What should have been done in this situation?
By cream97
@cream97 (29087)
United States
February 10, 2010 3:11pm CST
My son took/stole $20.00 out of my purse. His teacher called this morning from school in relation to the money that my son had. She talked to my husband about the money. I was standing in the kitchen washing dishes so I heard what he said to her. My husband told the teacher to hold onto the money and that he would pick it up this afternoon. Well, when my son came home from school, he did not have the money on him. I asked him where it was and he said that he don't have it and that he does not know where it is. He even mentioned that a classmate from his class had his money.. Which I did not believe. So, I checked his book bag and inside of his folder the teacher had written a note on his homework assignment sheet. The note stated these exact words below:
** "I told C****** to keep the $20.00 in his pocket and dad would get it this afternoon. (I reminded him of this at lunch). He spent the money on a cookie and the rest went in his account".
Now mylotters, if you were reading this discussion correctly, you would remember, that my husband told the teacher to hold onto the money. So why would she allow my son to keep the money on him in the first place.
She should have kept the money because we did not specify or state that our son was to spend any of that money at school. So, now I have to deal with the cafeteria on this issue too tomorrow.
I told his teacher that I never send large amounts of money by my son. And she said that is why she called us this morning because she was concerned. She should have kept this money and held onto it. Giving it to my son, makes it an even greater chance that he will spend it, lose it or someone else will steal it from him. How can a teacher let a child make decisions like this? If his parents stated that the money was not supposed to be spent on anything at the school, then shouldn't the money have been given back in the parent's hands. I am very upset with my son for stealing my money. And I am also upset with his teacher for letting my son get a cookie out of the cafeteria, that initiated my money in being spent carelessly.
I told my son that I can buy him cookies from the store that is a better bargain, than him buying a cookie all by itself. This week, I gave him $1.00 so that he could buy a lollipop. So, he had something sweet this week to eat. This does not make any sense. I thought that it was the teacher's responsibility to follow instructions that the parent has stated and not what she decides to just do on her own.
She should have kept the money because we did not specify or state that our son was to spend any of that money at school. So, now I have to deal with the cafeteria on this issue too tomorrow.
I told his teacher that I never send large amounts of money by my son. And she said that is why she called us this morning because she was concerned. She should have kept this money and held onto it. Giving it to my son, makes it an even greater chance that he will spend it, lose it or someone else will steal it from him. How can a teacher let a child make decisions like this? If his parents stated that the money was not supposed to be spent on anything at the school, then shouldn't the money have been given back in the parent's hands. I am very upset with my son for stealing my money. And I am also upset with his teacher for letting my son get a cookie out of the cafeteria, that initiated my money in being spent carelessly.
I told my son that I can buy him cookies from the store that is a better bargain, than him buying a cookie all by itself. This week, I gave him $1.00 so that he could buy a lollipop. So, he had something sweet this week to eat. This does not make any sense. I thought that it was the teacher's responsibility to follow instructions that the parent has stated and not what she decides to just do on her own.8 people like this
20 responses
@sunyskies (126)
• United States
10 Feb 10
I think you're right, the teacher should have held onto the money, but maybe she thought your son needed some of it to buy his lunch. You will probably have to call the teacher or go to school and talk to her to find out why she gave it to him.
2 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
10 Feb 10
I'm not defending the teacher but maybe she felt that he felt guilty, or that he would do as was told. I do wonder if she had perhaps told him that you all had said for him to keep it in his pocket? I'm not sure. Another thing I thought of is that maybe the teacher was afraid if she held onto it you all would accuse her of stealing it. I am really not sure.
I do think the teacher should have followed your husband's orders, or if nothing else should have taken the money to the office and given it to the secretary with instructions to hold it until your husband came to retrieve it. After all he would need to go by the office, would he not?
But that's beside the point. It's caused you more headache by having to deal with the teacher and the cafeteria.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Feb 10
hi cream97 its a shame your son stole the money in the first place but he is still a child and a child will mess up, but'
that teacher should have listened to your husband and followed
your instructions. surely that teacher is adult enought to realize that she should deal with the parents over something like'that, and not a little boy. I can understand your being upset with your son, of course, but I wou ld have been just as upset as you were over the teacher giving him back that money.
