My Big Boy is leaving me sooner than I wish would be.....
By moondancer
@moondancer (7433)
United States
March 21, 2010 3:43pm CST
My friends and family know that my Big Boy Ninja has cancer and one huge tumor has already been removed not even 2 months ago. The cancer is fibrous and there is nothing they can do for him. We have been waiting and giving him pain medicines to help him make it through the days and nights.
He had surgery for the tumor but all of the tendrils were not able to be removed.
We were told he had maybe 2 months left!
The tumor would rapidly come back....Which It has...
I am beside myself in grief over losing my precious boy. He has been my constant companion, my shadow, and my baby.
I was just told yesterday by his doctor that it is up to me know as to when I can let him go.
I don't want to let him go! He is only 8 years old and I've had him 7 of that. I should have at least another 7 years with him.
Everyone that has met him loves him. He is a very good boy.
I will be taking him for a day trip to see his grandma for the last time soon.
I am grateful for the years I have got to be with him. For all of the joys he has given to me and this family.
I am just so distraught over losing him.
I want to wait until my husband is home...if I can. If Ninja does not get much worse between now and then, (two weeks from now). Then I will wait.
He is pictures in my avatar and has been for some time.
For you friends that know about this and have been here for me, I love you all and am so glad that I have had you to talk to. Having you all and my family around me and here for me has helped.
Thank you all.
Right now my heart is breaking so please forgive me if I'm not here much.
Do you have something devastating for you that has happened lately?
Thank you in advance for all responses.
5 people like this
16 responses
@snoopyfan (1312)
• United States
21 Mar 10
This is so sad. I don't even want to think about the day I have to take my dog Bandit in for her last time. She is 10 years old and I wish I could turn back the clock and she will stop getting old. I already told my best friend when that day comes they are coming with me. It is so hard to let go of our best friend. And Bandit was given to me by my Mom who passed away 6 years ago. So Bandit has a lot of baggage with her and it will be one of the hardest things I will have to do.
I know your Big Loving Angel will be waiting for you at the gates of Heaven and you will be together again. I don't care what people say I know there are animals in Heaven. I am trying not to cry right now cause animals dying always gets me emotional especially dogs even when they are not mine.
I hope in time you will be able to take another loving dog in. I am not sure if you any other pets. Just cherish the time you have and remember he will always be in your heart.
I am very sorry for the loss of your precious dog. I will be praying for you and Ninja.
God Bless You
2 people like this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
21 Mar 10
Thank you Snoopy, and welcome to MyLot.
It is very hard to lose a baby. He is my baby. I do have 3 more. They are all little buys. One has been with Ninja here just about as long as Ninja has.
I too believe that animals go to heaven and will be there waiting for us. They even greet us at the gates with our family when we go.
I sure hope you don't have to experience this for some years to come.
@snoopyfan (1312)
• United States
21 Mar 10
Thank You. And take some comfort in the fact Ninja won't be suffering anymore. He will be up there running around, making new dog friends, eating only the finest of bones, and waiting for you to come and be with him. I saw him on your profile page he is a beautiful dog.
And yes I hope I do have a few more years with Bandit. Once they hit those double digits and that gray hair starts coming in it is hard not to think about it.
Peace
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
23 Mar 10
Thank you. He knows he is a fine looking gentleman too. We tell him and so does everyone that sees him for the first time or any time. They say what a fine looking boy he is, that he is gorgeous. He is a proud boy. He gets upset though if someone calls him a "D-O-G". He looks at me and in his eyes says...:did you hear what this person called me?" I tell him yes, this person does not know that you are my baby. I also let people know not to call him a D-O-G. He does not like ti and his feelings get hurt.
Hugs to Bandit and you.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
22 Mar 10
OMG I'm crying. Its so hard to know your pet is dying and you can't do anything about it. I keep thinking about my shih tzu who will be 12 in May. He's healthy but he just seems to be sleeping more then ever and gets me to thinking what will I do without him. I know he probably only has a few good years left. I feel so bad for you and I do hope Ninja is able to hold on till your husband gets home. Who knows maybe that is what he is waiting for. God Bless.
2 people like this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
22 Mar 10
Thank you lelin, you may be right but I hope that he is not bearing this pain and illness just to wait until my husband gets home. I know he loves me and his dad very much. He knows he is sick. He understands every word that is spoken. Some times we make sure that we are in another room or that he is outside when we talk of certain things. He is a very smart boy. He is the glue that holds this family together.
