To tell the truth or to simply ignore?
By jd107nette
@jd107nette (1454)
Philippines
March 14, 2010 7:11pm CST
Here's the situation. one of our neighbors, assisted by her niece, had a check up one day, to make sure that her nausea and weakness, was not a symptom of something worse. later that day, the niece found out from the doctor that her aunt has cancer. and the doctor said that they couldn't do anything but to treat her symptomatically. the aunt knows nothing about her condition. The niece and the rest of the family decided not to tell her about it, as it may pose greater danger for their ill loved one. The aunt asks what the diagnosis was and why she has to go back and see another doctor. Is it proper to hide the information from the patient? Or Is it proper to disclose the information even if it poses danger to the patient?
2 people like this
11 responses
@myramae19 (667)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
My mom is a cancer survivor..somehow I can relate with your neighbor.
And I think the best way to do is to tell her the truth, so that she can prepare herself..
I'm sure she will understand if the doctor said that there's no other remedy.
The family should tell her and be by her side,show their love and care to their aunt until her last breath.
1 person likes this
@jd107nette (1454)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
hi myramae19, thanks....
my father also had cancer, unfortunately, he didn't make it...
but we told him about it... he didn't get depressed.. instead at first he denied it and said he would cooperate with everything that has to be done so he could get cured...
sometimes the negative doesn't result to negative reactions...
thanks again...
your mom sure is blessed... give her my best wishes... ^_^
1 person likes this
@myramae19 (667)
• Philippines
17 Mar 10
yes, she is...thank you so much, I'll extend your best wishes to her
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
15 Mar 10
honesty is the best policy and i will feel very upset if somebody lies to me about my medical condition... especially with terminal illness like cancer... i definitely would like to know about it so that i will know how much longer i will live and i will use my remaining times wisely and meaningfully... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@jd107nette (1454)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
hi.. thanks for the reply...
i agree with that! If i was the patient, i would also want to know...
have a nice day
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
15 Mar 10
I do not think it is a nice idea to tell her the truth, considering her weak health and feeble emotional condition. Telling her about it will worsen the situation and the damage might occur much earlier than expected. It'll be a rude shock to that unfortunate lady... There're people to care about her, look after her health and make her feel good. Why should she be told about it?
In some cases, it becomes necessary to let the patient know the truth. And in such cases, we should use a little psychological sophistication and instead of making it a rude shock, one should try to make it just an unhappy news. But in the matter at hand, it is not good to tell her the truth. I think, many of us would do the same...
Happy myLotting!
@jd107nette (1454)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
hi mr_pearl...
thanks for your response...
looking on a different angle, i also agree with you...
if the woman actually thinks she would be cured if she goes to the hospital, it would simply put her down once she finds out that her disease it incurable... it would sink all of the hopes she had left...
thanks for the opinion..
have a nice day
@jwfarrimond (4473)
•
15 Mar 10
I think that the most important person in this situation is the one who has the disease and that they have a right to be told the truth about it. I don't think that anyone has the right to withold that information regardless of how well intentioned they may be. At the very least, they need to put their affairs in order and that may take days or weeks depending on how complicated it is.
1 person likes this
@jd107nette (1454)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
thanks for the reply jwfarrimond...
i do agree with that... it might make her depressed but it is important that she finds out... so that she could name everything she wants and accomplish her with the remaining days she have left...
thanks and have a nice day
1 person likes this
@OpinionatedLady (5965)
• United States
15 Mar 10
I do not believe in hiding these things from people in the least. My family loves to do this and it royally ticks me off. I have lost out on saying good bye to much loved family members due to good intentions and in the end it was worse for me because I felt so guilty by not being able to. I know it is hard to tell some one they are dying but it is wrong to lie to them about it especially if they know something is wrong. By the way where do you live that the family was able to know without the aunt being told first or is she mentally incapable?
@jd107nette (1454)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
yeah that's true... it's really irritating when they hide really important details from you.. it makes you feel like you're not important...
thanks for the reply opinionatedlady...
have a nice day!
@monkeylong (3139)
• Guangzhou, China
15 Mar 10
As far as I am concerned, it will be better to not tell her the truth,which may be some terrible for her. But I think doing this just for her body health. So enjoy the happiest moment days in the world is the most important things that we can do now. So just treat her better, and gives her what she wants most in the world.Give her my best wishes.
1 person likes this
@rmuxagirl (7548)
• United States
15 Mar 10
They really need to tell her what the diagnosis was. I was diagnosed with cancer a few years back and I wanted to know. I know it was hard for my family to have to see me hear the diagnosis but it is something she needs to know. It is her health at risk, her body that needs to be treated. What greater danger could telling her what is wrong do? What danger is there? She needs to know...I would be furious with my family if they didn't tell me.
1 person likes this
@jd107nette (1454)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
hi rmuxagirl... how are you doing now? hopefully fine...
thanks for sharing...
i do agree with that... my father was diagnosed with cancer last year...
my mother said that we should keep it from my dad. (my dad's a really pessimist)... so she thought, it would make him depressed to find out his diagnosis... but i was against it. I volunteered to be the one to disclose the info. it was hard because at first of course you try to go around the bush. when i finally told him, he laughed and said, it was impossible... then he agreed to undergo several tests for treatment... Sometimes, telling them the bad news doesn't really result to having them reacting negatively.. others take them on as a challenge... thanks for sharing and i hope you get fully well... Have a nice day
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
15 Mar 10
jd107nette,
Whilst it is always the best advocate to let one know their actual condition to get them prepared for whatever is to come but I am sure there will be times where withholding is done out of due consideration for individuals who are easily or have been recently traumatized or depressed.
Hence, making full disclosure not a valid or advocated option. So, I feel that your neighbors will know what is best for their relative here and that you should leave it to them to do whatever is right. Besides, I am sure no one is on self denial especially when this is a terminal condition.
Take care and have a nice day.
@jd107nette (1454)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
hey skysuccess...
thanks for your wonderful reply...
I can't help but think about it, but of course, i wouldn't do anything unnecessary, such as disclosing the fact myself... haha i'll leave that to them...
it's just that i can relate somehow...
few years back when my father was diagnosed with cancer, i personally told him of his illness. that made him cooperate much better with the treatment the doctors had for him...
i kind of wondered what if i didn't tell him instead?
well, it doesn't matter... I just know my dad is ok now... no more pain and discomfort...
thanks again... have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@rkz449904 (21)
• Philippines
19 Mar 10
of course they need to tell!! It's true that not all people is strong but learning about your sickness early can help you cope up early also. And because of that you can still have time to do things you need and want to do... Regret is something people wouldn't want to have in their afterlife!
@yresh12 (3212)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
I think they should tell her. We also need a lot of things. She is in a very worst state and you not telling her could worsen it. If she knew about it later she could be more depressed because you kept something from her that is very dangerous, instead of doing something to heal... You made her believe that nothings wrong...
1 person likes this
@jd107nette (1454)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
hey yresh12.. thanks for sharing... I do agree with you... it would be harder if she finds out from others...
@achilles2010 (3051)
• India
19 Mar 10
What if we do not tell the truth and someone else does? Wouldn't that person say, "Why couldn't you tell me"? It is always better to tell the truth, however bitter it might be, so you given an opportunity to the person to reconcile with the unpleasant fact. It would help the person to prepare himself, and he or she would himself or herself. It is worse to live in hopes and die in despair.
@jd107nette (1454)
• Philippines
23 Mar 10
true... it would be harder that way..
thank you for sharing
