Anger: Control it or, Release it?
By getbiswa2000
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
India
March 17, 2010 11:18pm CST
Hello friends,
I have often wondered what might be a better option between these two. What I have found out from my experience so far is,
Controlling anger or rather suppressing it adversely affects your physic. When you try to control it, the grudge remains and it is enough to raise your blood pressure. Suppression of anger makes it stay for a really long time. It is bad for your heart and mind. Your whole attention gets focused in a thought that is apparently negative and harming your mind. The signs that indicates suppressed anger are often refusing to speak to anyone, preferring to stay alone for a while, warming up of your whole body, reddened face and sometimes moist eyes. These are all abnormal behaviors and potentially dangerous to your health.
Releasing anger almost always ends up in repentance. Once it is released the thing that we were mad at looses its importance. Then we regret our act and feel sorry for ourselves. But during the process the anger somehow looses its strength. We repent even if the anger was justified. Then after a brief period we forget all about it.
Controlling anger harms inside, while releasing it harms outside. Which one would you personally favor? What do you do when you get angry?
Thanks in advance for your response
God bless you
3 people like this
22 responses
@CJscott (4187)
• Portage La Prairie, Manitoba
18 Mar 10
If I had to favor one, I would release it, all be it, I would try to release it away from people. In the past, releasing in the presence of people cause great pain, both physical and emotional to both me and the people in the room, whether they were the cause of the anger or not.
This is bad, controlling it is difficult, and can cause a heart attack...
What I have recently learned though, is we can choose to not become angry at a situation. We can choose, how we react to anything, through practice of course. I am actually doing quite well. I haven't released to an extreme in over 8 months.
So, basically, something happens that would normally incite anger. First thing I do, is recognize I am becoming angry, or displeased, so I smile. Smiling is one of the most powerful mood changers their is, I smile, and pretend I am on a beach.
I try to empathize if it is a persona causing the anger, and I ask what action can I take now that is of the highest good for myself and all concerned, and that is usually to listen to the other person. And ask What is right about what you are saying? What makes that right?
All else fails, I simply distract my anger with thoughts of better days.
Cheers.
2 people like this
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Hello,
I can't help admiring your thought. You have not only been introspective but you've come up with a very definitive conclusion about yourself. You are one big lump of positive energy. 
The root cause of anger is expectations and desire to be more precise. We often desire things to happen in our way, which is not always the case. We expect people to react the way we think they should, which is impossible. God has the control over everything, we don't. There is a subtle rule by which everyone reacts to certain incidents. This rule can be revealed only by being introspective. Knowing one's self is the best way and perhaps the only way to know others. When we finally come up with the conclusion that there is nothing in this world that can't be done away with, we reach a state of peace and serenity. The cause of anger is uprooted. Thanks so much for this thoughtful response
God bless you
The root cause of anger is expectations and desire to be more precise. We often desire things to happen in our way, which is not always the case. We expect people to react the way we think they should, which is impossible. God has the control over everything, we don't. There is a subtle rule by which everyone reacts to certain incidents. This rule can be revealed only by being introspective. Knowing one's self is the best way and perhaps the only way to know others. When we finally come up with the conclusion that there is nothing in this world that can't be done away with, we reach a state of peace and serenity. The cause of anger is uprooted. Thanks so much for this thoughtful response
God bless you1 person likes this
@yresh12 (3212)
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
I think that we can control our anger and releasing it the same time...
Controlling anger not to go and jump at the person who made you tick and instead go somewhere and release it.. You can for example scream you lungs out(they might think your crazy) or walk away and when you got home you throw something at her..I'm not really sure at the releasing part, I can't think of any other replacements for it.
1 person likes this
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
I couldn't agree more. Both can be done at the same time. There ain't any replacement for the releasing part. Very true. But there must be some control. Wisdom and self-awareness is that control. Thanks so much for your participation.
God bless you
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
18 Mar 10
it really depends... when i am in a good mood, i can control it... but when i am in a bad mood and feel really tired, then i will release it... i know that i have to learn more to control my anger because it is disadvantaged me when i get angry... it is not good for my health as well... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Hello,
You are very humble and simple person. I can see this much. I guess you have other virtues too. You are sometimes introspective. You are careful about your aim. You want yourself to be more and more perfect everyday. I know its hard to get rid of anger entirely. But I can see in you a potential to go beyond it. That is why I feel it quite unnecessary to add anything to what you've already said. Thanks for your invaluable contribution.
God bless you
@smukherjee_on_line (578)
• India
18 Mar 10
I think it depends on the situation and the reason behind the anger. But in general case you should control the anger. Because anger affects our lives very badly......
