What do you think about this?
By RachelleNH
@RachelleNH (1396)
United States
March 16, 2010 1:20pm CST
I decided some months ago to join the infamous classmates.com site to see who was there. I found a lot of people, including my first boyfriend. I didn't think much about it until he found me on facebook and friended me. I still didn't think anything til a good friend warned me not to talk to him. Now to get a few things clear before I go on: He's married with 2 kids now and I'm divorced-with two of my own. I haven't been flirting or anything like that..and neither has he (thus far) I would never do that to anyone-it was done to me. I don't have any feelings for him. I was madly in love with my ex-husband and he still holds that #1 place. My ex was the one who friended me and sent me a silly message teasing me about a guy in HS who used to chase me around..it's kind of an inside joke. That was all that transpired.
So now on to my question: Would you talk to an ex of yours? I am thinking I should remove him just to be safe. I mean if it was me and I was married and found out my ex was talking to his first girlfriend-that would really make me insecure...(it's a woman thing I guess)
1 person likes this
11 responses
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
18 Mar 10
Hi Rachelle,
I talk to and am friendly with most of my ex-boyfriends but then again, they are all single and so it's not a big deal. If they had a girlfriend or wife then I'd have to respect the woman. I would not just delete him as a friend but I would say that because he is married that you don't feel comfortable being his friend on the internet. Your friends warned you not to talk to him so I'm guessing that they might have some inside info on this guy or his wife????
1 person likes this
@RachelleNH (1396)
• United States
18 Mar 10
I haven't deleted him yet, but he hasn't said anything else to me. One of my friends (that warned me) told me that his wife is a psycho-controlling type-that made me a little nervous-I mean what if she hunts me down for just saying hi?
@madteaparty (2748)
• Japan
17 Mar 10
Well, it depends on the ex. Some ex-boyfriends are people bad enough to deserve not to be talked anymore. If that's not the case, think that a finished relationship is in the past and buried forever, so being friends again doesn't mean anything bad, just turning that failed relationship into something good 
1 person likes this
@RachelleNH (1396)
• United States
17 Mar 10
And that's very positive thinking...turning something bad into something good. I don't see why I couldn't be friends with her also..but I don't know her-she didn't run with my crowd.
Very true-nothing bad ever happened between me and him..We just didn't love each other-it was a friendship dating kind of thing..he was more like the brother I never had..that's about it..there's no bad memories just silly HS laughs we had.
@kittenclaus (1393)
• United States
17 Mar 10
I honestly don't see anything wrong in talking to your ex. So long as it's innocent. I was with my ex for 13 years and became very close with his family. I don't have any family left of my own and to this day we all celebrate Christmas, Thanksgiving, cook outs together. Eddie got married last year and he and his wife come to my house with every one else. They were very important in your life at one time so my thing has always been why can't we stay friends now.
1 person likes this
@RachelleNH (1396)
• United States
17 Mar 10
Very true...there is no bad blood between us or anything...and as far as I know neither of us still has any feelings for each other. He's just someone I once dated. We never fell in love...so that's one thing that makes me think okay..but I've heard some horror stories about jealous ex wives and facebook.
@Beautyfactor (1512)
•
16 Mar 10
Hi,
I don't think there is any harm in being his Facebook friend at all. You were both young and you are both different people now. Just because he has befriended you does not mean he is going to want to pick up where things left off when you were 18. He could be very happy with his own wife. My very first boyfriend is a Facebook friend of mine now, and after a couple of days of talking about our school days I hardly ever chat with him at all now.
I think you should just see how things pan out before deleting him.
@RachelleNH (1396)
• United States
16 Mar 10
Thanks...yeah I hate to just delete him that way..that's why I wanted to get other's feedback. I don't think either of us have the intention of starting back up...I'd rather leave it the way it ended-which was good and just reminisce. :)
Thanks for the feedback-Happy St. Patty's
@RachelleNH (1396)
• United States
16 Mar 10
At this point, I'm kinda not talking to him. I'm still in limbo trying to figure it all out. I think in the end though I'm probably going to wind up removing him out of respect for her. I mean he's my ex...it's been 13 years or so since we've seen each other-it's not like we have friends in common or anything else.
@haniku17 (112)
•
17 Mar 10
I guess it would be better to not respond to the message that he sent. It is possible that one thing may lead to another.If you were friends after you have broken up, I guess it's ok to talk to him and that you both know that you are just being friendly and being civil, nothing more. I hope everything ends well. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@RachelleNH (1396)
• United States
17 Mar 10
Yeah I figured if he sends anything that I find flirty in any way-I'm going to put him in his place..for now though I'm still in limbo of what to do
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
17 Mar 10
Hi, RachelleNH. If he is married then steer clear. You can be nice to him in an friendly way but if he tries to pull a slick one on you, then you know that you should back off. Be cool but don't let down your guard when dealing with a married man that used to be your ex.
@RachelleNH (1396)
• United States
17 Mar 10
I sure will if he does say anything out of line!. It's plain wrong. I had it done to me..My ex husband cheated on me with someone I knew (they worked together) and she knew we had just been married..she was there at the reception. There was more to it than I'd known...she wanted a green card and thought by having a baby with him she'd get one. Oopsie-didn't work that way. They broke up months later. I was so angry about her-I never knew-and so at first I blamed her..then I found out that he'd been telling people that he was only with me for the kids...so that justified it in their eyes. Sad...I would never be the person to break up a happy home.
@jimeny (640)
• Israel
16 Mar 10
Your first boyfriend... at what age was it? I was thinking that if it was at a young age such as elementry school it wouldn't be so bad to befriend him on Facebook. (But if he were your boyfriend at a later period, I don't know what to think... It really is your job to decied that.)
That "inside joke" sounds like a flirt to me... but I don't know, I haven't been in your situation yet.
1 person likes this
@RachelleNH (1396)
• United States
16 Mar 10
I was 15 when we went out, but we were on and off all the way til 18. No the "inside joke" wasn't a flirt..but it would probably offend most people...it's funny but at the same time sort of making fun of me too.
@climber7565 (2579)
• United States
16 Mar 10
oh that is a dilemma for sure, then again why should it be? I feel that if we love our partners truly then nothing should ever stand on the way and nothing like this should even dare play a role. You don't need a topic in here or anywhere to know where your loyalties lie and where your priorities stand. Who is who and what is valuable to your life and self respect.
1 person likes this
@lichee_china (506)
• China
17 Mar 10
Let it go,my friend.Chat with your ex evenif there is a lack of love may hurt him who really love you,you know insecure.And it may arose problem.have a nice day.
@pabreen (237)
• Philippines
17 Mar 10
I think there's nothing wrong if you talk to your ex and become friends again,as long as what he offers is pure friendship only. As you have said you don't have feelings for him so why will the wife feel insecure. But if the wife is an immature type then better don't respond as it might cause a strain on his relationship with his wife. Stay being good and you will be blessed!