This is so hard for me.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
21 Mar 10
Sweetheart you know my Heart and love is with you
I feel for you I have been there many a time and it is hard
Mine never left the world alone I stayed and held them for a long time
I hope that Ninja can hold through as you should not be alone and believe me if I was closer I would be with you all the way I would hold you both
Give Ninja a big warm hug and kisses and remember Sweet he will always be with you, you might not see him but he will be there with his Mum
I love you Sweet and I am here when you need me
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
21 Mar 10
Thank you Gabs, you have been a very good friend to me through all of this. He has been sick and had other problems. Finding out about this cancer and tumor was the very last thing. Now it is back. I spend as much time with him as I can. I always have. He knows me like a book...everything I do he understands it all.
We gave him a birthday party with his cake and ice cream because we knew he would not last that long.
It is hard for me and now my son moved back to Mississippi since he has a new girlfriend. So I am alone with my boys now.
The little ones and I are going to miss our big boy. I know the baby will be devastated like me.
Thank you for being here for Ninja and me.
I will also be with you for Gissi. We need each other as the days go on.
Take care dear friend and give Gissi a hug and kiss from us too.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
23 Mar 10
Gabby, in some ways I'm glad that I'm alone. I would not be good company now. I am spending as much time with Ninja as I can. I hardly leave the house unless I must. Many times he goes with me when I can take him where I'm going. He is such a good boy.
Thank you and Gissi...my love and hugs to you both.
@celticeagle (167015)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Mar 10
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. He looks like a good fella. We had to get rid of alot of our animals due to rental codes and regulations around here. It was sad. Cats we have had for years. It might be a good idea for you to get another animal to take Ninja's place. You must try to remember that he is going to a better place and that he is suffering right now.
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
22 Mar 10
I do know that he will no longer be in pain when I let him go. This is the only thing that helps get me through being able to do this to him...it's more for him. It does not change the fact that I will miss him too much.
Thank you.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
22 Mar 10
Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. I do know how hard it is to lose them. They are my babies and they are close to everyone in the family. Since I'm the one that is constantly with them they stick by me when I leave the area everyone is in. Or when I go to bed they are right with me.
Most of our babies are buried on our property. I want him to be with them and us too.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (167015)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Mar 10
I know. It must be terrible. We had to get put a good ole dog of ours down afew years ago. He was a Blue healer and an excellent dog. He got to where he could walk and get around very well and fell down the stairs one day when we were gone. We felt so bad for him and the vet said it was time to put him down. We took his body and buried him up in a meadow where we used to go and camp. We think of him often still and we go visit his spot when we can.
@Bad_Daddy55 (497)
• Canada
22 Mar 10
Hi; not that long ago I lost my lil girl,A sweet Bouvier to me, she was a totally trained dog, obediance -Guard, to bone cancer. I let her stay in this life to long, she suffered immensely, hanging on so I could let her go....... I thought I luved her so much that I couldn't let her go. I WAS WRONG. I luved her but couldn't let her go. When I finally brought her in to put her down she knew what I was going to do and was happy all the way there to the vets. When they put the elastic around her leg she just laid there, not like her, she was never a quiet dog. She went with a little whine as if to say good-bye, she didn't take her eyes off me. Gone in seconds, a stronger dog takes time she didn't...
REMEMBER ALWAYS LUV/ CARE FOR YOUR DOG/ PET, THEY WILL ALWAYS LUV U...
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
23 Mar 10
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I do know how you feel about your little girl. I had the same thing happen with one of my little boys. I could not let him go. I wondered if I did right. He was in severe pain and organs were shutting down. I hate that I allowed him to suffer so long when I could not let him go. He watched me the whole time too. He was saying good-bye to me with his eyes. The vet, my husband, and I all cried at his loss.
My baby boy is on pain medicine that allows him to have some quality days. I am struggling with what I have to do. My heart is breaking so much.
Thank you.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
23 Mar 10
I forgot to tell you that Ninja is also very well trained, as a guard person. He is very well behaved and a really good boy.
