Can You Blame Me?

Well that only means that you haven't forgiven him fully. But then again, it is not your fault and no one can blame you for that eurekafemme. You have been hurt before, that incident made you like that now. I must agree that forgetting is the most hardest thing to do. Sometimes we can easily say that we have forgiven the person already because we choose to forgive the person, because we love him or her but then again "time heals all wounds. When faced to some situation that requires full trust, that is somehow really hard to give. Your guy must really do someting which would bring back your trust to him. It is true that it is really hard to bring back the trust once it is broken but then again it is still possible though it takes time, hard work and match it with prayers too... What ever the situation you are up to, I hope you both can fix that. Good luck and God bless eurekafemme! Have a nice day!

Look, to trust some one is our choice, but to prove our trust correct or turn it to our fault is depends up on the person whom you trust. So it is not in our hands or under our control ever. Than the only thing we can do is just trust. And the rest is up to the partner. And about hurting, then I will say, Each and every person in our life will hurt us one day, that we have to choice what is more important the person or the pain that is given to us" When this pain becomes unbearable then relation must be abandon. but this relation is to be taken with lots of calm and cool minded. Best of luck, I wish all the best will happen to you!!!!!!!!!!

Hi eureka, I tried to read all the responses in here, and I am so glad that all of them have given you different opinion, all the best opinion they have. And I could not afford to leave here without comment. My aunt and uncle has same situation with you and your husband... and I am afraid that it'll happen to you too. I keep advising my uncle to settle this most favorably for the sake of their 3 little kids. But unlike you, I could not weigh for now who between them really committed the mistake... my uncle told me he would file divorce... It shouldn't be the result... [i]I think and believe everything could be settled if both of you will take time to listen to each other, to understand, to forgive, and give a chance...[/i] My fair is not for the two of you, I am afraid to what this might be an impact to your kid/s...

if you don't fully trust your partner, meaning he does not love you. it is his action and your feelings that counts. same as he. even if he is responsive to your strongest attributes, you could not even make yourself completely sold. remember to always be the first rate version of yourself rather the second rate version of your partner. how could you mend and trust him completely if he has the history of doing betrayals? if he is a straight "male dog" i sure you could not break that up. salamat...

Hi. Girls usually feel that way and it won't end there. If I were in your place, I would have the same feeling. It's hard to trust when you've been cheated once. There will always be in our minds that he may do it again... I have been in a relationship like that and I tell you it's not easy. Especially, if you see something in him for you not to trust or relay solely to him. Take care! :)

It's not your fault eureka. Primarily, the guy stirred an issue between both of you which eventually lead you to distrust him. Not unless of course you have done something which caused him to betray you(in whatever sense).

i don't think it is your fault at all... i will feel and do the same thing like you as well if i am in your position... i can never trust a person again ever if i had been betrayed before and it will take me ages to be able to trust the person again... even then, i won't be able to trust the person 100% anymore... trust has to be earned and once it is broken, it is very hard to gain it back again... good luck with your relationship with your partner... take care and have a nice day...

Hi eureka! :-) You appear to be in a tight spot and no need to blame yourself, for the current situation. You see if mistrust creeps in a relationship, it gets difficult to mend ways. I would like to say that once the thread of 'love' is broken, and when you re-join the same, you need to put a knot to join it and the knot remains. Hope it clears, what I want to convey. You are in a better position to evaluate the circumstances and to figure it out, whether he has become trustworthy or could be relied upon. I have a small suggestion - if your heart says - 'Let's give him a chance, then go for it'. Give him one more chance to come out clean. All the best to you! Have a great evening! Deepak

Hi. eurekafemme. No. It is not your fault at all. Your partner, should have been honest with you. He betrayed your trust in him and this is just hard for you to just gain it back. It is right to forgive, but it is hard to forget what has been done to you. I just think that if he gives you a reason to trust him again, you may slowly start to. If not, then you will just be skeptical about him until he really can prove to you somehow that you can trust him again. I am sorry that he has betrayed your trust, because having trust is very important factor to have in any relationship.

no its not your fault. trust is a hard to give once its broken. and it takes time for us to heal from it. but if you are not ready with whatever you guys are about to do, then you need more time. best of luck

I don't think that it is your fault. Trust is really hard to give out specially if that someone has done something to hurt you or to break your trust. I'm not sure what should you do, because first of all, you didn't elaborate on what actually happened, which I understand completely. The only thing that I could tell you is just think about it. think really hard. Cause it's really hard to get hurt again, and it's not fun at all. Good luck to you and your partner.