After the fact that he had stolen the money in the first place, she should have had the brains not to trust him with that twenty dollars, look what he did, it was too big a challenge to him and he gave in to naughty impluses, and that teacher should have known that could happen. she was really irresponsible.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
11 Feb 10
hello cream,
I am also a mother,and my second son also done same thing like this.
Almost very similar,the only difference is,my son's teacher hold the money and wrote a note to me saying that...i need to report to her the next day.
So,i went to the school with my son...and that was the only time i realized that my son stole money from me.
In your situation,i think you had all the rights to talk with your son's teacher.
She made the call in the first place and your husband had given her the instruction.
Then,what's the reason why she called..if she can't follow simple agreement.
@ganesh_bala (294)
• India
11 Feb 10
Just tell him that it is bad to stole money from mom and advice him not to take money without your permission or else if he needs money means ask him get permission from you and then take it.............
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
11 Feb 10
I too would get with the cafeteria about the remainder of the money.
Now why did the teacher even bother to call you if she was not going to do what was asked of her?
I would also have a few words with her and the principle over this matter. It must be cleared up to your satisfaction.
I would also have my childs hid for taking money like that.
I would also have a few words with her and the principle over this matter. It must be cleared up to your satisfaction.
I would also have my childs hid for taking money like that.1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
11 Feb 10
The teacher obviously knew that something was up or she would not have bothered calling you. Since she did then she should have followed thru and done just what your husband asked her to do. I would have to go and have a talk with that teacher if for no other reason than to ensure that it won't happen again! She should never have let him hang on to that money and she definitly should not have allowed him to spend it.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
11 Feb 10
I'd be seeing the teacher and you should have your son there with you when you do so you can get the whole story and the truth of it too. That way, neither of them will lie in front of the other. It's hard to say where the money went to but if it were me, I'd be talking to the teacher with son in tow.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
11 Feb 10
Hi cream~ I think that you should speak again to his teacher
and ask her why she didn't respect what she was told to do
in the first place! If she was given specific instructions
not to return the money to you son, then she needs to be spoken
to and asked why she would give it back to him! It's like she
disobeyed you husbands wishes and she needs to answer why she
would purposely give you son a $20 bill back that she already
knew he shouldn't have. That makes no sense at all! Then what
was the point of her calling you in the first place? I would go
to the school and see this teacher and ask her face to face!
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
11 Feb 10
I would be aggravated too. I had an incident where I was sending lunch money with mine but she was getting breakfast too. The whole time I am just thinking she's getting lunch and eating breakfast at home. So all of a sudden I get a $60 bill from the school! What the heck! All that time they just let her build that money up and when I asked her about it eating breakfast there, she tells me not to worry about it that it's free! She thought it was free to eat breakfast there and no one told her any differently.
1 person likes this
@teamrose (1492)
• United States
11 Feb 10
It is not the teacher's job to guard your money. She was extra nice telling you what she found. You reward you son with a lollipop after you discover he is a thief. He needs to be on a major punishment until you figure out why he is stealing. You also need to send the teacher flowers for alerting you to the criminal behavior of your son. This may sound harsh, but you asked our opinions.
Or you can continue being soft on this behavior and getting angry with the wrong people, until the police call you and tell you your son is a thief.
1 person likes this
@Debsykins123 (26)
•
11 Feb 10
You're quite right about the teacher, she SHOULD have had enough sense to have realised that the fact your husband told her to hang onto the cash and he'd collect it later, meant just that, and no where in that statement could she have thought he meant....hand the money over to my son, so he can fritter it away, I would certainly want to know what the school intend to do about THAT. Obviously the root of the whole thing is the fact your son took the money in the first place, he obviously knew that had he asked he would have been refused, so he KNEW what he was doing was wrong, perhaps you could tell him you are DISAPPOINTED rather than angry with him, and make sure he knows how much hard work you and your husband have to put in to EARN the money that he took, maybe he could repay his debt by doing some odd jobs round the home for you??
I hope you manage to get this sorted out to your satisfaction, I'm sure you will.
Kind Regards
Debbie
1 person likes this
@missesq (5)
• United States
11 Feb 10
If your husband and the teacher made an agreement that she would keep your son's money, then she should have kept it. I think you have a reason to be upset or atleast concerned, there was no need for the 19 dollars going in his account if that isn't what it was intended for. As for your son, definitely a big talk and some form of punishment so he will not do this again.