@ashutosh_15 (199)
• India
22 Mar 10
sorry to hear that, You know, every living being die one day or the other, there's a saying, every dog has have his day, it doesn't matter when that day comes, but what matters is how, you just need to know one thing, if you keep on remembering the sad memories with the dog, you'll just tie him down here and he won't rest in peace, so cheer up a bit, he'll rest in peace, i think its too hard for you, reading what you have written, looks like he is one very important part of your family, but hey, what have to happen will happen, and you need to accept it sometimes, if anything could be done, it would be done before the day comes, if not then it won't happen, so spend some happy time with him, forget about its going to go, or else you'll only waste all your time thinking about it rather then making some more good memories, take some pics, go around on walks if he can do that, love him a lot, make him happy before he goes... i never got my chance to do that to my doggy :P you're lucky enough to know that you had two months :'( mine fell down a water tank :'( more like someone pushed it... suddenly disappeared forever...
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
23 Mar 10
Your little dog was somebody special. They all are, they do not have to be a certain breed or pure bred to be special. They all are.
It sounds like he liked it at your home. Boys will wonder...that's just how they are.
They have feelings, they do have many expressions and they understand what we say as they are with us and hear what is said and the reactions to what is said from the day of their birth. Just as a humane child learns by hearing and seeing what is done.
It's good that you have fond memories of your little one.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
22 Mar 10
Oh my ashutosh, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. And to know that someone brought harm to him...I don't know how I'd handle that.
I do spend as much time with my babies as I can, that does not change. He is not able to go on anymore hikes. He loves them but just not able to do that any more. We do other things with him though. He loves to go on rides and we do that with him. He has his favorite roads to go down. I take him with me to pick up he dad at the airport when he comes in. He loves going with me places, they all do.
I am a shutter bug and do take many pictures.
It is hard to be upbeat lately but I do be so more because of this. I want him to have happy days in the last days he has.
Welcome to my lot, if you want me on your friend list I would be honored to be.
1 person likes this
@ashutosh_15 (199)
• India
22 Mar 10
ahaha i remember from long back, I used to sit with my doggy asking him what he'd like to eat :P pizza, burger, or something special :P but in the end he always loved some bread with some milk on it :P he wasn't any special dog, just the one going around on streets... he used to go out on his own and come back on his own, we even made a small dog house for him back then... sometimes he'd climb up the wall and go around barking, and guarding :) he also loved some doggy :P tehee they had 7 puppies too :3 ahahaha and then so many flees too XD used to wash all 7 of those puppies :P he was the best :3 he always had those weird expressions, sometimes looked like he's surprised, sometimes wondering ahaha even raising one eyebrow sorta expression
1 person likes this
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
22 Mar 10
I am so sorry to hear that hun. It is always devastating to get such news and know there is nothing you can do. Treasure the time you had and the time you still have. *hugs*
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
23 Mar 10
Thank you. It means a lot to me having my friends here. I have family but their are none living here with me or close by. My husband always works out of state or in another country which is where he is now.
I treasure him and any baby I have. I have spoiled them all. That is what you must do for them. They are always here for me and always give me unconditional love and support. I feel I need to do the same for them.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
21 Mar 10
I so sorry to hear about Ninja. I've had pets since I was five years old so I've lost a lot of "babies" in my lifetime--One of the saddest partings was my very first cat, Babette, whom I had since I was five years old...she "journeyed" with me throughout my elementary school years, junior and high school and even college--so it was like part of my life had ended
Yes, moondancer, we always have to be grateful for the time we do have with our beloved furry four-footed friends
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
22 Mar 10
Thank you pye. I'm sorry to hear about all of your losses too. It is so hard. Ninja has not been with me that long but I feel as though he has been with me all of my life. It's only been 7 years but it seems like forever that we have been together. He is my shadow, he is with me every step I make. When I go places he is with me too. Unless, he is not able to go.
I do worry about my youngest one. He is so very attached to Ninja. He won't do things unless Ninja does it with him. Like go outside, he goes and talks to him and tells him he wants him to go to. He will wait until Ninja goes with him.
Ninja is such a good boy and watches over everyone.
@cryw0lf (1302)
• United Kingdom
21 Mar 10
I am terribly sorry..! Its hard losing your best friend, your baby, and well...the word companion just doesnt cut it...!
Ive lost pets, one who's hips gave way and she had to be put to sleep, others taken away because they've had behavior / mental problems, as well as other physical problems.
However none to cancer...
I hope he does not suffer too much and i hope you get your wish.
