are you willing to befriend "the mistress" of your father after mom's death

That would be a very hard situation, I've never been into that situation and I am not wishing to have it. However if I were on your shoe, well I talk to her with respect but direct and let her realized that what she done is very wrong. So I will let her feel that I am not at peace with her and I dont like her. I just ignored her and I wont get to into her business. I dont know but I wont accept with this kind of woman.

hmm.... i suppose that if i was in your case, i wouldn't care about the woman.. i know it's not proper to hold grudges but hey, she made the most important people in your life part ways, apart from that, i assume that she made your very lives miserable... my family is intact and i really value the bond we share, that is why i know how painful it is for a child to have a broken family. and if i were to see my parents break up because of one woman, how else am I going to accept her?

This is a really difficult situation to come across. If the lady was entirely to blame for the reason of all the hardship your family had faced then it would take a mighty big heart to forgive her. Even if you want to the bad memories will not let one go through with liking that person.It is like shattered glass.Once broken cannot be mended.

You may not like this hun but it takes two to tango. It may not all have been her fault that your father left, it was his choice after all. However, there is no reason to make any great show of being nice to her, simply be polite and move on is probably the best way to deal with the situation

i guess i will not going to judge that girl besides it still your father who make decision to leave your family. no matter how that girl told something about your father if your father really love his family then he will choose your family no matter how many hundreds of girls out there. when your father decided to go with that girl and leave your family it means a lot to him as he might love that girl so much. and in love we cant control it and hold someone to stay with us. it will only be hard if he stay and yet he doesnt love your mother anymore. for me i guess i respect my father decision's. but it doesnt mean of befriending the girl. maybe just like an ordinary people whom i meet but i will never judge her nor show her disrespect or ignore her specially if she tried to do something to talk to me. if she tried to talk to me then i will talk to her as a good person but thats only it.

It is difficult for anyone in this situation to solve the problem perfectly or bahave as if nothing has had happened. Maybe you can persuade yourself to treat her calmly and composedly, which is also good for yourself and your father.

It depends on the type of lady the mistress is, the type of person your own parents are and how open you are to yourself. You see as kids, we all have this glorified view of our parents which is not always correct. Its only in our adulthood and if we are open with ourselves, that the many human faults and weaknesses of our parents expose themselves to us. As matured individuals, if we try we can get a glimpse on the logic behind many of our parents actions, which seemed very unfair in childhood. I am not saying this personally for you, but in many cases, a wife has been the cause of much misery to the husband and he’s found true love and happiness only with another woman. Also, its not necessarily that a mistress always steals…the man might willingly engage in a relationship with her, knowing fully well that he has a wife and kids at home. All in all, as adults they took their own decisions without thinking of the kids…so I think you should be more angry with your parents than with the mistress. In all fairness to the other woman, I’m sure that its not cakewalk to live as the other woman and to tolerate the barbs and taunts of society. So while maybe I could not have gone and hugged the other woman, I would at least be civil to her.

What many children and family members need to remember is that the new woman is not the reason for the break up of the parents involved. The father or the mother or both did this to their marriage. It's hard for a child to come to this conclusion. It is so much easier to blame the new woman. The woman did not seek out the man for a relationship. The father or the mother that had an adulterous relationship is the one that did wrong. If the married couple can not make their marriage work then they should divorce instead of upsetting the whole family by bringing in another adult to the mix. Break up is hard enough in families. It may be hardest for the children. The new woman did not make the dad do this. He chose this on his own, if it had not been this woman it would have been another one.

It should be pretty hard to see the woman who shattered your home back in your life. But, to err is human and to forgive is divine! I don't suggest that you embrace and accept her, but to move on, you might consider to forgive her. No one knows in what situation she is, what is she going through, her hardships as of now. If she doesn't have any remorse over what she had done, its her take of things, but we should be able to endure.

tigerlily1972, First of all, I am sorry for the loss of your father and I must commend your courage to speak out on this discussion. IMHO, no disrespect to your father, in any relationship it takes 2 to clap and I felt that you should not place any fore conclusion on your father's other half. I felt that whatever had happened there and then, is not solely her fault. Remember, your dad still chose to walk away from his commitments to his marriage, his wife, your mother and you. No one is perfect and there's more than it meets the eye and real life situations are never synonymous to the episodes of Unexpected Life, Desperate Housewives or other serial sitcoms. We just have to be levelheaded and in perspective, you do not need to accept this mistress or step mother but it would be wrong to look at her or treat her with a prejudiced attitude. Since, your dad is gone, I feel that you should heave a sigh and relieve yourself the burden of feeling dissent for the other party. Let the past be bygones, no one is benefiting and certainly no gain with further burden of hatred. Whether you would want her to be a friend is entirely your choice and to me, it is not entirely up to you. If I were you, I would just let it play out over time and would keep my options open. To me, having another friend is definitely better anytime than having an additional foe. Have a nice day ahead.

that woman is now my step-mother, she takes good care of my dad and makes him happy, so even though I don't think we'll ever be best friends or anything, I respect her for that.

hello there, i think i can act civil in front of her but never will i befriend her. i can never like a person who caused my moms hardships & difficulties, i can't accept a woman who brings lots of troubles in my family and who have hurt my mom's feelings... i am not a hypocrite to be a friend to her. just go with her life & i will go with mine.

I wouldn't like her but I wouldn't do anything to punish her - that's up to God. It's not just her to blame for the destruction of my family (if I were you I mean) - it's also my own father. Or if it's my mom who had the behavioral problem then that makes the three of them. I'm sorry I don't mean to make you feel as if I'm on the mistress's side, it's just that I don't like blaming things or people - I just accept things and do something positive about it. As for the mistress, I'll treat her in a civil way, with respect, since she is a human being anyway. But it's very unlikely that I'll ever be warm towards her and like her or love her as a stepmother.

for me ill make her regret it. ill befriend her first then set her up to her own doom. it really depends on the person who have experienced this. i do not pity those who have done me wrong for their own gain.