1 person likes this
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Yes indeed, anger badly affects our lives. It destroys relationships. It inflicts pain on your near and dear ones. It causes more pain to yourself than it does to others. Above all, it destroys our peace of mind. People usually end up in doing things that they may regret in future. Thanks for such wonderful response
God bless you
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Well,
Its absolutely normal. But nobody is satisfied with just being normal. Are you? The secret of all those achievements are dissatisfaction. You have improved enough and there is no need to improve further, wouldn't be a wise thought. There is a need for consideration, self-realization. There is a need for a process initiated just to uplift your morale day by day. And the only person who can do it is You. It is hard to control it, only if you think its hard. There are several ways to control it. What if you suddenly realize that you have some other more important things to do? What if you realize that there is no use in being angry as it is not serving any purpose of yours? What if you simply don't care anymore? If any of these ever happens when you are angry, your anger will evaporate in no time.
Thanks so much for this nice response
God bless you
@shena_9876 (44)
• Philippines
19 Mar 10
It depends upon the situation. I just keep it to myself if its a small issue but its something big i will speak out and defend myself. I don't care what might people say or feel as long as I am on the right track i will say it.
1 person likes this
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Hello,
I am so glad that you said this. "As long as I am on the right track" is the best phrase you used here. There are certain phases of self improvement and self realization after which you come to choose your purpose and path. Once your purpose is chosen appropriately there is no use in thinking about how you walk to it. No matter how you try, you will never fail, as you are filled with faith and light. This is a very optimistic way of living. There is also an apparent segregation you have to make between small and big issues. There is also an art of making big issues small just like that of making small issues big. There are places and persons with whom you try those two things. Either one is not sufficient to complete your personality. You need both and need to know how to deal with both.
Thanks for such a thoughtful response
God bless you
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
18 Mar 10
Over the years I have found that bottling up my anger has left me an emotional wreck. I know now that it is better to release my anger at the time, get it all out of my system in one go, and let it all out. I have an old cushion in my bedroom which I refer to as my punchbag, and when I get mad at something or someone, I will go to my room and punch the cushion.
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Hello Goth,
That can be a good way of releasing your anger without actually hurting anybody, not even yourself. Its perfectly ok if you feel like crying. You can cry and punch like a baby when nobody is watching. Though I don't cry no matter how hurt I am inside. But I consider those people, who cry whenever they wish, quite lucky. When we can't release the anger, or release it to some person, things only get more complicated. You must be very fortunate to have that cushion in your bedroom. Thanks for your valued contribution.
God bless you
@junmae (1586)
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
When Im angry, I will try to release it because it will just make my blood pressure higher. I believe that it is more important to release your angry rather than keeping it to my self because it will have a psychological and physical effect.
1 person likes this
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Hi,
You are right dear. Suppressing your anger will always harm you. But there is always a better way to deal with this, to choose not to be angry at all. 
It may sound a bit strange but, if you try to detach yourself from that situation and be wise enough to know that nothing can actually harm you from outside, it will be easier to accomplish. Nobody hurts us. Nobody has the power to do so. Your ego hurts you, mine hurts me. There is still an option, the last resort, to release it in someway so that no one else gets hurt.
Thanks so much for this response
God bless you
It may sound a bit strange but, if you try to detach yourself from that situation and be wise enough to know that nothing can actually harm you from outside, it will be easier to accomplish. Nobody hurts us. Nobody has the power to do so. Your ego hurts you, mine hurts me. There is still an option, the last resort, to release it in someway so that no one else gets hurt.
Thanks so much for this response
God bless you
@sheen13 (567)
• India
18 Mar 10
It's a really nice question indeed! Yes, it is true that when we control our anger, it increases our blood pressure and stuff, and not only this as you said it effects our mind, we won't be able to concentrate on other things and keep thinking about what we are angry on. So, at times we need to control our anger and at times we shouldn't. For instance, if you are angry on some person and that person isn't well, so you should keep that in mind and control your temper whereas if you are not well, then you should release it, as it will effect your health.
Releasing your temper on someone, removes all the tension from your mind but then it also hurts the person who you shouted on to release your temper. So, on the whole, releasing and controlling temper both have some advantages and disadvantages. So, we shouldn't stick to one thing i.e everytime control or release your temper. We should see hoe the situation is, and then act upon it.
1 person likes this
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Hello Sheen,
You are young but no less wise. I completely agree to what you've said and I especially like your conclusion, We should see how the situation is and then act upon it. Very true. There is no use in sticking to only one aspect. That would only harm you more. With true faith in God you can release your anger just by analyzing the cause. Once you realize that there is not use in holding on to anything you simply choose not to be angry. At those situations you realize that you have better things to do than just extending the bitterness of this particular situation. You get detached and indifferent by a slow but sure internal process.
