How would you deal with such a colleague?

I think she needs acknowledgment. She is saying 'how depressing' as a habit . You could always say something like 'yes ,how depressing',every time she makes that same comment and she will soon see that it is quite annoying to have the one phrase over and over but all you are doing is mirroring her own words back to her. She sounds quite insecure which might be why she dresses older than her age. I think perhaps she feels she has had her youth, her husband and kids don't treat her as anything very interesting so she must dress to fit their ideas. She has got stuck in a rut. What she needs is a bit of excitement to lift her up , maybe a new hobby of some kind or conversation about TV or films or music so that,that is the topic not just vague dull observations about the weather. You can only do so much to include a person and then you can only shrug and watch them wallow.

It does sound like she is really depressed, it seems from what you say that it stems from her husband being gone all the time and when he comes back he doesn't want to spend time with her, and I am sure that her kids not wanting to be around her has something to do with it as well, I think that you should try to be sympathetic to her but maybe keep your distance, don't let her mood get to you, but maybe you could suggest a hobby to her?

i would not blame your other colleague in saying that the person is depressing, because that is what she is trying to portray to all of you. i think the only wrong thing was the approach... but then no matter how you try to put the words together, you will only end up by saying that what she does is already out of line, sort of dragging you all to the depressed world where she already is. Maybe, what you can do is to contradict her. when she says the sky is grey and its depressing, tell her that the sky is grey and its actually not depressing but a lit nice for people who does not want to be under the sun too much. and if she says that the hot weather is depressing, then tell her it is actually fun to have a hot weather and its not hot - its just fair.. its worst if its raining... he he i think by doing this, you would be able to at least not directly offend her but rather also saying your own opinions by contradicting her a bit. and slowly just turn the negative things she sees her life as into positive ones.

Hi ronaldinu, I think some people get to be that way maybe from circumstances in their lives. They may not even realize how they affect those around them. It sounds almost as if she is looking for and needing acknowledgment and understanding. I could not be like the guy that got up in her face but I think he was right in that she needs to be told. It can be done in a kinder way. Maybe if you invited her to have lunch with you and tell her that you noticed that she seems sad and ask if something is going on in her life. Not sure it'd help but maybe she just needs a friend...someone to talk to. Her husband being gone all the time is probably very frustrating and then he comes home and pays her no attention. She probably feels unloved and unappreciated. Then she probably projects these feelings onto the kids who don't understand and just avoid her which makes her feel even more unloved. She probably doesn't mean to but she is probably driving people away.

Maybe this friend simply needs a shoulder to lean on, if she had someone who would take the time to hear her and be sympathetic to her problems, she would not nag as much and she would have better feelings. Depression is hard for those around you but even more so with the person who feels it. So having a friend you can count on would make it better. I would try to be that friend if I had this situation.

It sounds like she either needs medication for her depression if she sees it in everything, or she needs to change her negative attitude so that people won't see her in this negative light all the time. As her if she has seen a Dr. lately. And that maybe he can suggest or prescribe something to help with her depression. People are avoiding her to avoid becoming infected with the depression she is serving up.

I don't think it's like she's really depressed but that she's just a negative person in general. If it was serious I don't think she would talk so much. I would ignore her just like you are doing... don't let her get to you. If she's bringing people down then I would act twice as cheerful. If she complained that it was depressing because it's so hot I would come back with how the sun was making all the flowers so beautiful. If the sky is gray well just say how it's a good day for work because at least if it was a beautiful day you'd hate to spend it in doors. I think you got the right idea... some people are just like that and there is nothing you can do about it. I personally think she wants the attention.

If I am close to her and this mood is totally different than her normal behavior I would try to talk about what is bothering her. But , if we aren't that close And she has been like this All the time , I would just avoid her.

