My friend's husband doesn't want to work

Hi Laura, I think it may not that bad for her husband otherwise your friend will raise the divorce directly. I really don't like the girl who is always complaining about life. Maybe she is just wainting an ear to hear her complaint, but not a suggestion. One hand could not clap. The lazy of her husband is out of her reason in some sense. She indulged him, and took everythink into her shouder. How could he support himself if he doesn't work? saying smoking, drinking or socialing. Does he ask for money from his wife or do they have a large amount of deposit to support him no matter he did not work for several years. I just wonder.

Its hard for wives to see their husband's faults. In this case, it is possible that your friend just needs to vent and she'll be fine but she really doesn't want to do anything about it. She may have a lot on her plate in terms of jobs and house work but she may be used to doing all this for sometime and may not want to completely rid herself of all her duties. I don't justify her husband's behavior he should atleast help with housework. On the other hand I allowed my own husband to do nothing when he was laid off. So, really I don't think your friend wants a solution just a place to burn off some steam with the added pressures in her life. Just listen to her and give her a little support. Pointing out her husband's issues won't resolve anything at this point. Good luck.

That sounds like a very situation. Not the fact that he isn't working but more so the fact that he doesn't want to work but is willing to let his wife work multiple jobs. I don't understand why she doesn't just leave him. I know I would!

i know a guy like that. he is a 'house husband' and stays at home while his wife works. i think he does stuff around the house but is too lazy to get a job.

Hello. I can relate to that. My sister is married to a guy who is born to be dependent. Since they got married my sister is the only one finding ways to feed their growing family until she finished her schooling. Now, my sister is working and her husband forcing her to go abroad in able to sustain their needs! what a..! My sister's husband is the one complaining about their living, opposite to your story. What i hate most about their situation my sister keeps lying to our father in able to have monthly allowance. They feed their children with lies! The worst things about being dependent, they are living beyond their means. Every time i visit them my brother inlaw is always in bed sleeping the entire day and if not busy using his mobile phone. I guess its normal to us to justify our partner even we know the truth. I can't blame your friend if shes always their ready to defend her husband and be his shield and absorb all the painful words. My sister is also like that. I guess it's because of love and hope that their partner will change. The question is when?

The problem is that your friend is in DENIAL mode. That they are OK and no problem can't be solve by domestic resolution. The amount of hope she has in her husband is unmeasurable, the only mistake she can think of right now is that she think it's a mistake to leave her husband right now specially they have children. She still feels very dependent on her husband. Her opinion is that she can't live her life and her children's life without the make belief support from her husband. There is a SONG the Kenny Roger's sing. "Don't Fall in LOVE with a DREAMER" your friends husband s the supreme example of this. False hope and nothing is getting done. Tell this guy that he can reach his DREAMS with HARD WORK and smart investments. No DREAM will be achieved sitting down.

Hi Laura, I was married to a man somewhat like that. He did work but there were long periods that he'd be out of work. He had that same mentality as this guy...he would not work for less than a certain hourly wage. I could see it if he was getting unemployment and it would mess up his benefits but he wasn't. As far as I was concerned, 5.00 per hour was better than zero per hour. I am guilty of defending him to my friends and not because I thought he was right but because I just did not want to talk about all the things wrong in my marriage at the time.

This is really sad. I know it is hard for you to watch her struggle like that. What is even sadder is he will probably continue to do it until he moves on or she puts him out. Hopefully she or he will get it together. She really deserves better.

I think your friend has already been blinded and women should not take the responsibility of men. Since your friend have already vindicated her husband to sit prettily and do nothing, then she should not complain at all because in the first place, she let her hubby do that to her and now she is reaping what she also sow. It is like she took a big stone to hit her own head. So that is a lesson for her, what would you benefit telling her when she is also hard headed to justify her loving lazy hubby. Just let her be if she wants to live a life like that. You already told her that she should have force her hubby to help her and husband should not be like that, he should be the head of the family, the provider. Now that your friend takes the responsibility be wearing the pants, and the husband wears the skirt, although not properly working his household chores it will be their own burden to carry, not yours. You have already done your part. And I have also stated my point that it should not be this way. Women is okey to help their hubby, but please don't take the whole responsibility of men.

Ya, Ya, Ya, you are right. Absolutely, if you were to help your partner don't complain. Poor thing, she have to work 3 jobs to support her husband...she is tough. Her husband is quite a big header, don't you think so? Anyway, we can't help much, this is a long term partnership business. Hope they getting well soon.

I can probably tolerate it only if my husband is doing a great job with chores at home. But if I still have to do the house chores everyday after working for 3 jobs, then I don't think I can continue to tolerate it. I and my husband are working now but since we have plans of migrating to another country to start our family life there, one of us needs to stay home to take care of our 3 year old daughter. Since I'm the principal applicant for our immigrant application, it is most likely that I will work while my husband stays home. But once we are stable there, part of our plans is for him to get a job which will not be in conflict with my working hours (since we have a child to take good care of). It doesn't concern me that much if I have to work while my hubby stays home. Believe it or not, he is more domesticated than me. Hehe... :) He can do house chores aside from taking care of our baby. I'm lucky to have a responsible husband. As for your friend's husband, I really can't tolerate his laziness if I'm in your friend's position.

Your friend has to wake up. She has to prod her husband to get real and find some work. Being supported by a woman or depending on a woman should be below his level. He should learn to be a man and stop eluding himself with some big jobs that aren't coming. Any job is better than doing nothing. It's crisis, doesn't he know it?

No one knows her husband except herself. It can be that the laziest man in the world is the sweetest lover nonetheless. If her husband does not love her,where would she get the strength to work three jobs. It is the love that strengthens the woman and her husband is that source of love. People don't have an idea how romantic they may be and how blessed they feel to be. This is my opinion.