I appreciate your valued participation.
God bless you
@kaylachan (69671)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
18 Mar 10
In a way you are right, but anger needs to be released properally. There are times and places to control it, and times and places to release it. If someone for example gets you irked in public, snapping them would not be proper. No, you would hold back wait until you were alone and confront them. twitching much?
1 person likes this
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
LOL noooo. That is not what I call twitching. That was a wise perspective of dealing with your anger. There are times and places to control it, and times and places to release it. Those were wonderful. One shouldn't deal with anger in such a way that it eventually harm oneself or others in the process. That would be so inappropriate. Thanks so much for your participation.
God bless you
That was a wise perspective of dealing with your anger. There are times and places to control it, and times and places to release it. Those were wonderful. One shouldn't deal with anger in such a way that it eventually harm oneself or others in the process. That would be so inappropriate. Thanks so much for your participation.
God bless you @zolita (4)
• China
18 Mar 10
Under this situition,i'd like to stay alone and be calm,tell myself that is not so big things for me,then cry out release the anger.I won't let anger lasts long.The most inportant thing is that we must keep ourselves from anger,always positive to your life and you'll find that everything is beautiful around you!
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Dear,
You are a wonderful person. I am really happy that you participated in my discussion. Welcome to myLot. Your point of view is more than just perfect. You have gone way beyond your personal preferences and reached a place of love and endurance. I especially like the words not so big things for me. Those are the key things, the main idea of subverting anger. Thanks once again for your contribution.
God bless you
@haniku17 (112)
•
18 Mar 10
I think I do a little bit of both. There are some things that I'd rather suppress or just forget about. There are some things that are better left unsaid. But of course, I also make sure to get other things out of the way. Usually, if I am angry, I always end up crying. I know its weird but after crying, I usually feel better. I guess it also helps if you have a creative outlet like as for me, I write. So if you're an artist, you can like paint your anger or if you sing, sing you're heart out.
1 person likes this
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Hello,
This is what I call channeling the energy through a better course. Yes, indeed. Anger stores a huge amount of energy in you. You can either waste it in cursing and abusing people or you can use it in creating things. Crying, like I said earlier, is an effective way to ease those bitter feelings, and its better to release them ASAP. Thanks so much for your response.
God bless you
@sudan86 (2)
• China
18 Mar 10
Hi, I agree the people who said, think of happy thing or other things to forget or transfer your thought .
For release mostly will hurt both relationship if you are not family or close friend.
For we know at least, our family and close friend will not hurt us anytime. We believe them, so we can discuss the problem with them. In order to avoid some problem happen again. But should better not be wrathful with them for litter thing. Just as no body have the thought to hurt his arm.
For litter problem, if I don't trust the people, I will only swear him or her, then do other things to forget it.
Any way, hope everyone could control his emotion as much as he can. But could give good advice to others in good ambience. Let the people know how to do is better.
1 person likes this
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Hi,
Welcome to myLot. Most of us advice others just to remind ourselves of certain facts. No matter how sincere the effort can be, I always think that there is a time for everything. One eventually understands one's fault and mends oneself. Doing or thinking something else when you are angry really helps a lot. A stronger person would, though try to face the situation and analyze it even more. Controlling anger without causing harm to oneself is an art. Its a mind game. There is a level when you love not only your family but also every other human being. This is a superior thought born out of consideration on one's own self. This way you acquire a more philanthropic mindset. You become more forgiving and kind. Thanks so much for such a great response. I think you should be more frequent in myLot. We need people like you here.
God bless you
@Paleflare (141)
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
Well, If you're really mad right now and you want something to do about it before something bad happens. I must say you shouldn't hurt anyone, release your anger in a safe way, try going to the gym and hit the mitten with gloves or punching bag, That way you'll release your anger. Always remember never hurt yourself in the process and take your crap in another person. If you want to control your anger, Why not visit a good friend/best friend talk it out. Sometimes talking about it with friend is the solution, You know what they say " A friend in need is a friend indeed" ayt?
good day sir.
1 person likes this
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Hello Paleflare,
You have made a good point there. One can consider talking to a friend about it. That friend should be wise enough to listen and not to instigate the anger even more. That would make the situation even worse. A good friend is not sufficient. A good friend and an intelligent person can only appease your anger. Releasing your anger in a safe way, is really necessary. Thanks so much for your participation.
