Why Does It Seem That Some Of Us Ruin The Best Things In Our Lives?

At my age of 49, I must tell you that before I came to this age, I had committed similar mistakes and hurt a lot of people myself; I call it a growing up pains. One thing I like about you is that you are honest enough to admit that you are in error and that is in itself a BIG step for change. You still have a hope of becoming a better person eventually. What I see is a sense insecurity and ineptness holds you from seeing the potential within you and usually this stemmed from your childhood experiences. Sometimes in the process of us growing up, we incur hurts, disappointments, frustrations and we find hard to forgive others and forgive ourselves. These accumulates and became bags of burdens that we carry in our shoulders subconciously. It lingers and form its own, soon it becomes our motivation. Anyway, my advise for you is to identify what is the probable cause of these "self centeredness and self pity" and go over it and as you go, cry over it and after that, tell yourself you forgive this person, or that person who hurt you and then forgive yourself for hurting other people and in this case, your boyfriend.IT also helps to pray over these people to release it from yourself. Second step, wake up everyday believing and anticipating for good things and good changes to come.Everyday holds a promise of a better life. Look at the mirror and see the best person in you, not the ugly side.Always specify that good person inside you...refuse to see the other side. Focus on the good and get rid of the bad. Eventually, you will learn to see what you need to see in you - the good one with all the good qualities you possess. Anyway, the Lord created us in His image; and who He is, we are designed to be. So finally, in your prayers (personal, not religious type) ask God to reveal who you are in Him and you will see, how beautiful you are in His sight! Do not worry about the boyfriend, if its meant to be, he will come back when he see the change; but if he will not, look forward because someone else will come along and this time, you will be prepared to meet him and make it work the second time around for good. It works for me, it will work for you! God bless you! God bless you!

He could have taken the time to say there was an issue a LONG time before it before it became and issue that he felt could not be fixed. Opal dont blame yourself there's two people in a relationship and communication is key! I'm sure i have done things i wish i could take back...but I cant think of anything major at this very moment.

I can't say that I do that ruin the best things in my life..and my advice to you would be......if you think it's worth it then try with all your heart to fix things.....I don't think I have ever done anything to anyone to intentionally hurt them....but I have had it done a few times to me.....

Hi Opal26, I am so sorry that your boyfriend has left you, please don't blame yourself for everything, if he esays he don't love you no more, maybe he never loved you, you can't just stop loving someone, he should have been there for you not matter what, sorry but maybe you are better off without him, please don't beat yourself up anymore, its not your fault. Tamara

My first piece of advice would be to stop thinking so negatively hun negative attracts negative and positive attracts positive. I'm not saying no shite will ever happen if you think positively I'm just saying you'll view it differently and people will view you differently. It's very rare for people to just fall out of love with each other, become sick of the situation yes! reach the end of their teather yes! but deep down they still have feelings. He may have told you in hope that you would realise how bad the situation had gotten in hope that the relationship could be salvaged. My advice would be to explain to him like you have here exactly how you feel and hope that you can move forward together. It takes two people to make or break a relationship so do't beat yourself up too much sometimes as hard as people try & despite huge sacrifices things just don't work out. As for your question yes i'm sure everyones done things they wish they hadn't and couldn't take back or fix but if you move forward learn from it and never make the mistake again that experience has served it's purpose. I don't feel that I destroy the good in my life but I also don't think about my actions that way everything happens for a reason don't over analyse focus on the future and move forward implementing what you can to make it better. After all whats done is done sometimes actions speak louder than words. I wish you both every happiness.

...Hi Opal, Hope you are doing well in spite of the break-up with your boyfriend. Which may not be completely over yet. Not many relationships that have gone on for that long, end with a clean break. There is usually more of a winding down to it. So if you want to patch things up with him, you just may have the chance to do what you thought you should have done more of, before he announced he didn't love you anymore, which I also believe is not quite true. There is a little more steam in this relationship engine "o). Now, you need if I may say so, to sit down and counsel with yourself, as to why you think you mess good things up, is it that you don't think you deserve to have things go well, if so, turn your perspective around and know and believe, that you are deserving, you should have good things in your life and embrace them instead of possibly sub-conciously sabotaging them. Meditate and bring positive forces around you and you will be able to push away those things that cause you perhaps to mess up, as you say the good things in your life. Good luck and take care.

