Teenager

I really hated my mom when she would hit me before and I also hated her for shouting and not listening. I think we still have that conflict even up to this time and mind you I am 30 and I got kids of my own already. I remembered one time I was already sleeping and she suddenly pulled me out of the bed because she heard from my aunt that I was under observation to be suspended from school. She didn't even ask me if it was true or not, she just hit me. Damn I was just so angry at her because it wasn't even true. I was called out at the principal's office that day because they wanted me to join the Ms. Highschool pageant and i didn't want to. I went out of the office crying because the teachers and the principal were forcing me. Some girls whom I had conflict with saw me crying. These girls were my cousin's friends and me and my cousin were not cool with each other coz she was jealous that I got accepted in the school and she was not. (she didn't passed the entrance exam haha) So these girls naturally told my cousin about it and made up stories and my cousin told my aunt who gave out the news to mum. And here my mum without even trying to ask just hit me. Wonderful isn't it? My point here is that beating your child wouldn't help you to deal with her. She will just end up hating you in the future. Find time to take her out to where you can chat and not at home preferably. Make her understand that you don't want to hurt her. Tell her you were sorry for doing that but at the same time you need her cooperation. Make her understand that she is a teenager now and that age comes with responsibilities too. Don't bug her if she doesn't want to speak, just make her feel that you are there for her. Don't brush her off if she tells you childish things in school coz as a parent you have an obligation to listen to your daughter how childish it is. How can she share things with you if you make her feel that things she's sharing are non-sense. Just listen, you don't have to offer any advices. After she's done speaking then you can ask her like, "So what are you planning to do with that girl?" "Do you have some thing in mind on how to solve your problem in school?" Make her think of her own solutions then tell her if she needs your opinion then you are there. Don't offer if she's not asking coz she might not like it. And please don't tell her that it's her fault or at least not to say that bluntly coz she would really hate it. Sending her out to boarding school would definitely not a good idea at all in my opinion. Don't give up as it is part of being a parent to be patient and understanding. Goodluck!

Gee! You're right its hard, but to deal with teenager is not by hurting them. but we must place our self into their shoe... I think you heard that a lot. understanding teen is not to be mothers to them or father, every parent must take note of that. They are beginning to harvest respect towards the family specially when she have younger brother or sister, and to you. Teenage needs respect that sometimes she never gain in the family, that's why most of the time she wants to go out with friends because there she can maintain her stand as a person not as a child. They are the one who doesn't stop until they earn they status of adult and they are thinking that parents cannot give that to them, so she did it in her own way. Actually talking with her will never solve this, what you need is to chat with her if you know what I mean, make friends with your child, tell her some ridiculous stories, tease her, laugh with her, but ofcoarse you cannot just jump into it suddenly she will going to notice that you're trying to gain her. But you may begin with telling her younger brother or sister not to touch her things because she might get mad... that sort of things that she will know that you acknowledge her status as an adult, do this NOT in front of her but be sure she hears it, because this is the way it should be. help her to gain pride with your family, make a road for her, for she will not make a road for her self, if she did it to her own you will never like it, for she will sway everything in her path to be there... and that's what I called be in her shoe. In that way you will be able to control her every move, let her know that you are open to her thoughts "no holds bar" so that you can say if it is wrong, "like a friend not as a mother". She will surely tell you everything including her crush or boyfriend if there is. Well think about it. this maybe hard but you will get her back to you.

Well she is 13 so not only is she going through hormonal changes but she is also at that age where she is goin to test the water with you to see what she can get away with for lack fo a better way of wording it and figure out her place in the world etc..I went through it with both my kids (they are 16 and almost 15)....It's aggrevating as all hell but its also just a phase... BUT I have to say that at her age, I really dont think spankin is the answer in fact it might create more of an issue than do any good...She is just too old to be spanked IMO...Here you have a girl who is becoming a woman (homonal changes) she is trying to work her way through goin from being a kid to a teen, she is most likely expected by many to "grow up you're a teenager now" etc, yet you are spanking her like she is still a little child...Sit her down and talk to her..BUT when you do, remember what it was like mentally and physically really for YOU at that age...its a tough age to be at ya know..let her know that you get how its frustrating to go through this stage in life but under NO CIRCUMSTANCES will you tolerate her being unruly etc...AND aske her what SHE THINKS is the best solution, ask her what SHE is feeling and how can you help etc..BUT do it openmindedly and realize that she has a voice and opininos of her own that may not match yours but thats a good thing..she isnt a carbon copy of you..she is her own being ya know...Sit her down and let her know you want to work WITH her to not only resolve the current issues but to help her to get thorugh this confusing frustrating stage in life.......Find out whats goin on with her (with friends, school, in her head etc) and so on..

