how do you comfort a friend with a husband who is ... ? sigh...

Your friend is the bread winner and she is also the one who takes care of the kids? How does she manage it? If I were you I'd tell her to dump her husband. He's a useless creature who doesn't deserve her. I hate people who are like that -- parasites! I hate parasites!

What keeps her from forgiving the husband? I think for as long as you forgive a husband that is obviously irresponsible he will always abuse that privilege. I think forgiveness can only be given to a person that is sincere in his apologies and would do to be a better person. I think she has to think twice before trying to give him another chance if he asks for it.

Well I'm assuming this isnt a new thing with him....and as much as he's not physically or verbally abusive, I hate ot be the one to say it but its emotional abuse and IMO she needs to decide whether or not staying in this marriage is REALLY worth it..ESPECIALLY if there are kids involved! I seriously hope there arent any children to be honest with you.... Have you ever asked your friend why she stays??

In my opinion your friend does not need comforting. I guess what she needs is a slap in the face for her to wake up as to what situation she put herself in. She is in misery because she chooses to. Love cannot change a person who does not want to change. From your story you stated that your friend and her husband separated once and then got back together...well for me the guy already realized there that he would always have someone to go back to when things won't work our for him. You said that at times he would be repentant...well that is his way of controlling your friend, making her see that he is admitting he is wrong so she would forgive him easily. Your friend deserves better than this person. Help her to wake up from this nightmare. Hugs won't do the trick. Your friend needs tough love.

It sure puts you in a tough spot. The only thing you can do is offer her a shoulder to lean on and someone to turn to when she needs it. She's the only one that can make a change in her life and if she won't take that first step, no one else can do it for her. I wish you and your friend luck. [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]

there really is no point staying in a relationship where one ends up losing his self. it's really not worth it. that is sad. your friend is in a sad fate. what i can suggest though, is making sure she feels that you are always around for her. give her a call sometimes to chat just about anything under the sun. it is best that you two avoid talking about the "parasite"

This kind of situation always brings such hardship, in so many different ways. It is sad and hard on the structure of the family. I would try to change the subject when talking with her and try to give her up beat energy. Get her mind on something else. Add some humor, share recipes, gardening tips and maybe schedule a week end together with her and the kids and plan some fun outings. That is how I would try to comfort my friend. i would also include to tell her how special of a friend she is to you and thank her for the friendship. I would like to see her esteem rise. I wish she could step outside the situation so to be able to look in from a clear angle so to make some judgment calls. Personally, if that were me, I would kicked that guy to the curb, long ago. Life to too short to live with such. Perhaps suggest Alanon to her. She could get support there and meet others who are faced with the same situation. Bless your heart for reaching out for ideas on how to better comfort your friend.

I happen to have a friend with that situation too. It's depressing to think that she lives like that day by day. She often tells me that she's holding on because of their kid but... What I do for her is spend time with her when she needs to unwind. Although her situation logically calls for a quits on their relationship, the decision is still up to hers. She is still hoping for the guy to change, although it is unlikely. I do advise her frequently though that she must not wait for the day when she's given her all to her husband. She must leave something for herself and her kid too. Shouldn't wait for the time when she would hate herself too

Hi spoiled, I was married to a guy like that years ago. You know that your friend would be much better off without this loser but nothing you say or do is going to make her leave him until she has had enough and realizes it herself. Just listen to her when she needs to talk. Hugs are good...even virtual ones. She needs friends like you. I'm sure just knowing that you are there for her is a huge comfort.

Either she goes or he does. No women can take that much after such a long time. Really, who does he think he is? Doing nothing, but spending everything. Shame on him. TATA.

when you get married,you've promised each other in front of your witnesses that you will be together in good time and in bad times...If i have a friend who have that kind of situation...i will always try to be there if he/she needs me...and I will pray to God to help them w/ their relationship...