I wouldn't say that it is ALL your fault. Yes, it is hard to be around people who are negative all the time; it drains your own positive energy. But on the other hand, your boyfriend should be supportive of you and try and help you through the difficult times, perhaps point you in a more positive direction. If you have taken him for granted, he has let you. It takes two to make a relationship. Yes, some people sabotage their relationships, sometimes knowlingly, but since I don't know you personally nor do I know the ins and outs of your relationship, I can't agree with you 100%. Even if I did, I wouldn't be a real friend if I agreed with you. Of course, this is coming from someone who is known to be negative. I'm good at not practicing what I preach. The important thing is that you know what you feel you have done wrong and can make an effort to change. This may include counselling, reading motivational books, listening to motivational tapes/videos, etc., but changes won't happen overnight. It takes baby steps. There is also the possibility that this guy is not the one for you if he can't love and accept you for you. I am not speaking negatively of him because a) I don't know him, and b) things may not be over between you two. With any luck you still have a chance to repair this relationship. I wish you the best and pray that you have the life that God has meant for you.

I am sorry to read what you have written and feel bad for your unhappiness Opal.Hope you retrieve the relationship by persistent effort.I have never taken anything for granted in life and only today we were discussing at home about this and my husband was saying that my extra sympathy and lenience had only landed me in trouble in my past. I have always been on the other side-namely I would allow people to take me for granted and allow them plenty of space and finally feel bad.THe person who has taken another for granted will have to make very hard efforts to get them back[Only then the situation can be retrieved and the feeling and efforts must be very genuine. CHEER UP!You talk to him openly, say that you you had taken him for granted and it will not happen again.Mean it and follow it diligently if you do not want to lose a good relationship because 'Actions speak louder than words'. I would definitely make an effort[have in the past though in different contexts]and after that if it fails then your conscience at least is clear.But sincerity in thought and deed must be hundred percent .

I do not buy any of this. What kind of creep would tell a woman that he doesn't love her any more and it is HER fault? That is nonsense. The only fault you have is if you were to continue wasting your time being broken-hearted over a user and a loser. Do you really believe that you have to EARN a man's love?

Goodness, did he give you any warning? Doesn't sound to me like it's totally your fault. Maybe you have taken him for granted, but did he ever speak up and say so? But yep, I've done some damage in my time. I'm still figuring out how to dig myself out. It's a matter of figuring out how I contributed to the problem and avoiding doing those things any more. But sometimes something is broken and can't be fixed any more. I hope that's not the case with you and your boyfriend. :-(

you know my aunt told me once that she believed my mom had instilled a dislike of myself in me and i should care more for myself because she believed i was causing my own problems by not thinking i was good enough to be happy. for years i did things subconcously to mess up my happiness. i always picked a man that put me down, blamed me for every problem,called me stupid, etc. then i finally listened to my aunt and got picky as i figured i deserved to be happy. when i found John, my late, last hubby, every time i told her of his loving,careing, encouragement, she would keep reminding me that i deserved it. so, yes, i think a person can do this. with every other man i had complained about everything. with this one i didnt and we both always told each other things could be worked out. perhaps if you discuss it with him it can be worked out. dont take on all the guilt a good relationship takes some work on both sides

Hiya Opal, Hey Opal don´t slam yourself so much, other things play a part in these happenings too it takes two to make a break up or makeup. I went out with someone for 15 months and to this very day I don´t why I even went out with him. After that he scorned me for wasting his time. Well the real truth was that I was not good enough for his Family and he was always telling lies. So do I slam myself no way I am very glad I did what I did I dumped him because of the lie after lie. Take time out for yourself you might find someone that really cares usually turns out to be that way heres to that. Take care now and be kind to yourself.

