My Supposed "Best Friend" -- here's a pageful!!
By Bethany1202
@Bethany1202 (3431)
United States
January 21, 2010 9:16pm CST
I am getting continually irritated with my so-called best friend. I love her very much and we have good times together, but there are many things bothering me lately. She has seemed to become more selfish and self-centered, which are two things I really don't care for. Anytime we talk on the phone she always has to tell me all about her problems and her life, and I barely get a word in.
Plus, my boyfriend and I moved a distance away (a little over an hour, which really isn't that far) and we have lived here 6 months now. I have driven down to visit her several times but she has yet to stop over and see our new home.
Also, I did lend her money about 2 years ago. She was engaged to a man and they had a baby together and needed money for whatever... The details of that are not important, but it was $600 and she was supposed to pay me back $50 a month. Money was tight and I understood that. At the time, I was able to lend it without issue as I was making much more money back then. She paid me back about $150 altogether so far but I have not seen a dime in about a year! Even if she were to pay me $20 a month, it would be better than none.
I am not the type of person to lose a friend over something so stupid like money, but she and her boyfriend both smoke, but if they were so broke don't you think they'd at least cut back on their cigarettes? Especially around a baby??
Also, other mutual friends say they see her spending money in the bar drinking. I understand everyone needs to let loose sometimes and not relieve a little stress, but don't you think she could set aside $5 a week to pay me back, especially when she knows I am struggling financially right now?
My hours have been cut back at work, and I have repeatedly asked her to pay me at least SOMETHING every month. I have been trying to write more articles at certain writing sites that pay and doing other things to try to earn more online just so I can pay the minimum on my bills.
$20 a month is not much but it's better than nothing! I could really use any extra money right now... Each time I try to discuss this issue she cries the blues and I am sick of it. I am not counting on ever receiving the full sum of payment back. 
Sorry, but I just needed to vent! Please offer your opinions and advice!
Sorry, but I just needed to vent! Please offer your opinions and advice!3 people like this
16 responses
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
22 Jan 10
I have this same problem with a so-called-friend too. I loaned her $850. so she and her husband could move out of a rat infested, roach infested, hole in the wall that was crumbling in on them. They were paying weekly for this dump.
I put them in a trailer that my son was renting but he was staying at my house more. I told her I'd pay the rent, deposit, and to get her lights on. I'd leave the water on in my sons name if she would change it to hers as soon as she could.
It took her a year to change the water over.
It has been 4 years and I have yet to get back the money I loaned them. She did give me $50 back the first month.
She, her husband, and I worked in the same place. He went to Iraq and they were saving a lot of money for the government to match. In 6 months they would have over $30,000. I never saw a cent of the money owed to me but that money and their pay from work is and has been gone for a long time.
She calls me all the time crying and with her problems. Like you I can hardly get a word in edgewise and when I do start talking unless it's to do with her problem she cuts me off and says that she has to go.
Why is it that some people do this? They call you their friend, even their BEST FRIEND and then do this to you. I would never do anyone like this or in any way badly. I do not borrow money from anyone.
My ex-son-in-law owes me $875 for his truck driving course, not to mention the weeks of rent to stay where he had to go and food money.
I did write a collection letter to him to get my money back. I put in the letter that I was giving him a month to start paying me some or in full.
Or I would take him to court. He was working making really good money...after 3 years in this work. He had moved up to shipping and receiving.
He told me good luck and to stand in line. He was being garnished from as many as was allowed by law.
I'd suggest that you tell your friend to pay you, mentioning that you know they spend money at the pub and buy what they want. Or you are going to take her to small claims court. That you need the money. You helped her when she needed it now you need your money. This is what I told my ex-son-in-law.
We are still friendly but I will not loan him money ever again!
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
22 Jan 10
I did not have a written agreement either with anyone that I have helped. The one I have nothing to do with any more was my best friend since high school. I helped these people when they needed it out of the kindness of my heart and out of friendship. I didn't think I needed papers and it never crossed my mind.
I kept my word and loaned the money...I thought they would keep their word and pay me back.
There comes a time when I don't want to be used anymore, so I quit having anything to do with them if that's all they do. I don't need friends like that.
1 person likes this
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
24 Jan 10
I am certainly getting to that point myself. Sorry you had to go through that as well. : (
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
22 Jan 10
I've considered doing that, and I don't really want it to come to that. We never had any kind of written agreement or anything...
These people are LUCKY they are not getting charged interest, or they'd owe much more than this. People use others, I understand, but I trusted her. Oh well. Lesson learned!
I would never loan any money again, maybe $20 here and there to certain people, but nothing more than that, which I wouldn't really miss (if I had the money to lend, that is).
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
22 Jan 10
Wow, not a good friend at all. I'd never lend a friend money unless I truly truly knew that they would pay me back and at this point, I don't have any friends like that and I would say since she has never paid you back, don't lend her any money not at all, not any more. Inform her that she never paid you back from the last loan. I guess thats why they say never lend money to family or friends. It also might be time to break the friendship with her, because it seems like she is just using you for her own personal use. I had a friend like that. Notice I said had, her and I are no longer friends. Which is a good thing, but you don't need friends like that in your life.