I am not yet a parent but I heard that military school works. If it is not as expensive as boarding school, maybe you could enroll her there. It would be tough but it's tough love. They teach students discipline. I think spanking is all right as long as it is not excessive and does not cause injury. I guess the children of today really does need some spanking to discipline them. I believe it because I have been spanked too as a child and I learned my lessons.

I think she is at the age where she wants more freedom. At school it can be difficult sometimes at that age with the pressures of fitting in and such. Kids want to be rebellious and not listen to what their parents say because they sort of want to do their own thing thinking that the parents are too strict. Maybe you should sit down and talk about whats going on at school or in her personal life.

Spanking older children and teens doesn't work as well as spanking younger children She's going through a hard time of life right now, where everything about her body and mind is changing. Most teens will rebel at some point, and to varying degrees, and it has nothing to do with how good of a parent their parents might be. My brother, to punish her teen daughter for stealing, took everything out of her room except for her dresser, put a lock on her closet door, and took the door to her bedroom down. It taught her a lesson not soon forgot. Spending more time with her should be helpful in the long run. Try to get to her talk to you without juding or punishing her for what she might say. Letting her vent out verbally some frustrations might help her not act out physically as much.

she is most likely testing your limits. Just stay consistent, keep telling you love her and keep doing what your doing! Good luck!

Some teenagers can have a difficult time with emotions and this is natural as they are beginning to mature. Your daughter might be having a testing time with her hormones. She might be testing your limits to see how your react. All she probably wants is your love, attention and guidance. Spanking is violent and it is a lesson to a young person in violence. Your daughter needs your loving and caring support to gently guide her in becoming a sensible and responsible adult. She requires you to make house rules and give her time out to reflect if she doesn't heed a warning. You must give your daughter praise for every little right thing that she does in order to build her confidence. I wish you lots of luck in sorting out the behavior of your 13 year old daughter. My oldest son will be 15 years old in a months time.

Hello nikkij, I think it could be peers influence that is why shes acting like that. Yes it is true that they are having hormone change but peers play big role in our childrens life. I don't have a daughter but I have 2 sons who are in their teens. There is nothing wrong spanking our children but it is not good when they are older children. In my case I stop spanking them when they were 10. Try to get to know her friends so you will know what kind of a crowd shes hanging around. She probably have friends who's parents allowed to do what ever they want. Don't send her to a boarding school. Maybe a change of school but not to a boarding school. I have been to a boarding school for 5 years. When my sons were in their kindergarten we send them to a religious school and it was a discipline school. Their classmates don't smoke or drink or go to parties and come home late. Then when they were in mid high school I had to change them to another school because we could not afford any longer to pay the first school. The teachers absolutely love my sons and they say that they are so discipline and very nice. I believe the former school has something to do with it and the peers that they hang out with. Of course also because of well train at home. I strongly believe that her peers has influence her. Try to find out what she is good at and support her. For example can she play music instrument? Then buy her one. Can she dance? Send her to a dance class or if she can sing send her to voice lessons. My sons are very good in electric guitar so I bought one and even allowed them to form their own band. Because of this they are so concentrate on their guitars that they seems don't have time to argue and they don't go out much. They stay home and practice all the time. The good part is their classmates are the once coming to our house. When you bond with her make sure you do what she likes to do not what you think she would like to do. I don't mean that if she smokes and you let her and join her. What I mean is try to listen to her favorite song for example. Talk about what she likes to talk about. And don't forget to pray to God for guidance. Last thing try to find out what kind of personality she has so you will be able to understand her more. Is she a Sanguine, Melancholy, Phlegmatic or Choleric. You can search on the internet to find out what temperament she has.

