Is this being ungrateful?
By ladysakurax
@ladysakurax (1161)
Canada
February 3, 2010 1:46am CST
I have this issue that I can't figure ut if it's being ungrateful or not. Here is the situation. The friend of my mom has 4 children: 2 daughters and 2 sons. The eldest sister has graduated and a good salary. Her mom has been working alot and even stayed till morning to finish the work. She sews clothes so her back so her salary is low and her back is bent most of the time...even walking normally. her mom got so happy when she graduated that she bought her a condo. As for the daughter, she goes shopping alot and buys many expensive things for herself and friends...here i am talking about gifts worth 500$. I think it must be normal for her to do so because she wants to pamper herself and she wants the stuff she always wanted, etc.
The thing is that she doesn't help paying any bills nor helping with chores. When the mother asks her to help out, she says no because the boys are lazying to much. As each child expects one another to do it, the mom got fed up and did the chores herself. Her children are all above 18 between. One day the mother told her to save monney and to not waste it too much on junks, she got furious and told her that it is the duty of the mother to raise her up and pay everything for her. She spends hundreds for her friends and 0 for her mom. The mother never asked one cent from her daughter and she feels upset about her attitude.
How do you feel about this? I think it's unfair of her to do that. She lived with her mom and never helped her financially. The daugther will leave to her condo soon. But this still bothers me. She's just a spoiled child to me who takes everything for granted. The mother who works all her life for the sole purpose of the future of her children is a success. But she doesn't get any benefit from it. Is this the new generation of the young adult? It vexes me greatly to see this kind of behaviour. I remember when i had my part time job,I at least treated my mom for shopping and paid electricity bills from time to time. Is he being ungrateful to her mom or does it work it this way?
2 responses
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
3 Feb 10
She is being ungrateful. It may not be her obligation to help out financially, but she should definitely be helping with the chores, as should her brothers.
@ladysakurax (1161)
• Canada
3 Feb 10
That's how this should be. helping with chores and the brothers is th best way to help the family. I wash the dishes and it takes me 7 min of my day. It doesn't take more than that. Sometimes I help with meals too. But they are lazy...they do nothing. I think this will get back at them somehow. She won't get a husband if she acts this way and might remain single...I'm just saying....
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
3 Feb 10
Yes, it is ungrateful but when you give stuff to your children, many of them just assume it is expected and no need to give back for it. Unless someone gives with expectations attached, one can assume that nothing will be given in return.
It goes to how they were raised. Many parents give to kids, and being a teacher since 1973 I have seen it all, and have no expectations from the kids, they grow up thinking that life is just handed to them by their parents.
It is sad but that is why I would never buy a condo, car or annything for my kids. They had to earn it and if they were struggling, so be it. They will have to put on their big boy and big girl panties and figure it out on their own or do without.
The mom put herself in this situation and, sadly, is now paying the price. What she should have done was made up a legal loan agreement for the cost of the condo and made the daughter pay it to her in monthly installments.
The other option would have been to buy it, keep it in her own name, and had her sign a lease agreement and pay rent. It could be a rent-to-buy agreement, too. If she defaulted, more than 3 months, then eviction proceedings would happen.
What we MUST give our kids are the tools to learn. Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime.
@ladysakurax (1161)
• Canada
3 Feb 10
When I think about it, I think it's better to have one daughter off the house. Let's say that the condo hasn't been bought yet. The daughter must be 26 or 27 by now and would keep on staying in the house. The mother would have to feed her like a baby. Kicking her out raw could be a way to express her feelings but the relationship between mother and daughter could be over. The daughter wouldn't spend a penny on the condo. Now that she would be gone to live there, the other sister will follow. I think there will be less burden to the mother.
However i am not a mother yet but I can undertand the frustration. She might not want monney in return but more of being taken care of. She is more upset that her daugther called her tool. I can feel that.
