What Do You Say To Your Mother(71) Who Says She Want To Divorce Her Husband(84)

Yeah, this is really a strange age to divorce. After all, there's not much time left in this world for both of them. I guess that they should just be separated for a period of time so that they may recall the good memories of them together and patched up with each other again. Also, a good time for them to cool down and rethink about the whole situation.

I can imagine how she feels when your husband of 84 comes out with such things. The thing is, he is 84 and going through some of the symptoms she should already recognize. As far as her family, she can just explain to them that this is just the way he is now, that he has his own idea's and blasts them out. If they are adults they should be able to understand and deal. My grandfather was like that, we all understood his take on things, and we let it be. We didn't take what he said in to hurt, we just listened. I believe that did him more good than anything. It didn't mean we had to change our life because of what he said. The thing is in some of his rantings he made sense, and you learn actually if you truly hear what he is saying in his own way. Might take a day or two, but it is there. Maybe she just needs a break from him for awhile. A vacation away just for her. If she truly wanted this she wouldn't just say it, she still love's him in her heart. So just getting some space maybe what she is actually wanting.

Hi Yparson, I'm afraid I'd have to support my mom in this situation. I know a lady who had been married at least as long as your mom and maybe longer. Her husband was a sweet, smart, wonderful and very respected man in the community. Both he and his wife were very active. They skied and golf among other activities. When he began showing signs of dementia, she stood by him for a long time. The problem was that not only was he getting worse and he was so so so mean to her. It was a very hard decision but after listening to her and what she was going thru and how it was affecting her life, I completely understood her decision to leave her husband. She got a divorce and he was put in a nursing home. It's been 6 years and he is still alive and has grown meaner and meaner over time. If I were you, I'd talk to my mom and be supportive of her in this decision which I'm sure is difficult for her.

That would be as bad as if my mom decided to divorce my dad after 54 years of marriage. Why at this stage would you even comtemplate such a thought. Her husband is probably getting dementia and she needs to get him to a doctor to figure it all out. I can't believe at this stage of their lives she would be willing to walk away. I feel so bad for you having to deal with all this. I would sit her down and rehash the good and bad things that they both have been through in the past 40 years and then say why would you want to throw all that away. Also then you have to think who is moving out and where will he or she go? I hope you can talk some sense into her. Good luck and I will be praying for all of you.

She is just saying that because divorce is legal there, if it was not, she would not resort to that. You should tell your mother, of all people, she should be the one who would understand your father. She should remember her marriage vows, because it was made as a promise to God.

they are both old already so why just decided it now looks like a child for me. i will understand if they are just around 30 or 40 or 50 perhaps but for 70 and 80 they supposed to learned a lot of things from each other already. anyway, once the person get old the attitude become different and they become difficult to handle and they feel self pity. so why not give them a vacation for just the two of them perhaps they will change their mind.

That's really tough....on 1 hand they been together for 40 so why start all over again now, on the other hand your step dad is quite a bit older and your mom still is pretty young so maybe she just wants to start over. I say whatever makes her happy. If she's unhappy in the relationship why stay?

you know i have know idea.

Being frank nothing.Both are old and they are now going to behave childish and illogical.There is no point in messing up with them.Let them do whatever they want to do.Thats it.There is no point in explaining them anything.I think both have gone beyond that.

To me that sounds like a kid who wants to drop out of high school halfway through senior year. I mean, really? You've already come so far, why quit now? That'd be the first thing I'd say. Obviously, having been together for 40 years they've already gone through some hardships and had to deal with disagreements and differences. They can get through this one the same way they've always done, through honest communication and willingness to work through problems.

wow. that's tough. i will probably tell her to give it some time and more thought. or maybe it's just the age talking, just observe first, I guess. goodluck to you.

I would talk carefully to my mother. I would tell her to have more patience to my father because those acts are just symptoms of aging. I think it would be nice if they visit a doctor for their health and do programs that would help them everyday.

For me I said that your need to settle everything just told to your step father until he can understand so that the lack of love shown in your mother be settled and such time they don't said a divorce to your step father.

oH, But why?? That's what I would probably tell her. She's aware of the situation. She's been there and it's her job to know. So I guess you can just try and persuade her not to leave your stepfather. She also knows that there's no way to stop aging. Are you really sure that she wants to divorce him? Maybe she's just tired of what's happening but I doubt she's goin to want to divorce him. That's life. :-(