Marriage -isit the beginning of destruction ???
By theborneodew
@theborneodew (68)
Malaysia
April 19, 2010 10:45am CST
When two people are still in boyfriend/girlfriend level, there are so much love to each other, so much care.. Cant stand to be far away from each other. However, after marriage took place, things start to change. Sometimes after a year or two, marriage will end. Some people prefer to just live together than being married as it will destroy the warmth of the relationship. What happened ??? why ??
2 people like this
12 responses
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
19 Apr 10
I don't think it is necessarily marriage that kills a relationship. sometimes it's just spending time with anyone for that many years can be stressful. Plus at the boyfriend girlfriend level you aren't always living together so it gets harder when you have to live together and see that person every day. I think sometimes the stress of being married gets to people. It isn't an easy thing to keep going. I think living together instead of being married works for some people because it takes away that trapped feeling of being married. I have a friend who said she probably will never marry because she likes knowing that she can pick up and leave if she isn't happy.
2 people like this
@theborneodew (68)
• Malaysia
19 Apr 10
Considering this issue, if you are not married yet do you think that you will get married knowing full well what lays ahead after years of marriage ?? or would you consider being married with someone and off to marry another one when you feel bored with the first one ?
1 person likes this
@ejs0316 (28)
• Philippines
20 Apr 10
I dont think you can put the blame on marriage itself. Its the people who get into it and don't have any idea of what they are up to who messes things around. Its the mindset of the people getting married thats needed sorting out. People usually gets complacent about their relationship after getting married, so they stop doing things they do before when they're still in BF/GF level, thinking that since they are already in wedlock, those small things aren't important anymore. The thing is that those small deeds that you do to keep up the realtionship before getting married are still as important to keep the fire burning and keep you relationship stronger.
@allyoftherain (7208)
• United States
19 Apr 10
I think some people don't like feeling confined to a commitment, which is why their marriages don't last. I don't think that marriage is the destroyer of their relationship, but rather their own selfish desires of being free and away from their partner.
There are plenty of happy marriages that last a lifetime. Marriage isn't a bad thing, but lots of people mistreat it.
@theborneodew (68)
• Malaysia
19 Apr 10
sorry are you single or married with the same one ?? :)) what do you think on how to maintain the relationship ?? to keep it warm for as long as it can be ??
1 person likes this
@allyoftherain (7208)
• United States
20 Apr 10
I'm not married, but I'm only 18. My parents have been married for twenty-five years. My grandparents were married for more than fifty years before they passed. I also know loads of other happily married couples that have been married for decades. They've all said basically the same thing when advising me. The way to keep a marriage together and happy is to communicate, compromise, and keep falling in love. Lots of people want to leave a marriage the instant they don't feel warm and fuzzy about it anymore. Love isn't just a feeling, it's a commitment. It's a verb. It needs to keep giving through thick and thin, even when the good feelings are gone. When a couple is willing to work through a problem before packing up and leaving, their marriage will last.
I know some people will discredit what I say because I'm not married myself, but I'm just repeating what I've heard from older couples who have mentored me.
1 person likes this
@taraelocin (1138)
•
19 Apr 10
I don't think it is marriage or the pressure of marriage destroying relationships. It's far more that the initial excitement goes out of the relationship. Adventure becomes routine. The unknown becomes predictable. And sometimes living so close together shows the different parts of a persons character that wasn't visible before. That's especially the case if you haven't lived together before - you just start knowing each other.
@agv0419 (3022)
• Philippines
20 Apr 10
I don't think so it really depends on a couple. Here in our country we don't have divorce only annulment because marriage here is very sacred. We are family oriented so if you want to get married here you need to ensure that this is for life and you going to fix your marriage through thick or thin. Marriage is a very serious matter that's why many people now a days gets married when they are really ready financially and emotionally.
@salja1 (49)
• Trinidad And Tobago
19 Apr 10
Marriage is indeed a scary topic. I think people have a preconceived notion that it is just like the bf/gf level. On entering a marriage, it is the union of two worlds and people don't realize how much work is involved to make it work. As a result persons choose to give up in the first two years.
I think its always a great idea to live together first and at least adapt to the challenge and if you survive and really appreciate the next person after this, there's no reason why marriage should not work.
No matter how different two people are, once they are working towards a common goal, and remember they are, they will always succeed.
1 person likes this
@Lylascomments (161)
• United States
20 Apr 10
I think in the boyfriend/girlfriend stage is just getting to know a person. I think when people jump into a marriage when they are in this stage it will end possibly in divorce. You have to figure out after that stage if this is the person you could really be with even after you see their other sides. When you are in bf/gf stage your putting your best foot forward and trying to make an impression and not show the bad sides of you. Which we all have. After that, is the test if you still love each other.
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
20 Apr 10
Because for those who are still in the dating stage or opting to live together there is still a sense of freedom as they can leave the relationship much easier when things go wrong. When things start going bad for a married couple they might start feeling trapped because its not as easy. Yes theres divorce but its not free or cheap and can take a long time to accomplish.. I know mine took a few years to become finalized.
@piya84 (2580)
• India
20 Apr 10
hiii there
If it is done carefully then no its not a way towards destruction.But sometime people just start taking other person in relationship for granted and then it become difficult to sustain relationship.
when we are in boyfriend and girlfriend stage when other person does something for us we are always thankful for it.But after marriage people start assuming that its duty of other person to do them all favors.This attitude is destructive and destroy many relationships.
@Cutie18f (9546)
• Philippines
20 Apr 10
When you marry the wrong person, then it happens. That is why marriage should not be taken lightly. The couple should know each other very well first before they decide to be together for the rest of their lives. Not knowing the other person could lead to the other discovering hateful things about the other person and that's when the relationship starts to crumble.
@elleb0418 (1107)
• Philippines
20 Apr 10
Hello!!!
There are so many reason's why married couple ended up to end their married life.Being gf/bf is the first level of the relationship,getting to know each other is a long process.As you both together in a day to day of your life the more you know each other better.
What really happened there maybe is sometimes unfaithfulness,infidelity,falling out of love but for valid reasons.We cannot blamed some couple's who choose to separate and end there marriage.As long as there is a valid reason well for me I do respect them.
How can you stay in a relationship that you are not happy anymore?Do you think you can stay in a relationship that you've been fooled many times? Can you stay in relationship were you've been a battered wife for years?
@sary1981 (3)
• Cambodia
20 Apr 10
If you want to stay together without married meaning you want to find another person to stay when when you feel not happy or boring with your existing girl/boyfriend .
Married life is not an easy life as we have to stay together for many years so something will be happen , if you try to be peaceful and clam down for the next day then everything back to usual but if not then you will get devorce ..But you have to ask yourself clearly that why you married him or her ???
Some people very nice to each other before married but after fews year they found a lots of thing ..