A 13 year kid is difficult. But I think with good love and understanding you can achieve it. Dont give up. Even if you had the money dont send her to a boarding school, it will make things worse. My advise to you is Speak to and ask her why she acts like this, tell her the consequences she will have to face in doing the wrong thing. Be open with her, I agree if the need arises do spank but try to use it at the last resort. Does she have anyone close to her other than you that can give her some good advise, but the person too should be known to you. Also pray and ask God to guide you to lead her on the correct path. Good luck to you I hope I am helpful.

I'll be honest coz no one knows me in real life so it's cool, when I was 6 years old, my father beat me and I've taken a razor blade and slit his neck, he ended up in hospital with a tower soaked in his own blood, and my mom never beaten me, and my father soon went to jail so I was raised only by my mom, my father was in jail before he married my mom, and got back when I was 6 or so, anyway my mom never gave reasons to hate her, maybe because I'm a vengeful person or she loved me, but whatever, because of that I always loved and trusted my mother and respected her word, my mom is the person I love the most, and given my aggressive personality, I think I ended up pretty well, she raised me very well, I finished high school on top of my class, now in collage of beautiful arts, I speak 4 languages, I can say my sensei played the part of a father, he thought me to never fear anything, but at the same time to care for everything and be gentle, that really helped my bad personality, perhaps I would ended up in jail or something if not for my sensei and my mom, so yea that's my experience, beating your child is not necessary, sometimes it may make things worse really ! I mean for you it worked maybe because you're not an aggressive person, but it's pretty obvious that you beat an aggressive child, he may not be able to do anything coz you're big, but definitely remember you later on, it's definitely not good to make things worse for such people, and from what I heard, she's pretty aggressive, let her be, show her love, don't treat her like a dog, having to obey your orders, that's the worse thing a human can experience, not being free !

First of all, I'm not a mrs know it all. But I wanna share some thoughts and experiences. I've been through the same predicament. However, it's not with a 13 year old but with my 20 year old daughter who is acting like she's in her teens. I did not have so much problem with her and his brother when they were of that age. Though I'm not sure with the younger siblings coz they haven't reach that age yet. My husband used to say that it's better during their days when their mother always spanked to discipline them. I've been spanked also when I was a little kid. But not so much. For me, children nowadays are quite different. They are far more advanced and very knowledgeable and more sensitive. So too much spanking will do more harm than good. What I do is to try to be a little bit more tolerant but watchful. I try to instill in their minds what should be and what shouldn't as much as I can. I try to find time to communicate but not so much to the point of nagging. What made me a better person is not because of my parents alone, but also the teachers who helped in guiding me, and because I had good influences then, through my peers. So the environment plays a vital role. I don't believe sending her to a boarding school will do her good. It could only aggravate the situation coz there might be bad influences there. Secondly, it could only widen the communication gap between the two of you. Good luck.

I don't have a daughter that old, and most of the people I know who have teenagers are very close with their kids. Just a little thought. I remember being 13 years old, and there was nothing more than I wanted but to be left alone to whatever it is I was doing. I guess that's what happened see coz my mom wasn't exactly the mom-sy type. She didn't help me out with homework in a way conducive to learning because she yelled at me most of the time. And when she would hit me it would fuel my anger because all she did was yell at me, and tell me to pick up after myself, and I wasn't allowed to meet with my friends after school because she believed that I should learn to be "on my own" which for me meant being a loner. (She's very conservative, and rarely goes out with my friends) I felt at the time that she wanted me to be just like here where she kept to herself, kept quiet, did things on her own without having to consult other people, do things right, do what is expected of her... You get the idea. Well, I did not like what I was seeing in my mother if that's how she was raised, and I knew that I didn't want to be like that. So I made sure they kept out of my stuff, more than anything in the world I wanted her to leave me alone, and quit telling me off, and just let me be who I wanted to be. If I wanted to have fun, i believed I should be allowed that, If I wanted to go to a sleep over, it should only be fair that she let me. And if she tried to get in my way, then I'd be very very angry at her. I'm not sure how this is going to help. But Maybe you should consider that yeah, this is the point in time where a teenager would try to do things on their own, where they're beginning to see that they're a whole other person, and can pull things off without the help of their parents. Each time a parent tries to protect their child and it becomes evident, it gives them the idea that they're being suffocated, and they'll want to go more out of their way. But you also have to realize that your kids will also realize that anytime they need you, and just NEED you, they will come to you as long as you let them know that. Be there, but give them that space. ;-) It's going to work out.