How do you handle someone who loves to argue?

I think because she is the eldest among her siblings she is used to boss on everyone. In my culture it's like that. She always get the feeling that she is right because in my culture and how she was raised in this culture elders are always right and you just have to shut up. so many time I've told her to just shut up before I blow up. I guess sometimes when she sees me really mad that's when she walks away. I've put up with it for as long as I could because of this great culture but I've had enough and now everybody thinks I am so disrespectful.

I understand that in different cultures there are different rules and you do not say if you are here in America or someplace else. I know it must be hard to have to stand up for yourself but its not fair of her to pick on you. If it really bothers you that every one thinks you are disrespectful then maybe you should just explain that you have tried and tried to be polite but she just makes it worse. I understand if you are here in America that it is hard to accept your cultures ways when you see how much freedom our kids have but there is a saying that say "THIS TO SHALL PASS". Try keeping a smile on your face and be polite to her but stay out of her way as much as you can. When you have to talk to just say yes or no with a smile. I believe ounce she understand she can't get to you she will pick on some one she can annoy. Good Luck

You are right bhem it does stress me out. I have tried so many times to just shut up and ignore her but there are times like this that I just can't hold back anymore. dealing with her everyday is putting me in so much stress.

"hard" is the word that I am saying.

yep you're perfectly right, constant arguing is so painful. It's as if I have a sensory overload and it does give me a headache (literally)! I agree we all have to assume responsibilities for our own behavior. But sometimes I wonder if they even notice that in their personality?

As you probably know, we all are guilty of not noticing the log in our own eye while judging the splinter in another's. Nonetheless, it has been a trial for me to keep having to endure the unremitting argument and consistant headache. Thanks for your understanding.

We are probably not the only ones in this situation...It's crazy how many families compare. In my case-I'm the older sis-she's the younger sis...and the funny thing is people actually think she's quite driven. I let them-because when she takes 2 steps forward in the career-they don't know what she's doing after hours. Let them take their own opinion. I just worry for her as I think this is destructive behavior. I've started to think she's bipolar or something-those moods really swing radically!

hi rachelle, wow what a wild sister you got there! I guess it's sibling rivalry, perhaps she felt left out when you were kids or overshadowed by you that's why she is trying to get noticed by living a wild life. I agree with you there is nothing to be compared between the both of you. What she did in the resto was completely uncalled for. I have a younger sister who is like that, I mean she is not as wild as that but we don't really see each other eye to eye. It's because of my whole family, and I have hated this kind of attitude, for me they were the ones who broke us apart because of all the comparisons between me and my siblings. Normally what would happen is ecah child would be so competitive. Which is not good at all. I am really mad at my grandmother because she started it all. Then my mother for falling into it. Now me and my sister don't really talk, we have grown up and not be sisters. When I was a child I was always compared to my younger brother or that he was compared to me. Then when my sister came along we were both compared to each other, how I was not good compared to her or how she could not compare to me. We became rivals, well that's how she sees me, her rival that she want to get rid of. My sister although she is intelligent she never finished college, she always shifted courses. I on the other hand got a bachelor's degree and landed a job, and she really feels bad about this because again here comes the comparison. I know this kind of situation does not heal over time for the wounds are deep. But here is hoping that it does. You and I did the best we could with our lives in the face of adversities, we both experienced personal failures and triumphs, they need to see that we are not rivals or the enemy, No need for comparisons. We are who we are. We decide who we will be. Your sister I think is crying out for help but she is blinded and she is proud to ask help because she wants to be superwoman. She indeed lives a wild life but I don't think she is happy. Why does she tells you all this? two things. One she really might be needing help but is just too proud to accept it especially coming from you. two, she just want to make you see where she has gone so far and what you missed out, so she knows more about living in the world more than you. As for me if I tried confronting her argumentative side, I did. I have lived with her since I was a child and I have put up with it for as long as I could. Even tried to understand her, well the reason is she is the eldest among all the children, she was boss, she was always right. To top it all she is naturally intelligent and has garnered many awards and even got a doctorate degree. What do you think that would make her? She is not really a people person she could stay in the house for a month without going out and just read! But that would not stop me from getting annoyed when she starts arguing. I do tell her off especially when I am about to explode. I've actually put up so much with her, especially when she was going through menopause, man those times were hell! It is as if she was always on fire! I was younger then and did not say one word back. I only cried. Now she is getting old and she likes to argue even if there is nothing to argue. Me and my cousin sometimes just look at each other and sometimes it seems we gang up on her and she stops. sometimes I don't know what to think about. So I go out with friends or alone and hangout at the cafe.

for once, you can reverse the situation and give her a dose of her own medicine. probably, if you do that, she will realize how pesky being argumentative is... good luck... muster some courage... try if for one full 24 hours... it may work miracles...

lol if I could only do that to her I really would! but she is an elder in the family and I have to respect that. Sometimes she just won't let me be when I ignore her or walk away. At times i put a headset so just she would stop and pretend that I don't hear her. Sometimes it works , sometimes it does not.

Thanks, Lily. If someone is going to argue with everything I say, then there's no conversation because there's no true communication going on. Someone who is argumentative for the sake of arguing is just going in circles, in my opinion. You have to have a lot of patience to deal with someone like that, and I know I don't have the nerves to endure much of that - LOL! Excellent discussion and thank you for your comment!

Yes, I do agree with you there. Sometimes I know that I do fly off the handle. The one thing that bugs me is that I am the one she would always ask to run errands for her. she is always boss. I mean she never withdrew money from her atm card she always ask me to do it or my sister and cousin. with the credit card thingy she wants me to do all the process for her all she would do is fill up the form, in the end if something goes wrong with that she will again blame me even if I told her so from the start. It happened so many times already. She would start to argue again and I'd get all annoyed because I get blamed for doing an errand for her.

Yes I live with her and unfortunately we are in the same room! So I can't get away from her unless of course I move out again. But that is out of the question right now because I have to save a lot of money to move out. Living in this place is quite expensive. For now I have to bear with all this.