I guess your colleague is just too bored.. Nobody to talk to her much, be it at work or at home.. IMagine the loneliness inside of her, even though she seems to be surrounded by ple everywhere?? MAybe it's due to her old age as well, that she's naggy too.. hehe ^_^ Try talking to her more, open her heart, and make her feel welcome, because she does not have the warmth feeling anymore, especially how the kids and her husband is treating her?? hehe

Sometimes it is good to let a person know why they are having issues, but in a kind way. I would tell her that you like her but that her ways are dragging others down and it depresses people to be around her, which in turn, makes her feel sadder and maybe she needs to seek a doctor because it appears that she may be suffering from depression. She may be looking for pity because of how she feels and then that makes her worse. I am not a psychologist that I have an answer, but giving her options to seek help for herself is good. I know that you must be patient and allow them to have your ear, sometimes. I have a friend who suffers from depression and panic/anxiety disorder. I have stopped giving her advice, as she does not take it, and just listen. I let her know that although I do not understand how she feels, I sympathize with her and then get her into other, upbeat subjects, gradually, and can cheer her up for a while. Here is some info.... http://depression.about.com/od/seekinghelp/tp/relationships.htm

If I would be like which I have who really keeps saying that he is unlucky and he thinks he is the most unfortunate person, what I did every time he turns the mood down is I joke with him. If he nagging about his unfortunate life I tell him that you should be thankful at least your alive and healthy. The problem with those people is that they focus too much on what is on the negative they should be optimistic and see brighter side of a negative event and be always thankful. There is nothing much you can do about your colleague, just be optimistic around her be an example and don't get dragged down with her negativity just go on and enjoy your day and don't mind her. If she comes to ask you for help or advice then that's time you can help her.

It is difficult to help someone you are not really close to; especially if she doesn’t acknowledge that she has a problem. I don’t know whether you have a friendship with this woman because if you do, you could mention that you are concerned about her lack of enthusiasm about life lately, ask her if everything is okay and whether you can help in any way. Of course if she was to open up to you and talk about what is troubling her you could suggest she see her doctor who could organise someone professional she could talk to, all the while offering your friendship. Some people seem to enjoy being down and bringing others down with them and if that is the case ignoring her is the only answer although I would offer to help if she was willing to accept it.

I might actually avoid the issue too but at the same time I am a pretty positive person so if I were in a conversation with her, I might add something positive here and there to try and lift the mood. Maybe she really just needs to vent but if she finds that person to vent to, it might become a very regular thing. Maybe one of the ladies at the office might consider befriending her.

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Probably I'd keep a bit of a distance, as people who are negative all the time tend to bring you down too...

Well no wonder her husband and children don't want to spend time with her, she's too depressing. A person like that will make you feel depressed if you spent enough time with her, for some reason she's not happy. I would just try to ignore her and stay away from her if possible, her depression could be contagious, pretty soon you'll be feeling that way too.

i just wonder if she is really depressed or if its just her saying she uses or if she is faking it.. i mean you never want to assume that some one is faking it since it can be so serious but i have seen some one do it for attention which is just sick.. i would try to talk to her and somehow see if she will open up or maybe mention see should see some one etc.. but i dont know how your work is so i dont know how open everyone is to each other.. if you try all that and nothing works and she refuses to change or get help etc i guess ignore =(

Hi ronaldinu! This is a tough one! On the one hand, if you could somehow kind of hint to her or get another female colleauge to talk to her about her clothes and her attitude maybe that might help her! Things like dressing up, even though they might seem small can make you feel like a whole new person, especially for women! If you change your look, it can change your whole attitude! It is sad to hear that someone 40 looks 55! I am 57, and people tell me I look younger because I dress to make myself feel good! I used to be like this woman and people told me that I made them depressed so I stopped what I was doing and changed my attitude! I always dressed nice because that always made me feel good! So, sometimes telling someone straight out that they are depressing does work! I still have Major Depressive Disorder, but I don't act like it around friends! If I did I wouldn't have any friends!

Honestly, I would just keep my head down and try to distance myself as much as possible. I'm not the type to jump right in and try to help a co worker with their problems, I'm just not that kind of person. I like to keep work professional and not bring personal stuff into it if I can help it.

hi there... if i were you i think that this friend of yours need somewhat kind of appreciation and affirmation...this type of person needs acceptance from the people around..if people would critic her badly it will have a negative effect towards her... she only need someone whom she can expose herself to and that friend of her, which happens to be you, had that hand-held responsibility to guide her and have her to the way in which she can actualize herself.....