Good luck.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
21 Mar 10
Thank you. He has had lots of pain. He is on 2 pain medicines now and gets his injections just once a month now. But I fear he won't make it for his next injection. He also has hip dysplacia. And this has caused much pain through out a number of years.
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
22 Mar 10
Hi Moon,
My heart is breaking for you and the tears want to flow. For some reason, I haven't seen any of your posts for a while. I'm so sorry it had to be this one. Ninja is a beautiful dog. In Dec. 2000 I moved my dying husband back home to Fl. but just before I did, I had to have my big beautiful Black Lab, Zack, put to sleep. I still cry when I think of him and leaving him behind. He too was only 8 and should have had many more years with me. I lost my yellow Lab, Chelsey, just before that from cancer. I took her and Zack in for their shots and the Vet told me then that she didn't have long. That was on Wed. and on Sunday she was delerious. My hubby was too sick to help me but somehow I managed to get her into the truck to get her to the vet. I hate that she may have been in pain. Zack had that hip dispasia so I knew he was in pain every time he got up or moved around. Honey,
believe me when I say I know how much pain you are in and I know that no matter what decision you make, now or later, it's not going to ease your pain.Do what you think is best. I am so sorry for your pain. It is so hard to lose our babies. I will be thinking of you.
Love Ya,
Leenie
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
22 Mar 10
Hello Leenie, it has been awhile since I have posted a discussion. I reply to some when I can.
I have been through the mill for the last several months. I had been sick. I found out in 2 days time that Ninja had cancer, that I may have Parkinson disease, and that my brother-in-law had to have heart surgery and that my grandmother has lung cancer.
There is nothing they can do for Ninja or my grandmother. We are just waiting it out.
I have been back and forth to Nashville with my BIL for a few months now. He finally got his and has just last week I brought him home from the hospital.
My son has moved back to Mississippi and I'm alone again to deal with everything.
I have had a stomach virus that is going around here.
It just never seems to let up.
I just wanted to let my friends know what is going on with me. Since I have not been in here much.
I am so sorry to hear about your babies. It is the hardest thing, I think, losing our babies. Also seeing them go through the pain they sometimes do.
Ninja has been on pain medicines for some years for the hip dysplasia. But now he is on stronger medicines.
My heart goes out to you with your losses. You will also be in my thoughts and prayers.
1 person likes this
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
22 Mar 10
Oh Sweetie,
You really have been through the ringer lately.It sounds like Ninja has been worrying about you as much as you have about him. I know when I'm feeling extra bad, my little Dexter knows and stays closer. Maybe that is why he gets so upset when I have to go somewhere. Hubby says he acts all upset and worried as if I may not be coming home.
When will you know about the Parkinson's? My oldest brother has Parkinson's. How are you dealing with all the stress? Ireally wish there was someone there for you. I am also relieved that you have your other babies to be there for you when Ninja can't be. Don't worry about the little one, one of the others will help you both out. I'd love to hear sometime about the others.
I hope your brother-in-law is doing ok. And losing your grandmother is another tradgedy I'm sorry you have to go through.
Be strong Sweetie. You and the rest of your beloved family will be in my prayers.
Love You,
Leenie
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
21 Mar 10
Hi moondancer,
This is really the saddest thing ever to lose ones pet, who is just like your baby, well they are your children, it is so heartbreaking, and I am crying right now, for Ninja, iot is never easy I know I have lost my kitties to cancer in the past. so I know it is the hardest thing to bear, hun, I am sending you love and healing and prayers and for you to have strenght to cope, love and hugs always.
Tamara
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
22 Mar 10
Thank you Tamara. I appreciate this. It is what I need. I'm sorry that I made you sad and anyone else too. I have been crying so much for the past month and a half that it seems that I should not have any tears left...but I do.
I'm sorry for your loss. Cancer is not an easy thing to see your babies go through. I hate that you had to deal with that and them too.
I know we will be able to see them all again when we leave this plan too.
@Corimore (249)
• United States
22 Mar 10
I totally understand how hard it is to make that kind of decision I have never had to make it for a pet but I had to make the choice for my child which is probably how you feel right now as long as you and your dog has been with you he is probably like your own child. My heart breaks for you.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
23 Mar 10
Thank you. I'm so very sorry that you had to make this choice for your child too. Yes, he is my baby and I love him so much. I'm dying inside and crying all of the time. It has been said that I'm lucky that I know he is leaving me....no, I'm not! I hate to take this walk again. I hate having to make this choice ...yet again. It still haunts me and I wonder if I did the right thing with my poodle my baby I had when I got Ninja...and he had an accident that cut off his leg and hurt in other ways...he was in shock. I think should I have let them patch him up. I could have made a wagon for him to get around with.