I can relate completely. I find myself self-destructing often. For some reason, I guess I feel uncomfortable when things are going really well in my life. It is a continuous cycle, but it has to be broken or the rest of your life will be very hard. I myself turned toward outside counseling. Hearing another person's perspective on my situation has helped me a great deal.

opal, I never used to destroy the good things in my life till date, bcoz one important thing we should learn in life, patience is the sparking jewels in our life, destroying the things which ever we are having at home it is very easy at moment but once we lost it we cannot get back immediatly, becoz we should go to shop or place again purchase it new one by paying $'s or money, by paying or spending money we should work and earn it. According to Bertrand Russell " No men can be a good teacher unless he has feelings of warm affection toward his people and a genuine a desire to impart to them what he himself believes to be value".

Seems to me that when 2 people are in a relationship they need to work together to fix things. From what I understand your health isn't the best and this sort of thing makes it difficult to be the best you can be. A loving partner should understand this and be there for you...not wait till things are too bad then pull the plug. Seems to me this guy is a bit of a weakling. This is not all your fault. The other person has to take responsibility for the relationship as well. You are a warm, loving, giving person and I'm sure you were very comfortable with this guy, comfortable enough to be yourself...if he needed more from you or something else from you he should have told you. Hang in there my friend and be brave.

I'm so sorry that things have gotten to such a state with you and your boyfriend. I too have a way of messing up just about every thing I do. When I do this I will tell the person if it happens to be a person that I have done something to, that I am sorry...that I'm glad that they pointed this out to me and that if they will give me another chance I will do better by them. Your boyfriend cares for you, he must. But he needs to know that you realize that you have done him wrong that he does deserve better from you and that you plan to make amends if he will let you. I do hope that things work out for you and him. Best of luck and many blessings to you two.

All you can do is tell hi straight out , just the way you wrote this post. tell him about your pattern of destroying the best things in your life. Tell him what is in your heart. and if he still leaves then it wasn't meant to be. You took the first step, You can see your pattern so the next step is to find out why.Good luck.

In the USA, there are free and paid counselors. When my Mom had cancer 5 times in 20 years, I realized that I couldn't keep whining and complaining to my friends or they would run when they saw me coming. As it was, I lost some before I woke up. So I found someone to listen to me whine and complain. Then I could cry, get it over with, move on, be fun and happy and keep friends. People can only take so much of it. Sounds like you need to watch some comedies, esp. movies like "UP" together. Read some joke books, go out and have fun together, even if it's just shopping and only talk about him. BEing gloom and doom can be a chemical imbalance, situational, or a learned behavior. You need to find out what the problem is (you probably already know, but in case you don't) behind the problem. Then do what you can with it. Obviously, my Mother dying of cancer, not much I could do but learn to accept it and have some me time to be happy a little every day. But that was easier said than done. So good luck. IF you don't end up keeping him, then it is a lesson learned and there is probably someone else out there for you. He could have spoken up before it got to the point where he wanted to break up with you. Unless maybe he gave you hints and you didn't notice. Communication is a two way street and maybe you need a guy who is a better communicator or even a guy who's fun, a clown, someone who can take you outside of yourself. If he tried all that and you still put a damper on things, then you need to go to a counselor. Take care and good luck.

Hey Madam! Generosity, Patience and sacrifice is a must in any relation. But if you're with a broken heart that you've messed up everything and feel at a loss, you can be sure never to recover again. What happened in past all are past now. You can't do any better about them now. The best thing for you is to take lessons from your past events and act wisely to make your coming days auspicious for you. I hope you are strong and courageous enough to start your life again in a very good form. Good luck!

ruining the good things, opal, may not be deliberate. probably, you just miss enjoying them, because they are fleeting. well, you can at least savor he memories of good things. if you want to read and see some good and beautiful things, you can see my site at http://pinoygnews.multiply.com/