Well, love is not always a bed of roses so they say, we have to pass this stage wherein someone will hurt you so badly that the trust you have given to him will be lessen. You have to have a hear-to-heart talk with your husband, tell him that if he wants your full forgiveness and trust, he must earn it, he should prove to you that he has changed. If he can't do it, I guess you have to let him go than to suffer again the pain of being betrayed.

The right thing to do is to forgive your partner and give back your trust to him. But it is very hard to do the right thing because it is possible that it will likely be happening again. If your partner will hurt you again and again, leave him so that he will realize that he also needs you.

I grew up with a father figuer who always like to say he was sorry. And after awhile you cant believe the "sorry's" anymore it only works for so long. He done everything wrong cheated on my mom for years and was always drunk. And after a while it became very clear actions speak louder then words. If his actions are showing you that theres reasons not to trust him and he gives you reasons to doubt him. Then maybe thats god's way of sayin you can do better or maybe hes just not the right one for you. After i got older and got on my own i was with this guy and all he done was pick fights with me and always made me feel so low and crappy. Always blamed me for everything he done like i done it and would throw his actions in my face. If you truely did not do anything wrong then no it is not your fault whatsoever. But he should take responsibility and be a man for his own actions. If i was in your place and if i had reasons not to trust the man im with i would never let my guard down. But maybe this is gods way of showin you its meant to be.

why not try a trial separation or just let him feel that you would leave him if he will do the same thing again.

No this is not your fault. Whatever happened between you took you almost a year to deal with and forgive him. Sounds like he hurt you deeply. Forgiveness can be much easier to give then to trust again. I think either he is still acting or doing things that make you think he will hurt you again. I don't know why but once some men are forgiven, they feel that it is forgotten. It isn't. I don't think you should be putting any blame on yourself for reacting to what he did to you. If you still do not trust him, then maybe this is something you are telling yourself that it will never work between you two. Long term relationships are hard. You can get stuck in a rut and feel too involved to move one. I think if you still have trust issues with him it is a you warning yourself that he is still capable of hurting you again.

If your guy did something in the past that made you loose your trust in him, that is HIS fault and not yours. Trust is something that is earned over time, it can't be demanded, and since your boyfriend made you loose trust, he needs to do a lot to earn it back. Earning back trust is something that takes a long time and even if he does manage to earn a little trust, it is very possible that you will never fully trust him again. It is up to you to decide if you want to carry on as you are, wait to see if the feeling changes or cut your losses and move on. What ever you do, try to remember that you deserve to be with someone who treats you kindly, respects you for who you are, and someone you can trust with your life. If you can't get those things from the relationship that you are in, you might want to rethink things a little. No matter what though, do NOT let him make it seem like the problem lies with you because it DOESN'T, it is HIS fault that you feel the way that you do, and he needs to be made to understand that. Good luck and happy mylotting.

hello eureka, I am not saying that,you should forgive him and give him the same trust before. But,if you are always willing to get hurt,and betrayal,then go on. If you love him enough to be trusted...then,give him another chance. But,never give yourself some reservation. There is always a saying that "liars will always be a liar" This cannot be applied to everyone,there is always an exemption to the rules. If he keeps betraying you and do the same mistakes over and over again...think for a while,maybe he doesn't love you that much,worst is,he never respected you either. Self respect is the last thing we can lost in ourselves. No one will ever give us the true respect to ourself but ourselves alone. Then,never let yourself lost your self respect before realizing that,he doesn't deserves you anymore.

Well, if it isn't one of my favorite posters. First off, let me say that he's not worth it. Don't you think you deserve better? You owe it to yourself. I think the survival of a relationship, in part, depends on whether or not you can and are willing to forgive and move on. If you can't, then, there's your exit sign. Trust is also an integral part of relationships and again, if you can't trust him, then spare yourself the torturous paranoia and wondering. Just let go. See, you're already living with the "phobia" part of it. Sometimes people cheat because they want something that they don't already have in a relationship, or they just want something different. That doesn't mean you're at fault. Sometimes people just change. They have different wants and tastes. I don't justify cheating though because I think should that have been the case, he should've talked to you. From a personal point of view, I am always less inclined to "patch things up" because it doesn't work out. That's based on my experience. If you can forgive and move on, stay. If not, leave. I would still highly recommend the latter because I think you deserve better and I know you can do better than that guy. Best wishes.

I know how u feel. Building trust takes a lot of time and effort.And trying to trust again this person seems to be requiring triple the effort and time u had at first. But love can do amazing things, can even make u forget some pains. Unless love was considerably affected when that trust was broken. You are right feeling that way, its the natural way and the normal way. And this is when u have to ask your heart, do u love him that much that you are willing to start again at a point where u can trust him again.If you do, help yourself, try not to dwell on the past, he can't change it, you can't change, but he can be a better person.He must or else just forget about it lady. (^_^)