1 person likes this
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
24 Jan 10
Well she's not asking me for more money and she has paid back SOME of the money, but not much. I am going to distance myself from her, not answer her calls and texts or anything anymore. I doubt she'll care since she's so self-involved anyway...
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
22 Jan 10
Your "friend" sounds like a very self-centered person. It also sounds as if she is taking your friendship and your kindness for granted. I have very rarely borrowed money from a friend but I will tell you that I can't stand owing a friend even a dollar. If my friend were sweet enough to lend me 600.00 then I know that it would be a top priority to pay her back regardless of whether she "needed" it or not. It would not set right with me until it was paid off. To be honest, 50.00 per month is not much to ask for such a loan. You have been more than kind enough. Friendship works both ways and I can see from your story that this goes deeper than just the money. She has not gone out of her way to see your new home and share in your happiness. Has she ever asked you to join her for a drink or offered to pay for your coffee? Maybe if you distance yourself from this person it may make her wonder why. I would distance myself just for my own peace of mind. She is not being a very good friend for you.
1 person likes this
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
22 Jan 10
I agree. I would appreciate at least a little effort on her part, but it seems she's not very considerate and certainly not behaving like any close friend would.
I realize times are tight, but I try to be a good friend. I have tried to gently talk to her about getting at least SOME of the money back, but then she whines about how desperate she is right now and has been borrowing money from others... Whether this is true or not, I don't know. But what I DO know is that she isn't really trying to make any extra money. I have suggested a few things to try to help her but she doesn't seem to even care.
I just don't know how people can live like this. I have felt lately as though I have been taken for granted. I think I will further distance myself. Thanks for the kind words.
@23uday (2997)
• India
25 Jan 10
hi Bethany1202,
i think you should deal with her directly and take money back from her.i dont think your friend really values money as she just wasting them on drinking and money.
Atleast she should have spend that money on the baby and her boyfriend should also earn the money and support the baby and the mother, and better you avoid such kind of irresponsible friends.
happy mylotting
@maygodblessu44 (7336)
• India
5 Feb 10
Hello my friend Bethany1202 Ji,
Well, I think,money i smain problem. If I lend a money, I just think, I am donating. I just never bother. I further do not give money, for which I would not be able to suffer loss and bear it. You just forget it, you will be OK. Let her realize that. One day She will return ou balance and hereafter, you take a owe not to give money to anyone to remain peaceful.
May God bless You and have a great time.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
22 Jan 10
I don't know if it is because you moved away or the new boyfriend but she isn't acting like a friend.A true friend would try to pay you back. If not in money maybe in a visit to the new place with something you need for the new home. Or come over with the fixings to make you a good dinner or in my case a good dessert and take out dinner! And when you call, she would let you vent Before talking about her own life. I'm not as good as you , The moment I found out that she wasn't sticking to the plan to pay me back, I would have written her off. she would have gained 600 dollars but lost a friend.
1 person likes this
@AcousticSoul (1309)
• United States
22 Jan 10
Yes your friend does sound a little selfish, I know this may sound crazy but I would let the money issue go because if you keep pushing and she keeps avoiding you then its going to get ugly, and you have to figure whats more important your friend or the money you loaned her. although it may help you right now, trust me later on you will look back and say it wasn't worth fighting for. sounds like you may need to distant yourself a little and pull back from being so generous so she can see how it feels. and be honest with her let her know how you truly feel and if she loves you and values your friendship she will change and just know if she does the opposite then she really wasn't a real friend to begin with.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
22 Jan 10
It's too bad when friends take advantage of u & i think that's what happened here. I 'm like u i doubt u will ever get your money back. i'msure u have learned a good lesson here. the hard way. Sorry she did u that way. Banks are for making loans not friends.
1 person likes this
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
22 Jan 10
first mistake lending a friend money specail a large sum.
my wife best friend from school, her husband passed away left her with no money at all. she have heart issunes, and three boys with mental illness. well we went down on day and i took her car filled it up with gas, had a friend buy her old a&& tv and then we helped her out with a few 100 bucks for meds. she swore we would get it back, well its been three years. we knew we wouldnt which to us isnt a big deal even though we are disable but she stopped talking to us all together.
now i will not lend money or help people out with money. so you can either sue her in small claim court or take it as a leason learn. its sad when you got people like us who's willing to help out others specaily friends or family and they stabbed us in the back.