Please forgive me for going one. I'm so upset and my heart is breaking so much.
1 person likes this
@divalounger (6123)
• United States
21 Mar 10
I am so sorry! I know that nothing we will say here will really ease your pain. Dogs are such wonderful companions and it sounds like Ninja has been the best. I have my first dog, Sasha, and she is getting older. I have thought of what it will be like to lose her as she gets older, so my heart goes out to you!
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
21 Mar 10
Thank you diva, it is not an easy thing to deal with. This is not my first time going through this. It is my first losing one to cancer though.
He is really a good boy. He is so sweet and really protective of everyone around him. He so much loves babies and little thing because he thinks anything small is a baby. He looks after everyone.
He has always been here for me. I will miss him. It's more than I can bear right now.
@lylisal (78)
• Mexico
22 Mar 10
That's to bad! I've understan u, All love that u have it for him, it's very special!
But if he it's suffering, better that u let it go,in that way u demostrate to him, how much do u love him! talk with him, tell them ur love, and let it go.
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
23 Mar 10
This is easier said than done. I've had to do this before and I still harbor thoughts that maybe I should not have done this. I could have taken another route and done more to have him with me.
This is the hardest thing to do...letting my baby go is too heart breaking for me.
Thank you.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Mar 10
not that devastating not something that bad. we were homeless my son and I and now I am in this tiresome retirement center and my son, my only family here, is in an apartment sponsored by the gov. for him and three other guys. so it was hard to accept but not as bad as losing your longtime friend. my heart goes out to you and wish there was something i could do to help you feel better or to pray to God to make him well again.oh moondancer I willsend my prayers along with other my lotters and maybe we can buy him some time. I am about to cry as I know how painful it is to lose a precious pet. we might be able to help some how. my prayers to you and your big boy too. 
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
24 Mar 10
Oh Hatley, I'm so sorry to hear about your plight. I wish there was something I could do for you. If I lived near you then you and your son could have stayed with me until you could have gotten on your feet. I also have a motor home that your son and you could have stayed in if you preferred.
I have been homeless with my 3 children before. My prayers go out to you two as well.
Hatley, prayers are answered. The only times they are not is when our heavenly being knows more than we do and that answering our prayers would not be a good thing.
I don't want my baby to suffer any more. However, I do not want to lose him either.
I have found with myself about this. I had to do this before twice. One time I just could not let go and promised myself I would not wait if it ever happened again. That my baby would not have to go through pain just because I could not let go.
It's just that sometimes he seems to be doing better. I know that he tries to be upbeat and he does not want me to worry. I also know that without the pain medicines he is taking then he would be suffering way too much. He would just lay around screaming and crying in pain, literally!
I can not take this either.
Let me know if there is anything I can do for you. (((Hugs)))
@Bad_Daddy55 (497)
• Canada
24 Mar 10
I am verrryyy glad to hear he such a GOOODDD Boy. People find it hard to beleive that a Guard trained dog is luvable. I Guard train a dog only to be a true guardian of family, property and to be the best dog they can be or I will not train a dog to guard...
I forgot to mention that I also had Rotti's. A male from California, a female from Germany. They where the tuffest to guard train. They wanted to be in charge of everyone that came in our house. They would let you pet them once so they could trust you then they didn't want you to touch them again..
Good luck and God Bless....Continue to be a nice boy Ninja.. you make people happy
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
24 Mar 10
Ninja was trained by his former owner. When I got him no one...I do mean no one could hug him or touch his hands. These are the only things he had a hangup about. I worked with him and so did my family. He allows hugs and he allows the touching of his hands. He gives lots of kisses.
The cutest thing is my granddaughter that is really tiny from when she was 3 years old she could push Ninja and say please move Ninja I need to get by and he would allow this and move for her.
He is such a loving boy and protective of anything small as well as his mom. He loves babies and anything small to him is a baby.
He has no problem with visitors and wants attention. He is a lap baby and will seek attention then turn around and back up to sit in your lap. he is so funny.
