Having a problematic friend: WHAT SHALL I DO? PLS.. NEED UR HELP!!

I feel really sorry for you and your friend. You must be have a big problem here, I don't know I really can help you, may you can seek help from certain organization that give social security for this kind family until they can manage their self. Can your friend get a job for herself if her husband can't to gain self esteem, from your description her husband abuse her, don't you think that crime, you don't trow rock to your love one even if you furious.

Helping friend is a good thing to do but not always best,you might spoil her by helping her a lot and more often to help her make her depend on you,you can show her that you care just by help taking care of her children and not go in too much on their trouble she the one in trouble and she the one had to think and decide what to do,the best thing you can do is help her to find any job or may be you can ask her to help you doing your home thing like cleaning washing or cooking and for the return you can give her some food or money as she do her job,if you love and care of her you should leave her find way to get all thing done.and she should listen of your advice,leave her a lone at the moment i am sure soon everything will be fine if she realize that she can not depend on you,i hope this is help

While I applaud your willingness to help out, there has to be a cut off point and tough love has to come into play. You cannot keep bailing her out hun, she needs help from other sources. Perhaps you could suggest she sees a counsellor, someone who can offer her more long term help in her situation

Well if you could extend your helping hands to her then let it be... Let her knoow that you are a true friend in this time and her times of needs. At this moment that she encounter much problem probably she doesn't know what to do to think that she need to seek foods for her children. You are very lucky that you have resources and good family as well as good heart to help. You are not in her shoes suffering too much from her husband and poverty. it is painful to see a kids sleeping with no foods to eat until the next morning. but there is a very kind people like you who sent by God to help them. Yes, you help in material things but remember this, "pray for them" to enlighten their minds especially the husband to seek job for his family. Only your prayer and the prayer of others are the big help to change their lives. Let's pray for your friend. As of now don't leave her. God will help you also and gives you reward in the right time. Be patient and be happy to help... I salute you friend.! Have a happy day! Godbless you.

My God! I can't imagine how crucial your friend's life is... I can understand your side because it seems like her husband was confident that you'll lend your friend some money. I think it's best if you'll confront your friend and advice her to leave her husband because ones a man beats a woman he will always do the same thing as time goes by.

hello tess, Your friend is one of a kind. I can say,she's so in love with a man who doesn't love her at all. If her husband loves her,and their kids,he should be the one looking for money,or look for a job to give food for his family. I know it sounds selfish if you say "no" to your friend the next time she asks money. But since you are helping her,she,can't leave her husband becoz,you are always helping her. Give her lesson if she doesn't hear your advices,she maybe woke up from her blinded thinking.

well, we can only help our friend as much as we can and we can't do more than that... especially if we already give them an advice as a friend and they won't listen to us... sorry if i sound a little bit cruel here... but i think your friend deserve the life that she is living now because she choose to live that way... and i think you should stop helping her bit by bit because by doing that, you are making her more and more dependent on you... this is my opinion though... what you want to do is entirely up to you... if you are happy being by her side and helping her forever, then it is your choice too... take care and have a nice day...

I would do some research on places she can get food for her family. I would also look for soup kitchens and places that are giving free meals, places where she can get some financial assistance. I would then sit down with her and go over them. I would also tell her that you don't mind helping her out, but you would love to see them getting back on their feet and some of this may help her. I could not let my friend go homeless, or hungry.

Hi Tess... It is very unfortunate that your friend is having trouble.. If her husband is out of work for a long time, then it is going to be an issue... Either your friend or her husband has to find a job. One can't rely upon the help from others, even best friends, for everything. I wonder, if they are taking the situation seriously. It isn't real hard to get some work, that will help one to buy food for the day... I hope things will be good soon with your friend... have a good time!

You are a true friend. I don't think you can help her-she's always going to have these problems if she has to support her family. You do what you can and that's that. But I wouldn't avoid her-she might need someone to talk to to keep her sane. This is a hard place to be in-I'd say to her "I can't give you money but I can be your friend and listen and cry with you."