God bless you
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Well, that is a better way of thinking. A more positive and optimistic way. There are thousands of issues we face each year. Some relate to us, while some don't. They vary in degree of intensity and importance. Even the trees you plant in your garden may wither if you don't take care of them regularly. Your grudge or resentment is the same thing. It gets more importance when you pay attention to it. The best way to get rid of it is not to pay any attention at all. It withers and is washed away in time. Thanks for your participation.
God bless you
1 person likes this
@jd107nette (1454)
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
Good day~ for me i don't really release or control it. i just forget it. i let them see that i am angry but i don't go to the point where i'll shout at them or punch them or hate them for a long time. I'll just think that being angry is not really important. or such. ^^
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Hello,
That is an excellent way of dealing with your anger. You demonstrate your resentment yet you are actually reducing that to a normal level. Keeping grudge is sometimes more harmful than just releasing it. It just extends the frustration to a level of active enmity. I really appreciate your dropping by.
God bless you
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Eating spicy food brings down your blood pressure. It will at least, reduce the harmful effect on your heart. This might be a good way of treating your anger without harming others. When you release your wrath upon other people you only end up in doing something that you may regret in future. Saying inappropriate things to them or treating them with disrespect are all signs of it. Thanks so much for your proposition. It was indeed a thoughtful one.
God bless you
@Andyvil (793)
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
I usually release it, but I release it in other ways. I usually control my anger and release it later on. Before I used to release my anger by singing rock music, listening to rock music or going to rock concerts. Lately my outlet for anger is punching the wall. I usually end up hurting my hands in the process but at least I got it out of my system. I only punch the wall if I am really mad at someone and I can't punch them for some particular reason. Anyway it does help me release my anger without hurting other people. I also do exercises or lift weights if I am mad at something or someone.
1 person likes this
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Well, I have full support for releasing it by exercising but I really don't think you should punch the walls. A frustration can't be appeased by yet another frustration or infliction. It is just a way to avoid the main point and try to find a quick fix. A more genuine and resolute approach would be to face it, no matter how hard it is. To face the person or the event that caused the anger. Then to start analyzing it with an indifferent state of mind. Often change of perspective works well with situations like these. But in order to do that you have to achieve the skill of detaching yourself. Releasing anger can be a waste of energy,so, we should focus it in something more creative. Thanks so much for your response
God bless you
@uniqueorn (1011)
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
I had to control my anger over anyone. You know, your magnificence is at risk when you release. You will never know what you can do to the extent of hurting physically or killing. That's why, as early as now, I learn to be more passive to other's mistakes that I cannot hurt others. There was a time when I was filled with anger against a schoolmate for I was being stained with his toothpaste all over my white uniform. Incontrollable anger overwhelmed my sight that on the sidewalk, I hit his face with my bulky books and jumped on him! I scrubbed his face on the cement till he shouted for a ceasefire! LOL. From then I learned best how to ignore people who are illiterate and acts like uncivilized.
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Hi,
Well just like it is true that you can not hurt others, it is also true that none can hurt you. We are hurt due to our own inflated ego. It is our ego that makes us vulnerable. We often confuse our ego with sense of self respect. But as soon as we realize that there is none who can actually hurt us, we reach a higher level of wisdom. No event is good or bad. Consequences can be good or bad. We can control the consequences, but we can control our decisions. No matter how deprived and humiliated we feel we always have a choice. Thanks so much for this wonderful response.
God bless you
We are hurt due to our own inflated ego. It is our ego that makes us vulnerable. We often confuse our ego with sense of self respect. But as soon as we realize that there is none who can actually hurt us, we reach a higher level of wisdom. No event is good or bad. Consequences can be good or bad. We can control the consequences, but we can control our decisions. No matter how deprived and humiliated we feel we always have a choice. Thanks so much for this wonderful response.
God bless you
@dr0czh (53)
• China
18 Mar 10
I quarreled with the deliever last month.The bad thing is that I haven't noticed at that moment I was just standing in the middle of the office and everyone was looking at me.It was to late when I notice it and then my boss said he has something talk to me. I guess it's one of the reason why I'm fired.Pity.
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
23 Mar 10
Oh dear,
There are more terrible punishments than just depriving you of your job. Believe me. The one positive thing you may have here is that you have learned a great lesson with the smallest possible amount of investment. I mean, hear what you just said. You have a complete realization of your mistake and you are sorry for what you've done. Repentance cleanse your soul and makes you purer and more complete as a human being. You have acquired a strong foundation and a strong reason to stay away from these sentimental mishaps. They way ahead will only lead you to a more enlightened and elevated. Please don't mourn for what is past and stay only with the conclusion not the memory.
God bless you
