Why do women find it hard to get over past issues in a relationship?

I admit it, I am guilty to that charge. All the reasons why I am acting like this because of all the things he has done to me when we are still starting our relationship. Sometimes my boyfriend could not understand why I always and keep on bringing up the past issues. I always told him that its the result of what you have done. But he keep on insisting that past is past and it should be over and end up. But I could not end it up just like that. My trust to him have been ruined because of that one. As much as I would like to end the relationship because I already have trust issue but I could not do that I love him so much. Hayyy its really difficult to deal with it. Just dont know what are the strategies to forget it... and lets have it past is past... I hope I am crossing my fingers on that.

we as women remember all aspects of our dates, the year, what we wore, what we said or didn't say as as an example and what happened between us in every detail. it means alot to us so we find it harder to get over our past relationships. as the saying goes, hell has no fury like a woman scorned!!!!

For me it's because it still hurts and because I never felt I had 'closure', ie answers to questions. Once it stops hurting, I don't care any more.

hi regards, honest answer, women(indian) hardly been straight forward as long as i have seen. appreciated. feel it's ok, no matter what happen, then u feel relaxed. thanks vallie

Well i was really amused with the way u admit your flaws regarding problems confronting couples. I love it so much when you said that for you past is past, present and infinity til beyond..haha.Thats really funny. Anyway, i agree with you although i can say i'm not really a person who loves to dig up old bones or open history folders.But yes i maybe guilty of it so many times too. (^_^)

I see, so that the reson why men have a lot of ex girlfrinds. Cause, men can comeback for the same girl. He..he..he...peace.

yeah, we all have tendency to point out those past issues to our partner. it can mean that we are not yet over with those. to help us get over with those issues, discussion and dialogue can be a tool for this. make a day to discuss these issues and rpomise to each other that it will be the last time they will discuss about those. but the premise is that the discussion will be in the atmosphere of trust and openness.

It not just the case with women. It depends from person to person. Some, actually many men and women who are even slightly emotionally inclined personalities tend to be vulnerable and fragile to emotional aspects of life. Love plays a major role in life. And relationships can bring about drastic changes in life. I'm a man and I agree with you, sometimes if you can't forget you can't forgive. But I also believe there comes a time when forgiveness is just a matter of blink of an eye, we're just too ignorant and scared to do so. Scared of getting hurt again. The best part about a relationship is honesty and being faithful. If you're honest, you'll have respect and support. If you're faithful, you'll have love and care. Truth is a beautiful act. But beware sometimes the truth also makes everything else seem like a lie.

Because some times these things need to be brought back up. Lets say the issue is because of past cheating. How is one expected to get over that when nothing has been done to show them that there is no chance it will ever happen again? Of course it will be brought back up because he needs to be reminded that he is suppose to be fixing it.

Yeah this is an issue I think a lot of women have. And I think its because the psychological and emotional effect is still buried away in our unconscious. Or maybe women are like me and think too much on whatever happened.. and then stews in all of the different possibilities.. until finally a fight happens and we just let it all out. My boyfriend was in a suspicious situation.. that he lied about. And because he lied.. the whole thing looks suspicious. And I have to keep reminding myself of all the reasons I trust him but sometimes that voice in the back of my head has a field day and I think of all the possible things that may have happened.. even though my boyfriend has said a million times those things never did. And his story never changed, so in all logic I should be able to just believe him. And now when we fight.. while I don't go back to that situation anymore.. other things come up.. and the same FEELINGS that were part of the past get regurgitated into a present situation. So lately my boyfriend keeps feeling like I don't trust him.. when in truth there shouldn't be any reason why I wouldn't. So I think us women cling to the emotions we felt when we were wronged.. and then we just keep holding on as a way to protect ourselves from being hurt again. So my suggestion would be to just find a way to let it go. Mentally burn those emotions.. physically pound it out into a pillow. But the truth is.. most men will eventually snap if they are constantly in the same situation and they feel like the relationship is at a stand still. Just a thought :)

I have to disagree with you. I don't think it's a gender issue. I'm a woman, but I consciously make the effort to stay in the present in an argument with my boyfriend. I think it's just useless to rehash old issues, although sometimes I may have to refer to them in order to make a point. My boyfriend on the other hand is the one who keeps going back to the past, which drives me crazy!

Its soooo hard for me to trust because I've been hurt in the past. I find myself bringing up old things and it really isn't healthy for our relationship. If you feel that your relationship is worth keeping, then try to work on these issues for your self because constanly bringing up the past will push that person away or drive them to do the things that they used to do

Sometimes me and my gf always talk about alot of things , like things from the past too, but when we are having an argument im tryin as hard as i can and she as well not to bring up issues of the past. When we agree to have a relationship we accepted each other for what we are, and we accepted our weaknesses too thats why when there are times that we dont understand each other well, we dont tend to bring back the ghosts of the past. I think you should talk it over when the both you both calmed down, that things that happened in the past should not be brought up every now and then. Enjoy your day my friend

Good day!That is very, very true! Everytime me and my husband do have arguments, we always tend to bring back issues that are so, so, so long time ago....I think some issues in a relationship that we want to forget are not really resolved; we think that it should not be done, it pains so much whenever we remember it, that's why it always comes back in arguments. But we always learn from our mistakes. Forgive and forget (hopefully!).

Yeah, we can't help but remember the past. Why? because the issues keep coming back. If it only happened once, it is possible to forget. But when the issue keeps repeating and repeating, how can we? Men are guilty of this too :