost all those things in the same fire that claimed his life.

My personal opinion is that this relationship was a big part of your life and, there is nothing wrong with keeping the memories around. Now, once in a new relationship, I think I would put away pictures and things that may be out in the open. But, I would not get rid of them. I might even ask the new person in my life to help me pack things away, explaining that I don't want to get rid of them but, I do want to store them away somewhere, they are important to me but, I need to clear them away so that you and I can make our own memories because you are important to me, too.

How can you delete part of your life? all your grieving - ALL THAT YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH AND EXPERIENCED HS MADE YOU INTO THE PERSON YOU NOW ARE.AND THIS IS THE PERSON THAT YOUR NEW PARTNER LOVES. SOPRRY FOR CAPS.NO TIME TO CHANGE. THE MEMORIES CANNOT BE ERASED IF YO THREW EVERYTHING ELSE AWAY.WHEN YOU EXPERIENCE A MEMORY THAT WAS GOOD THEN TAKE PLEASURE IN IT.SORRY AGAIN, NO TIMETO SAY MORE BUT OU MUST CAN GET THE GIST OF MY THNKING.

I have never heard of anything like getting rid of your past life especially if it was a happy one.It I were you I would find a cupboard or drawer and save what ever you don't feel ready to part with.Photo's,presents,jewellery.ect .You will never wipe this person out of your memory as they were a great part of your life.I am sure your new partner would not mind the odd photo around.I do hope everything goes well.

Perhaps not trash or destroy, but clearly take down, box up, and put away. It struck me in reply number 1, that the whole discussion revolved around how they feel about the situation, and not the potential spouse. Try reversing the scenario. You meet a guy, who had a past wife which passed away. You get married let's say (since I don't believe in moving in prior to marriage). Across the walls and shelves of his house are all the photos and tokens of things they did together. Pictures of them laying together on the beach, trips to other countries and vacations. Now, I'm no woman, but I think I've been around them long enough to know they'd feel uncomfortable in that situation. A woman generally wants to know that their spouse is in love with them, and not still in love with a past wife. I don't think most would like being surrounded by constant reminders that they are second place in his life. They may not be second place in reality, but I wager they'd feel that way. Now perhaps some people here wouldn't be bothered by that, but I think most would.

I see no harm in keeping some items. They are your memories and have made you what you are. If the new guy is the guy for you and he is self-assured, he will understand. It's not like a divorce and maybe you want to get back together. You had no control over it. I could see if you compare him to the ex or kept everything out and flaunted your old relationship. If you keep most things hidden away and don't compare him or your new relationship to the old it's fine.

Dawnald; I was where YOU are when my first wife passed away suddenly and a year half later I met my NOW second wife 2 years after. I HAD/HAVE NO INTENTION OF DESTROYING ANY PART OF THE WONDERFUL TIME GOD GAVE ME TO SHARE W/HER & THE TWO BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN THAT WE WERE BLESSED TO HAVE. But, as we got closer I had to start letting go of the way my relationship "worked" with my 1st wife and focus on my relationship with my 2nd wife to be. Istill have wedding pictures, keepsakes,some phone numbers and letters we wrote to one another over those 5 years together even to this day.

Moving into a new relationship after losing an old one in this way is unique and comes along with some unique situations as well. Your new partner will have to accept that you may still love the other person. They will be a shadow in the relationship always there. I don't think you need get rid of this person's stuff. I don't think you are betraying the new relationship by keeping commemorations of life that belonged to the old. Whatever you decide to do, if this is your scenario. Good luck to you.

i DON'T THINK U SHOULD HAVE TO GET RID OF ANYTHING BUT GUESS THE WAY THE NEW GUY FEELS WILL have alot to do w/that.Some men are so silly & jealous of things like tht.Be leary of men like that. They will make your life miserable, been there one that.

I think as long as you are ready to move on, and its not something that your doing because you think you "have" to, then there is no reason to get rid of these things. That person was a major part of your life for the time they were there, and there will be lots of good memories you will have, so I dont think there should be any reason to get rid of these things. And the person you are going to be with, would hopefully understand this.

I'd like to say yes, you can keep the momentos of your last relationship. I don't why not, my father and mother are divorsed and my dad still keeps pictures of his life with my mom. So yes, it's OK to keep pictures of someone you once loved and still go on loving the person you're with now.

Many years ago I too went threw a very similar relationship. I dont think the period of mourning ever completely goes away it just becomes , hmmm lets say tolerable to live with. Lets say you had been with that person and had a child .....would the new relationship have to except the child? Sure they would. When we form new relationships those new people to some extent take on alittle part of our past because our past is what makes us who we are today. That experience has forever changed your life....wheather you have physical items from the past or just your memories it will always be there. This new person has fallen in love with you: your past is part of you they have to except it, you cant change or get rid of the past. I would keep those things. I have held on to a few small things over many years and at times of extreme stress in my life i know theyve brought me comfort. I still feel that connection to him but at the same time I know he wouldnt have wanted me to stop living my life because of his accident. So i hold the special memories close to my heart and live one day at a time because the past is set in stone but the future is uncertain. Wishing you all the best with your new relationship:)

Nah, I wouldn't destroy any of it. If that person before that passed away was a major part of your life then there is no need to throw it away. More than likely any person would be able to understand the circumstances and would probably encourage you to keep all the stuff as well which probably could bring you closer together. You already moved on by dating someone else, erasing part of your life isn't moving on by getting rid of everything.

You can keep a few letters or pictures just for the memories...but if you keep to much then you're still attached and definitely not ready yet to move on. But for some it's definitely healthy if you get rid of everything because you're actually starting to turn a new leaf in life with a new found love. I know it is painful to over love someone and then it had to end due to difficult circumstances. I know it's very difficult to accept things when they happen to hurt us soo much, but keep in mind that you deserve to be happy too and this might be your time to move on and be happy. When you love someone, and when the love you shared with that special someone was very special...it definitely surpassed the memories left like letters, flowers, gifts...because the most sincere and precious are the memories and time shared which are very special...noone can take it away...it's inside your heart and mind. Good luck with your new found love...Enjoy every minute as time ticks by...I know you deserve this time to be happy...happy mylotting.