I hear your frustration. Your friend and her family are going through major tough times an cannot seem to cope with reality. A job loss is always hard since they are to find these days. Your friend is seeking emotional, guidance, and financial assistance from you, but is also seeking a refuge from her problem too. With her husband causing self -infliction it sounds like he may have a mental disorder that is not normal and should seek help so as to cause any more harm to himself or maybe to others. This is a desperate situation for this family and they need all of their friends and family. Kindly put yourself in their shoes for a moment. Would you want your friends to abandon you in your hour of need? This is how you learn who your friends are and who are not. I understand it is hard to bear, but how do you think they feel everyday? Having to beg for help is hard in itself. no one can make anyone do anything they do not want to do. If you cannot continue to be friends with her under these circumstance, then you must be direct with her and state your reasons. You need to be honest with her. You do owe her that. She may get mad but you will have piece of mind. Unfortunately we cannot save the world, but we can do the best we can do. So, sit back , relax, and think about what you want to do. Are you helping the situation or hindering the situation by giving everything you have to them? Are they trying to help themselves? Stress makes a lot of people do things they normally would not do. Just re-evaluate the whole situation and if it is not healthy for you then you may have to distance yourself. Normal people do not hurt themselves, so he may feel inadequate and just took it out on himself because he is a man and needs to take care of his family. Everyone gets stressed out in their life. But most learn how to deal with it as children. Coping skills are usually taught to children and then carry it onto adulthood. I or anyone else cannot solve your nor your friends dilemma, only you and your friend can do that. I know I would what I can do and leave it at that, but they would have to also help themselves, as well. Good luck, relax, and take care. Thing shave away of working it out. A good deed never goes unanswered.

It is really a sad situation, our basi needs are food, clothe and shelter, hunger can force a person to do any thing, remember 'a friend in need is a friend indeed' so please keep helping.. Sorry for late response.. Thanks for sharing. Welcome always. Cheers. Prof

Friends are everything, do not ever give up just because our friends need a very big help to us. Maybe today he need our help but we cannot be avoided if one day, we will also needs his help. So, stay keep our friends.

Friends are everything, do not ever give up just because our friends need a very big help to us. Maybe today he need our help but we cannot be avoided if one day, we will also needs his help. So, stay keep our friends.

Wow, very interesting story. In my opinion, you should help her no matter what happened. Helping people that we know, is a must. And you should not interfere their problem as husband and wife, what you can do is to give them suggestion to change their life, because they can not depends on others for the rest of their life. So the husband have to look for a job and responsible for his family life.

The hardest thing to do is to give advice to someone who's not interested to listen. Your friend is obviously a martyr. You can't do anything about that really, it's up to her to wake up. I think the best thing for you to do is to help her find a job. Yes, you might be helping by lending her money, but that's just a short-term goal. You have to help her find a job so that she can earn her keep.

I can relate to this because my mom has been a constant helper to our sister friend that keeps working hard because her husband does not have a regular job. The husband is a painter so he gets job very often. And so, the wife looks for money by doing hard labor such as laundry, doing household chores to neighbors to feed 8 kids, imagine that. Although the main point is not that, she is taking the responsibility of the husband and this guy is very much at ease not to work because of that. Everytime she is in need, she will run to my mom for help in terms of financial problems. My mom will give her money, most of the time they borrow, but my mom did not ask any for a return. Although it has been constant and redundant scenario already that my dad told my mom that if she wanted to help the person, let her realize that a wife should not take the responsibility of being a husband too. She is spoiling the husband already not to look for a job. They don't live by their means, they exceed and because of this, they end up borrowing money to neighbors and not returning it as to what they promise. Well, my advice to you is this, if you love your friend, then teach her a lesson and impart to her this, do not shoulder your husband's responsibility. Live by your means. You can decide for yourself if this friend of yours has been abusing you already by asking you money every time. You are right when you said by helping, you are also helping the husband to get easy with life, he will not strive because you are the solution to their financial problems.

I understand your love for your best friend. Its highly commendable but man! sometimes you got to learn a thing or two about tough love. You just can't keep carrying your friend on your shoulders to the point that she ain't getting the chance to improve herself and find a way out of her situation. Sometimes we got to make tough on people because that's what love is. It may hurt but for the greater good. I suggest you try to get her a job and avoid giving her free ride for anything.Remember that teaching a man to fish is love. Giving a man a fish for a day is stupid charity.

No, don't avoid your friend she really needed your help. There are other options or ways to help your friend. Give her some advice and make her realize that her husband is not worth it to her love and care to there family. Or else there are government agencies that can help her situation. Be her strength, she really needed your help.

Hi tess_quinain, I sympathize with you. I have a neighbor that has 6 children and this is often the case with her also. I am always trying to help feed her kids. I finally realized that the situation wasn't going to get any better. I would suggest researching whatever local organizations there are in your area that can provide food and other services to those in need. Start with the local churches. They often have food pantries and give out food. The next time she needs food or other assistance, give her your list with the phone numbers to call. It might also help if you could ask around and find any leads to the type of employment her husband does. I would not give up on my friend if I were you. You may be her only lifeline right now. However, don't be taken advantage of either. It is so very difficult to turn away those in need, but if you can give her another place to go that might work. My very best to you.