Adopted Child Question?

First I would like to give you kudos for adopting! Regarding Mom, 11 years she isn't interested, but now that she is in jail, lonely, with lots of free time on her hands, wants to see him. I understand your pause, you want whats best for your son. Maybe try telling her that you would like to wait at least a year, before talking about it, while she gets her act together. This could serve a couple of issues. In a year, she may have no interest again, or she just may get to together and be able to offer something positive for him. Good luck, I'm sorry I couldn't offer more.

hello sassy, This is really a hard one dear. Why now and why the interest to met her son? Ok,granting that she is the real mother,but,you already adopted her son and consider you own. And,with the kind of parents they are (both in jail) I don't think,it would be advisable for the mother to get involved with her son's life. The mother can met the son,but maybe in a distance. Oh,really,i don't know how to react on this. If i am the real mother,and i saw and know that my son is doing fine and that the foster parents were making my sons life a very good life,i guess,with my records(bad records)i would never ever think to get involved with my sons life anymore. Maybe i could ask to met my son,and be introduce as a long time friend...just to give him a hug and kiss,then...i will satisfy myself to follow his life in a distant. For me...it's not good for him to know about his real background anymore. I would be happy to see my son,living in a good life,and,wish he would never be a bad person like his parents(real parents) This is my opinion...if i am the real mother. But,in your situation...it's hard to give advice dear. Maybe,you can talk with the mother and explain to her the consequences that may arise if she insists to get involved with her sons life. Let her think what good and bad sides of it. And wish she would be enlightened... Hope and pray for the best...for your son

It's quite a difficult situation and I also share the sentiments of kezabelle. However, I have a few questions. Does your son know that he's adopted? Because if he doesn't, the unexpected appearance of his biological mother might cause some problems. Maybe this is the best time for him to know and it should come from you rather than from another person, only if he doesn't know yet. Second: How many times did the mother write you? If only once try to ignore it first. Nevertheless, I think you should consult someone in authority how to deal with this like a lawyer maybe. The lawyer could definitely advise you on the right thing to do. And as far I know if the adoption process that you took is legal she already waived all her rights to the child. I hope she will not bother you again and not to confuse your son.

Hi sassy, I am not happy with mother being in jail. She cannot support herself, and definitely does not have any control on her desires. So it is likely she will beat the poor kid! Since paper are already signed, you are under no obligation I suppose. Avoid the mother. Much later when the boy grows up - and is mature enough - explain to him why you did it. Tell him you loved him, and didnt wish him to end up learning things that his parents did. Also tell him that at that point of time you thought it was wise, and that if he desires to meet her, he can go and meet her at the address. I am sure he will go and meet her. But that, in all probability will be the only visit. He might feel withdrawn for a few months after that, but you have enough love in you to accept him with all that, wont you? So right now - it is a no.

As the adopting parent you are responsable for that child. When you signed those papers, that child's biological mother is no longer his mother. She may have given birth to him, but she has no parental rights. I'm not saying this woman is dangerous, but should you go ahead with a visitation, make sure it is supervised. Make sure you, or your husband are around because this may not be healthy for your child and she could turn disasterous. I would probably request she not remain in contact with you, and that you do not wish for her to meet with your son. That is your legel right. You have to think his saftey above all else.

It sounds that you may have an open adoption agreement. The answer to your question should lie in your agreement when you adopted the child. With all the issues that he has has I would seek a professional counselor to over see any changes in his routine that may occur. The biological mother may of had severe regrets in doing what she did back then that it took her this long to make the attempt to contact him. One never really knows the motive. She also needs to get herself straight before opening up any new wounds that may be detrimental to all parties involved. Your family should get legal advice and know your rights to know how to respond with her requests and recall any provisions of contact with each other. Good luck and take care.

I would send her a picture and let her know that you are not ready for them to make contact at this time. You could give her updates but thats all. I dont' think I would want my child to know them until he was ready and you were ready for him to know. That is alot to deal with and I am sure your son does need that right now. Keep a close eye on him also she seems like a type that may try to do something crazy.

In all honesty I think my heart would scream no to her being part of his life but as a mother I also know that our childrens best interest are what is most important so I guess you have to weigh up the good and the bad and go from there, after 11 years id be confused as to why she suddenly wanted to see him not to mention at 11 he will be about to enter what can be some very difficult teenage years and id be scared to add yet more pressure to a child who has all sorts of obstacles ahead just getting through every day life of being a teenager to be quite frank. I seriously think time is what is needed here after 11 years it will not hurt her to wait a while longer until you know for sure she can be trusted to well treat your son right and not hurt him if she truely wants to be a part of his life she will wait, you didnt mention how your son feels about this I am assuming he knows he is adopted? if so I think at 11 he should maybe be given the right to choose him self but again I cant help but think waiting a while would be better for your son.

Wow. God bless you. That's tough. I wish she would just go away and start another family. Does your child know? It would be nice if it were ok for them never to know, but we have consciences, don't we. Wow. I will be praying for this and asking God to make it clear to you what would be the best way to handle it.

I am all for adoption i think its great. But only for certain people. and i think you sound like the right kind of people that should be adopting. I know alot of people adopt for the wrong reasons. I think that in that situation i would NOT let her and i would let her know that in the situation that she has herself in and the boys father it is not a good idea but she's not even on the right track herself. And obviously neither is the biological father for that matter. And unless she cleans her act up and gets on the right track then the answer will remain NO. But if she cleans up and stays outta jail then you might think about it and consider it. But if the Biological father would ever get out i would NOT let him around at all. And if you would decide to let the mother see your son. I would talk to your son and asks him what he would like to do cause if he doesnt want to see her then that could cause you more problems also, i think if you decide to let her i would have a talk him your son and leave it up to him on if he wants to see her or not. Cause otherwise it could turn into more trouble just with your son then it would ever be worth.