Would you call me SELFISH?

Our cultures are different. What is selfish here, may not be there. Or what is not selfish here, may be selfish there. In my family, we have a saying that says: "as long as you live under my roof, eating my food, you live by my rules" What that means is, as long as I lived under my parents, my parents made the rules. So if they said I can't buy something, I can't buy something, because I live under their house. They pay for the food, they pay for the house, they pay for the electricity, the internet, everything. Now as soon as I moved out, and I paid for my own place, my own food, my own electricity, my own bills... well... then I can do what I want, buy what I want, and so on. Now I don't know if you are selfish. No idea. But in my family, if you live at home, you obey the 'owner of the home's rules. You see? Just as my kids will obey my rules for as long as they live under my roof. When they move out, it's all them. But until then, what I say goes.

No, I don't think you are selfish at all. People have their own needs, and it varies individually. You work hard to get your money and you do deserve a reward for yourself and your sanity.

As long as you can help your family and do what you want with the money you work for there shouldnt be a problem. I dont think you are selfish. Hopefully you are not the only one helping the family. The things you want for yourself can be saved for. All good thing are worth waiting for.

hi yresh, I understand you because I had been to such a situation before. It is such a sad thing that although we are earning the fruits of our labor, still we cannot use it to fulfill all our wants. I belong to an average family. Although, a teacher must be compensated very well from her works, mine was so unfair. I work so much on the school but I get very low salary. Sometimes, after the hard days work, I want to unwind and go shopping with what I earned by my mom won't allow me to do such. I want to buy something for me which, yes, not that important, and mom won't allow me. I got this bad feelings that why can't I enjoyed the fruit of my hard work. Mom tried to explain but I still feel it is unfair. Then, one day, I got sick. Mom spend a lot of money for me to get well. She explained to me afterwards, that she is not allowing me to spend my money to buy such unnecessary things because she is saving my money for more important purpose. She told me that my earnings is not that big and we must be practical. She further told me that once I got a good earnings then I can buy what I want. But as of now, we must be wise in spending what we have.

I don't think it's selfish of you to buy the things you want for yourself. Anyway, I believe the things that you buy do not eat into the money that you give your family, am I right? Your mum has her reason for nagging at you. She doesn't want you to be a spendthrift, and would rather you save the money. Afterall, the money is yours. You are already not selfish by giving your family money.

Well, if you are earning for yourself then it's just okay to spend some for yourself. Provided that you are giving them some then they should not question how you spend your earnings, well you earned it yourself.

Good question, under the circumstances yresh. I do not think that you are being selfish. Practical is good however. There is nothing wrong with saving for a rainy day but if there is something that you want for yourself, for your enjoyment and you have earn money to do so, I'd say go for it. How can anyone stop you? It is your money and ultimately your decision. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but so are you. Do not let others dictate your life and the choices that you make for yourself. If getting a dvd issomething that you will enjoy then I encourage you. Even your family can enjoy the benefits. If you mean a dvd player, the family too can enjoy the benefits as well. If you mean a dvd to watch, such as a movie or documentary, I suggest renting it rather than purchasing, unless it is a collectors. Needs and wants are two different things. It is important to be able to see and know the difference. A phone can be a need but likely a dvd is simply a want. Do you see what I mean? Just choose wisely. Your parents maybe right sometimes so maybe heed warnings when necessary. There is nothing wrong with occasionally fulfilling simple wants sometimes too. We all make a point to pamper ourselves every now and again. Often times we work hard to earn the money we have. By purchasing something that pleases us, even if it is a want, encourages us to continue to work hard so so this is why I said not to let other dictate your life, your choices and your desires. There is nothing wrong with being practical however but there are times when we need to pamper ourselves a little. Think of it as a reward for the hard work done. Once in a while, that can't hurt any. You are not selfish.

If you are planning your finances very well, setting aside a portion for the family regular household expenditure, a portion fo compulsory savings, a portion for selfindulgence ,a portion thAT takes care of your tax payments,a portion for emergencies, then you can discuss this rationally wiht your mother that this money for buying things goes from surplus.Now are you in the same house and are you taking care of the whole family? Secondly, any item when bought must be considered form the utility piint of view.If you buy a dvd, then you would have to think how frequently you would use it.A pc is another thing because it would alos help you to earn. Here the broadband connection expenditure should also be taken into account.So, a composite plannig is what is needed before any expenditure.AND, if you are planning to buy somehting in instalments, then it would only be a big expensive item and not a sensible purchase..Once you have thought all about this then you can go ahead and buy.You are not at all being selfish but only sensible.