1 person likes this
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
10 Feb 10
The teacher is in a position of loco parentis. The fact that she called you for advice indicates that she actually wanted to know what she should do in this situation. She was given (by the sound of it) clear instructions and she did not follow them.
I would take a very serious view of this. First of all, I would ask to meet with the teacher in private and put the facts before her and listen to her side of the story. At the end of the interview you should say that you would be sending a report to her superior. Then I would write a formal and factual account, saying that you met with the teacher and discussed the matter, giving a summary of what she said, and send this to her superior (the head teacher or, if this teacher is the head teacher, whoever is in charge of education in your area).
It is a relatively small matter (in the large picture of things) but the principles behind it are much more serious and I can understand that it is upsetting.
How you deal with your son, of course, is a different matter. Nearly every kid steals at least once. I hope that this was the first time and will be the last. I would be inclined not to punish him, so much as to explain in detail how budgeting works and how it can cause much bigger waves if one finds oneself $20 short. But how you do it, of course, is up to you.
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
11 Feb 10
I'm not sure about this. I guess it depends how old your son is...
but in a regular school, the teacher isn't really responsible for the personal belongings of a student. So unless it's in the school rules that a type of item will be confiscated (cell phone, etc.) it isn't really the teacher's place to take something away and hold onto it for someone.
I wonder if what you're angry about is the situation as opposed to the teacher? Because the teacher didn't really cause the situation.
@chillpill90 (1936)
•
10 Feb 10
I think your missing the point. Yes the teacher should have listened to you, but instead of taking your anger out on her you should be asking your son why he needed the money and why he took it. Maybe he was being bullied by a kid and the money was to pay the bully off to stop him getting hurt so maybe thats where the money has gone and maybe your son was telling the truth when he said a house mate had it. Why did you not believe what your son said?
I think you are at fault not the teacher as you should have realised that there was something wrong in the morning when you took him to school because normally when a kid steals his behaviour will not be normal. DO NOT BLAME THE TEACHER FOR YOUR FAILINGS AS A PARENT
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
10 Feb 10
No, I am sorry, but you are missing the point. You are at my discussion so listen up clearly..... My son has been constantly asking me to give him money so that he could buy cookies from out of the cafeteria. I would always tell him no, I will buy him some from the store. I would also tell him that he does not need to eat cookies everyday at school. I was very angry at him just as much as I was angry at the teacher too. When she called this morning, my impression was that she was planning on holding onto my money. After he came home from school, all of that changed because she failed to follow instructions that were given to her by my husband. She was told to hold onto the money, not give it to my son....
@pandaeyes (2065)
•
10 Feb 10
He spent the money on a cookie and the rest went in his account?
What is his account? Is it a lunch money account at the school? if so that is where it must still be surely.
The teacher may have misunderstood your husband when he asked her to hold the money till home-time. I know sometimes that messages over the phone can get misinterpreted.
I think I would speak to the son about his reasons, see if maybe it does have something to do with bullying. Most children would do more than just buy a cookie if they suddenly had $20 .
It may be that the school policy wont allow a teacher to confiscate money from a pupil in case of litigation charges. I know that sounds silly but schools are very wary of being sued.
Does he get pocket money? if so i think you should take some out of his weekly money for a while until he has paid it back again.
There must be consequences or the problem may expand .
1 person likes this
@Debsykins123 (26)
•
11 Feb 10
I agree totally with you that the teacher had absolutely no right to allow your son to have the money, when she was specifically told that your husband would pick it up from HER. I would therefore imagine that it's down to her, or the school to make good the loss. Obviously the root of all this is the fact that your son took the money from you in the first place, he obviously knew he wouldn't have been allowed to have the money, otherwise he would have ASKED for it. If I were you I would sit him down and make sure that he knows that you are more DISAPPOINTED than ANGRY with him, and make sure he knows how hard you and your husband have to work to EARN the money in the first place. Perhaps he could make good the loss of the cash by doing some chores around the house until you feel that he has repaid what he took, perhaps you could ask him in future if he feels he needs something above what you have given him, that he should come to you or you husband and ASK.
As I said before the REAL issue here is the fact that your son stole the money in the first place, but obviously the teachers misinformation needs sorting out too, especially as she was told exactly what to do with the money and she chose to do otherwise, lets just hope that she takes other aspects of her job a bit more seriously!
I hope you manage to get it all sorted out to your satisfaction.
Debbie
