Keeping aloof from your loved one?

I think you should respect their wishes. Send a card and let him know how much you appreciated him. I am a very private person and would prefer to be alone when going through tough times. Say a prayer and stay home.

Yes I would stay away. If seeing you guys makes him depressed , then you Have to stay away. He knows you all love him. If you all were that close . nothing has changed. But it would be selfish to impose by trying to see him. Let him be.

Perhaps the concern is for the depression afterwards. If you have been warned twice, it is better not to go. I would let the wife know how much he meant to you. And I would send cards to the hospital with warm wishes. It also may be too tiring for him to have company at the hospital. You have to do what his wife wishes, I guess.

ohh...it feels very bad in such situation...but sometimes its for the betterment of you or the other person...so you have to be away..such conditions come in life..where we can't stop emotionally but have to stop physically...

Hi, ronaldinu. I am sorry to hear about your great friend, the headmaster. This is some terrible news to hear about. And it is even more terrible that you are unable to come and visit him while he is in the hospital. I don't understand why would his wife refuse you to come and visit him. Is it because him seeing you would have a great effect on him? I wished that you could see him because I know that you miss him and you want him to get well. I hope that he will be feeling much better very soon. It is hard for me to keep aloof from my loved ones. For a while, I may be able to do it, but then I will start to feel very sad all over again. I would have to see about them. I just can't stand another minute without seeing their face and knowing how they are doing. He is sad because he does not want you to see him ill like this. That is what is hurting him the most. I do hope that you are able to see him very soon. In the meantime, ask his wife if it is okay if you write him a letter, or send him a greeting card, or give him a gift that you know that he will enjoy. I hope that you all will be able to meet very soon. Take care.

I am sure that this is very hard but I believe that it may be his wish to be remembered as you knew him. Why not all of you write a lovely letter to him telling him what he meant to you in life and how much you miss him. That would surely be a wonderful gift to him. Adding photos would be nice, too.

If I knew i was dying, I would want to see them all. I would not remain aloof from them. HOWEVER, I would make it a point that they be happy when they see me, that I don't wnt to deal with a bunch of sadness and platitudes, that our last bit of time together should be a happy time. If the guys from the Veterans club nextdoor, who are friends of my husband's, brought me a football, I'd think of the time we all watched the American Superbowl over there. If my friend Pam brought me a mocha latte from the coffee shop she owns, I'd remember all the time spent there. If they just came by and talked about happy times, it would make the end so much easier. I would not be depressed, they'd really cheer me up.

I don't think I can be aloof to my loved one. I always miss him when he is away for hours so keeping aloof especially when he is sick, doesn't seem possible to me. his wife, well that's her choice not to let you in. but is it his choice though? he is the one that is dying so she is supposed to act on his behalf, not her own interest. I hope that's what she is doing. if your ex head was as you described, I can't see any reason why he wouldn't want to see any of you in his dying bed.

No. I would embrace the final moments surrounded by people I love....

I guess nobody will want their loved ones to see them in pain or suffering.. Much as we wanna care and be right there for them, but in the eyes of those patients, they wanna leave happy memories, instead of a 'dying' expression.. True love comes from being able to distance themselves from their loved ones, and protecting them, from as much harm as possible ^_^

hi ronaldinu oh thats really a hard one to answer as I can sort of see both sides so am not sure what to say, I would say go see him while you all can but his wife does not want that, but what then can you do? Could you talk to her and sort of promise not to tire him out and make her understand how much you all love him,maybe between you all and her you could come to some sort of agreement. This is so sad and I feel for all of you,no I would not keep aloof from my loved one.

If I were close to him, I think I'd try and ask him directly if that is really what he wishes. No disrespect to his wife, but maybe she's trying to protect him from something without his knowledge.

hi ronald, have you tried reading the book tuesdays with morrie by mitch albom? its a very nice book that talks about a dying man and what he can still do to people who used to know and admire him in the remaining days of his life. very nice. it can be an inspiration to all of us when we reach the "almost end" of our lives. take care..

I won't do such a thing. It is rude and uncalled for. The least she can do, is let you all at least say goodbye. What is her problem, in any way? TATA.

I guess it is his wish that you do not go to see him as he would want you all to remember him how he was before his Illness I think I would respect that and understand his reasons It is very rare to get a Headmaster like this these Days he must be a wonderful Man and I am sorry that he is this Ill

I am so very sorry to hear of this gentleman's illness & obviously, for his wife's distress. It is sad that the visits have had such an effect on him but I fear that one must respect his wishes. It may cause him upset to be seen in poor health by people who knew him as strong and respected. People become very aware of their dignity in such situations and would rather people remember them from better times. I can understand that you would wish to visit him but if you are confident that the wishes expressed are his own, then respecting them would be the right thing to do. I am sure that he and his wide are aware of the respect and affection you all have for him. It maybe that his wife will later be grateful for some support or practical help & that could be more beneficial than visiting the hospital at this time. I think it would depend on my relationship with the person concerned.If it was a close family member i would hope to be able to persuade them to see me but, otherwise I think I would let them have peace.

This happened to me when my Father was dying, his wife shut off all communication with him. To this day I do not know why, maybe he reqested it, he didn't want to have to deal with our emotions or for us to remember him dying? I did feel very badly about it, but have to just let it go.

In a situation like this it is the best to adhere to his wife’s wishes. If visits make him depressed it probably would not be a good idea. I would send him a letter along with some flowers or something to let him know my feelings for him but I would not deliver them in person. It is a very difficult time and I am so very sorry your dear friend is so sick. My thoughts and prayers are with you...