No, I don't think you're being selfish. You are helping them out and the rest is your money.

I do not think you are selfish and I doubt very seriously that they think you are either. You are just wanting to buy something nice for yourself, everyone wants to do that. Why not save a little money at a time and then buy the item instead of using the money you have now. You'll be saving for it so it will show you really want it.

No you're not being selfish. If you live on your own and support yourself with your income, why not buy the things YOU want? You deserve it. Mylot ate the response I had written originally so I'll just leave it at that. They don't have the right to claim you are being selfish. You have apparently chosen to help them out of the kindness of your heart, and maybe because they are your family. You are not OBLIGATED to help them, and they have no right to tell you how or what to spend your money on. Do you tell them how or what to spend THEIR money on? No? I rest my case.

I don't think you are being selfish. After all, it's still your money. Just make sure that you could still support your family, and you won't be prioritizing other things over your family's need. As I always say to my boyfriend, you work hard for your money, and it's important that you reward yourself for it, and not just use it all for your family. You still need to pamper yourself.

No you are not selfish yresh12. I think it is just fair to at least treat yourself sometimes too... you deserve that once in a while... If you are selfish, you're not gonna hel them at all and put your personal things, wants first before them... Well PC is not actually luxury... for me it is really usefull... new phone... well you can sell your old phone and use the money to upgrade your model... just add some... And DVD, well don'ty you have dvd rom in your computer? heheheheh Well anyways, it is your money... as long as you are helping your family and it is whole heartedly... then it is fine, you are not selfish... Of course we want to see something too from the money we earn... we want to feel and enjoy it sometimes... And it is like "hey I bought this"... like an accomplishment or trophy... for a hard days work...

The way I think if you are working for this money, then its yours to do what you want with it, if your living at home then obviously you should give money to your parents if your working, but this amount should be agreed with your parents, anything left should be your own, maybe your mother is worried about the current work climate, maybe she wants you to save incase something happens to your job, it never hurts to put a little away every month. If your earning the money then its up to you.

I don't find any selfishness here. And of course your mother too is not accusing you of spending it on your wishes instead of them! In any case, I think you must make a list of what you want. That will give you a clear direction about your needs and expenses. A little pampering is ok, but buying things one after other is not good. Especially in current scenario.

If you are giving to them, you should be able to get what you want. I do not believe that is selfish. I know they are just trying to guide you, I hope. But, you should be able get some things you want.

I don't think anyone is selfish who buys things because they want them. What I think is selfish is when a member of the family goes and does what he or she wants instead of taking care of the family. For instance, I have a friend whose husband was a drunkard. That's all he wanted was another drink. They were doing ok, but eventually she had to start working because her husband no longer provided for her! It's wrong for him to be a drunkard also, but the worst thing is that he wasn't providing for his family. As long as you have the money to afford what you want, go for it. Sounds like you're doing a great job taking care of your family. If you can't afford something big and expensive that you want this month, save up for it and buy it next month or something like that. I think you have a great idea.

Nobody in this site or in the reality can judge who you are. Only you can see into who you are, your reasons and thoughts. Even people near you do not know some of your sides. You have faces that you have solely to your parents, another face to your friends and another to yourself. Most of the time, parents or even friends and acquaintances do not know how you see yourself as. Here's an advice. When you are calm (as in not angry, despaired or sad), go to a quiet place where you can't be disturb and contemplate there. Look into your being and ask yourself (silently, the better) "who are you?" Think of the past and recent events that happened to you. Judge them as you see fit. You can say that you did something stupid and never repeat that again, or say that you did good and would do better. You would experience feeling the feelings you have of that time. You can be embarrassed or angry, but never let it cloud your logic and reason. After doing this, you'll see for yourself the answer to your question.

there is nothing wrong to spend your own money in the way you want and which makes you feel happy.As you even say you help your family financially I can't see why they try to tell you what to buy or not.

Helping your family is not selfish it is good . you have good thinking for helping your family.