good luck
1 person likes this
@advokatku (4033)
• Indonesia
22 Jan 10
dealing friends like this really annoying ... I suggest you disconnect the cord of friendship with her and still collect your money is. If necessary, sue she to the Court for not running these obligations
1 person likes this
@ziyadahinc212 (552)
• United States
22 Jan 10
Bethany! Why are U being so "PETTY?" This is your BF and she needs YOU & all I hear is WHY do I have to ALWAYS drive down to SEE HER OVER AN HOUR AWAY? WHY when she calls SHE DOESN'T let me get in A WORD ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS AND if U do SHES LIKE, "OH WILL U LOOK AT THE TIME...GOTTA GO SEE'YA!" YOU've KNOWN HOW SHALLOW SHE WAS FOR AWHILE NOW, U JUST DECIDED TO IGNORE HER...PROBLEM?! And whats this about getting/moving-in with a 'NEW' B/F OH, H$#LS NO! HE HAS 2 GO!!!LOL AND FROGET ABOUT STUPID THE MONEY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, ISN'T YOUR SELF ABSORBED FRIEND's FRIENDSHIP WORTH MORE THAN $600 DOLLARS OF GROCERIES, LIGHTS, WATER, CAR NOTE ( U get where I'm going w/this right). Bottom line: A GOOD FRIEND IS WHAT U NEED TO FIND!lol
P.s. B GOOD 2 U & YOURS FIRST! Happy Mylotting!
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
24 Jan 10
But friendship is also a 2-way street. It works both ways, and it seems like she has just been using me lately.
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
25 Jan 10
Oh, I did misunderstand.. Thanks for the clarification. The money didn't bother me until I started realizing all this other stuff about her and it all sank in. The money is trivial compared to her behavior and not respecting me as a person or treating me as a friend, only a convenience.
@ziyadahinc212 (552)
• United States
24 Jan 10
Sorry Bethany I thought I was being CLEAR but, this is what I was saying, "Drop that SCANK and Hook another BF from the FRIENDSHIP TANK!lol
@ashishp2c (286)
• India
22 Jan 10
that is really bad on the part of a friend. but that is life.
1 person likes this
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
22 Jan 10
It's not only about the money. I can get past THAT part, it's several other things, her being more selfish lately and concerned only with her self... If it were just the money, I don't think I would even care as much.
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
22 Jan 10
Bethany, I wrote a response to this, but I have or should say I had another friend that I loaned $350. Not only that I was there for her almost everyday selling things,(that I made and paid for supplies) for her daughter to go to dance competitions. I gave her the money made. I held raffles and gave her the money. I was there to help her and do for her every time she needed me and then some.
I needed her and she told me that she would come, but never did...she did not even call to tell me that she was not coming...after 4 days in a row telling me that she was and would be there soon.
She kept being like that. When we were not doing for her benefit she did not show up.
I dropped her as a friend. I have nothing to do with her. This type of friend I do not need.
Friends should treat you as you treat them...with respect and be as courteous to you as you are to them.
No one needs these kind of friends like you have and I had. I don't call the girl and guy that owe me now, she calls me. We both live in different states now.
Good luck to you dear.
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
22 Jan 10
Never...ever...loan a friend or relative money! Give it to them if you have it. If they pay you back it's a nice surprise but mixing money with friendship is never a good idea...for the very reasons you have posted about. You are taking your friend's actions when it comes to spending money as a personal insult to you and it's really not. Is she irresponsible? Absolutely. But, she's not thinking to herself, "Should I send Bethany $20 or go have a drink? Screw her." What she's most likely doing is living her life as she always has and, yes, it's not right but it's not taking a slam at you personally. The intent to hurt your feelings is not there so I want you to understand that. From what you also posted, she does seem to be pretty self centered. I believe that she always has been but her bad traits are front and center in your mind right now because you're frustrated about the money. For your own peace of mind, forget about the money. Chalk it up to a lesson learned and never make that same mistake again. It's going to be hard to rid yourself of the resentment you feel and you might not be able to. This friendship may end but take this lesson with you into the future.
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
24 Jan 10
Did you read the whole post? The money is only a SMALL part of it, and it really didn't start bothering me until lately when other people say they see her hanging around the bar spending money she supposedly doesn't have.
@jkcokley (265)
• United States
30 Jan 10
Rule number one - Never lend money to a friend or family member it always turns out bad unless one - you can afford to do so and you don't ever except to get it back.
Your mad at your friend because you clearly don't approve of her life style. I can tell by your writing that you don't approve of her smoking or drinking and with her having a baby around - you believe she should be more responsible. The truth is that your friend hasn't changed at all, she is still the same person she was before you moved the difference is - you changed. Your set of priorities and believes has changed. My advice - don't be mad at your friend for you growing emotionally. Since your set of priorities have changed maybe its time to find new friends that share those changes in your life. I have a friend that has been my best friend since junior high - a long time ago - we are still best friends but we also realize that we are not the same two young women we were in high school - we have evolved and changed. We have accepted those changes.
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
31 Jan 10
Not necessarily. She has become much more selfish. We used to have fun, she would listen to me vent, now all she does is complain, vent, have pity parties, and not leave any room for friends to vent. Friendship is a two-way street, not just there when convenient!
I understand ppl change and priorities change. This has little to do with the money and much more to do with the effort put into a "friendship."
